August 12th
When does a woman know that she's a lesbian? I just turned eighteen and I could be one and don't even know it. All these guys I've been with—maybe they should have all been girls. How do I know? There should be an alarm that goes off or something. For all I know, the fact that a guy can make me cum doesn't mean shit. Maybe what I call an orgasm isn't really an orgasm.
I need help.
And then there's my Mom, Susan. My Dad died almost two years ago now. She's never gone out with another guy, that I know of. And here's the coolest part: I walked past the computer room the other day when she didn't notice and she was on a popular amateur picture web site looking at the pics of a topless young woman.
I stopped and secretly watched for a minute. Mom was clearly looking at the pics for pleasure. I had to go before she saw me, so I don't know how long she looked at them or what else she did.
But it got me thinking.
What if my Mom's really a lesbian? Is that weird or what? What if a forty year old woman who had been married for twenty years was really a lesbian? Would she know it?
I'm not saying either me or her are lesbians. That's not my point. I'm asking: How and when do we know?
August 13th
I tried something last night just for the hell of it. I was lying in bed thinking about the cutest girl I know, Lindsay. I saw her at the beach the other day in a bikini. It was obscene. I mean, that suit barely covered her pussy and nipples.
I imagined that she followed me into the ladies room and snuck into a stall with me without me expecting it. I just wanted to see how I'd react in this imaginary setting.
Well, shit. My hand was on my pussy so fast I couldn't stop it. I thought about Lindsay starting to kiss me and our bodies touching. Our tongues explored each other and her hands were all over me. I felt them on my ass and between my legs and then up to my breasts.
Meanwhile, I was rubbing my clit under the sheet getting wetter by the second.
Lindsay pushed up my bikini top and began sucking on my tits. I felt her tongue and her teeth all over the nipples. Then she lifted her own top and pulled my head down to her. I'd never licked a girl before, but she made it easy. And I loved it, damn it. I loved it.
We fingered each other just like I was fingering myself in real life. Lindsay quietly begged me to make her cum. I did the same.
Fuck, I came so fast for real I never finished the frickin' daydream.
So, am I a lesbian?
August 15th
I couldn't write yesterday because Mom and I went to Aunt Sharon's for the day. If I'm a lesbian, I think I want my first experience to be with Aunt Sharon. What a babe! She's about thirty five I think. Looks my age. Acts my age. Flirts with anything on two legs. Man, woman, it doesn't matter.
Uncle Steve must be worn out by now if they fuck as much as Aunt Sharon seems to want to or talks about it.
That's not important. This is what's important. I swear her and my Mom have something going on. I mean, they act like teenagers in love when they're together. No, they don't get physical in public. They don't touch each other in that way. But just their body language. I don't know. You have to see it to understand, I guess.
Aunt Sharon and my Mom have great bodies for their age. No, wait. They have great bodies for ANY age. It certainly wouldn't shock me if they were interested in each other even if they weren't sisters.
Well, last night after we got home, Mom went to bed and I stayed up playing on the computer. It was probably one in the morning before I went upstairs to bed. I have to pass Mom's bedroom to get to mine. Her door was open as usual.
I tried to be quiet, knowing it was late. I walked slowly down the hall and, right before getting to Mom's room, I heard a sound that made me stop. It was almost as if Mom was in pain or something. I stuck my head around the corner.
Damn. Mom was lying naked on the bed, the sheet pushed down to her knees. She had one hand between her legs and another on her right breast. She was masturbating like she'd never had sex in her life. I heard her moans getting louder as she rubbed her clit and squeezed her nipple. Two fingers disappeared inside her pussy and the other hand pulled on a nipple until I thought I could feel it myself.
In less than two minutes it sounded like she was ready to cum. Then the wildest thing happened.
I heard her murmur, "Sharon. Oh God, Sharon! Lick my clit!"
By now, my own hand was inside my panties. I watched her body squirm on the bed and her back arch up.
