Bee's Story My Story

"Here are the next few dates I wrote about. They may not seem all that eventful to a lot of you, but I still felt like they were important enough to note.

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Thursday, May 9th 2019

Honestly I'm not sure how I managed to get all my work done today. I couldn't stop thinking about last night, I couldn't stop playing the fantasies in my head, the fantasies of what I wish had happened had he just reached out and touched me. It was a stupid idea to wear a skirt to work today because I was so self conscious. I knew I was incredibly wet, and I have no idea if my arousal gives off a scent. Maybe I'm just paranoid because I share an office with two guys, but I felt so on edge all day. I kept clamping my thighs shut but then I couldn't stop rubbing them together and the friction on my clit was so fucking good, I almost went too far at least twice before I got up to go to the restroom and splash a little cold water on my face. I couldn't wait to get home and REALLY put out this fire. Even writing this paragraph right now that I'm finally home in my bed I can practically feel how wet I am.

But when I got home, he wanted to talk to me. He was very serious and I was irritated because I just wanted to run to my room and shut the door, and shove my hand down my pants.

"Hey, about last night..." he started, and admittedly every time I've imagined those words coming from one of us I've pictured it following something much more substantial than just chatting while I'm in the bath.

"What's up?"

"I'm sorry I looked, I didn't mean to, are you okay?"

I actually laughed out loud for a second, truthfully I felt bad that he'd clearly been wrestling with guilt over it all day and was probably dreading this conversation, meanwhile I've been dying to get off to the memory of it and the mental fanfiction it had inspired in my head. "Oh my god, of course I'm okay! Seriously, it's okay. I know you didn't really mean to." I saw him relax and figured I'd fuck with him a little, "I didn't know I was THAT hard on the eyes though, that you're actually SORRY you looked."

He looked dumbfounded for a second, "I didn't mean it like that- I just- it was so dark I didn't even really see much, but-"

"Oh, well lucky you then, your virgin eyes remain pure!"

It felt like he completely lost his train of thought. "I've s... I don't mea-" and then he just kind of stopped.

"I'm just fucking with you. Look, I know you weren't trying to do that. It's totally okay, I'm sorry if I made you feel otherwise. I'm the one who invited you in, I couldn't hope to completely hide myself. You just caught me off guard, so if my reaction made you feel like I was more traumatized by the whole experience, I'm here to tell you that I'm genuinely okay. Okay?"

He smiled and looked me in the eye. "Okay. Thanks. I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable having me around and have second thoughts about me staying."

I had to interject. "Seriously? I meant what I said last night. I love having you here. I'm more comfortable than I thought I'd be. Even just the fact that I can comfortably chill in my lounge clothes is a big deal for me, I had already kind of assumed I wouldn't be able to. You've been very respectful of my boundaries, and I like to think I've been respectful of yours as well. And I want us to be able to talk about these things like we are now, or any other problems we may have. This is your home too, and if I have to remind you of that every day until it sinks in, then I will. You know how annoying I can be when I want to."

He laughed at that, and waited a beat until he could tell I was finished. "You've been respectful, I promise. Thanks, I love you."

"I love you too." At that I extended my arms to him and we hugged. I squeezed him a little tighter for a second before letting go to try and get the air out of him.

"And for what it's worth, surely based on some of the reactions I've seen you get from others, you must know you're not 'hard on the eyes'." He added. And I didn't really know how to respond for a second. I could feel my cheeks flush and I brushed my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear just to give my hands something to do so I wasn't just sitting there like an idiot.

I ended up deflecting the compliment, which is honestly my typical move, truthfully I can be very shy in person. "I bet [PMAJ] would flip his shit if he knew what happened last night."

He laughed, "God, no kidding. He'd probably pry for all kinds of details so he could live vicariously through my experience." We both kind of made a face at that idea, and then I said I needed to change and finally got to my bedroom.

So here I am, my panties were definitely soaked and I'm aching so bad. I'm stopping here because I don't want to wear out my hands before I get started.

