All About Fun

Copyright 2008 by A. Wanker.

Snow crunched under the tires as Bill pulled his SUV off the plowed road and onto an expanse of dirty snow under a gray sky. He parked near the end of the empty lot, as he often did, facing the river. After a moment, Bill turned off the ignition and put down the window. He sat absent-mindedly listening to the stillness of a mid-winter afternoon.

Except for the infrequent passing car, which he could hear for almost a minute before and after it passed, the whole world seemed muffled, dead, frozen. He wished he hadn't given up smoking. A cigarette would be good right now.

He looked out at the broken ice floating slowly down the gray river, and thought about his muffled, dull office, with its gray plastic laminate desks, gray cubicles, gray tack boards, gray carpet, and fluorescent lights. Having just left that somnolent cave, he was on his way home to another. He thought about his once white, but now slightly gray house, with its gray shingle roof, and his gray dog.

He turned on the radio. Jimmy Buffet. Not in the mood for that, he turned it off again.

He ran his fingers through his graying hair and sighed. Melanie was probably shoveling a tray of brownies into her face, while waiting for him to come home and listen to her complain about one thing or another.

Bill put the window back up, and started the engine, but then paused with his hand on the shifter. Going home didn't sound very enticing. He could stop at Ted's Bar and have a drink, but that was getting old. Maybe some fresh air would do him some good. He turned the car off again and pocketed the key. He slammed the door, turned up the collar on his gray coat, and trudged off through the ankle-deep snow. The overlaying crust broke with a crack and a dull thud at each step. The air felt heavy. Snow fell in large wet flakes.

Reaching the bridge, he glanced back at his gray SUV, already dusted with snow, and then started across. At least the walk had been cleared by one of the city's small sidewalk plows. The damned things always wrecked a big piece of his front lawn every winter.

Above, the streetlights hummed. Every now and then one would blink out, and then relight a moment later. In the gray murk, whether it was on or off seemed to make little difference.

At the middle of the bridge, Bill stopped and rested his hands on the railing. The sound of tires on wet pavement occasionally intruded on the stillness, and then faded away into the distance, to be replaced again by the lonely hum of the streetlights.

After standing there mindlessly for some time, he realized that the pale daylight was nearly gone. He could see almost nothing as he peered downriver through the gloom. Soon it would be pitch black.

He leaned over the railing and looked down into the dark water. Large chunks of ice drifted out from under the bridge and swirled away on the dark surface. A couple of weeks ago a fellow jumped here, on a night much like this. It was front page news for several days. Thinking about it, Bill shivered. What a miserable way to go! The bridge wasn't high enough that you would die in the fall. It would be either drowning or hypothermia, or both, that did you in. It was horrible to contemplate.

If Bill were going to commit suicide he would use a pistol. Having been in the army, he knew how to use one. His son Jake was in the service now, serving in Iraq. Bill was proud if his son and the troops and the job they were doing, in spite of ...

Bill was jerked out of this rehashing of old things in his mind by a young female voice behind him. "Dude!"

Startled, Bill jumped and spun around to see a metallic red BMW stopped at the curb. The owner of the voice was smiling at him from the passenger-side window, her face framed in a bright red scarf and a pure white knit hat. Her blue eyes looked intently into his. He looked back just as intently, studying her.

She looked to be about 22, with a passing resemblance, maybe, to Audrey Hepburn in her day. Wisps of dark hair were just visible under the hat. Silver pendant earrings sparkled against her pale white skin. Her lips were pink, and glossy. Just lip gloss though, probably. It didn't look like she was wearing lipstick.

"What are you doing out here on a night like this?" She asked. Bill stared at her soft, glossy pink lips as they moved.

"Nothing," he said. "Just thinking," he added. The snow had changed to sleet.

"Not thinking about jumping, I wouldn't suppose." She said it as if it were a statement, rather than a question.

"No, I was thinking about ... it's none of your business."

She opened the door and stepped out, or more correctly, she stepped up, onto the sidewalk. She wore a long white cashmere coat, and black leather platform boots that allowed her to almost, but not quite, stand eye-to-eye with Bill. Otherwise, she was probably about five foot three. Red mittens matched her red scarf.

She stepped forward until her face filled his entire field of view. Standing with her hands at her sides, she studied his eyes. "Uh huh," she said, "none of my business." She leaned so her face was even closer. Bill stared back into her blue eyes, uncomfortably.

