"Chastity -- the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions."
- (Aldous Huxley "Eyeless in Gaza")
*
When Howard began to become sexually aware he found himself in a world of mixed messages.
The media seemed bent on encouraging him to engage in sexual activity; sex education at school -- long past the days of birds, bees and flowers -- gave explicit instruction on "how to" and what to," and this applied not only to heterosexual, but also homosexual activity; all, of course, in the name of "safe sex."
The church he attended with his parents, a vaguely middle of the road religious club, seemed to be happy to go along with whatever was current. News was that somewhere it had recently consecrated a bishop who was openly gay. The priesthood was no longer the sole preserve of the male, and it was not unknown for priests to openly state that they were in homosexual or lesbian relationships.
On matters of sex before marriage, abortion, adultery, live in "relationships," and divorce the denomination was ambivalent, and Howard could not find the guidance he sought about things sexual.
His parents were equally ambivalent. This may well have been because both his mother, Sarah, and his father, Harvey, were not averse to engaging in a little extramarital sex, especially after one of their parties when the alcohol had flowed freely.
On the one hand they seemed to imply that Howard should not engage in sexual activity until he was "the right age; it was not stated what that was. On the other hand they seemed to say it was okay to go ahead, "as long as you or the girl is 'Safe.'"
Howard was somewhat confused about what to do with his enlarged penis, the dreams of naked girls and the nightly emissions of semen. At least, he was confused until he found "The Church of Holy Purity," or more accurately, it found him.
It was a school friend that suggested he go along to the Church of Holy Purity, or the CHP as it was usually called. "We have a great time," the friend informed him. "They've got a fantastic band and choir and we sing 'Hot Gospel Songs,' and the preachers are great guys; not boring like your guys."
And so Howard went along to the CHP and there found the guidance he was looking for.
To state the CHP position in relation to sex baldly: no masturbation; no sex before marriage; sex in marriage to be for the purpose of procreation only -- it was recommended that married couples slept in separate beds, and ideally in separate rooms - and above all, no gay relationships.
Of all the sins most avidly condemned, the word "Fornication" was used to cover every possible sexual act apart from within marriage, but even then only within the limitations already stated.
Strange as it may seem to the more sexually cynical and lustful, the CHP had a large membership, the majority of them young people around Howard's age. It was unlike the church in which he had been brought up, which was a mixture of middle-aged to elderly people and lots of empty pews.
Four times on Sundays the CHP Gateway to Paradise Church, which seated seven hundred and thirty two people, was packed to capacity.
Unlike the stolid and set responses Howard was used to, the CHP congregation was noisy, with many cries of "Praise the Lord," "Thank you Jesus," and general cries of agreement with what the preacher said.
It seems that one of the most entertaining aspects of the CHP was confessions by penitents. The penitent, clad from head to foot in a black robe thus obscuring their identity, sat on a chair facing the congregation. The preacher standing on the rostrum above the penitent asked loudly, "What do you confess?"
There now followed a set formula.
The penitent stood and cried out almost invariably, "I have fornicated."
The congregation gasped with horror.
The preacher then asked, "Do you repent your foul sin?"
"I repent my foul sin."
The congregation gasped with delight.
"Do you now promise as you shall answer on the Day of Judgment that you will hereafter renounce, abhor and shun this sin?"
"I will renounce, abhor and shun this foul sin hereafter."
Applause and cries of "Praise the Lord" from the congregation.
"Then I release you from your sin in the name of the Lord." The preacher took off the penitent's black garb to reveal the penitent clothed in a white garment.
Loud cheers from the congregation and much hugging and kissing of the penitent as he or she was received back into the main body of the congregation; this was always followed by an extended, lurid and entertaining dissertation by the preacher on the subject of fornication which included a description of what happened to the fornicator in the after life.
The Penitent to begin with was unidentifiable since the black garment included a hood; when the black garment was removed the penitent was then recognizable. Howard noticed how often the same people confessed and were absolved of their sin.
Much more fun and entertaining than the church of his parents, and feeling that it gave him solid guidance on all things sexual; the CHP became Howard's religious home.
At first disappointed at Howard's refusal to attend their church any more, his parents were at least relieved that Howard was attending the CHP. They had no knowledge of what the CHP taught or of what the services consisted. When questioned, Howard was unforthcoming, and his parents took no steps to find out what went on.
