"Anna, I fear you may overhear something of my behavior, my wickedness of that evening. I will try to explain my feelings, my seemingly depraved behavior. I pray you might have understanding for me. Oh my Anna, things did go so terribly wrong didn't they."
Eyes downcast Anna's whisper barely audible, "Yes, yes they did and I know not how to ever forgive myself or the depraved evil of pleasure loosed within me."
"Oh Anna. You did nothing wrong. Your feelings were not wrong, just buried and bound so tightly inside. The strong drink, without that, you may never... I shall tell you of me, what I have hidden away for so long."
"Anna, Jimmy is not Sam's son. You cannot breathe a word. Promise me, please."
"Oh my dear Elizabeth, I would have never known. No, no. No one shall ever know from my lips. But how could this be?"
"Please, let me get this out. Bear with my poor narration or I shall never finish."
Just before I was wed to Sam. I met a boy. It was at the prayer meeting. I would have frightful, or perhaps delightful little tingles all over whenever I was close to him. I knew he liked me by how he kept looking at me. I would smile demurely. I wished for his attention, yet respectfully of course. I put off his more ardent attentions carefully, knowing the narrow line I tread, for I wished not to lose him.
His was a good name. Jacob. I would often meet him after benediction in a small grove behind the tent and allow him kisses. Oh I should have known then for he could leave me breathless and the rest of the evening with such vitiated thoughts as I lie beneath my covers.
He was the Liveryman's son and one evening he coaxed me to the barn and to the loft. He kissed me. I was dizzy with love, oh I loved him so with all my heart. His fingers loosed my loops and he pushed my dress from my shoulders. He bared my breasts and when he kissed my nipples I thought I should swoon from the warm tingling. I could scarce breathe. My skin became so warm as I was flushed with a desire like I had never known.
I don't believe I even realized as my clothes slipped to the straw. His kisses were everywhere burning me, making my senses ache with need. He touched me where no fingers ever caressed but mine own. He found what no fingers but mine have ever known, my desires, for I was terribly wet with my need. His touch, the caress of his fingertips on the soft swells of me made me shake inside.
I don't know that he pulled me to my sweet fate or that I collapsed. Yet I was looking up into his dark eyes. He pulled my hand to him. The warm hardness seared the length of my palm as I held him. I knew, somehow, oh I knew what to do. My hand tightened and I began to move it back and forth the length of the hard shaft feeling his warm wetness slipping over my wrist, my fingertips. When he moved over me, again I knew, as I lead the warm hardness overflowing my hand to the hunger that had such great need of fulfillment, and now demanded that I sate her desires. Yet I had a fear of, aghast at how he filled my hand for I had no knowledge of what I should expect.
There was little distress from my years of riding, yet had there been I don't know that I would have felt it. His lips touched mine and my fingertips pressed his hardness against me, guiding him to my aching desire. I gasped as he pushed inside me. He thrust against me quickly as I took him deeply. I whispered so many sweet words of love against his lips.
All too soon I felt him spill inside me, yet I was so close, so very close... to something, to a feeling.
The next time, after the meeting we rushed quickly, directly to our nest. I wanted him. I wanted that thing I had missed. He took me, yet it was I that took him. I savored the feeling of his hardness inside me. My breasts, so sensitive, burned with his kisses as his lips caressed my nipples. The feeling as he moved against my skin, his kisses on my cheeks, my eyes, the tip of my nose made my hips move, lift with an aching need. Yet, this time as I felt him spill his warm wetness inside me, I felt a warm tingling, a rushing warmth flow over my body burning me, making me shudder inside. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move as I felt myself clenching tightly over and over against the length of him. I had an incredible need for him to be deeper, so much so, to become a part of me.
I swooned, oh I swooned. It was like nothing I had ever felt. My heart pounded and I gasped for the return of my senses.
Foolish girl that I was, I became pregnant. He shamed me refusing his duty, my love. How was I to know. I loved Jacob with all my being. I was overwrought with despair. I couldn't tell anyone. I was so scared. And there was Samuel. I knew he liked me and spoke of me. I knew he was a good person so I lead him into marriage to protect myself and my baby, Jimmy.
Sam never knew, still doesn't. Yet even now he thinks Jimmy is his. And that is the way it must always be. I shall always be with and care for Sam for I owe him our lives. Yet, Sam is not a lover and I have been left with the desires Jacob so deftly stirred. I shamefully admit some adventurous interest when you came to me with their plan for our sons.
"You must believe me Anna, I had no idea. We planned so carefully. I didn't know, could not have imagined we would be with... you with your Tommy and I with my Jimmy."
"Perhaps you have some small insight into the reason for my wickedness of that night. Pray let me continue this narration lest I falter."
When Tom pulled me from Tommy and pushed me into my Jimmy's hands, I could scarcely breathe for my distress. The terror in your eyes as your Tommy pulled you away only reflected the terror in my heart as I knew what was to be. Unwittingly by our folly our own sons were to have us.
I fell to the coverlit... what was I to do? I thought perhaps, I chose to close my eyes, my senses, to hope for a quick coupling, for him to finish with me and for our escape. Yet, the errs of my foolishness were not to end.