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Friday, May 10th

Tonight was simultaneously amazing and terrifying. My brother hosted his group at our apartment again, but I worked until about 7, so they were deep into their work when I got home. This time the whole group was there, including the girl who was sick last time, a petite Korean girl, I'll just call her Trish. I think she said she was about to turn 21? She was kind of adorable to be honest. We talked for a little bit, and I said I was relieved to have another girl around. I'd almost forgotten about Poor Man's Avan Jogia, when suddenly I felt a hand at the small of my back.

I whipped around and luckily he immediately seemed to realize he had made a wrong move. He seemed genuinely apologetic for both startling me and putting his hand on me. Honestly it could have been a tense exchange but it was resolved almost instantaneously.

"I didn't think we'd get to see you tonight! You look VERY well." He said once the awkwardness was out of the way.

I glanced at Trish and she just kind of made a face and rolled her eyes in a way that communicated to me: 'THIS fuckin' guy', which almost made me laugh out loud. I turned back to him, "You don't look too bad yourself, too bad you're stuck doing course work on a Friday night." I said in a tone that I THOUGHT was dripping with sarcasm, but he seemed to take it as flirting. He seemed surprised for a second before gathering himself.

"Well, maybe later I won't be, if you know something better I could be doing with my time." The charm he put on made me feel like he'd have pinned me to a wall if I had been standing near one. Honestly if he hadn't been coming on so strong from the first time I'd met him, if he hadn't given off such horn dog vibes, if I hadn't overheard their conversation from the last time we'd hosted them, I'd have probably been interested. I crossed my arms.

"I might have some ideas." I said, while acting as coy as I could, playing with a lock of my hair and twisting it around my finger. He clearly thought he had an in, and the way he looked at me after I said that actually kind of gave me goosebumps. It would have been a turn on in most situations, I realized I had to shut this down though, because he was taking me seriously. "My boyfriend is usually a big fan of my ideas."

His smile faltered almost comically, and he laughed, saying "Oh that's cold blooded." I winked and went to turn away, only to bump right into my brother who I hadn't realized had gotten up from the couch to come talk to us. Way to ruin my exit. I let him know my plans for the night and he let me know they were wrapping up early because they needed feedback from the professor before they could continue.

Everyone said their goodbyes and once they were finally out the door, my brother turned to me with a grin. "I feel like I haven't had a free Friday night in forever! What are we doing?"

"Well, we can hang for a little and grab something to eat, but I have a show tonight soooooo-"

"You know, I actually haven't seen you perform since you sang the national anthem at your senior homecoming game." He said, in a way that suggested he wanted to come along.

"That's not true, I was singing just last night while cooking." I playfully added.

"That doesn't count!"

"I know, I know. Honestly, no one's actually seen me perform here. I mean, I've only asked once, but none of my friends were able to make it, and no one's ever asked about it since."

"Well, can I come with you tonight? Maybe we could invite your friends too." He seemed eager at this point, but I was actually starting to get nervous at the whole idea. I've always been able to put aside my usual shyness and come out of my shell when I'm on stage singing for potential strangers. I rarely get nervous about that, but the idea of my brother in the audience, and my friends, who have no idea what I do, who have only heard me belt out a tune on the rare occasion we go to a karaoke bar, suddenly sounds so daunting. But maybe it would be a good idea to finally let them see this side of me, to get this out of the way and into the open. I nodded and picked up my phone.

"Let me text them and see what they're doing tonight." I text the group chat 'hey, I have a gig tonight and my bro wants to come and make a thing of it, you all want in?' Kelly and her BF immediately confirmed they were in. Two girls had plans and took a rain check. Followed later by Monica, and another girl in the group and her bf who ended up deciding to tag along once the others confirmed. Now my nerves were really getting to me, and my appetite was gone. I decided to rearrange my planned set list to be more of the songs I'm comfortable with. I mentally picked out some of my favorite outfits to put on the rack when I got there. "Okay I guess this is happening." I said to both him, and myself, before finally going to get out of my work clothes. When I went to reach for my doorknob, I found a piece of paper stuck in between the door and the frame. I unfolded it and read it:

"Missed you today, just in case you missed me too: (phone number) -PMAJ (winky face)"

I made some sort of sound of disgust and crumpled the paper, turned and threw it at my brother. "Did you know about this?"

