I bobbed my head to the catchy tune. The song that played was nice, but an untimely theme to departing friends.
"I'm going your way, Alice. Need a ride?"
"No, I'm alright, Derek," I said with a polite smile. "I'm gonna stay here tonight."
You'll have to pick another night to try get in my pants. I looked across at a more sombre figure. It was eleven thirty, and his friends were leaving one by one. Christ! All done at eleven thirty! The parties I went to were only getting warmed up by that time. We played boardgames; or bored games as I liked to call them. All the guys laughed at my brilliant joke. I wasn't so naive to realise the fact that breasts made everything funnier. Was it awkward being the only girl there? Not at all. I lapped it up. I was getting a lovely dose of attention from all the guys -- every single one. That was good. We'd listened to music. We'd had a good time. Four years my senior, my brother had just turned twenty-nine years of age. It was, without doubt, an absolute tragedy.
It was a tragedy because he still lived at home. Still with mom and dad. They weren't bad folk; but they were -- you know -- parents. They pottered about, doing the usual routine, before heading off to bed. Well, not before dad's big hands caressed my shoulders.
"It's great having you home again, Alice. We'll do something tomorrow? All of us?"
"Yeah, that sounds good, dad. Me and Jason are just going to have a last beer now."
He looked at me, and then at his son. He smiled, realising I wanted a quiet chat with the birthday boy. With a light squeeze, he sighed and withdrew. Tonight was about being a good sister, rather than a good daughter. Just the two of us remained in the kitchen now. Jason was beginning the second phase of his night. Drinking alone. I took the beer out of his hand. How many was it so far?
"I was thinking that now might be a good time to open my gift?" I said.
He frowned at me for sipping his drink. I needed it. I'd gotten him his birthday present for the same reason any sister gives her brother a gift -- because she loves him.
"Alright. Let's see what the big mystery is."
Jason looked into the small, shiny giftbag -- it easily cost more than its contents. He laughed to himself.
"Very funny, sis. Nice one."
I rubbed sweaty palms on my jeans. Sipping more of his beer, I smiled.
"Suppose I could use them as dust collectors. Or maybe blow them into balloons?"
I listened for approaching parents. We were good. I reached into the bag and took out the box of condoms. A three pack of ultra-sensitives.
Here goes.
"Nope. You'll use them for what they were made for," I said.
"Very funny."
"Tonight," I said.
I pulled the bottle away from the reach of grabby fingers.
"Ok, the joke was funny to begin with, Alice, but leave it now. Seriously."
"With me."
I didn't particularly enjoy beer, but I swallowed the lot. Earlier, I'd watched my brother's face as his friends left. It was a look of utter hopelessness. Where were they going? To their apartments, their partners, their jobs and careers. They were going to live their lives. And what did my brother have? Nothing. Only mounting depression and another pound to his growing belly.
I gave him his empty beer and watched him gulp air. He knew I wasn't joking. Jason was a twenty-nine year old virgin. My birthday gift was making sure he wasn't going to be a thirty year old one. Jeans tightened as I crossed my legs. Although my boobs poked cotton, I should have worn something sexier than a Nirvana T-shirt. It only then occurred to me that I may have just scarred our relationship forever. Banishing such thoughts, I was committing to this.
"Look, I know this is heavy stuff. You're probably thinking I'm a disgusting bitch for even suggesting it. That's why I don't want your answer yet. So just listen."
Jason refused to make eye contact with me. His gaze was firmly glued to the floor.
"In one hour, I'm going to come to your room. If you say no, then that's fine. If you don't...well mom and dad will be fast asleep."
I slid off the stool. I was glad he didn't recoil as I squeezed his shoulder.
"Jason?"
"Yeah."
"No more beer tonight, okay?"
He tried to lift his head but couldn't.
"Okay."
***
I paced aimlessly around my old bedroom. This is it! This is it! This is it! Apart from some lip gloss, I'd decided against makeup. I let my blonde, shoulder length hair sit where it fell. I was glad my little blue, cropped tank top still fit me. It took ages to tie it up at the back, but it hung nice just over my bellybutton. Going barefoot, I wore the same jeans as before. I tried in vain to turn the door knob. It wasn't my first time -- far from it; why the hell was I so nervous? I ran back to my locker - maybe just a dash of foundation on the cheeks.
***
Knocking once, I didn't wait for an answer. I pushed inside and stood before him. He was sitting on the bed -- still in his hoody and jeans. The sober anxiety on his face was good. It meant he hadn't been drinking.
