Chapter 7- What Will I Do Without You?
Driving was difficult. Concentrating on driving was difficult. My mind was going a million miles an hour, my heart thundering in my chest and my head was just full of white noise. All I could do was remind myself to not speed.
Don't speed. If you get pulled over, you'll be delayed.
What if I was too late because I got pulled over?
Alexa, what would I do if I got pulled over?
What if I don't-
Concentrate. Feel nothing for now. Feel ice. Be ice. Be mechanical. You'll get there sooner if you don't lose your head. You can worry when you pull into the parking lot and take the keys out of the ignition. There'll be time.
There's got to be time.
Please let there be time.
Oh God, please...
***
My hands were almost shaking as I pulled the keys out of the ignition. I'd arrived in good time, pushing the speed limit but never drawing attention to my driving. I flexed my hands several times as I tried to breathe. I felt like I was going to burst. I had to struggle to not hyperventilate.
I clutched the wheel tightly until it shook with my hands and let out a cry of pure terror and frustration.
Get it together! They need you! What will you do when you get up there? Be a part of the problem?
My head thunked back against the chair rest and I took several deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths. I didn't have long to compose myself, but I needed to be composed. I couldn't exactly go rampaging in, pretending she was my lover and beloved, could I?
I was ready a few seconds later, feeling significantly more in control and steeling myself for the worst. I got out of my car and headed in through the Emergency entrance of the hospital. A nurse behind the desk noticed me.
"Are you Alex de Bourne?" she aksed. I nodded.
"Your family's in room 709, straight back, take the elevator to the Seventh floor and then just around the left corner."
I nodded and walked quickly, horrified that they seemed to be waiting for me. I followed the nurse's instructions and took the elevator up. Rounding the corner, I almost ran into a young doctor, who was looking at his charts. He blinked as he saw me and then nodded when I gave him my name.
"I think your father took your mother for some fresh air," he said solemnly. "But you can go in if you like."
I thanked him and approched the door, my heart once again jackhammering in my chest. It was dim in the room, the heavy curtains drawn. There was only one bed and I saw her laying on it...
Alexa...
I couldn't help gazing in wonder. Even in this place, she was completely beautiful. There was a bandage around her head and one on her exposed arm. Her face was tilted to one side, eyes shut. Needles and sensors ran from her arm and her left temple.
One of the machines she was hooked up to beeped slowly.
My whole body trembling, I approached the bottom of the bed. I could see the charts hung on the bottom of her bed and took one up with an unsteady hand, looking at what it said.
Unconscious since arrival. No major injury, internal or otherwise, detected. Minor bruises and scratches. Recommended to keep overnight to watch for concussion or other head trauma. Vitals all strong.
I could feel my hands shaking worse than ever as I replaced the chart, but I knew now it was with relief- Alexa was going to live. I stared at the monitor that read her vitals, indicating a strong pulse and blood pressure. I'd never been so happy to see one of those stupid machines in my life.
I must have exhaled loudly, because she sighed as she laid there, almost as if in response to the audial stimulus. She stirred slowly, as if she was beginning to wake up. I stood still and just watched in wonder. Her head tilted up and slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes began to open. It took everything I had in me to not shout for joy.
Her lovely blue eyes fluttered open, staring at nothing for some time. Finally, though, they began to look around. After some time they settled on me and simply stared.
"Hey," I said softly, smiling warmly as I came around the bed to her left side. "Good to see you..."
She said nothing but her eyes slowly tracked me. Maybe she was really drugged up. I decided to stay patient and just let her hear my voice. Hopefully she would find it soothing.
"You gave us all a scare," I continued, speaking with a calmness I barely felt. "But your charts seem to say you're going to be completely fine."
She turned her head to look at me a little more, her eyes still bleary and red. Her mouth was moving a little but no sound came out.
I leaned in a little closer, trying to hear what she was saying.
"Who..."
I leaned in closer, my ear almost to her lips.
"Who am I?"
