A Mother's Sin

Introduction: A Mother's Sin - My excuse

These events took place in November 2013, less than a year ago...even now, these events seem surreal. I struggle to accept the fact that I committed this sin. But I must face the fact that I did allow my son into my bed.

My excuse

My mind wanders frequently; often in ways I do not intend, or want. I do not know if I am unique or not, but on occasion, I find myself thinking about things that society deems highly inappropriate. These things involve my only son, Gary.

When I allowed myself to explore inappropriate fantasies, I used do so with the strong belief that these were only fantasies; I would never actually act upon them. Further, I was comforted by the belief that in the real world in which I live, I knew I would not be tempted to act out any of these perverse desires that haunt my subconscious because I believed I would never actually be placed in a situation that would allow me to act inappropriately with my son. As you will see momentarily, I was wrong.

Fate is unpredictable and, on occasion, cruel. So as you read my story, I ask you to try to refrain from judging me too harshly. It was an unexpected and unplanned set of events that lead to my most heinous sin, and my demise. It was an avalanche of emotions associated with my father's unexpected illness and his imminent death, the unwise decision I made to drink with my son to alleviate my sense of loss, and being thrust into the unusual situation where I was forced to share a hotel room with my son, that combined to drive me to cross a line that I never intended to cross.

I never expected or intended to do the things that I did. Before judging me, you should realize that perhaps you too could make grievous mistakes if placed in the 'wrong situation', with the proper (or perhaps I should say improper?) emotional state of mind.

I am not proud of what I did; but this is my story nonetheless.

Chapter one - the intimacy starts

I was sitting at my desk when I received the call from my step-mother; my father had a stroke. Dad was in very serious condition and was not expected to live long. Lorraine told me, that if I wanted to see him alive again, I should make haste and get to Santa Fe, New Mexico.

I was numb. Although, it had been over a year since I had seen Dad, I spoke with him at least once a week, often more frequently. He and I were close.

Of course, objectively speaking, I knew that he was eventually going to die; we all do; but he had been healthy and vibrant the last time I saw him. I did not expect a call like this for many, many years. I was in great of a shock and really did not know how to respond.

I arranged to pick up Gary, my only son, at his high school and then headed home to pack for the trip. Gary was a few weeks past his 18th birthday, and was in his senior year in high school. Gary and I had been very close since his father and I divorced nearly a decade earlier. We had a bond and an emotional closeness that is difficult to express in words.

We packed quickly and left our home shortly after lunch for a multi-day journey to see my father before it was too late.

It was after 1:00 p.m. when Gary and I headed out of Chicago in my Honda Civic on I-55 on our trek. Dad and Lorraine (my step mother) had retired to Santa Fe years ago and it was quite a trip from Chicago to see them. It would take us three full days of driving. Gary and I would share the driving.

As we drove, we talked about dad, our family, Gary's and my closeness. I cried some and laughed some. In my emotionally needy state, I felt even closer to Gary than usual. At the time, it did not feel wrong to lean on Gary the way I did. In fact, our closeness seemed natural and appropriate.

It was almost 9 p.m. when we pulled off the road for the night outside St. Louis, looking for a place to spend the night. Since the trip was completely unplanned, we did not have reservations. We went to three different motels before finding one with vacancies; a Holiday Inn Express which did not have any rooms with two queen beds, only rooms with single king beds. I really could not afford separate rooms.

As I was traveling with my teenage son, this presented an awkward situation; however, we were both exhausted and were far too tired to get back on the road and continue to look for a more suitable sleeping arrangement. Gary & I agreed we could share a king size bed tonight under these circumstances. I bought a bottle of cheap merlot wine from the convenience store in the lobby, thinking that I could use a little help getting to sleep to night.

We went to the room. I took a shower, dried my hair and came to bed wearing a t-shirt and my panties. I was not overly matronly, but neither was I wearing anything revealing or overly provocative. I exited the bathroom to find Gary lying on top of the bed in his boxers without a shirt; he watching TV. I was immediately impressed with the nice physique my son had now. He had nice muscle tone; his chest and arms were developing nicely. I also noticed his 'package' in front of his boxers bulged slightly, indicating that he was developing nicely there too. I must admit, I took some degree of pride in the fine looking young man my son had become.

Gary's father was a big man, about 6 ft 4 inches tall and 225 pounds. One the other hand, I was a small petite woman, 5 ft 4 inches (if I stretched), and about 115 pounds. Gary favored his father, he was slender, but had grown to 6 ft 3 inches and was approaching 200 pounds. He had broad shoulders, muscular arms, and a nicely developed chest. No question about it, Gary was going to be very popular with the girls once he got over his shyness. In a somewhat perverse way, I envied the young women that I knew Gary would sexually ravage and pleasure some day soon.

