I was the one that had to draw the line, I told myself. Despite how all of it had been building. Despite how he was older and a young man now. It was still me, his mother, that had to be the one to stop anything wrong from happening. I knew that and I held to that, even when it got tougher and tougher to do.
I mean, he and I were together so much, and after he had just finished his second year in college, he seemed as much a good friend to me as my son. We talked. We laughed. We could just hang-out. He talked to me about school and what classes he did and didn't like. I told him about work and the craziness that happened with the personalities in the office.
He easily talked to me about the girls he'd dated at school. I openly talked to him about the off and on relationship I was having with John, my current husband. And, neither of us really discussed his father, who'd left us both several years before.
Actually, it was in part due to John that the situaiton happened as it did between Jack and myself. The summer beach trip that was planned and that John backed-out of was a really bad disappointment for me. Jack knew that, and he felt bad for me when I told him about it. He was happy to hear that I was going anyway. He surprised me when he asked whether I wanted company.
I told him he didn't have to do that, and his response was that he wanted to. I felt a giddy, light feeling as I said alright, "yeah come on along." The giddiness should have clued me in that this was something I had to be careful with. I think I just ignored any chance that there was the possibilty that things might get out-of-hand.
The warning signs had been there. For sometime, he and I had not only spent more time, but we easily touched and caressed each other. We talked every couple of days, and like I said before, we talked about just about everything.
He drove down to the beach that Friday, and I remember running out to meet him when he got there. I threw my arms around him and we hugged, both of us happy to be together and both happy to be at the beach. I remember thinking and saying out loud, "Now why can't I get John to be this enthused about getting down here?"
"He's crazy not to," Jack had replied and I looked up at him appreciating his sweetness to me.
It was that Friday night that we had dinner and the wine flowed. We danced afterwards at this little dance place where you could dance outside and take in the salty air.
Later, I was still taking in that salty air and listeneing to the waves crash as we walked down the little pier to the beach to stare out at the beach and listen to those waves. It was a great feeling--- between the wine, the waves, and Jack standing behind me holding me--- as we silently looked out over the moonlit sea. Time was seemingly stopped and we were just there, in the moment.
I felt his touch as he wrapped his arms down my sides and to my waist to support my leaning back against him. His hands went beneath my blouse that was loose and draped over the top of my shorts, to soothingly feel my skin at my stomach.
His hands lightly rubbed against my skin there and I thought I felt goosebumps at his gentle touch there. As I leaned back on him, I noted how solid and firm he felt, as I sorta just melted into his embrace from behind.
My hands were at his arms as his hands traced at my skin on my stomach, and I stroked his arms as his hands made me very aware of my bare skin. My hands stopped on his arms when his hands moved just higher, inching his rub to just above my stomach. My hands didn't really hold onto his arms in a gesture to stop as much as they did stay in one place as I let them rest there.
"I think John is crazy not to be here," he said quietly to my ear.
"Yeah?" I said just as quietly back.
"Oh yeah," his mouth seemed to get closer to my ear. "Beautiful ocean, beautiful night, beautiful woman."
"Oh Jack, you are so sweet darling," I cooed. "Someday you are going to make some woman very happy."
"Yeah? Well, tonight I just wanna make you very happy."
Nothing was said the few moments after he said this. It was like we both let it hang in the air. I did give away my comfort as I let myself sway in his arms back and forth gently.
I was immediately aware of just how exposed to his touch I was, since his hands were making circles on my bare stomach. He let one hand rest at my stomach with his palm at my navel. I felt his other hand lift to where his fingertips traced further down. My mind seemed to blur as I felt so good resting against him. It was like I was only feeling and not really thinking about more than his touching me.
"I should have had you bring some girl from school down here, so that you'd have more fun on this trip."
"I'm content right now. I just wish you were more relaxed is all."
"Jack, don't be silly darling, I'm very relaxed."
"Yeah?" He questioned me.
"Well, sure."
