A Special Connexion

Everything was in place. I took a deep breath, and checked again, and then, my heart beating in my chest, I turned back to the computer. She was late, and the anticipation was killing me. Three months, we had waited - or should I say, resisted. Resisted the temptation, the curiosity, the urge sometimes. But tonight was the night.

We had met online, on one of those dating sites. As it often happens, things had quickly moved into more daring territory than the usual dating. And soon enough, we were discussing pet obsessions, favorite fantasies and best sex positions together. Yet, as far as online relationships go, I think ours had progressed slowly. She wasn't online much, for starters. But moreover, somehow there was this implicit rule that we wanted to take it slow, and enjoy every step of the way. Not that we didn't hit it off right from the start - quite the contrary. But the thrill of discovering we both liked so many things had us being a little more cautious, maybe, about not spoiling it by going too fast. But tonight was the night. Tonight, we moved one step further. Tonight, we were going to turn on our webcams.

I took another deep breath, checked the time again. She was late - two minutes late, but I had been there waiting for her to log on for the past twenty minutes or so, and before that the day had seemed to be one of this neverending affairs. In fact, I had been waiting since we had set the date for this, and the closer I got, the more nervous I felt. It was nearly embarrassing - I was afraid I was going to be so excited by the whole thing that I was going to cum right away... or maybe just make a fool of myself in so many other ways.

So when the notice that she had logged in finally appeared in the corner of my screen, I held my breath. But soon, the chat window opened.

"hey baby"

"hey sexy", I typed back.

"how are you doing tonight?"

"to be perfectly honest, I don't think I've ever been this nervous"

"me neither"

"I thought of it the whole day. didn't think it was going to end"

"giggle I know the feeling"

"so - what do you feel like doing?"

"hm, let me see... what about talking about politics?"

"ha ha. sure"

"what do you think about the last bill they passed about healthcare?"

I rolled my eyes. I knew this was a game of seeing how long we would be able to delay things, but I was nearly trembling with anticipation. I didn't know if I could behave for very long, but I thought I'd give it a try.

"hm, I'm not sure. it's always a hard and long process, you know?"

"hard and long, hm?"

I smiled. Double-entendre had always played a huge role in our usual banter, and I knew she would pick up on that.

"yeah. you have to be open to accept that. and it's a shame that most don't do anything more than pay lip service..."

"giggle okay okay, I surrender"

"hm?"

"you win. I had no real intention of discussing politics tonight"

"oh really?"

"no. not at all. in fact, I've been so wet today I had to change my panties when I came home"

"change...?"

"okay - take them off. I didn't put any back on"

"hmm, I like that"

"I know. so what should we do?"

I smiled again. Now my cock was fully hard again in my pants, and I was worried about shooting too soon. I tried to calm myself down. I typed back:

"I think we had discussed something special for tonight"

"special indeed"

"are you ready?"

"when you are, baby"

"so shall we?"

"sure"

I took a deep breath, turned on my webcam and invited her to watch. Almost at the same time, an invitation to watch hers appeared on my screen. I shivered and waited anxiously for the picture to appear.

And then I froze.

I knew that room. And I knew that face. And I knew this look of utter shock, because I was feeling the same. Because in the little webcam window, it was my mother who was looking back at me. There was a long, embarrassed moment, and then we both turned off our webcams at the same time.

I didn't move, still trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened. Mom. That was Mom. Those three months of excitement, of mind-blowing exchanges, those were with my mother. The pictures we had traded, the videos we had shared, the stories we had read together, those were with my mother. Three months, and we never even suspected. For sure, our little game of playing it slow had certainly had a role in that - for instance, we had never shared any pictures showing our faces, claiming a little mystery could go a long way. And indeed it had. And here I was, still trying to make sense of all this. Mom. That had been Mom.

