This is a parody story. No characters represent any real person, alive or deceased.
All characters are over the age of 18, including cartoon characters who have failed several years of school.
*****
Thursday was a day of mixed emotions for Steve Smith.
On the one hand he was very excitedly awaiting the arrival of the system wide email release of Langley Falls District School report cards. The email was due any moment. Never in his life had he ever been so excited to receive his grades.
His mother had promised him a very special surprise a week ago if he managed to get his overall grades up past a 2.50 GPA. The thought of what it that very special surprise might be put his mind on lust overload. Even with that heightened sense of excitement, he had tried as hard as he could to lower his expectations. After all, he knew it was a long shot to bring his grades up.
The last time he looked he had an A in his Photography elective class, a B in Modern Literature, and C's in Math, Science and English. To the chagrin of his father Steve received a D in gym. He had scored low in math, but still was able to decipher that his GPA stood at 2.33. He hoped to pull his Modern Lit B up to an A for a 2.50.
As Steve contemplated his mother's "very special surprise" an incoming email arrival notification sounded on his laptop.
Francine entered the kitchen just as Steve nervously opened the email. "Grades?" She asked with a cautious smile walking up behind her son.
"You got it mom. You better get prepared for that big surprise that you promised me." He quipped as he soaked in the intoxicating fragrance of his mother's shampoo and light perfume. The sensory over load to his brain acted as a calming agent.
"I'm ready Sweetie." She replied, her pulse beginning to quicken with eagerness.
Steve's smiling anticipatory face, quickly transformed to one of utter disbelief and dejection. "What's wrong Steve?" Francine asked with concern.
She looked over his shoulder at the screen of the laptop on the kitchen table. "2.00? How did that happen?" Francine asked, beginning to tear up. She was miffed that her carefully crafted plans and preparation had gone for nothing.
"I don't know mom." Steve said with distress in his voice. "All of my grades look the same, so I don't...HEY! Wait a minute."
"What's wrong?" Francine asked, still disappointed at this unplanned outcome.
"My grade in Modern Lit went from a B to a D! I aced that test mom. I should have an A, not a D."
"Are you sure sweetie?" his mother asked as she placed her hands on Steve's shoulders, gently massaging them while leaning over his shoulder peering at the laptop monitor. 'There might be a glimmer of hope for my plans yet.' She thought to herself as she idly rubbed her full bosom against his shoulders.
"I'm positive mom." He pouted.
"Well then, let's just call your teacher and see what happened to your grade Steve. The news on TV said that the teachers have a final planning day today" She said as she excitedly clung to a glimmer of hope. As she grabbed her cell phone and began dialing, Francine walked into the other room as the conversation began.
"Mrs. Jacobs? Hi this is Francine Smith...yes Steve's mother. I'm calling about Steve's grade report that arrived by email a few minutes ago..."
As she walked away Steve could no longer hear the conversation. With a thump, he dropped his head down on the kitchen table in a quick fit of depression as he waited on the verdict, his horny plans fading.
Five minutes later Francine walked back into the kitchen, her heels clacking loudly on the wooden floors. She had a very serious look on her face.
"I'm so sorry Steve," she started "You seem like you were really looking forward to my 'very special surprise' for you."
"I was mom. I was looking forward to it, and I tried really hard too." he replied.
Francine leaned over and kissed her sons cheek. "Well, that's great Steve...because Mrs. Jacobs got your grade and Stefan Smits's grade mixed up. YOU GOT AN A!" She practically screamed while shaking his shoulders back and forth in excitement.
Steve looked up with an indescribable grin. "That means I did get a..."
"TWO POINT FIVE!" Francine screamed again.
"That means I get..."
"Your 'Very Special' Surprise!" Francine finished his sentence for him as she quickly bolted from the kitchen to the Living room closet, running faster than a mother in a dress should.
"Tah-Dah!" She exclaimed two minutes later, making a big show of pulling his childhood little red wagon, loaded down with boxes while waving her arm like a model on The Price is Right game show. Steve's eyes drank in the print on each box. His wondering gaze found a top of the line Canon camera, a tripod, and a couple of lighting umbrellas.
