Beneath the Sea

Alice fell from the sky into the ocean and nearly drowned. The water was warm and the sounds of the ocean filled her ears: mermaids singing, bubbles popping, waves lapping, creatures stirring. A man swam toward her. She recognized his eyes, but couldn't place them in the murky water. He came closer and closer, until finally placing his mouth on hers. They kissed underwater. His lips were soft, warm, wet. His tongue moved against hers and his fingers gently swam through her flowing hair. She wanted to see him, to know him. She tried to pull away to catch a glimpse of his face, but he had placed both hands firmly at the side of her face and wouldn't let her go. She began to panic as she realized she needed to rise to the surface for air. She tried to scream, but it was as if he swallowed all her sound.

*

She opened her eyes and the bedroom was dark except for starlight flowing in from between the rustling curtains. It was a warm summer evening. She had kicked off all her sheets and blankets - her bare body lay exposed to the air and the darkness. She could just make out the contours of her smooth thighs and calves against the white sheet.

A deep muffled voice. She strained her ears, trying to decipher the sounds. She looked over at the piercing red numbers of her bedside clock: 3:12AM. She rolled over on to her right side, the front of her body facing the stark white bedroom wall. John was up, still. He had probably just gotten home from a night out with his friends. She listened intently as he moved about his room - probably stumbling and throwing things off of his bed onto the floor. They had shared a bedroom wall since they were children. Even in high school, Alice was often awakened in the middle of the night by her older brother - talking on the phone with a girlfriend, listening to music, sneaking in through his window after a night of partying. But it was rare these days that she was awakened by the stirrings of her brother. He had been away at college for several years now and only came home during the summer vacation. But even then he was hardly ever around. Alice was in college herself, but unlike her brother, she had decided to go to a local school to remain close to her family and friends and, at the time of her decision, her boyfriend and first love.

Her stomach fluttered then and she swore she felt an ache in her chest. Why, even now, months later, did she still react with such emotion to the thought of him? She had cried herself to sleep many nights after their break up. Always silent in the night, only the small cracks in the ceiling absorbing her heaves, sighs, and prayers for relief. In the months of grief that followed her breakup, she had often thought of her brother. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to hear his voice, wanted him to comfort her the way he often did when they were just kids. But he was gone. He was busy with his own life. She didn't resent him for that; she just missed him.

The sound of his voice carried through the wall again. She listened, realizing he must be talking with someone. She strained to hear another voice in the bedroom with him. There was nothing, just his voice, which was increasing in volume.

"Look, I'm just tired of all this. You're fucking with me and I finally got it."

There was more quiet as the person on the other line of, what she assumed, his phone call made a response.

"No, no. No more bullshit, Jess. Everybody knows you fucked James while I was out of town."

She held her breath. Was John talking to a girlfriend? And if he was, did this girl really cheat on him? Who could do something like that to him? She rested her palm on the wall. It was cold against the skin of her hand.

"Yeah, I'm not doing this anymore, Jess. That's it, I'm done. I don't want you anymore. All I've got is fuck you and I'm out." She felt the faint vibrations of his deep voice through the wall against her palm.

The house was eerily quiet now. Alice listened to the sound of her own breathing. She heard the curtains softly flapping in the breeze. The sounds of the night. She became aware of her bare breasts - her dark nipples hard. She was breathing heavily and her heart was beating quickly. She was worried about John. She wanted to run to him, tell him it was all right, that he was, despite everything, good and he didn't need Jess to feel better.

She sat up in bed completely nude. She listened for him. He was still awake, still stirring. She quietly slid off the bed and rummaged on the floor for her night clothes she had tossed aside in the heat. She slipped into a thin baggy t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Quietly she crept to her door and opened it ever so carefully. She treaded the few feet to his doorway, which was directly next to hers. Their parents slept at the opposite end of the house.

She lifted her fist to knock, but hesitated. He had been home for a couple of weeks now and they had barely had a chance to talk and catch up. At times like these, she felt as if she barely knew her brother. She tapped softly a few times.

"Yeah?" His voice was harsh, aggressive even.

She twisted the handle of his door and pushed it open a few inches. She peeked her face through. "Johnny?" His bedside lamp was on and he was sitting on his bed with his hands resting on his knees and his back resting against the wall.

"Damn, did I wake you up? I'm sorry." He slid off the bed and stood in the middle of the room looking at her.

She pushed the door open and slipped inside, closing it shut behind her. "Are you okay?" They stood several feet apart, looking at each other. "I wasn't trying to listen, but I heard you talking to someone."

"I'm not really ready to talk about it yet." He was sensitive. She wanted to pry him open, but resisted.

He sat down on the bed again and she sat down with him, her legs crossed, her knees touching the side of his leg.

"How are you?"

She shrugged. "I'm all right. We never talk or anything anymore. I miss you, John."

"I was just thinking that same thing recently."

"Remember when we were kids? We'd always stay up late talking. It would drive mom and dad nuts."

He smiled. "I remember."

"And you always snuck in through your window late at night and I never told on you, even though I should have. You delinquent." She smiled. She was only teasing.

"Mom told me about you and Mike."

Her face darkened then. There it was - that pain in her stomach again. "I needed you John. When everything was all fucked, you were the person I wanted to talk to, but you weren't there. There was nothing. Just a wall between us." She couldn't look at him now. Just looked down at her hands as she picked at her fingernails nervously.