"You know someone jumped off this bridge two weeks ago', she said.

"Yeah, I know," Bill responded sullenly. He didn't really want to discuss it. But she was so pretty he wouldn't mind talking to her for a while. She was cuter than cute. "I didn't know him," Bill said, trying to muster a smile.

"Where is your car?" she asked, taking two steps back.

Bill relaxed a little. As much as he liked this girl in close up, he was glad to have a little more space. He gestured down the bridge, toward the lot. The sleet, mixed with freezing rain, was coming down harder now.

"Hop in, we'll give you ride" she said, gesturing with her red mitten at the door she had left open.

"That's ok."

"What's ok? Come on! We'd like to give you a ride"

Bill bent down to look into the car. If this girl's boyfriend was some big Guido he was not getting in. He blinked and looked again. The driver was not only another woman, but dressed exactly the same. Weird!

"What are you, in some kind of singing group or something?" he asked.

"Something like that," she said impatiently. "Now please get in! It's too shitty out here!" Bill shrugged and plunked himself onto the seat. What's the worst thing that could happen?

The girl closed the door behind him and got in the back seat.

The lady in the driver's seat smiled at him and chirped "Hi, I'm Eileen!"

Bill thought he was seeing things. He twisted his body around to look behind him. "You're twins!"

"Yes," replied the girl in the back seat. "I'm Irene".

"Cute! You're parents had fun with that, didn't they?"

"Fun is what we're all about", said Eileen. She put the car in gear and let out the clutch.

Irene laughed. "Last year, visiting in Japan, we were both Irene." She playfully pushed the back of his head. "What's your name?"

Bill pointed up ahead. "My car is in this lot on the right!"

"That's not your name." said Eileen.

"What?" said Bill. "Hey this is it! Turn here!"

Eileen drove by without slowing down. "I can't stop. The road's too icy. No braking action." She laughed, and then said seriously, "Irene said we'd give you a ride."

"But I didn't say a ride to your car." Irene said.

"Well it wasn't an unreasonable assumption," said Bill, twisting around to look at his car. Soon it was out of sight.

"We are kidnapping you," said Irene, matter-of-factly.

"It's for your own good," said Eileen, bringing the BMW to a slow stop at an intersection.

"Dude! Why don't you tell us your name?" said Irene.

Bill didn't think he liked being called dude. "It's Bill," he said." "Please call me Bill. Now let me ... "

Bill yanked at the door handle to open it, but nothing happened.

"Child locks", said Eileen.

"You aren't joking are you?" asked Bill.

"Nope" said Irene. When the light turned green she accelerated through a left turn and drove up an entrance ramp to the freeway.

Eileen looked over at him. Her expression was suddenly serious. "We couldn't let you jump off that bridge, Bill"

"I wasn't going to jump!" he shouted.

"You don't need to yell," said Irene. "We are going to be very good friends." Then after a pause, "Maybe he really does just want to go home."

"I don't think so", said Eileen. "If he wanted to go home he would have been going home instead of getting ready to jump off a bridge."

"Goddammit, I wasn't going to jump!" Bill seethed.

"So we've got it all wrong and you are perfectly happy and you just like hanging out on bridges in the freezing rain?" Eileen asked.

Bill didn't answer.

"What reason do you have to go straight home? Gotta feed the kids?"

"No, no kids," said Bill.

"Wife?" asked Irene.

Bill didn't answer.

"Is she gonna starve to death if you don't dash home and cook dinner?" Irene asked.

Bill imagined Melanie slumped in front of the TV, the Lazy-Boy sagging under her weight. She certainly wasn't in danger of starving to death any time soon.

These girls were really irritating, but maybe they had a point. Even if he wasn't planning to kill himself, he wasn't very happy lately. He hadn't been happy for a long time. Eileen had said she and her sister were all about fun. Bill hadn't had much fun lately. What if he just went along? What's the worst thing that could happen?

"Ok, ok!" he said. "You got me. What are you planning to do with me now?"

Eileen downshifted and steered the car down an exit ramp. "How about we just relax a bit and then figure it out?" She smiled at him. He just shrugged.

At the bottom of the ramp she turned right, and then right again at the Chillwick Motor Hotel. She stopped the car in front of Room 109. "Here we are!" She chirped.

