There's a primal force of nature that means there's a very special kind of love that exists purely between a mother and her son, a bond between them like no other, especially if the son is her firstborn. I have that love for Andy my son. A love that means I will do or say anything for him, protect him, love him unconditionally, teach and educate him.
I'm sure that a similar type of love exists between a father and daughter, all-be-it more of a protective nature. It seems to in our family. Whilst I have always done "girly" things with my daughter Lauren, and Andy has done all the usual "man" things with my husband Frank, there seems to be a different connection between Lauren and Frank than between Lauren and me, and that goes the other way. Andy has always been closer to me than Lauren is, not that I have favourites or love Lauren any less, and neither has Frank, we both love both our children unconditionally, but!!
Now that special love for Andy was to be tested; enhanced and deepened in the most extreme way. I was about to cross the border from emotional love into physical love for my son. I was flat on my back, legs spread wide open allowing him to see my sex and to have easy access to it. His body was raised above me and he was about to penetrate me for the first time. His rock hard and throbbing cock poised at the entrance to my already wet and expectant vagina, my inner core and most sacred place, the place that is the very essence of a woman.
What greater love can exist between a mother and her son than that, ignoring her own reservations of sin, guilt and morality she surrenders her body to him. To teach and educate and console him?
It had all started about half an hour ago when Andy had arrived home earlier than expected and was very morose, silent and withdrawn, far from his normal exuberant, confident, self.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" I asked him.
"Nothing!"
"Yes, there is, it's not hard to tell and I can read your moods like a book, so what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I've told you." A pause, I knew if I waited he would tell me more.
"What?" sulkily. "Why have you got that look on your face as if you don't believe me? Nothing's wrong!" Stroppy teenager voice to the fore.
I did have a quizzical look on my face, I knew it always worked with him, eventually, he would crack and tell me what was troubling him, like I say we have that special kind of understanding and love. He knows he can confide in me.
"Nothing, fine. I don't believe you, but if you don't want to talk about it, fine, but if you do, I'm here. Don't forget I'm your mum, you can tell me anything, I won't judge you. Well not that much." I ended with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
"It's Fiona," my heart sank, Fiona is his new girlfriend and they seem so right for each other, and he seems so in love and infatuated with her, and she seems so sweet. "She said I'm...No mum, I'm sorry, I can't tell you." A look of despair and desperation etched on his face, it broke my heart and at that moment I was ready to kill Fiona, for whatever she had said or done to hurt my son. A lioness ready to protect her cub.
I moved closer to him, almost cuddling him like a little boy, even though he is a six foot one inch tall, nineteen-year-old. Wide shoulders and powerful chest, strong and handsome like his dad, brown hair cut short with a firm jaw and brown sensitive eyes.
He seemed to shrink inwards and deflate as I held him, stroking his hair as I held his head close to me. "Go on, tell me what's wrong, it can't be that bad, maybe I can help."
"Mum, there is no way you can help. No way on earth you can ever help. I can't ask you to help on this, I don't even think I could get dad to help on this."
Intriguing and worrying!
"Oh, try me, there's lots I can do, and I will do anything to help you, you know that."
"Mum, I can't; it's just too embarrassing, and there is no way you can help, believe me."
"Let me be the judge of that," I said taking on the stern mother role now as cajoling didn't seem to be having the desired effect.
After a long silent pause filled with tension, he said, "Well you asked for it. Fiona says I'm no good in bed. I'm a terrible lover."
Shock obviously registered on my face as Andy continued, "I told you it was embarrassing, and that you could never help me."
The shock wasn't that Andy and Fiona were having sex, that I had expected and been aware of for some time now. Frank and I had both been very open with Andy and Lauren from an early age, and after having "the talk" with Lauren at fourteen I had arranged for her to go on the pill, not encouraging her into sex, just to be sure no unwanted pregnancies occurred, but stressing she should always use other protection for health reasons. I know Lauren had waited until just before her eighteenth birthday before her first time. So sex between my son and his girlfriend wasn't unexpected, what was a shock was that Fiona didn't rate my sons' performance.
"Oh, so what does she say, and how does she judge you," I demanded in a soft and gentle, none judgemental voice, but anger just hinted at in the background.
"Mum, I can't tell you that," Andy replied sheepishly, "it's bad enough as it is."
"So an eighteen-year-old girl thinks you're no good in bed! How does she know?" I replied letting the anger show now. Fiona could destroy Andy's confidence with her comments. I was getting more and more annoyed and was aware that I was willing to do anything to restore that confidence, and it was already in the back of my mind that that anything could encompass the physical.
"She just said, I'm no good, not as good as Stuart her last boyfriend was."
That I couldn't believe Stuart is just a wimp. Fiona must be playing some other game, or maybe Andy was. No, it was Fiona, the look on Andy's face told me he wasn't lying or trying to trick me. He was devastated and so embarrassed.
Instantly I knew what had to be done, but could it be done, could I do it? Before giving myself time to think I spoke.
"Well; I suppose we'll have to get a second opinion on that won't we. From an experienced woman, not a young girl, a woman who knows what she's doing and what to look for," I blurted out, "a woman who knows how to please a man, a woman who knows what to look for in a man as a lover."
"What? Mum, what do you mean?"
"Maybe it's not you, maybe it's Fiona, there's only one way to find out."
"What???"
Knowing what I had hinted at and what I now had to do, I wasn't sure if I could do it. I was contemplating having sex with my son, full-on sex. I wasn't sure if I could. The physical aspect didn't worry me in the slightest, as I've already said, Andy is a strong good looking boy, almost a fully grown man. No, what worried me was that I would be cheating on Frank my husband, in the most inappropriate way, and that what I was thinking of doing was incest.
Crossing a moral line, "lying with my son" as the bible puts it. Breaking a taboo. We are taught that a mothers role is to guard and protect and help her children, not seduce them. But as a mother I knew that at that moment Andy needed my help in a very special way, and if it meant that I crossed a moral line or broke a taboo, then so what. I was performing a mothers role and to hell with convention and morality. I was even prepared to risk my marriage to help my son. For my love for my son.