He grabbed her hand and tugged her toward him. "Come here." He pulled her in for an embrace. He wrapped his large arms around her and held her. Her head burrowed between his neck and his shoulder. She smelled his after shave. She felt the movement of his broad chest as he inhaled deeply and exhaled. She was intoxicated by the feeling of his comfort and his closeness. She had wanted this for so long - ached for it. To feel loved, connected, protected, safe. She felt the tears and tried to hold them back, painfully. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to ruin this moment with stupid tears, but she felt so overwhelmed. She couldn't help it. The tears began to slide down her cheeks, her chin, and then dropped onto his shirt. She sniffled. He pulled away and looked at her.

"Why are you crying?"

She didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to say it.

He wiped her tears from her face.

"It feels so good to be with you. I missed you, Johnny. More than you know."

He leaned in and kissed her then, completely taking her by surprise. He pressed his lips firmly against hers. Their eyes closed tightly. They were soundless and still for sometime, simply enjoying the feeling of the other's soft, moist lips. A heat spread throughout her entire body, originating and emanating from her very core. It sent chills rippling across her skin.

He pulled away, a look of fear on his face. "I - I'm sorry. I didn't - I don't know why - "

"I remember that night, Johnny." His faced turned a shade of red. "I was fifteen and you were drunk one night and you kissed me."

"It was the summer before I went away to college." She nodded. "I'm sorry. I tried to distance myself from you. I thought you hated me, that you were disgusted with me. I think I was disgusted with myself."

"I was never disgusted. I love you. You were the first boy to kiss me." She got up onto her knees then and towered above him. He looked up at her face, his eyes admitting longing. In one swift movement she lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor. Her breasts were perky, bouncy. Her nipples were hard beneath his stare. Her heart beat furiously in her chest.

She straddled his lap. His hands immediately grabbed onto her waist as if to guide her. He slowly, tantalizingly rubbed his palms up and down the curve of her back as she looked down into his bright eyes. He leaned forward then, burying his face between the curve of her breasts, kissing her there passionately. His lips kissed trails over her breasts, at last finding her nipples. He swirled his tongue there, tasting the slight saltiness of her skin. He suckled on her breast, his hands slipping down her back to squeeze her thighs. Her breathing was frantic as she slid her fingers through his dark hair, pulling him into her desperately. She whimpered softly as he nibbled her nipples like delicate little candies. His mouth moved slowly from her breasts, to her collar bones, to her throat. She threw her head back and allowed him access there. She felt as if she were floating away. She grabbed on to his shoulders tightly to ensure that she did not disconnect from this world and wind up lost and stranded on some distant shore.

Her stomach fluttered madly, wildly. Her heart hammered within her rib cage. She knew it was wrong. She knew her parents would be horrified, but she didn't care. In this moment, she was with Johnny and she loved him and that is all she wanted. His lips on her body were almost too much to bear, but she welcomed him, all of him, and wouldn't take it back even if she could.

She felt his hardness straining against her. She wanted, more than anything, to set him free. She wanted to make love to him, but she was afraid - afraid that, in the morning, they would look back to this night with horror and regret it all. She didn't want to regret it - didn't want to regret this. She didn't think she would, but she was afraid for Johnny. What if he did? What if he left and never came back again?

"Johnny," she whispered. "Don't hurt me, please."

He stopped kissing her then and pulled her face close to his - their noses and foreheads leaning against each other. "Don't hurt me," she whispered again against his lips.

"I won't hurt you. I promise," he said.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can go all the way and then there's no turning back. We can always stop if you want to."

"Do you want stop?"

She kissed him.

"I don't want to stop either."

"I don't want you to stop, but I don't want you to leave me. I don't want you to regret this later."

"No, I wouldn't. I've wanted this. I just didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I tried so hard, but it hurt. I was scared. Do you know what that's like?"

She nodded. She stood in front of him then - her torso completely exposed to his eyes. He sat there at the edge of the bed, his eyes drinking in her flesh. She lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor with hers. Together they unzipped his shorts and she slid them down his thighs, over his calves, and out from his feet. Here he was, her older brother - completely nude and exposed to her for the first time in their lives. He was beautiful. She looked down at his cock which was swollen and red and throbbing. He let her look at him, comfortable beneath her stare.

He reached out and grabbed the waist of her boxers and slid them down her legs. She stepped out from them. Another piece of clothing was added to their mess of garments. He looked her up and down. She wanted to spread herself open. Wanted him to worship every part of her body lovingly. And he would. He cupped the mound of her pubic hair with his palm. The heat emanated from her wet core. She closed her eyes and lifted one of her legs on to the bed. Slowly, gently he slid one of his fingers over her moist slit. He rubbed his fingertip there, back and forth, caressing the most sensitive and delicate spot on her body - petting her, coaxing her to open up farther. She grabbed onto his shoulders as he slid his middle finger deep inside her. The hot folds of her body swallowed him and he let out a soft groan of surprise and excitement. His finger worked in and out slowly, and she thrust her hips against his hand each time. She leaned down and kissed him. Their tongues entwined. Their breath was wild, heavy, tangled together in their mouths. Her entire body responded to his touch, and she never wanted him to stop.

As she leaned back to look at him once more before they made love to each other for the first time, an image from her dream flashed across her mind. It was Johnny: the man that kissed her beneath the sea.