My eyes opened, but I shut them again quickly as the light from a window blinded me. I groaned and reached for a pillow behind my head. I threw it over my face, trying to block out the light. The slight movement of my head dropping made my head pound viciously and my stomach turned. I felt like I was going to puke. The whole room felt like it was rocking slightly and I had intense vertigo. I groaned loudly and tried my best not to move. The only time I ever felt like this was when I used to get wasted back in college. A hangover of epic proportions. But I was 31 now and didn't drink to get blitzed. I hadn't gotten drunk last night, had I?
Suddenly, the room started spinning faster. This time it wasn't a physical feeling. I was lost. I suddenly realized I couldn't remember anything about the previous night. I pulled my pillow off of my face and willed my eyes open. My head felt like it was caught in a vice and I my eyes burned, but I looked where I was at. My childhood bedroom? What was I doing here? Why was I hungover? I had never been so confused in my life.
"What the fuck did you do Bianca?" I asked myself, but then had to clamp my mouth shut to avoid getting sick. I put my hand over my face and tried to think. The previous night was one long, black spot. But I tried to think back earlier. What was the first thing that I could remember?
I then remembered why I was in my childhood bedroom. Or at least, I thought I remembered why. Parts of the previous day were coming back to me. It had been a Friday. I'd gotten off of work early because the power went out at the office. I'd decided to give in to my mother's constant nagging about how she never saw me anymore and go home for the weekend. I'd decided to make it a surprise and just drove the three hours to their house. I'd gotten in and found out that mom and dad were out of town for the weekend. My little sister Sofia told me it was a romantic getaway they'd planned for a while. I guess I really didn't pay attention when my mother talked on the phone. Sofia was 18 and a senior in high school so she was at home for the weekend. My little brother, Nico, who was 21 and in college had been home as well to visit his girlfriend.
I remember offering to take them both out to dinner since my plans of spending time with mom and dad were shot. My parents had had me as an accident when they were teenagers. They got married and raised me but avoided having other kids until they were older and better able to handle it. As a result, I was much older than my siblings and we had a different kind of relationship. They were too young to have been playmates when I was a kid, I was like a third parent. As they got older I liked to sort of be a "fun adult" in their lives, different from my parents. So a free dinner for the kids sounded like a good idea. I didn't see them as much as I liked, so I was actually sort of happy my parents weren't around. I'd get credit for coming over and being with family without having to talk to my mother about why I wasn't married yet. I was pretty sure that my brother and sister had accepted the offer. After that, I couldn't remember a thing. How did I get from a dinner out in the burbs with my siblings, to hungover in my old double bed?
I felt incredibly hot now and realized that, despite the fact that it was June, I had my big winter blanket over me. I don't think my mom had changed the sheets after I'd visited in February. Regardless, the blanket was absolutely killing me and I shoved it off. I found that I was naked under the sheets. I sometimes slept naked in my apartment, but never at my parents' house. I felt a cold sweat forming on my skin. I just had a sense of foreboding. The headache felt worse than ever and my stomach was knotted up.
A slight buzz in the room blasted through my head and I stopped thinking about my naked body. I felt confused for a minute and then looked over at the nightstand next to my bed. My phone. I'd just gotten an e-mail or something. I reached over to my phone and clicked on the button. Maybe I'd gotten some texts or something the previous night that would give some indication of what I'd done. Maybe an old friend was in town at the same time and I went out drinking or something. I entered my password and the screen lit up. I saw instantly that my phone was open to the picture app. There was a photo on display. As my eyes adjusted, I saw the picture. I gasped at what I saw.
It was a side profile shot of a woman. She was on her knees. She was around 5'2 and weighed about 120lbs. She had very long black hair that was very straight and was slipped behind her small ears. She had big dark eyes, a small slightly aquiline nose and thick red lips. Her skin was a dark olive color and very smooth. She was completely naked in the photograph. From the side view I could see that she had perky 34-C breasts. The bottom of her breasts were rounded and heavy while the top of was sloped, giving the breasts a teardrop appearance. Her areolas were somewhat large and a dark red, almost brown. Her nipples were long and looked hard in the picture. Her arms were thin and taut. Her stomach looked flat and she had a glittery bellybutton ring. Even from this angle you could see a slightly voluptuous build with a narrow waist and wide-set hips to go with her large (for her frame) breasts. Her legs looked somewhat short compared to a long torso (for her height) but they were thin and muscular. She had very small feet. There was no question about the woman in the photograph. She was me. There could be no confusion on that point.
