Words With Different Meanings
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The English language is a wonderful thing yet at the same time can be so confusing it's wonder anyone ever learns it at all! Forget the weird spellings and other such idiosyncrasies, just look at how many words mean almost the same thing but yet are really drastically different in how they are interpreted.
For example, take the word "slut". To me, I'm proud when someone calls me a slut as I take that to mean they see me as being sexy and desirable and unafraid to use those qualities to get what I want. A lot depend on who calls me that. Like my dad, when he calls me his "little slut" it's a term of endearment. My mom called me a slut when I was a teen because she knew I was sexually active and not extremely particular about who I did it with. Then there were the snobbish girls back in high school to whom I was a dirty slut. So far as they were concerned the word was synonymous with whore except I wasn't getting paid - at least in cash. Wow, it's amazing how one word can have so many interpretations.
As another example, what's "sex"? Oh sure the answer may seem obvious but I'm referring to what people mean when they say someone is having sex. My definition is pretty straightforward, a bit clinical, and so far as I'm concerned biblically correct. Simply put, sex is the penetration of a female vagina by a male penis... period. I suppose I should add, "regardless of the depth of penetration" as once the tip is in, may as well be all in so far as the act is concerned. Another way of putting it is, if you can't get pregnant as a result, it's not sex.
Despite come people's claims, I'm not all that naive so I'm well aware that many people use a much broader definition. Take the phrase "oral sex". I know what people mean by it, but it's not true "sex" even though many people would disagree with me. It's the same with "anal sex". I can't become pregnant if a guy cums in my ass so therefore it can't be real sex. Fondling, groping, etc... none of that is sex in my book but there are extremist who would claim otherwise.
The reason I point at the word "sex" with such narrow focus is it directly impacts the definitions and meanings of other words. Take incest for example. Incest is defined (at least in my dictionary) as having sex with someone directly related to you as in a parent, sibling or first cousin. Well, that means anything that does NOT involve a penis penetrating a vagina cannot be called incest. That's a critical distinction as it means that a young girl sucking her father's dick is not committing incest, she's simply sucking his dick.
Sex and incest merge when it comes to adultery. Adultery is when a married person has sex with someone that is not incestual sex. Hopefully now the definitions of sex and incest can be seen as being crucial to the debate over adultery. As a married woman I can blow all the men I want and it's not sex so it's not adultery. I can have sex with my uncle but since that would be incest it falls outside the lines of adultery.
One thing more about adultery. What I just described is all based on how my mother raised me and as such reflects HER morals and values. Now that I'm married my first duty is to submit to my husband. Please, no feminists as submission does NOT mean I'm his slave but rather that I AM his wife. As such since my wedding I've had to adapt my personal morals and ethics to a further restriction on what constitutes adultery - it isn't adultery if your spouse is OK with it. For me and Steve we agreed that this means we have each given blanket authorization so long as sooner or later we tell the other about it. So long as it's all up front and nothing is done behind the other's back, then we both agreed that this was OK for our marriage.
The Seven Month Itch
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So now a major part of our marriage, at least when it comes to sex, involves other people outside our marriage family. Steve and I swap regularly, enjoy family-style parties and have occasionally met with other people alone. The key to keeping our marriage successful has been nothing is ever hidden. Usually we are together, or at least in the same vicinity, when having sex with other people and those few times when we were apart we made sure the other was fully informed as soon as possible afterwards. If anything, I think the trust and pride we have in each other as expressed by such activities has strengthened our marriage more than anything else.
So given all that, why in the world would anyone want to do anything to jeopardize such a relationship?
It reminds me a fable where the frog carries the scorpion across the river and the scorpion stings the frog, causing them both to drown. The frog asked why the scorpion would do such a thing and the response was, "It's my nature."
So why would I want to go out and something I swore I would never do -commit adultery?
It's my nature.