"Oh Wow! Thanks Mom" He said "How did you know? It's just what I wanted!" He exclaimed as he opened the box quickly and pulled the camera out.
"So you really like it?" the picturesque mother asked elatedly, clapping her hands softly in happiness.
"It's perfect." Steve responded as he pulled the camera out and began to set it up to charge the battery. "This is a much better setup than my camera club equipment." He said with exuberance.
"I knew you had to return that camera a few days ago since the school year was coming to a close, so I got you a better version with all the trimmings."
"Thanks mom! You're the best!" Steve responded, leaping up, wrapping his arms around her little waist and giving her a big bear hug. The motion pulled her breasts onto the top of her son's ducked head. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and pulled him even tighter.
Steve let lose a few moments later and plugged the camera and lighting batteries in so they could charge.
"This is so cool Mom." he said excitedly. "You are going to be my first official model, aren't you?" he asked sincerely.
"Of course I am." She said with a radiant smile. "You didn't think this fancy camera outfit was just a present for you did you? I am going to finally get to be a hot model like I've been dreaming."
"Since your batteries have to charge up I'll be back in about an hour. I want to look my best in the photos, so when I got off the phone with your teacher I called and made a quick makeup and hair appointment with that new day spa, "Cougar's" in the shopping center down the road. I'll be back as quickly as I can." She said as she leaned down and held her son's scrawny shoulders as she gave him a passionate kiss. The softness of her full lips was still an unexpected treat for him.
"We have the whole house to ourselves, other than Klaus, so set everything up in the family room and put him in your father's office." she said as the garage door was closing behind her.
Steve's eighteen year old brain was on overload as he walked quickly to the kitchen to retrieve Klaus. "Off you go to Dad's office Klaus." Steve joyfully said as he picked the bowl up, nearly sloshing Klaus over the edge.
"Mein Gott, Steve! Slow down before you kill me!" the goldfish yelled. "What is your big damn hurry?" he menacingly finished, clinging to the edge of the bowl to negate the effects of the choppy water.
"I just got some awesome camera equipment and I'm going to be giving it a test run." Steve called out as he slammed the fish bowl on his father's desk, racking his elbow into the ancient desktop intercom system his dad had installed years ago. "Owwwwch!" he whined like a big baby, rubbing his elbow.
Stan was a bad father when the kids were toddlers. Whenever Francine would leave the kids with him while she went out shopping, he would leave them in the family room in their playpen and work in his office. He had hidden microphones all over the house, listening in over the intercom for any signs of trouble.
In his hurry as he sprinted out of the room rubbing his boo-boo, Steve failed to notice that that the light on the intercom dash was now on. As he slammed the door behind him, he inadvertently banged the door into the heel of his Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars, preventing the latch from engaging. As Klaus watched Steve's quick departure, he was left staring from the dark through the foot wide opening in the office door.
"Dummkopf." muttered Klaus.
A little less than an hour later, Klaus was wakened from a boredom induced nap by the sound of the garage door opening, followed by the sound over the intercom of the kitchen door opening.
Klaus heard the voice of Francine Smith on the intercom speaker as it pierced the quiet. "Eyes closed while I run upstairs to change, Steve. I want this all to be a surprise for you."
"Okay Mom." He giddily complied.
After hearing Francine shuffle through the family room and up the stairs Klaus squinted his eyes to concentrate through the large crack in the door as he heard her call out. "All clear Steve. Be down in a few."
Klaus drew a deep breath to call out to Francine to save him from the darkness of Stan's office when he suddenly inhaled a large chunk of fish food floating in the water. Panic stricken, he flailed about the bowl trying to dislodge the chunk.
After a minute or so of contemplating meeting his maker, Klaus took a mighty leap and landed on the edge of his bowl, the glass rim punching his bloated little belly. He had created his own personal Heimlich machine, popping the food out with the compressed air from his effort.
