Francine and I have been together for almost eight years, married for six. Like any couple, we had our rocky moments but, with patience and the occasional 'walk away', we had managed to hold things together. Francine's life had not been easy. Her first husband had proven to be an abusive bastard who eventually landed himself in prison. Four years into a ten year sentence the guards found him dead with three inches of a ten-inch shiv sticking out of his eye. He obviously ran into someone who would fight back. Francine often told me that the only good thing he ever did for her was Becky, their daughter.
Before we met, Francine had stumbled through a garden of losers, most of whom were more interested in 'Budweiser and booty' than they were in creating a loving family. According to Francine, several of those characters thought that crystal meth was a food group.
It had worked for us, but it had taken over a year for my gun-shy Francine to consider letting herself love me. I loved her very much and was happy to provide for her and Becky. They seemed to bloom like flowers in an atmosphere of stability and security that neither had previously known.
****
Becky had graduated from high school a year ago and was studying cosmetology at a local trade school. Lately I had noticed a degree of friction between Becky and her mother, but it seemed to be 'woman stuff' so I happily stayed out of it. It was one such tiff earlier in the evening that had apparently sparked Francine to start a conversation as we lay in bed.
"Becky is driving me crazy."
"What's the matter dear?"
"She has this boyfriend, Keith, and apparently she likes him a lot."
I was a bit surprised to hear that, but I also felt happy for her. Becky was a big girl and not particularly attractive. Throughout high school she had been one of those girls with 'a great personality', who had no steady boyfriend and did not get to go to the proms and other big dances. I felt bad for her, but there was little I could do other than to offer my support and encouragement. She was an intelligent girl with a great sense of humor, but few boys would take the time to really get to know her. Apparently she had finally met someone who could see past her size to the beautiful young woman beneath.
"That's great, she's finally met someone."
Francine lay silent, obviously churning inside. I waited patiently for her to speak again.
"I don't know how else to say this so I'm just gonna' blurt it out. She wants to lose her virginity."
I was a bit shocked that she was even telling me this. Typically that subject is purely 'woman stuff'.
"Honey she's nineteen years old, isn't that about when it usually happens?"
Francine squirmed against me, still fumbling for words. "Yes...it is. I was fifteen but we won't open that door."
"Okay." I still wondered why we were having this conversation.
"We had the 'wait until you're married' talk, but she looked at me like I was some kind of dinosaur." She started to cry and finally opened up to me more than she had in years.
"I guess the other girls talk about their boyfriends and the things that they do with them, you know, sexually. Becky feels left out, like she doesn't belong. She really likes this Keith, but she frightened about taking their relationship to the next step."
"I can understand that, but don't young people usually fumble their way through that like we did when we were young?"
"That is the last thing I want for her. My first time was with some guy I hardly knew. It was ugly, it hurt, and I felt dirty and scarred for years after that. I want better for her."
"It sounds like this Keith cares for her. She should be able to convince him to go slowly and be gentle. Did you give her the 'birth control' talk?"
"Oh hell yes, we did that back while she was in high school. As much as I want grandchildren, I don't want her to go through that awful 'single mother' thing that I did for years. She understands that having a baby is a serious obligation." Francine paused while collecting her thoughts, then she continued.
"I've met Keith. He's a nice guy, but he's not the brightest bulb in the box. Becky is afraid that if she goes into this depending upon him, something embarrassing will happen that will shatter their relationship. If they start a sexual relationship, she wants to have enough experience to know how to control things."
Now I was confused. "And how does that happen?"
Francine seemed very uncomfortable. "You have no idea how difficult this is for me to ask."
A thousand thoughts ran through my head, most involving the expenditure of money we did not have.
"Just say it sweetheart."
"This is SO insane, but we talked it over and we both agreed."
"Agreed to what?"
"She wants you to be her first."
I could not believe my ears. It put me at a loss for words. Francine sat up in bed and continued.
"Look, she loves you and, what's more important, she trusts you."
"Francine, I'm her stepfather. Men get arrested for even thinking about something like that."
"Becky is an adult. You are NOT a blood relative, and you won't be making children. You have my consent so it's not even adultery." She could see the dubious expression on my face.
"What are her choices? Go fumble around in the back seat of a car like most kids...like we did? Is that what you would have her do?"
"Well no...I...but..."
"You love her like your own, don't you want her first time to be a loving experience?"
"Of course I do, but she's your daughter..."
"And I love her too. Don't you think I've thought long and hard about this? I'm not talking about you two developing a long term sexual relationship, just a few times until she gets comfortable so she can relax and enjoy her experiences with a man. You are gentle, loving, and patient, Becky and I couldn't think of anyone better. Becky's words were, "I wish I could find someone like Daddy Bill to teach me." As I thought about it, I could not deny her logic."
"Francine, honey, this is SO out there. Where would you be, on the bed with us?"
"I will be wherever she wants me. In the room, on the bed, outside in the car, I don't give a damn, I just want my daughter to have the nice experience that I didn't have. I will tell you this, nothing EVER happens without my knowledge, understood?"
When did I agree to this? "No, of course not." My head was spinning. "When would this happen?"
"I have to talk to Becky, I'll let you know." She kissed my cheek and settled in, pulling the covers up to her neck. Suddenly the room was silent.
Not knowing what else to do, I settled in also. In the quiet my mind was filled with arguments, pro and con, over what Francine had proposed. I really did not want Becky struggling with some inexperienced young buck, but yet the concept she had presented just seemed wrong. Now I was struggling also. It seemed so logical, even parental, when Francine discussed it, but I needed time to consider the repercussions.
****
The next day came and went with the best regularity a work schedule could offer. I was home at my usual time to find Francine in the kitchen and Becky studying in her room. I kissed Francine and we had the usual small talk. I did not have to wait long for Francine to return to last night's topic.
"I talked to Becky when she got home. She's glad that you agreed to be her first."
Did I agree to that? I don't remember saying anything. It appears that the issue has been decided and my cooperation secured. Francine appeared to be in a good mood and I had no wish to change that.
"Are you certain that Becky wants to do this?"
Francine whirled to face me.
"I just spoke with her. As you would expect, she's nervous, but she's looking forward to it."
"When do you want to do this?"
"Any reason it couldn't be this evening?"
I was startled. She sounded so 'matter of fact'.
"No, I suppose not. Is there anything you want me to do?"
"Do you have condoms upstairs?"
"Yes, the ones we use."
"That should be all we need."
Francine was so nonchalant, so casual. My stomach was churning like it was MY virginity to be taken. I guess it's best for me to shut up.
****
It was the call to dinner that united us around the table. Other than the usual 'how was your day' discussion, there was little conversation. I felt like there was an elephant in the room that no one mentioned. I wanted to rush over to hug Becky and ask her if she was certain, but apparently her mother had already done so. I resigned myself to my assigned role. My stomach continued to churn leaving me with little appetite.
After dinner Becky vanished to her room while I helped Francine load dishes into the dishwasher. My nervousness was palpable. As we finished and walked toward the living room, Francine put her hand on my shoulder.
"Please relax, you're so nervous that it might affect Becky. Trust me, you are very good at sex stuff and this will go fine."
Her words made me feel better.
"Thank you sweetheart. How do you want to do this?"
"You just relax for a couple of hours. Have a drink or two, just don't get bombed. I'll let you know when she's ready." She kissed me and walked away.