For all my life, at least since I started having sex, I've never been satisfied by just plain old sex. I've always felt like there has to be something extra, some element of risk, something that would shock people, something that would allow people to see me a desirable sexual creature. Just look through my diary and this line of thinking should be obvious. After all, I was sucking boys' dicks in a movie theaters, getting fucked in a mall restroom, even doing it under the stage during an outdoor church service. Once I discovered the thrill of seduction and the ego-boosting results of driving a happily married man to commit adultery for the first time, it has since been one of my favorite "hobbies".
Other things I swore I would never do have turned out to be things I WOULD do with right motivation. It was easy to say I wouldn't when so many things were still new but as time goes by you start looking for even more riskier adventures and suddenly those "taboo" areas are no longer off-limits. When my husband informed me of his need to fuck other women my definition of adultery had to broaden to include men outside of my family.
Granted, there are SOME lines that simply can't be crossed. For instance I would never do anything to bring harm to anyone. Perhaps the most non-negotiable area is my faith as I would NEVER do anything against God or my church. I can live with my husband's reluctance to attend church services so long as he never tries to stop me from going.
So if my husband could drive me to cross so many other ethical and moral lines, should it really be any shock that I would go beyond even those lines behind his back?
What might seem odd to some people is the only reason I chose not to tell my husband about my plans was that I knew if I DID tell him that he would be OK with it and that would eliminate all the risk and excitement. It's like when I fuck married men. When Steve and I swap with other couples it's not nearly as erotic to me when the wife is a part of things as compared to when we do it on his bed and his wife has no clue her husband is fucking me where she sleeps. Maybe a part of it is I just want to see if I COULD get away with it. Every girl's gotta have SOME secrets, doesn't she?
Sorry, I realize that it's somewhat cliche to talk about the "seven year itch" when it comes to marriages. For me it wasn't seven years but more like seven months or so when I first started to think about it. Steve and I'd just finished swapping with another couple and I was lying in bed with a virtual stranger (well, not as much as stranger as he had been a few hours earlier) thinking about all that had happened between us. It suddenly occurred to me that while I had a good time to be sure, there really hadn't been anything all that erotic or exciting about it. It was just sex. Yes, it was GOOD sex but just sex all the same. We'd gotten together knowing ahead of time what would happen, it happened, and that was it. Where was the challenge? What was the risk? Did anyone care about what we did? His wife certainly didn't, not judging from the sounds coming from the other bedroom!
It was then I started to fantasize about going out on my own to meet another husband who was looking for someone besides his wife. He needed to be a decent man and loving husband and father but one who just couldn't bear not having sex as his wife had closed that door after the third child. Even then it was always the same, a little fondling and kissing, then missionary style until he came. She never even orgasmed during sex and as for oral sex... forget it! As you can see I pretty much had my fantasy lover all figured out.
Feeling a bit guilty, I wanted to tell Steve about my fantasies which were intruding more and more into my everyday life. To make it even worse I found myself thinking about my imaginary lover when Steve was making love to me. As I walked the stores and streets I would look at the men walking with their wives and families and wonder what it would be like to have them fuck me while I wore her favorite lingerie.
At the same time my lust was growing, so was my guilt. You can't grow up as I did with your mother preaching the sins of adultery and NOT feel guilty about thoughts about it. As it was I was stretching the boundaries that she'd imbedded deep in my soul. My mom never would agree to swap during my parents' twenty five years of marriage which was also something that kept it from going much past twenty five years. If my mom could go a quarter of a century without sinning, then how bad was I if I couldn't make it for one year?
While the guilt was always there, the lust and desires in me kept growing, crowding out the guilt a little more each day. I knew it wouldn't be long before they gained control over my guilt; the question was becoming more a matter of who and when than if.
Now, laying in my bed after a pleasant if not overly memorable evening of sex with a man who wasn't my husband, I asked myself what was left? I don't have any interest in anything weird like BSDM, scat or bestiality so within the boundaries of "normal" sex could I be at my peak already before my 28th birthday? Face it, the specter of turning thirty draws closer every day and I know I'm not looking like an eighteen year-old college girl anymore as it is.