I don't know how much time I spent dumbstruck in front of the computer. But I know that after all the thrills of the day, that definitely felt like a cold shower. Eventually, I shook my head, and let out a deep sigh. There wasn't any noise coming from the other parts of the house, and well, if Mom didn't want to talk about that, that was fine with me. I turned off the computer and just fell on the bed. Without much surprise, sleep escaped me as my head was still buzzing from the night's shocker. In fact, my legs were trembling and I could feel my heart beating like a drum in my chest. But eventually, after what felt like hours of tossing and turning and shaking, the tension turned into tiredness, and I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up aching all over, and it took me a few minutes before the events of the previous evening came back hitting me like a truck. I headed for the shower, hearing Mom downstairs probably preparing breakfast. Soon afterwards I was dressed, and I was busying myself preparing my pack for the day when I realized I couldn't delay much longer. I had to face her.

Reluctantly, I walked down the steps, and entered the kitchen. Mom had her back to me, and I settled down at my usual place at the table. I dived into my cereals, and when Mom moved to sit at her place, we carefully avoided each other's eyes. Silence hung heavily between us. I finished quickly, put the bowl in the dishwasher, and went upstairs to brush my teeth and grab my bag. Then I came back downstairs, picked up my car keys, and without a word, I left the house.

I had only a few classes at the University that day, but I lingered on as much as I could, spending some time in the library under the pretext of working on an assignment that was due in a couple of weeks. To be honest, I didn't make any progress. But I enjoyed the quiet and the solitude, and I sure didn't feel like coming back home. But eventually, I knew I had to. And when I saw Mom's car in the driveway, my heart sunk.

As I got inside, the house was deadly quiet. There was a frozen pizza on the counter with a short note on it: "dinner", with no other mention. Usually, she put "Love, Mom" or some variation on it, but not this time. I wasn't surprised. I microwaved the pizza, grabbed a can of Coke, and went upstairs to my room. I turned on the computer, and spent most of the evening catching up on some TV shows I had downloaded. I cannot say my heart was really in it, but at least with each passing minute that dreadful moment was moving away from me. If I could, I would have decided to forget everything about it.

I was checking my mail when the little notification window popped up. I looked at it, dumbfounded. My mother had just come online - to be precise, the alias that I now knew was my mother's. I hesitated, not knowing what to do with that. I mean, the messenger program ran automatically when I turned on my computer, so I had even forgotten I was online. And I could assume it was the same for my mother, but... what if? Suddenly, my brain was ablaze with conflicting emotions, and with no clear idea of what to think or what to do next. I waited for a while, and as my computer remained silent, I supposed that her messenger was on just like mine was, without any action nor intention on our part.

I sighed, and was about to turn off mine when an idea struck me. Maybe this was the way to reconnect. Maybe this was a way to try and explain myself, maybe I could... I don't know, but at least, maybe this was a way to break that awful silence. I took a deep breath, and typed.

"hello"

A long, interminable silence. Then, the indication she was typing back.

"hello"

I sighed. At least, she was responding.

"how are you doing?"

Another long pause. Then...

"I'm not really sure"

"believe me, I know exactly how you feel" Now it was my turn to pause, not knowing exactly what to say next. I shook my head, and typed on. "I'm sorry, Mom"

This time, her answer took forever. I really thought she wouldn't reply, and that it would be the end of it all. But reply she did, eventually.

"I'm sorry too"

"I spent an horrible day today, trying to... I don't know, figure out things?"

No reply. I carried on.

"maybe we should try and forget everything about last night"

"or maybe we should try and talk about it. but later, not right now, in the heat of the moment"

"are you sure?" I shifted in my seat.

"yes, I think we need to discuss what happened. not talking about it won't solve anything"

"okay, Mom"

This time I waited a little more, but somehow I felt that this was about it for tonight. Even if we hadn't exchanged much, I still felt relieved.

"good night, Mom"

"good night"

I closed the chat window, and let out a massive sigh. Things were... better. Just a little bit better, but that made such a huge difference. So much that later that night, I did not struggle much finding sleep.

I woke up from a strange dream - I had been dreaming, of this I was sure, but after opening my eyes I was only left with fugitive impressions and the vision of being under dark, ominous skies. My mouth was dry, I had a sore muscle in one shoulder for having slept in a bad position I suppose, and overall I felt a little grumpy. A long, warm shower helped wash all this away, and I was ready to consider going downstairs for breakfast. Of course, that meant facing Mom. I took a deep breath, and walked down the stairs.