He picked it up off the floor and uncrumpled it, and read it for himself. "Wow he really never quits." Then a really dumb smile formed on his face. "You want to invite him too?" He turned to me with an expectant grin.

"Sure, but let's tell him I'm performing at a full nude gentlemen's club instead and send him to the wrong place."

My brother laughed and I finally entered my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I milked a little bit so my breasts wouldn't be too full and risk leaking, and I took a quick shower to freshen up.

We all met up at my apartment and ended up going out to eat together. I wore black skinny jeans and a faux-leather jacket, with very light makeup to prepare to do my full makeup at the club. I didn't even eat because my stomach just felt like it wanted to do flips. But I was able to socialize well enough, thankfully. Eventually we left for the club and they sat at a table up front, slightly off center from the stage. I let the owner know to treat them well and went backstage to my changing room to get my face on and to get dressed. I did my hair, usually I just curl it a little and blow it out slightly so it has a little more bounce and volume. I gave the band my revised set list for their approval (all songs we're familiar with so I didn't spring anything on them by any means), and they went out to do a few warm up instrumentals.

For those of you who don't know, on Friday and Saturday nights, I sing at a local jazz lounge. They have headlining sax players and two male singers who do Sundays and random weeknights, but I'm the headlining female performer, so I get those nights because the regulars are mostly male, and those are the busiest nights of the week. The sax player has jokingly compared me to Jessica Rabbit, and that's the kind of vibe I go for with my stage presence. I sing old staples from the likes of Julie London and Peggy Lee, and recently some jazzy covers of contemporary music like Ariana Grande or something. When the band needs a break, I'll sit at the piano and do a solo. When I need a break, or to change outfits, they'll jam for a song or two, one of the male singers will take over, and I'll mingle with the regulars until I'm ready to go back on.

I set my phone on the vanity, and looked at my reflection. I knew I looked good, but my brother, and none of my friends, had ever seen me this dolled up. My favorite sparkly strapless, backless purple dress that I have to tape to my breasts, with a slit that goes all the way up to my hips, an elegant costume necklace with a large ruby that sits right at the top of my cleavage. Black satin gloves that go up to my elbow, and 4 inch black heels with sparkly accents on them. I reapplied my lipstick and checked to make sure the coverage was good, and I applied a little bit of glittery powder to my décolletage because I love the way it looks in the spotlight. I don't overdo the makeup by any means, but it's definitely slightly more than I think my friends and family had ever seen.

I think I was noting all of this because I felt self conscious waiting to be called up to the stage, and right as I made that observation, I was called up. I slowed my breathing so I could get a few deep, calming breaths, and then I made my way out onto the stage. I glanced briefly at their table, and saw their eyebrows all raised. I smiled when I managed to hear Kelly's boyfriend saying "Holy SHIT!" over the crowd responding to my introduction. The girls were cheering and clapping and Monica was mouthing "YASSSSS BITCHH!", my brother was smiling really wide and looked just as shocked as the rest of my friends. I felt my nerves come to a head and I just dove in. I motioned to the sax player, and the band did a silent count in before going for the opening sting of Blue Skies by Ella Fitzgerald. I let out the first few notes, and heard BOTH Kelly and her boyfriend exclaim "HOLY SHIT!", and almost lost it. But I pushed through and the nerves completely went away, and I knew I was going to be okay.

It went incredibly well, my friends were all very into it, I think they knew I could sing, but not like this, they'd definitely never seen me dance, and really I don't dance so much as just vamp on stage and have mildly suggestive interactions with the band (like seductively running a finger around the bell of the saxophone and causing the player to respond with a sour note like I'd broken his concentration, I've been doing this for a while and have a really good rapport with them all). By a little past 1am, the other couple had left, Kelly's boyfriend had gone to the restroom, so it was just Kelly, Monica, and my brother at the table. We were doing Just One Dance by Caro Emerald, one of my all time faves, and I usually come out into the audience and pick a random table to sing to just before the final verse, by this point in the night I was comfortable enough to give that attention to my friends.