My world suddenly spun. I felt my knees almost give out and I reached backward to grip the armrests of the chair that was placed next to the bed. I missed and crashed to the floor, the chair making a terrible racket as it clattered away. I felt my head hit to cold tile floor and then everything sounded rather slow and sluggish.
"Oh my god, Alex!" I heard her exclaim. "I was only joking, you jerk!"
I said nothing. I did nothing. I just laid on the floor, letting the world rotate around me. A doctor rushed in at the noise, turning on the light and just stared dumbly upon seeing me. He was followed half a second later by my parents, who took in the whole situation quietly. Mom simply looked down at me, one eyebrow raised.
"Why are you lying on the floor?" she demanded, clearly not impressed.
"Mom, can we trade her in?" I asked finally, still lying where I'd landed. "I don't like her anymore..."
My mother now glanced at Alexa, while my father had his hands in his pockets and was looking at the ceiling with interest. Since nobody, including the doctor present, seemed inclined to help me up, I slowly rolled onto my hands and knees and pushed myself to my feet, rubbing the back of my head. It really smart.
"I... might've woken up while Alex was here," Alexa began to explain, now lying on her side so she could talk to people. "I pretended I had amnesia and didn't know who I was. Alex reacted unexpectedly poorly and lost his motor control."
My mother looked at me again. "You fall down, go boom? What's it like to be on the
receiving
end of an evil sense of humour, Grumio?"
"Ooh, good reference." Alexa said.
"And as for
you
," my mother said, turning toward her younger sister. "Are you trying to make him dumber?"
Alexa snickered. "No, I didn't expect that reaction from him, to be honest. I thought he'd laugh."
"Good God, I'm surrounded by lunatics," my mom muttered. "While you were taking your nap, the doctor was kind enough to tell us that your injuries, as far as they can tell, are completely ephemeral and superficial, much like a Sociology degree. Michael and I were relieved, of course, but they want to keep you for a day or two, make sure you don't have a concussion."
"Fair enough," Alexa agreed. "Is this likely to be covered? I've been here less than a week, even if I'm still a citizen."
"Oh, I doubt the hospital or province is dumb enough to give us grief about it," dad chimed in. "It makes no sense to screw over a brilliant young woman who was just offered a full scholarship to one of the best universities in the country. Besides, you've got bruises and scratches after a really bad accident, nothing for them to complain about."
"Yeah, what happened, anyway?" I asked, my mind now focusing on the hows and whys of my morning so far.
My mother shrugged. "We were just driving, passing through an intersection and some drunk moron ran his red light and t-boned my car. Spun us right out and almost up on the curb. I think he's a couple of rooms over, actually. He'll be charged no doubt."
"And your car?" I asked.
"Ugh, total write-off," mom said, scowling. "He nailed it good, I'm amazed neither of us was killed, to be honest. I was fine, since I could get out on my side and called the cops, while your aunt decided to take an unscheduled nap and scare the hell out of me."
"Sorry about that," Alexa said somewhat sheepishly. "I vaguely remember a crashing impact and spinning, but after that, nothing. Well, not until I nearly gave Alex a heart attack, anyway."
Dad chuckled. "Let's just all be thankful it wasn't worse. A wrecked car and some bruises is nothing to sniff at."
"Could you give us a few minutes while I check her vitals?" the doctor asked, walking up to Alexa, now that we seemed to have figured out everything. Mom, dad and I exited the room and sat on some chairs in the corridor. Dad put his arm around my mother and she sighed deeply, her eyes tearing up. I took her hand and squeezed it.
"She gonna be fine, mom," I said assuringly.
"I know," she said in a voice I could only describe as wet. "I just... sometimes you cry with relief, you know? She's my baby sister and I just got her back in my life, I don't want to lose her."
Dad pulled her to his chest and held her tight while she cried silently for some time. I just waited patiently, struggling with my own feelings. Mom and dad would expect me to be relieved, that was just common sense. But they didn't know about Alexa and I, that we were lovers. They couldn't know how I felt, how terrified I'd been and how relieved I was now. What would I have done if the worst had happened?
Would I ever have been able to tell them?
A horrible chill ran through me. I could have lost my aunt