Eileen bounded out of the car and opened the room. As Bill got out, Irene put both her hands in the middle of his back and pushed him through the door, as if to make sure he didn't have any second thoughts.

Inside, Eileen took off her hat and shook her hair loose. It fell over her shoulders, straight, chocolate brown and glossy. She looked like a model in a TV shampoo ad as she headed for the mini-bar, trying to stomp the snow off her boots on the way.

Irene unzipped Bill's coat and pushed it off his shoulders. He caught it behind his back and threw it over the desk chair, wondering if this could possibly be heading where it seemed to be heading. It didn't seem possible.

Irene pulled off her hat and shook out her flowing brown hair just like her sister had done. Then she unbuttoned her coat as Bill stared, mesmerized.

Eileen asked, to no one in particular, "How many good old boys does it take to open a beer?" Irene looked annoyed. "None," said Eileen, answering her own question. "It should be open when she brings it." Then she laughed and popped open a Corona, handing it to Bill.

"Eileen likes that joke way too much" Irene said.

Melanie hates that joke, Bill thought.

Eileen opened two more Coronas and handed one to Irene. "To us!" she said, holding her bottle up. The three clinked their bottles together and the girls said in unison "Bottoms up!" Bill drained about half of his in one big gulp, and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

Eileen removed Irene's coat, Irene reciprocated, and they helped each other with the hangers in the closet at the other end of the small room. Bill just stared. As cute as these girls were with their coats on, with their perfect body forms revealed they were absolutely stunning.

They were both wearing short black pleated skirts low on the hips, and midriff baring low-cut sleeveless silky red blouses. Their legs, bare from just below the knees to the hems of their ridiculously short skirts, were perfectly creamy white. Also perfectly creamy white were their bare arms and flat tummies. Matching silver pendants dangled from their ear lobes. The look was both very elegant and very sluttish at the same time.

As they hung up their coats Bill lost track of who was who, and realized he couldn't tell them apart, by either appearance or voice. He pinched himself to see if he might wake up. He downed the rest of his beer and set the empty bottle on the desk.

Bill noticed that both babes had navel piercings. One had a diamond and the other sported a red stone, maybe a ruby. The cutie with the diamond did a belly flop crosswise on the one queen-size bed and propped her chin up on her hands, looking at him with blue eyes. The other sauntered over to him and gently squeezed his biceps. She looked up at him, closed her eyes, and pouted her adorable pink lips.

Bill kissed her tentatively, and she kissed him back. Her lips were soft and gentle. Her warm breath made Bill's spine tingle. He put his hands around her slender waist, feeling her soft, warm bare skin. As he pulled her to him, he felt a bulge in his pants pressing against her.

If there had been any doubt where things were heading, it was now long gone. If this was a dream, he hoped like hell he wouldn't wake up.

Since he didn't know if this was Irene or Eileen he was kissing, he might as well think of her as Ruby. Her sister's temporary name could be ... oh never mind, he was too occupied with kissing Ruby to think about it.

Keeping her lips locked against his, Ruby unknotted Bill's tie, dropped it to the floor, and started undoing his shirt buttons. Bill caressed her smooth hips and waist with his hands. He ran his fingers under the hem of her skirt, feeling the top of her butt crack. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her sister watching motionless from her place on the bed.

Ruby dropped to her knees and undid Bill's belt buckle and zipper. His swelling cock was pressing almost painfully against the fabric, longing to be free. She liberated it by yanking his pants and underwear down to his knees in one quick movement. His pole sprung to attention like it was spring loaded.

"Oh my!" Ruby giggled with delight. "Oh wow!" She wrapped her right hand around his shaft and squeezed. She wrapped both hands around it, one in front of the other, palms down and thumbs toward her, as if gripping a baseball bat. His entire shaft was in her hands but the head just barely protruded. As she squeezed gently it swelled. She put her beautiful pink lips around it. She teased the little hole with her tongue.

"It's big 'un" she said to her sister "and hard as a rock!" She removed one hand and pushed about half of his length into her mouth, massaging the bottom of his shaft with her tongue. Bill grinned like a kid at Christmas - the first real smile he had smiled in a long time.

Ruby leaned back and looked at Bill's rod as she squeezed it. When a big drop of pre-cum oozed out she smeared it around the head with one finger.