I don't make it a habit to keep naked photos of myself on my phone. And I had dated anyone or even hooked up with anyone in months so there was no reason to take naked photographs. But that wasn't why I was shocked by the photograph. I knew what my body looked like naked. No, what shocked me was the rest of the picture. My hands were lifted up and away from my body. My left hand was gently cupping a pair of testicles. My right hand was wrapped around the shaft of a penis. The tip of that penis was inserted between my thick red lips. The penis in question looked pretty large, probably around 7 inches (though it was hard to see how big the tip was, because it was in my mouth) and had large, low-hanging balls.
This, in and of itself, was quite shocking. I hadn't, to my knowledge, given anyone a blowjob in nearly a year (I had broken up with my last long-term boyfriend at around this time the previous year). Further, I could see on my calf the small nick I'd given myself the previous day while shaving. This wasn't some old photograph. This had just happened. And I had no recollection.
But that, by far, was not the largest surprise in the photograph. The penis in the photograph, as most penises generally, was attached to a man. This man was extremely tall, probably around 6'4, but also exceptionally thin, probably only weighed a scrawny 135lbs. His legs were thin, gangly, and only had a gentle sprinkling of blonde hair. His stomach was very thin and he had a chest with well-toned but small muscles. His arms were long, but somewhat bony. He had a long neck. His face was youthful with a slightly pug nose, blue eyes, and short blonde hair.
I have always taken after my Italian father with dark features, dark hair, and a small build. My brother, on the other hand (and despite his Italian name) took after my Swedish mother: light skin, blonde hair, incredibly scrawny thin but exceptionally tall. The body attached to the cock that was in my mouth in the photo, belonged to my brother. There was a photo on my phone was of me, the previous night...giving my little brother a blowjob!
Once the full realization of what I was looking at dawned on me, my hands felt weak and the pain in my stomach intensified. The phone dropped from my hand and I heard it clatter on the laminate floor. A thousand thoughts were running through my head all at once, tripping over one another and leaving me completely unable to process what was happening. I just sort of sat, frozen on my bed, staring at the wall while my mind reeled.
Nothing in my life could have prepared me for what I had seen in that picture. I had never done anything in my life even remotely as fucked up as blowing my brother. I had never had even the slightest thought about my brother in even a vaguely sexual manner. Hell, I was the most straight-laced of all my friends in terms of sex. I only fucked people I was dating for more than a month, I didn't do any weird kinky stuff, I was vanilla and boring. And I liked it that way. This was beyond kinky. This was...an abomination.
I couldn't imagine any scenario where anything even remotely like this could happen. I couldn't imagine myself getting so drunk while I was at home to visit family that I'd black out. I couldn't imagine that even if I had gotten blacked out that I would have slept with anyone. And I couldn't imagine that if I slept with someone that the someone would be my brother. But...there was the photograph. It was plain as day. I had stared at it for several minutes. There was no question about what I was seeing. I had...performed fellatio on my brother.
It is hard to describe the feelings that I had as these thoughts raced through my mind. I was disgusted, first and foremost. I had seen physical evidence that I'd broken once of societies greatest taboos. I had done something that I deemed morally and physically repulsive. I was confused because I couldn't remember anything about it and couldn't imagine a situation in which it could occur. I was embarrassed and felt like I was stupid. I was disappointed with myself for failing to uphold a standard I didn't think would ever be a challenge. And I was angry. Angry and myself for doing such a repugnant act and angry at...
Suddenly I thought of something. I quickly fumbled down around the floor and found my phone once again. I pulled up the picture (wincing as I saw it again. There was still no doubt about it). There I was, on my knees, sucking my brother's cock. But he wasn't stopping me. He had one hand on my head and another one on his hip. He was looking down at me, a smile on his face. I had clearly been drunk or sick or something the night before. I had done something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was clearly not in control of myself. My brother had seen me in this condition and apparently taken advantage of me! He was 21 years old, he wasn't a kid anymore, he knew right from wrong. And this was so clearly wrong.
Suddenly the conflicting emotions and the scattered thoughts all crystalized into one thing: a white hot hatred for my brother Nico. All of the anger, the disgust, the disappointment, and embarrassment that I felt for myself was now multiplied several times and then dumped back onto my brother's back. I felt my Italian temper rising and my cheeks got white hot. A sudden burst of adrenaline shot through my heart to accompany my anger. My headache subsided and my stomach felt like iron.
I jumped up quickly from my bed and headed for my door. I didn't even bother to get dressed. I was so angry, I needed to act that very second. I opened the door to my room and headed out into the hallway with only my cell phone in my hand. My brother's room was just next door. I didn't bother to knock, I just walked right in.
