Chapter 6: Ma Biggerstaff
The next day, I was out of sorts. I sat down in the living room in my bathroom and a hot water bottle. These were the days before Midol. I had a tall Dr. Pepper and large bag of Tom's potato chips. I switched to Gilligan's Island on the TV set. Ma was lying on the sofa with her friend Jim Beam, almost passed out. I was going to relax for an hour or maybe a day or two.
Pa was away, up the road in Charlotte. He was busy building a theme park for Jesus. He said we were going to be rich, because instead of getting full pay, he was taking much of his salary as shares in the theme park and motel complex.
Steve and Billy were rooting around in the fridge. Billy yelled, "What kind of coke do you have there?"
"Dr. Pepper!" I shouted back.
"Shoot, looks like Sunny took the last one," Billy said to Steven as they both grabbed a glass of sweet tea. Then they looked over at me and started talking, saying suggestive things such as "Is it six o'clock yet Sunny?" and "I think its six o'clock, how about you?"
My brothers were horny again and wanted to fuck. I was in no mood, and besides I was bleeding like a stuck pig. I motioned my head over to Ma and suggested, "Ma thinks its six o'clock. She's about passed out. She won't remember anything." I was half kidding and half serious. I felt this was a way of getting even with Ma, for not being a Ma, except when it suited her.
Steven nudged Billy. "You know, Sunny is right. But just to be sure..." Steven stopped right in the middle of his thought and went back to his bedroom. He quickly emerged with a baggy of pot.
I was as confused as a goat on Astroturf. What was he going to do?
Steven rolled up a couple of doobies, explaining to Billy that the maximum THC comes from a fifth generation transplant. He claimed his pot originally came from Hawaii, because it tasted like pineapple. It was at this time things became as clear as 64 Crayola colors on a wall. Steven made his money as a grower and dealer. And what's more, all those undies he was buying me were being paid for with ill gotten gain. It seemed fitting, or at least more fitting than seducing your brothers with lingerie made from honest hard earned cash.
The boys propped Ma up. Ma was by no means ugly. She had flaming red hair and most people claimed she looked like a short version of Nicole Kidman, except she had larger boobs and deep crow's feet from all the liquor she drank and cigarettes she smoked. This was not a good combination. She nearly burned the house down twice already. I would hate to see that, 'cause it would upset Pa more than a few crayon marks. There wouldn't be enough cans of whoop-ass for Pa to open, not that he ever hit Ma or anything, 'cause he didn't, even with all the heartache and such she would put him through.
With ma upright Steven took his joint and placed the lit end in her mouth and yelled, "Shotgun!" as he blow massive amounts of "certified two-toke" smoke into her mouth. Ma coughed and whispered "Steven what are you doin'?"
I wanted to try some of the reefer, just for medicinal purposes, to see if it would help with cramps. I reached for the joint as we passed it around a couple of times.