He kissed me, his lips at my throat, his warm breath between my breasts. I had such fear that he would discover me. My heart pounded so that I thought it should burst. He had quickly kicked out of his denims. Then so quickly he bared me his lips at my nipple. I looked away, not wishing to witness. But, he lingered... caressing, one then the other. A slow warming, in soft waves spread across my skin. I... I looked down at him... and my hand touched his hair. My Jimmy. He is my sweet Jimmy.
His lips were tormenting me, my nipples were burning. How could he know to do this, yet was it him, or my own quelled passions? From one to the other, his lips pulling, his tongue teasing as I gasped with desire, yet trying to smother my need. I found my fingers had left his locks and were pushing my breasts upward, my nipples each pleading for the warmth, the torture of his lips. I ached for the little paths he was tracing around them with the tip of his tongue, his teeth nipping the swollen tips. My skin tingled with warm bumps to the tips of my toes.
He paused, and my cheek turned to the side trying to recapture my composure, my breath. Yet... with no sense of shame my hips readily lifted for him as he pulled away my underthings. Dare I even try to say it was for hope of a quick end? His hand touched me discovering me sodden, for my desires had most surely betrayed me.
"Oh Anna, shall I continue, for what follows is most shameful and I wish not for the loss of you or for you to be discomfited."
Anna clasped her hands tightly within hers, "Yes, yes my dear Elizabeth, you must finish, you must not keep this inside you. You are my dearest friend and I know there was no escape from what you had to endure."
As surely had an incubus taken me, when Jimmy touched me there, touched my... my most sensitive lips, I became entranced. My desires opened for him and his fingers slipped easily into my depths. Then he pulled away to push open the warm swells, higher... I was so slippery for him. I gasped as his fingertips touched me, lightly tracing around my most hidden need. I gasped... moaned as he caressed my clit and then slipping back down to move inside me. Over and over he did this as I lay there, I think, dying. My face was burning and my heart pounding. My thighs, my knees shamefully opened for him, pleading for him.
I looked down at him as he looked up, and it was my Jacob, my lost Jacob, my desire. I reached for him, taking him in my hand. It was as so long ago. The burning hardness filled my hand and I could scarcely take my eyes from it as my hand slipped back and forth. He was so beautiful, my Jimmy, my Jacob. I was bewitched. I pushed him down and took him in both hands. Over and over I slipped my hands up and down the hardness, so warm, the little drops I coaxed from him so slippery in my palms.
I could not stop, and I am so shamed, I leaned forth to kiss the tip of his desire. To coat my lips with his need, to hug the warm shaft against my cheek. He was so very hard, so much in need of me. As I pulled away I caressed the length of him with my lips slowly, thinking I should never reach the tip, but once there kissed it lightly. He lifted his hips suddenly and pushed it inside my mouth. Oh my God, I didn't know what I should do, yet, my instincts delivered me and my hands began to move up and down the length of him as I used my tongue to caress the warm roundness I held within my lips. I never wanted to stop, for it to end. I wished to enslave him there within my lips. His hips thrust higher and I squeezed tightly moving my hands faster. I... yes I wanted to please him, no me, please me? I just don't know. To have him fill me, to drink in his being... to savor his need.
I shamelessly wailed my hunger as he pulled away from me, as he pushed me to my knees. Yet as the tears of my longing wetted my cheeks he threw my skirt over my back and moved behind me. Oh my God I was horrified, he was to take me as any animal. I could feel him brushing his burning hardness over my bareness, pressing it against me. I gasped as he began to enter me, his hands moving to my hips. But for the witching of the incubus flooding me with the wetness of desire I believe he would but have torn me asunder.
I have never known such fullness. I could only hold myself up as possible with weakening arms as he pushed completely inside me. And then it began. My arms collapsed as I swooned and fell to the covers. I cannot describe the feeling as over and over he thrust his way into me. I only know that soon my back was arched and my knees had moved far apart wanting him deeper, wanting him as he was taking me, as a beast. To be ravished, yes I was as a treasure he was plundering. The moans of pleasure, my soft cries surely nothing he would have known of me, his Mother.
I couldn't keep up, he was moving too quickly, I could only hold still for him as he took me, as his hips pounded against me, his hardness thrusting inside me. My body trembled as his need ravished me. My breasts burned with desire, my skin feverish as he I felt his fingertips tightening, hurting, oh such sweet hurt. I knew... as the guttural cry of his need took him and I felt him spilling himself into me. My Jimmy, my sweet Jimmy... and as so long ago again I felt that warm tingling, so hot... pouring over me in waves such that I would have collapsed had his... had he not held me up. I was shaking and crying as wild as the ruttish animal I had become for him. And then I fell to the covers, my heart aching for what I know I shall never have.
"Anna, I lay there and heard angry voices, angry that you had left. Footsteps came to me. They took me, as my Jimmy. Two in turn. Oh Anna, my heart could not endure, but my desires were awakened and I wanted them, oh mercy my God I wanted them as they took me. I fought them, but not with fists or teeth, but with my tears of hunger. With my hips I took them. I feared that I could not get enough and even though they were not as sweet as my Jimmy, I could not deny my need."