She was already there, studying some document from work while sipping on her coffee. I tried a timid "Hi Mom", she raised her eyes, graced me with the hint of a smile, and replied: "Hi Chris". She went back to her document, and I busied myself with getting my breakfast cereals. I was mid-way through my bowl, when she surprised me.

"Oh, Chris, by the way, I'll certainly have to work late tonight. You'll have to eat by yourself again."

"Erm, okay, Mom." I blushed.

"I think there's some leftover pizza, or you can microwave some of the pasta that's in the freezer."

"Oh, sure."

I dived in my bowl again. We still had to discuss what had happened, and I couldn't help but feel the weight of this hanging between us. But somehow, this little return to normality was a definite improvement over the previous day. I finished my cereals and quickly cleaned things up. I went back upstairs, brushed my teeth, picked up my stuff and stopped by the kitchen door on my way out. Mom looked up.

"Oh, you're going already?"

"Yes, got to catch an early class. Have a good day at work Mom."

"You too, sweetie."

I blushed, and left.

I don't remember much from the day that followed. My mind was buzzing with all sorts of conflicting emotions - lingering embarrassment, some relief as things seemed to be resolving themselves, and bouts of chilling anxiety about the forthcoming discussion. Of course, I was in no mind to focus on the classes I was attending, which got noticed and awarded me a snap comment from one professor that got the whole class laughing - and me blushing. I got home quite early in the evening, and found myself strangely unoccupied. The house was eerily quiet, and I kept glancing at the clock as if wanting for time to pass faster. Around ten, I began to get used to the idea that this discussion would have to wait for another day.

It was slightly before eleven when Mom got home. I heard her steps in the stairs, and soon after the water running - most certainly a shower after quite a long day at work. I turned back to the computer and started checking the latest game scores on ESPN. The little pop-up took me by surprise - Mom had logged on. I waited. A chat window popped up on my screen.

"hello sweetie"

I took a deep breath, and typed back.

"hi Mom. long day?"

"oh yeah. I thought this meeting would never end"

"I was starting to get a little worried"

"really? that's sweet of you. but no, nothing more dramatic than work. boring work, even"

":-)"

I paused, a little surprised. Somehow, I hadn't pictured that conversation to go this way. First, I had imagined embarrassing moments, face-to-face, as we discussed how serious that was and how we would deal with it and put it in the past, and all those sorts of ready-made sentences that grown-ups use when they have to deal with "issues". And second, I certainly hadn't envisioned this exchange to be this... natural. Or simple. In fact, it reminded me of my previous chats with Mom, when I didn't know who she was. Our conversations had always been this natural, chatting about the little things in each one's day, and then seamlessly shifting to more sensual topics. This was perplexing, to say the least. Another message from her flashed on the screen.

"so what were you doing?"

"nothing much. just looking at the news, checking my email... wasting time, you know"

"I see"

"to be honest, I was waiting for you to come home"

"really?"

"yeah. for... our discussion"

":-) that sounds so dramatic. so, how do you propose we go at it?"

"erm, I don't know. I've been thinking about it all day, but... I'm not sure"

"what is it you're not sure about?"

"where to start. you know, I'm so sorry about what happened, and..."

"I'm sorry too"

"... and this is all so embarrassing"

"I know"

"what should I do, Mom?"

"hm, do you want an honest answer?"

"sure"

I held my breath as she was typing her reply.

"well, first you should probably change your chat picture :-D that would be a good place to start"

I blushed bright red, and displayed the chat pictures that I usually kept hidden (they took up far too much place for no real use during a sustained conversation). And indeed, there was my "special pic" that I had put up for her when we were chatting. It was a picture I had taken while fooling around, of my hard cock poking out of a Häagen Dasz Magnum wrapping. and I had shared it with her at some point in our past sessions, and she had liked it ("her favorite flavor, especially with the creamy topping", she had said, and that had turned me on incredibly), and I had put it up as a playful gesture. But that had been before, and all of a sudden this reminded me of the things we had said and shared and traded and my mouth turned dry with the realization. "Damn!" I mumbled, and scrambled to try and change it as fast as I could. She typed some more.