In keeping with the current philosophy they decided that, "Young people have to make their own mistakes and find their own way," they rested content with Howard's choice of church, thinking, "He'll grow out of it."
* * * * * * * *
As the years passed Howard did not seem to grow out of the CHP. In the perverse way of people, especially parents, Howard's parents became increasingly concerned about his "Unnatural chastity."
"It's not natural in a boy his age to not be having sex with girls. Just look at the other boys his age, they're all at it like rabbits," his father's commented one evening.
"There's no need to be crude," his wife replied, thinking of the prominent member of their congregation who had paid her a pastoral visit and burrowed into her two days before.
"But your right," she went on, "it's not normal."
Apart from the prominent member, she had in mind the days of her promiscuous youth.
Being among other things the changer of the family bed linen, she also had in mind the semen she found on Howard's under sheet that was clearly not of masturbation origin, but the involuntary emissions said to be the dream outcome of celibates since overloaded testes must have some outlet.
Howard passed out of high school and went onward into university, still an adherent of the CHP, and still a virgin.
His mother, who nursed an ambition to be a grandmother by the time she was forty five, grew anxious as she passed her forty first birthday, and then her forty second birthday, and still Howard showed no signs of desiring to reproduce the species.
She tried sharing her anxieties with her husband but he proved unsympathetic. He had grown inured to Howard's chastity and simply commented, "You can forget about grandchildren, he's probably a closet gay."
He looked thoughtful for a few moments and then went on, "You might get a grandchild. They're thinking of passing legislation that will allow gay couples to adopt children."
"But isn't that against the Church's teaching?" his wife protested.
"Not our Church," he replied, "They're not against anything these days." He paused and looking doleful added, "But I expect it's against the teaching of that CHP lot."
* * * * * * * *
His mother, finding her husband less than sympathetic regarding her grandmotherly desires, shared her anxieties with her younger sister, Bathsheba, usually called "Sheba."
Sheba was the object of family curiosity. Ten years younger than Sarah, she had long been Sarah's confidant in times of trouble, like the time Harvey had become too involved with one of his "bits on the side," and had come near to leaving Sarah.
The "bit on the side" happened to be the parish priest's wife, and for once the alleged "Openness, liberty" and general permissiveness of that denomination did not seem to apply, at least as far as the priest was concerned.
When the affair was exposed it was further muddied when it came to light that the priest had been enjoying the favours of one of the members of the congregation, a bank manager's wife of buxom proportions.
Harvey stayed with Sarah; the bank manager divorced his wife; the priest's wife divorced him, and the priest was sent to a distant rural parish to consider his options. It was rumoured that he had established a relationship with the divorced wife of a farmer who had disposed of her on the grounds that she was an alcoholic.
The priest, so it was said, joined his inamorata in her alcoholic pleasures and his sermons became increasingly entertaining if a little confused. The Church hierarchy decided that he would be left in his rural retreat until he retired or passed over into eternity.
But I wander, and so back to Sarah and her sister.
The family curiosity was centred on the fact that Sheba, despite being a woman of considerable attractions, not the least of them being a magnificent 42D bra size, and legs that would make the most devoted celibate monk forget his vows of chastity; she had never married.
Not that Sheba was chaste, far from it, but she limited herself to short term relationships with "no strings attached." The "no strings attached" was not always adhered to on the part of her lovers.
She had nearly been murdered by one lover in a fit of jealous anger, when she informed him that he'd had his share and it was now time for someone else to get his portion.
A knee jerked firmly into his groin brought an end to his attempt to strangle her, but she bore the marks of his fingers on her neck for some time afterwards.
When Sarah revealed her concerns about Howard's apparent lack of interest in female flesh Sheba had made the responses common in such situations: "He'll get over it;" "He'll meet someone;" "He's just shy;" "Give him time and you'll see."
When Sarah told her of Harvey's view that Howard might be a closet gay Sheba remained silent for a while, and then said, "You'll never know unless he does something either way."
Sarah, having learned over the years some of the CHP's teachings about sex, she wailed, "It's all the fault of that church he goes to." She went on to explain it to Sheba.
Sheba, who adhered to the same denomination as Sarah, was appalled.
"How can anyone in the twenty first century still be so narrow minded?" she protested. "The government ought to close them down; ban them from teaching such rubbish to our youth. It's unhealthy and inhibits natural development and self-expression."
