A Family Vacation: what a brilliant idea. I only got two weeks off a year, and I was spending one of those weeks in a cabin in the Olympic Mountains with my Mom and Dad and my two older brothers. And it was still raining.
It was Sunday morning, and our parents and Jessie had gone to church, and wouldn't be back before noon. Stefan and I were left by ourselves in the cabin, with nothing much to do with ourselves. It might have been fun to go for a hike, but it was pouring outside. The others had taken the car, so it wasn't as if we could escape into town either. There wasn't even a tv in the place. Fortunately I had brought a good book.
"Have you ever had sex with a guy Andrea? I mean, are you a virgin?" Stefan asked me, right out of the blue. He was lounging on his sleeping pad on the cabin floor. I was sitting on the bed.
"Heck no" I answered without even thinking "What, are you kidding?" I was twenty-two years old at the time; I had lost my virginity at the age of sixteen in the back of my then boyfriends' dad's range rover.
Then the thought occurred to me. "You're not, are you? A virgin?"
Stefan was two years older than me. Growing up, he had always been overweight. When he was seventeen, he had weighed almost 300 pounds. I guess he hadn't had any girlfriends in high school. And he had always been really shy, more likely to be reading a book or playing computer games than hanging out with other kids. But he had lost a lot of weight in the last few years, and had really shaped up into a good looking guy. Besides, he'd been to college. Wasn't that what college was for, so that nerds could have sex?
"Well" he said blushing and putting down his book "Sort of."
"What do you mean, 'sort of'?"
"Uh... completely, totally."
"You mean you've never even fooled around with a girl?"
"No"
"Why?"
"I was just curious... You being a dyke and all."
I had come out to my family about a year ago. My parents didn't want to hear about it; they were probably hoping it was just a phase that I would grow out of. Our older brother Jessie had been most visibly upset by the news; only Stefan had been supportive. But then me and Stefan had always been buddies.
"No that's not what I meant" I said "Why haven't you had sex? Why haven't you at least fooled around with a girl? You haven't gone and gotten religion on me have you?"
"No" he said "Nothing like that. It's just that... Before I was always too... heavy and too shy. One time in the sixth grade, I think a girl liked me, but I didn't know what to do, so I was a jerk to her. I guess I was really immature at the time."
"Stefan, everybody's immature in the sixth grade."
"Anyway, I've never gotten over being shy. I still feel like I'm fat and ugly. I can't talk to women. I guess I'm afraid of them."
"You're talking to me. And I don't think you're ugly. You're not afraid of me, are you?"
"You're my sister Andrea, that's different."
"There's no reason for you not to be having sex Stef. You're smart, you're sweet, you're good looking. Just about any girl would be happy to jump in the sack with you Bro."
"Do you really think so?"
"Hell Yeah, of course I think so. In fact, maybe I could help you out."
"What do you mean?"
"I bet I have a bunch of girlfriends who would be happy to sleep with you."
"Really?"
I went through my mental rolodex, trying to think of all my straight friends. All of a sudden it didn't seem like I knew any who were single: Rosa had gotten married last summer, and Julia had just hooked up with a steady boyfriend. Bridget... well, I wouldn't sic her on my poor innocent brother.
"I'm sure I can come up with someone." I bluffed.
We went back to our books. Outside, the rain fell steadily, a long, gray, soaking blanket of water. The sound of the rain on the roof of the cabin was relaxing, almost hypnotic. I couldn't concentrate on my book. I had had no idea that Stefan was still a virgin. We told each other everything. Almost everything, I corrected myself.
The idea wouldn't quite go away. It was like an annoying little gnome tapping on the back of my head. Why the hell not anyway? Well, there were plenty of reasons actually. One was that I already had a great girlfriend, a Korean girl named Kee who was waiting for me back in Brooklyn. For another thing, it would be incest, an activity I mentally attributed to hillbillies, old world royalty, and people from South Jersey. This was my brother I was thinking about. And hadn't I given up on cock? I hadn't been with a guy in, what? Three years now.
"I stopped masturbating" Stefan said, right out of the blue. I realized that I hadn't turned a page in a long time.
"What did you just say?" I asked, putting down the book that I hadn't been able to focus on anyway.
"I decided to stop masturbating until I can get laid" Stefan said "Kind of a motivational tool."
"Are you serious? How long has this been going on?"
"About four months now."
"Jesus Christ! I can't imagine. How do you do it? I mean not do it?"
"It was really hard at first. I was used to jerking off all the time. But once I got into the habit of not doing it, it wasn't so bad." He paused "I've started having wet dreams again."
"I admire your willpower" I said, sitting up on the bed "But we have really got to get you some sex."
The wind lashed a squall of rain against the cabin window. We both jumped. Outside, the pine trees were whipping and swaying in the wind. The storm was getting more intense.