"Whatever you choose, I'm not gonna be upset, okay?"
"Sis, this is all kinds of messed up."
"That's fine, Jason. I understand."
I turned and half opened the door. His words sent a tingle up my spine.
"But I want to."
I closed the door and faced him. Only now did I notice the little gift bag on the bedside locker.
"I hate myself for this, but I..I..."
I kneeled on the bed beside him and rubbed his back.
"Bro...Why do you put yourself down like that? You just need to get whatever it is out of your system. Listen, let's go nice and slow, okay? We can just talk for a while if you want? We have the whole night."
Jason looked at me, then into my cleavage.
"You look really nice."
"Straight to the point. I like that."
I planted a soft kiss on his stubbled cheek. Interesting. Alan wasn't like that.
"But I do have a few rules."
"Sure, sis. Shoot."
I crossed my legs and sat up straight on the bed.
"Okay, well this is new territory for me, too. Not sex. I've lost count of how many times. But sex with...you know-"
"Alice, you're blabbering."
"Sorry. Well these aren't necessarily hard and fast rules, more preferences. I'd rather no kissing on the lips. No foreplay. It's not that you don't deserve intimacy, it's just that..."
"Ok! Ok! But let me cum on your face at least?"
Mouth ajar, I stared at Jason. The two of us burst out laughing. I punched his shoulder and shushed him while giggling. The last thing we needed was our parents waking up.
"Speaking of such things, I see you have the condoms?"
Jason nodded.
"Well, okay then. Ready?"
"As I'll ever be, I suppose."
"Let's do it."
All that was missing was an excited hi-five. We sat in frozen silence for the next few minutes. I finally initiated things by standing up and taking off my jeans. Jason's eyes never left my black, laced panties.
"People generally take off their clothes for this kind of thing, bro."
I watched as he removed hoody and t-shirt. It was nice to see a man with chest hair again. He folded his arms over his flabby belly. I pulled them apart and smiled.
"Don't be ashamed. It's just a bit of extra weight is all. Some girls like it."
"Most don't."
I turned and pulled the bow of my blue top. I let the small garment slither off my body and fall to the floor. I found myself bolting straight up as Jason took off his jeans. There was a certain reality to the sound of a man's fly lowering.
"So! What do you think?" I asked.
Jason covered his crotch as he spoke.
"You have a really nice body, Alice. Very...sexy."
"You really mean that? My boobs. They're not too small? Alan said they could be a bit bigger."
I watched Jason try to ponder the impossible answer of complimenting his sister's tits. I looked down at his boxers. They were strikingly unremarkable. Wait? Was that it? Did he have nothing going on down there? Could that be the cause of all his problems? Or maybe it was me? I couldn't arouse him because Alan was right. He was right about my stupid body.
"So, you have a girl in her underwear in your bedroom. You're not doing bad, bro."
We both smiled awkwardly at each other. For some reason, I thought of something my soccer coach had said. Be in the moment. Do what you're there to do. A little bit of mental gymnastics turned scoring a goal into making a man cum -- It worked on coach Greg after all.
"You're a virgin."
"Yep. Thanks for reminding me of something that every cell in my body has been screaming at me for the last te-"
"Jason, you're blabbering."
He looked at me with a matching smile.
"What I mean to say is you're a...Like, I assume you've had some sort of female contact? Right?"
"I guess so."
"Explain."
"It's nothing to write home about."
I placed my hands on my hips and waited for him like a stern teacher. Even though I wasn't. I was a half-naked sister, demanding a history of her brother's sexual exploits.
"I once touched Jenny Bean's boob."
"Oh yeah? She has those nice big ones. That must have been fun?"
"It was until she slapped me across the face."
His head lowered as we broke eye contact.
"Just because a girl slaps you doesn't mean she's not into you."
"You girls love to make things easy, don't you? It was pretty hard, Alice. Pretty violent -- her slap."
"Did you touch her without asking?"
"What?"
I spun and looked away. It made no sense as to why my pussy was moist. It was only then I realised I'd been crossing my arms.
"Forget it!" Jason said far too loudly. "You're like all the rest of them. Just go away! Forget the whole damn thing! I'm not gonna sit here and be humiliated by another woman. 'Touch without asking.' For fuck sake, Alice!"
I was turned away so I couldn't see. But it sounded like he was weeping. Or maybe seething. I knew Jason was angry. Enraged even. It was quite inappropriate for my pussy to be this wet.
"Jason?"
Silence met me.
"Do you remember the time you saw me naked? How you walked into the bathroom, and there I was, not even a towel around me."