"This is going to be challenge!" she announced. She put her hands on his hips, and then pressed his cock into the back of her wide-open mouth. She pushed her head forward and made chugging sounds as Bill felt the head of his rod jabbing at the opening to her throat. She gagged a little and pulled it out. "Yup! A real challenge!"

Bill looked down in wonder at her head bobbing back and forth on his cock. No one had ever tried to stuff his rod into her mouth with such enthusiasm. The girls in high-school and college would stroke his shaft with their hands while sucking the knob, or jam it in their cheeks. And after the first year of marriage, Melanie didn't even do that. This babe really was trying to push him all the way into her throat!

His penis head had never felt the sensations it was feeling right now, and they were amazing. If she did get him all the way in, it would be out of this world!

Ruby's sister chimed in from the bed. "Bring him over here. I'll show you how it's done." She opened her mouth wide and stuck her tongue out.

Ruby took Bill's shaft in her hand and guided it toward her sister's open mouth. "Say ah!" she commanded. Bill had to waddle like a penguin to get there with his pants around his knees.

He felt her soft warm lips close around his throbbing cock. She adjusted her position on the bed a little to prop herself up on one elbow and used one hand to cradle the testicles dangling in front of her. She dug her fingernails in a little, and used them to guide him forward and back. Her sharp hold on his scrotum heightened his pleasure, contrasted with her soft, warm mouth on his penis.

She tugged him back and forth, pushing half of his length in and out of her mouth while she used her tongue to lubricate his head and shaft with large amounts of thick, viscous, ropey saliva. Then she pulled him into her throat with an assertive tug. Bill felt a little pop as the head of his penis passed the opening to her throat. She gagged a little and pulled it out of her throat, but not passed her lips.

She swallowed once and then slid him back in again, further this time. A short pause and she tugged him all the way in, her nose smashed against Bill's belly. Bill felt her throat muscles contracting and massaging his rigid cock as she struggled to control her gag reflex, but she held him in as Bill struggled not to unload the immense pool of semen he felt boiling up inside. He certainly didn't want to come already.

"Wow Eileen, you rock!" exclaimed Ruby.

So Ruby was Irene, and the girl with her mouth and throat wrapped around his dick was Eileen. The mental work it took Bill to internalize this information under the circumstances was just enough to keep him from ejaculating.

Eileen suddenly pushed him out of her mouth, gasping for air. His penis twitched in the cool air and leaked copious amounts of pre-cum. His entire length was coated with thick, viscous saliva. Bill thought he had never been so hard in his entire life. His rod was so stiff it almost hurt.

Irene bent down to untie Bills' shoe laces, and helped him to step out of his shoes and pants, first one foot and then the other.

Eileen smiled and took his rod between her finger and thumb, like a cigar. She giggled and used it like a lipstick applicator to liberally coat her lips with his pre-cum. She squeezed it along the length to dispense even more of the slippery fluid onto her lips, overdoing it until it was all over her chin and cheeks.

"This is the best lip gloss ever!" she announced. Then she laughed and made kissing faces at Irene.

Irene leaned over to kiss her, kneeling on the floor at the side of the bed. They mashed their mouths against each other's, rubbing their lips and tongues around in a big sloppy kiss. They said "yum" in unison like it was the most delicious thing in the world. "You're the best sister ever!" said Irene. "No you are!" said Eileen. Then they both laughed. Their matching earrings sparkled and bounced against their necks and their long flowing brown hair shone in the light of the cheap motel lighting.

Mesmerized, Bill was about to come, even without any sensations on his penis at all. As his cock twitched and throbbed in the air, he made a concerted effort to keep from ejaculating all over Eileen's gorgeous face.

He tried to think about baseball stats. That didn't help much. He thought about the work piled on his desk in the office. That helped a little. He thought about his boss. That helped a little bit more. His urge to squirt on the kissing twins' faces started to subside.

Irene climbed up on the bed and positioned herself next to her sister, propped herself up on her elbows, and looked up at him. "Now me!" she insisted. "It's my turn! Let me!"

Bill looked down at the identical twin sisters side by side, their identical beautiful faces smeared with the slippery shiny fluid that had dribbled out of his cock, their mouths open and waiting for him. They both looked longingly up at him with sparkling blue eyes.