I came up to Monica and ran my fingers up her arm to her shoulder as she was clapping-

"I'm like the smoke on your fire,"

I moved to Kelly and ran my hand through her hair, tousling it slightly-

"smoldering endless desire,"

And then I got to my brother and moved in front of him. I leaned over him, one of my hands over his shoulder, gripping the back of the chair, and I tilted him forward slightly, looking him in the eye-

"How long will your flame burn?"

I let his chair go and it returned upright while he gripped the seat by his thighs. Monica and Kelly were cheering and clapping, and I turned away to get back on the stage and finish out the song. I winked at my brother and his mouth was open, but I wasn't able to read his expression. I wasn't intentionally trying to tease or make a move on him, I was honestly just playing into the performance, and probably would have done it to Kelly's boyfriend instead had he been in his seat. I felt like I was on fire though, the crowd was into it the way they usually are, but I feel like my friends joining in the applause added another level. We finished out the set and I went backstage to change into my casual clothes again.

When I came out from backstage to meet up with everyone I suddenly felt nervous again, but as soon as I was out in the public area, Monica practically hug-tackled me.

"Oh my god, girl! You fucking killed it! I can't believe we hadn't seen you do this before, you're amazing! AND HOW DID YOU KEEP YOUR TITTIES IN THAT DRESS?!"

I felt the nerves melt away again and burst out laughing at that, and then Kelly and her boyfriend congratulated me on a good show and complimented me. Finally my brother stepped up and hugged me.

"Holy fuck, that was way better than the homecoming game, that was some professional level shit, I knew you had a great voice but I had NO idea you could do THAT." He practically blurted all of that out quickly and then the rest of the group kind of grunted in agreement. I thanked them all and then asked if we could go back to my place because I was fucking starving. They laughed and went out to the parking lot while I said goodbye to the band and the owner.

We hung out for a little bit and I didn't end up eating because I was more tired than usual after a Friday night set. I think the nerves took a lot out of me. I closed the door and locked it as they left, then immediately took my bra out from under my shirt and kicked off my pants. I picked them up and was going to head to my bedroom to pass out but my brother stopped me as I was going to say goodnight.

"Hey, wait. Seriously, you were amazing, and I'm so glad you're actually doing something with that talent, it's really cool. You could be doing that full time, but it's so cool that you're doing that AND your full job. I'm really proud of you, sis. You're kind of fucking awesome."

I didn't know what to say, he was so emphatic and I felt my eyes stinging and I just wanted to melt. Maybe it was the words, maybe it was the high from how well the evening went, maybe it was the way he called me 'sis' like that, I don't know. Were I a lesser being I would have pushed him into his room, onto his bed, and done any manner of things to him to show my appreciation, I'm sure it all flashed through my brain in an instant like a vision from iZombie or something, but instead, I settled for thanking him and reaching up to kiss him softly on the jaw. I lingered just slightly, before looking up at him for a second and telling him 'goodnight'. When I got to my bed I threw myself on it and flailed my legs in a fit of excitement to keep from screaming into the air from how completely happy I was. I ended up milking myself dry, taking off my makeup and washing my face, and then passing out in the middle of my girlfriends blowing up the group chat about my performance. I slept fucking incredibly.

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Sunday, May 19th

The final Game of Thrones viewing party. Everyone was able to make it, and we had a ton of food. We had a great time discussing the show when it finished, and no one wanted the night to end. Monica suggested we go back out to the pool now that it was dark and the pool lights were on. We were mulling it over when she added-

"Let's go skinny dipping!"

To which we all laughed and then realized she might be serious.

"Yeah! Come on, we're all adults, nothing we haven't seen before."

Kelly turned very red, and Monica winked at her, I caught it. My mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that they just wanted to see my brother naked to satisfy their curiosity. I could relate, but I still felt my blood boil in... jealousy? I spoke up

"I'm okay with swimming, but I'm not getting naked.

She laughed and gripped the bottoms of her bikini cups. "We just need someone to break the tension!" She lifted the cups and exposed her boobs to the room. Everyone reacted, but I specifically heard my brother's "O-OH MY GOD?" And saw him trying to look anywhere but directly at her, out of respect I guess? I'd seen her topless before but she wasn't going to convince me.