As I confessed earlier, at times while masturbating, I would fantasize that I was a young girl and Gary was taking my virginity. It seemed like a harmless fantasy at the time.

I opened the bottle of wine and poured myself a sizeable glass of the burgundy colored nectar that I hoped would relax me enough to get some sleep. I climbed on the bed next to Gary and sipped my wine.

"Mom, can I taste that?" Gary asked.

I handed him the glass and watched with interest. He sipped the merlot, and nodded appreciatively. I then asked, "would you like a glass?" He nodded. I saw no harm, so I poured him a glass and refilled my own glass.

We spent the next hour or so, talking and together we consumed the bottle of wine. Gary got a little gabby and frisky with the two glasses of wine he had. I could feel myself becoming slightly light headed from my third glass; usually my limit is two.

It was after 10:30 p.m., when I declared it was time for 'lights out'; we needed our sleep. We climbed under the covers, each staying on our own side of the bed in the eerie silence of the darkness. Then the enormity of my father's stroke, and his impending death hit me, and I began to cry. Although I tried to be silent in my tears, Gary sensed that I was weeping.

"Mom, are you OK?" he asked with genuine concern.

"Oh, I will be. I am just upset about your grandfather." I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. I turned on my side, my back to my son, and continue to cry.

Gary rolled over next to me, and placed his arm around me, comforting me. I welcomed the contact as he slid behind me, spooning me. I was not dating anyone at the time and it had been many months since I had enjoyed the comfort and intimacy of a man's touch. I missed it, a lot.

My thoughts were completely innocent up to this point. Gary's strong arm draped around my shoulders, and gently massaged my upper arm and I snuggled back into my son's chest and abdomen.

Gary 's strong, but gentle contact seemed to trigger an emotional release within me. I started crying harder, weeping, as much chest heaved slightly in uncontrollable sobs.

Gary held me tighter, trying to calm me. I needed his comfort and contact at that moment. We cuddled and I accepted this innocent and emotional comfort and physical contact for several minutes; enjoying the closeness that my son and I shared.

Suddenly, I felt his penis throb to life against my backside. The first pulse was so slight, I was not sure what it was. But seconds later, another, firmer pulse pressed against me, and I was certain; Gary's penis was growing erect as he held me.

That's right, my son was starting to get a boner as he held me while I cried!

I froze. I did not want to embarrass or scold him. After all, 18 year old boys are infamous for getting unwanted, almost perpetual erections at the most inopportune times. I did not know what to do. I did not want to encourage his growing excitement, but above all, I did not want the contact to stop. So I pretended not to notice the throbbing penis pressing against my ass.

I laid there motionless and silent as I experienced my son's erection growing firmer, and larger against me. Neither Gary nor I spoke for several minutes as he held me, but I was aware that he was growing fully erect as he cuddled with his mother. But his erection was now unmistakable.

I wondered, could my 18 year old son be so naïve that he could possibly think I am not aware of his throbbing hard-on pulsing firmly against my buttocks? I felt my heart pounding in my chest from the combination of fear and excitement as my son grew harder and larger with each progressive pulse of his penis.

Gary pulled away ever so briefly, and he reached down with his hand, placed it in his boxers, and he subtly adjusted himself, allowing his erection to point upward towards his naval, releasing some obvious discomfort his 'boner' was causing him. With this adjustment, he slowly returned his arm around me, pulled me close to him, pressing his hard cock into the crack of my butt. I was shocked to realized that his erection was outside the opening in the front of his boxers now, separated only by the thin cotton material of my bikini panties. Gary had placed his 'boner' through the slit in front of his boxers when he had 'adjusted' himself!

I was suddenly aware that my vagina was responding to this unnatural and improper contact with my son. I was aware that I was beginning to lubricate, and I could feel my clitoris growing erect. I could feel my pulse very distinctly in my engorged clit as Gary pressed himself into me.

I lay there, motionless, enjoying the closeness and intimacy of this sinful moment. God, it was difficult to resist grinding back into him. But with my vagina getting wet, my clit throbbing with each beat of my pulse, and my heart and mind racing; I successfully remained mostly motionless with Gary's youthful erection pressed firmly against the thin cotton material of my pale green panties which was covering my ass. I was so excited and so confused.

Although I knew it was wrong, I enjoyed this sinful contact with my teenage son. I convinced myself that if I did not acknowledge it, I could pretend it was not actually happening.