"and I should change mine too, I suppose :-)"

I looked up to check out hers - as I said, I didn't see much use in those pics, usually. While hers wasn't as explicit as mine, it showed quite a plunging view of her cleavage. I remembered liking this shot and commenting it (along the lines of a perfect nest for my little bird, or something like that - at the time, it sounded witty and sexy, really). A few minutes later, our avatars were back to Microsoft standard issue, a yellow flower in her case, and a couple of chess pieces in mine. I started typing again.

"sorry for that. I had completely forgotten about this picture, and... I guess that's not the end of the embarrassment I'm going to have to face about all this situation"

"that's okay, sweetie. I guess we just have to adjust a little"

"you make it sound so easy"

"we have to move onward, there is no point in delving into the past"

"I suppose you are right" I sighed.

"good. now it's getting late, and tomorrow's looking up to be another long day for me"

"same here. have a good night, Mom"

"good night, sweetie"

And she logged off. I stayed for a long time in front of the now blank computer screen, lost in my thoughts. Of course she was right. There was no point in reviving the things we had done, we had to put them in the past where they now belonged. And luckily, we had managed to stop before anything irreparable had been done. It had all been a virtual affair anyway, and now it was going back to the nothingness of the Internet. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... electrons to electrons. I stretched, stiffled a yawn, and decided I should head to bed too. I turned of the screen, and called it a night.

The following days marked the return of our normal life. I suppose we both were secretly thankful for the busy schedule we had to face, as it took our minds off that unfortunate event, and got us focusing on more concrete and pressing issues. Oh, there were still a few awkward moments on my part, and I did blush my fair share. But all in all, things were better, and it all started to feel like a bad dream - the kind you still remember as being scary, but which potency fades away with time. The week passed, and while I timidly got back to the dating sites I had been using before, I didn't see my mother online. Which was just as well.

The next Monday, Mom told me she would be gone for three days on a business seminar. I reassured her, telling her I should be able to survive without her providing there were enough pizzas in the freezer and that the microwave worked well. And when she left on Tuesday morning, I was ready to try and make the best of those three days - by being a total slob. I knew how I would spend those two evenings on my own: most certainly wolfing down slices of pizza, washing them with some beer, and wasting my time on the chat or porn sites. I suppose I had finally moved on, and I was back in the game.

And so, around nine in the following evening, I was already trying to hook up with a few ladies (without much luck), all the while checking out the new videos uploaded on YouPorn. Messenger piped in - I gasped. Mom was online.

"hello sweetie"

I stared at the words on the screen for a long minute, not really knowing what to think. We both had other ways of communicating than using those specific accounts. In fact, I had more or less assumed that moving on meant leaving those behind - at least, the fact that she hadn't used it after our last conversation had led me to this conclusion. I took a breath, and replied.

"hi Mom. how was your day?"

"tiring. I'm beat"

"already? it's not even nine. shouldn't you be socializing, or whatever you do in those seminars?"

"tell me about it. those guys seem to be interested in socializing with their Blackberry, and that's all"

"aww"

"it's the Blackberry or the bottle of whisky. I didn't know you could get that wasted in so little time. so I decided to get back to my room and have a little me-time. how's your evening going?"

"it's okay"

"doing anything special?"

"not really. checking my mail, that kind of things"

"oh - am I interrupting anything?"

"no, don't worry. things are pretty quiet around here"

"so far"

"what do you mean?"

"come on, sweetie, I know how it is. ;-) I won't bother you much - you need your me-time too. but I wanted to say hi, that's all"

"well, thank you, Mom"

"have a nice evening. talk to you soon"

"you too, Mom. have a good night"

"good night, sweetie"

And she logged off. Well, that sure was unexpected. I knew that Mom had taken her laptop for the seminar, but - but why would she turn on Messenger for any reason? Either she wanted to chat with me, and then she had other ways to contact me than this particular one, or she was looking for something else. And maybe her hinting at my "me-time" and what I was doing online was nothing more than the expression of her own inclination for the evening. Seems we both had moved on.