I love looking out my bedroom window at the streetlamp on the corner. Especially on a rainy night when the drops fall down in sheets, and are illuminated like tiny, little crystals suspended in the air. I usually sit alone in my comfy old chair in the corner, sipping hot cocoa from a mug, and warming my feet by the fire as I enjoy the glorious sight.
It was a Friday night, exactly like that one, when a man showed up on my doorstep, wearing a wide brimmed hat, and a long trench coat. He held a black umbrella in one hand, a tattered suitcase in the other, and my attention with the deep look of sadness in his greyish-blue eyes.
"Can I help you?" I asked, as I leaned up against the door post, and took a sip from the mug which I held up to my lips with both hands.
He hesitated, glancing down at his wet boots before answering. "I...uh, I'm Clark Weston."
Those words knocked the breath out of me, and I stood there dazed and speechless for a moment.
"Daddy!" Was the first word that tried to escape my lips, but I managed to muffle it with a mouthful of the warm liquid.
He stared a bit more intently, as the raindrops continued to fall between us, then managed to ask. "Stella? Is that you?"
The sweet girl who I had fought so hard to retain over the years of loneliness and rejection started to dissipate, and the independent survivor I had become, began to rise to the surface. I dropped the mug into one hand by my side and reached for the door handle with the other. "What do you want?"
His eyes shot from mine, to the door knob, and then back to his boots. "I've come on hard times," he said. "I could really use a place to stay."
I fought the urge to scream in his face, and tell him that I knew the feeling way to well. Instead, I took a step back and started to close the door.
"Stella wait!" He begged.
I expected him to lunge for the door, and try to force his way in, but he just folded the umbrella, opened up the suitcase, and pulled out the cutest little teddy bear I had ever seen.
"I bought this for you twenty five years ago." He said. "I had planned on bringing it to the hospital to give to your mom for you, but by time she told me where she was, you were already gone." I watched as sadness welled up in his eyes. "She had given you to your new family." He said holding the teddy bear out toward me.
I felt the harsher me start to melt away again. I had met Mom a handful of times when I was younger. I had even tried to stay with her for a couple weekends. I heard her and her friends talk about "Wes," as she called him, about what a worthless, piece of trash he was. She said he was evil and didn't give two shits about anyone but himself. After looking into his calm caring eyes, I had to agree that he may be a bit off his rocker, but I didn't see anything in him that could convince me he was capable of even hurting a fly.
I held out my hand for the bear, and when he gave it to me, I hooked my arm in his, and led him down the hall to the guest bedroom.
He set his suitcase next to the dresser in the corner, kicked off his boots and then took a seat on the bed. His mind seemed to be wandering, but his eyes stayed fixed on the colorful rug between his feet.
"I've wanted to tell you this for so long, but I still don't know exactly where to start." He started wringing his hands in his lap. "I've been a horrible dad, a horrible man for that matter." He paused momentarily, choking on his words. "But if you give me the chance, I will do whatever I can to make it up to you. I promise."
My mind was starting to zag in all sorts of different directions. I had wanted all my life to finally meet this man, and here he was right in front of me, but it just didn't match up to my expectations. He wasn't the fearless super villain Mom had painted him as, and he definitely wasn't the hero my fantasy mind had dreamed him up to be.
"Hungry?" I asked, as I squeezed the bear against my chest.
He raised his eyes and for the first time I thought I saw a smile forming on his lips.
"I could definitely eat something."
I took his coat and boots and set them by the fire to dry, then wandered into my bedroom, trying to fight back the hatred that raged inside of me, and hoping to quell the hope for a best case scenario.
I sat down on my bed, trying to calm myself but my heart was racing. I lifted the bear to face level so I was staring it right in its hollow black eyes. For the first time in a long time I didn't feel judged, and I rather enjoyed his look of apathy. Like he didn't give two shits about who I was, or what I wasn't. No matter what, he was just going to hang there in the air with his arms outstretched, waiting to give me a big furry bear hug. After rubbing his soft cheek against mine, I set him between my pillows, blew him a kiss, and wandered into the kitchen.