Finally, with the wine's assistance, I drifted off to sleep in the arms of my son, his erect penis pressed firmly into my buttocks. It was a wonderfully intimate moment that very few mothers will ever enjoy with their sons. And I was convinced then, as I am now, up to that point, I had not done anything too terribly wrong; I had committed no sin.

Hours later, from a deep sleep, I was awakened. Gary and I were still cuddled together, spooning with my butt pressing into his groin.

Somewhere from the depths of slumber, Gary tentatively started rocking his hips, grinding his cock against my ass. I could not determine if he was awake, or asleep.

At first, he started out pressing against me slowly, tentatively, in order to subtly to gauge my reaction. When I continued to ignore his actions, his humping became more pronounced and forceful. But I was not sure he was awake.

I knew then, as I know now, I should have broken off our embrace, and rolled away from my son. I know that I should stop this before it went any further. But somehow, I seemed powerless to move away; I did not feel I could break away from his embrace. I seemed frozen. The combination of the three glasses of wine, and my emotional neediness at the moment coupled with my arousal from this surreal situation somehow prevented me from doing what I knew I should.

My mind went wild trying to decide what I should do. I continued to ignore the humping, feigning sleep. I continued to lie there silently and motionless, pretending to be in a deep, deep slumber. However, Gary's movements were becoming too forceful for any non-comatose person to sleep though. There was no credible scenario that would allow Gary or me to actually believe that I was sleeping and not aware of him grinding his cock against me. But was he asleep? Or was I suddenly and innocently part of a teenager's wet dream? I really did not know.

I was becoming more and more aroused at this situation. I knew that Gary needed a release; a release he was driving closer and closer to achieving. I pressed my thighs together stimulating my own clitoris as he humped against my backside. His breathing was getting labored. I knew he was close to orgasm. I reached up took his hand that was draped around me and placed it on my breast. This was my first overt sin. Up until then, my crime had been a crime of omission, not moving away. Now I was becoming slightly complicit in an unnatural and sinful act between a mother and her son, encouraging my son to feel me up.

He found my erect nipple between his fingers and gently tugged at it. I pushed myself back against his hard penis and said ever so softly, barely at a whisper, "It is OK baby. Go ahead let yourself go. It is OK, I understand what you need. You can let yourself climax against me." I do not know if he was awake or not, or if he even heard me. I was speaking to myself as much as I was to my son. I wanted to share his orgasm with him. I needed to let my baby cum.

Then with a grunt and groan, Gary's entire body stiffened, and he pressed his erection hard against me. I could feel the distinct pulsing and throbbing of my son's erection as he released his seed against me. Suddenly, I felt wetness on my panties and lower back as his penis pulsed against me.

Believe it or not, as Gary shot his semen I pressed my thighs together tightly, squeezing my clitoris, and I had a small, but wonderful orgasm myself. I could feel my vagina spasm as my juices leaked into the now very wet gusset of my panties. I moaned into my pillow as my climax shook my core.

"That's it baby, let go!" I whispered as I felt his warm semen soaking my backside. I pressed myself back against him, relishing the warm semen soaking my lower back and buttocks.

Suddenly, Gary seemed to stir to consciousness, and pulled away from me. "Oh god, I am sorry mom...I must have been sleeping...I am so sorry..."

"It is OK baby. I was asleep too. I guess the emotions of grandpa just got the better of us. It is fine, normal reaction for a young man your age. Just go to sleep now." I tried to reassure him. "It is OK, you did not do anything wrong, baby. I'm not mad. Just go to sleep now."

I rolled away slightly, trying to process what had just happened between my son and me. My backside was wet with his semen. My pussy was still wet with my arousal. The small but pleasurable climax Gary had triggered in me filled me with some guilt, but I also felt fulfilled, loved, and at peace. And yes, I was more physically satisfied than I had been in years.

I was torn and conflicted. I wanted to savor the moment, but I also wanted to pretend nothing had happened between Gary and me. I was aroused and guilty. I never intended for anything like this to happen, ever.

However, it was not too late. I could ignore this event and pretend it never happened. If I had the will power, it could be a special memory that I cherish, but something that goes no further than it has. Oh God, I prayed that I had the strength to resist the temptation of allowing Gary into my bed a second time.

I reached behind me, and I touched the large mess of semen on my ass. I scooped up a large dollop with my fingers. And then I slowly brought my fingers to my nose; I could smell the aroma of his fresh sperm. I drifted off to sleep savoring my son's most intimate scent as I held my semen drenched fingers slightly away from my nose.

A Mother's sin - Chapter two: The next morning...