"Right there! Sharon. Yes! Yes!"
I watched my mother have an orgasm that lasted at least a minute. I couldn't make myself stop looking at her contorted face, her beautiful breasts, and that hand between her legs. The headboard knocked against the wall one time and Mom seemed to try to calm down, without much success. Her muffled moans could be heard in the hallway.
I tiptoed past the bedroom and quietly closed the door to my room. Oh my God I was so horny and scared and confused.
August 16th
I had to try something today. As a result, I might have just had the most important day of my life. I'll try to tell it all, but my mind's a little crazy right now.
When I got up, the scene in my Mom's bedroom was still clear in my mind. I took a shower and almost came thinking about my Mom and Aunt Sharon. I put on a robe with nothing underneath and headed downstairs.
I decided to see if my Mom would take the bait. I wasn't sure what it would prove—for either of us—but I had to try it.
She came in a little bit after me and we chatted while she made breakfast for herself. I was sitting at the table, my legs crossed and the robe cracked open almost to my pussy. When Mom wasn't looking, I opened the front just a little bit more.
She sat next to me, as usual. I could assume that Mom could see a good portion of at last one of my breasts from there...if she was looking. Well, it didn't take long to catch her looking. I didn't say anything or give any indication I noticed.
At one point I reached for something on the table and knew she had an even better view. We talked normally until I was done eating.
When I got up to put my dishes in the sink, I stayed there, leaning on the counter, while we talked some more. I swear the only things Mom couldn't see were the lower one-third of my breasts and my pussy.
I waited for an opportunity in the conversation to bring up Aunt Sharon, and then threw her name out there with a question. I just wanted Mom to be thinking about her. It was interesting to see Mom's whole demeanor change, for the better.
I was complimenting Aunt Sharon's body when Mom was getting up to put a dish in the sink.
"She's so pretty. I think even some women would like to be with her," I said.
"You think?" Mom asked innocently.
"Don't you think it's fairly common for women to be attracted to each other?"
She looked at me carefully. "I think it happens all the time."
I smiled. "Are you attracted to Aunt Sharon?"
She appeared very surprised by my question. "She's my sister."
I said, "So?"
"So, I can't be 'attracted' to her in that way."
"In what way?" I asked.
"Sexually."
"I never said anything about sex," I said calmly. "Is that what you were thinking?"
Mom was obviously flustered. "I was thinking you should get dressed."
That was my opening. It was now or never and I prayed it wouldn't backfire.
"Have you ever seen Aunt Sharon naked?"
"Well, when we were a lot younger. Sure," she said.
"Did you like it?"
Mom stared at me, but didn't answer.
I said, "Have you ever wanted to touch her? Touch her body?"
I didn't wait for an answer. I took Mom's hand and raised it to the opening in my robe. I put it on my bare skin, at the top of my breasts.
"Have you ever wanted to touch her breasts?"
I moved her hand down until it was on my nipple.
"No," she answered weakly.
Just that one word—the way she said it, the way she didn't pull her hand away—made me think she wanted to.
"Why shouldn't women be allowed to express their love for each other the way a man and woman do?" I asked.
I let Mom keep her hand on my breast while I opened the robe a little farther. She lightly closed her fingers around my tit.
"Touch me, Mom. With both hands," I said in a near whisper.
The robe was nearly all the way open when her other hand came up and rested on my breast. The movement of her fingers was almost imperceptible, but she was definitely feeling me. I thought my heart would burst, it was beating so fast.
It seemed so natural to just lean forward and kiss her. I never felt her tongue, but it was a nice kiss anyway. And it pressed her hands tighter against my chest.
I said softly, "Open my robe, Mom."
She was like a robot. It was so weird to watch her move so mechanically and like she was under somebody else's control. But she pulled on the belt and my robe fell open by itself. I saw her look down at my body.
"That's how you look at Aunt Sharon. I bet you didn't know that," I said.
She shook her head.