I pulled a pot out of the cupboard, turned on the stove, and opened a can of soup. I kept trying to convince myself that I would let him spend the night, and in the morning I'd feed him breakfast, then send him on his way, rested and well fed, but all I could think of were the Daddy-Daughter dances, and good night kisses I had missed out on. He definitely owed me.
When I came back into the room he was still sitting on the bed. I handed him the bowl, then went and stood by the window, staring out at the rain as he ate in silence. When the spoon clanged against the empty bowl, and I heard him slurp down the last bite, I turned to see him holding out the bowl.
"That hit the spot." He said. Thank you so much!"
I stepped toward him but didn't reach for the empty bowl. "Did you really mean what you said?" I asked.
He looked me straight in the eyes, and then wrinkled his forehead questioningly.
"About doing whatever it takes." I responded.
He dropped his eyes to the floor again and nodded. "I promise."
"Then stand up, take off your damn belt, and bend your ass over the bed." I demanded.
"What?" He said, wrinkling up his forehead again.
I took the bowl from him, set it on the dresser behind me, and reached my hand for his belt. "Count to twenty following every number with, 'I'm a bad Daddy,' and make sure it's loud enough for me to hear every word, or there will be severe consequences." I said.
I smiled inside as I watched him squirm a bit before turning and obeying my command.
He was wearing thin, plaid dress pants, and I could see him grimace as I folded the belt in half, and snapped it in my hands a few times for effect.
Wes was above average height for a man, and very thin, so he looked kind of awkward as he bent over and put his hands on the bed. "Do you ever think that maybe things worked out exactly how they were supposed to?" He asked. "I mean, you seem to be doing fairly well for yourself. You have a great place, a decent..."
His back stiffened and his legs tightened as he felt the belt float over his tiny ass.
"No, I've never thought of it that way." I said, as I drew my arm back and gave him a solid smack.
His face turned flush and he let out a sudden gasp. He hesitated for a moment, and then continued. "One...I've been a bad Daddy."
My sleep was definitely restless that night, and even though I couldn't remember any of my dreams, I knew they hadn't been great. When I woke up, Theodore the Bear was soaked in tears and sweat. I pushed him aside and jumped out of bed.
Even though I knew it was a bad idea, for some reason, I had to look at myself in the mirror. Just as I had suspected, I was a wreck. My hair was tossed in every direction, my eyes were puffy, and I had pillow marks all over my face, and chest. However, I was smiling for some reason, my stomach looked flatter, my tits as tiny as they were, seemed perkier, and my baby blue cotton panties were soaked.
My mind flashed to Wes and his sore bottom, and even though the thought of it made me feel embarrassed and even a bit dirty, I knew for a fact, that I had never felt happier.
I grabbed a towel from the linen closet, headed into the bathroom, and flipped on the shower. My thoughts were spinning, and my nipples were tingling as I slipped out of my panties. I slid my hands back up my legs and let them rest on my bum. I couldn't help wondering what it would be like if the roles from last night were reversed.
When I was all clean and feeling refreshed, I slipped into a pair of jeans and a yellow tee shirt, and headed out to the living room. Wes was sitting on the sofa, in a pair of plaid pajamas, looking through an old photo album of mine.
"We need to do something about that wardrobe." I said, with a smile.
"You look just like your mom in this one." He said, pointing at a picture of me riding the roller coaster, in pigtails and a pair of pink denim overalls.
For some reason that upset me, I didn't want to resemble her in any way, especially not with my Daddy around. I knew if she got the chance, that venomous bitch would do anything she could to destroy us.
I sat down on the couch as close to Wes as I could, and watched as he turned the page to show a picture of me in the same outfit on the ferris wheel, eating a giant lollipop.
I thought I saw a tear in Wes' eye. "Looks like a great memory." He said.
"Most of it." I said, hoping to make him feel guilty for not being there. "I paid for it the rest of the month. Nothing came free in that family."
He kept staring at the photo album, but slid his hand onto my knee. I tried not to squirm, but it had literally been years since I had received any type of affection from a man. Most of the guys I had met were either pussies, or just plain jerks, and since I wasn't one for drama, I had tried to be content just being alone, but there was something about this man that lit a fire inside of me.
I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and pull him close, to feel his whiskers on my cheeks and his breath on my neck.
"I hope you know I would have done anything to be there with you." He said. "I'm so sorry."
