While everything had been happening with Kayla and Sienna, Amber had been falling headfirst into the deep end of opiate addiction. Heroin was now being shot into her veins daily, and her appearances around the house were getting fairly limited as she holed herself away in the master bedroom and nodded out. While I was feeling a little overwhelmed with how much was going on, I knew that I needed to pay her some attention and make sure that she wasn't heading straight for an overdose or worse.
After fucking Kayla for a second time that day I went back to our bedroom to check up on my beloved wife. I pressed the slightly ajar door open cautiously to reveal a sleeping Amber, which wouldn't be so strange at a quarter to eight in the evening if I wasn't sure that she'd barely moved all day--or make that all week.
She looked more drawn out than usual, and she appeared to have lost some of the fulness in her cheeks as they appeared a bit gaunt. Her skin had lost a bit of that ivory quality in favor of a more waxen shade that appeared a bit sickly covered in small beads of sweat. Her hair, much like Kayla's, certainly hadn't gotten much attention over the course of the week and was matted to her scalp in a couple of places. Her lips, normally bee-stung and wine colored, looked like they'd been partially drained of color and didn't have the same plumpness--instead showing a fair bit of texture and dehydration.
If I hadn't just dumped successive loads into Kayla, I would not have been able to resist ravaging her. And it wasn't just her physical appearance that turned me on, but the scene surrounding her. Cotton balls dotted with blood or the remnants of heroin, an ashtray that had overflowed onto the bedside table and spilled ash and cigarette butts on the small white doily beneath the small lamp, a medical tourniquet left on the bed beside her arm--it was all on display haphazardly. Even more egregious was the spoon, lighter, and needle sitting next to a bag of black tar heroin out in plain sight.
These were risks and oversights that a more sober, and more 'in control' Amber simply wouldn't make--especially not with the plan for Kayla going so well. She wouldn't leave this stuff for her to stumble over at this critical juncture, she was usually laser-focused on the endgame and while prone to being very impulsive--never lost sight of the goal.
I had to admit that I wasn't monitoring her use as much as I probably should have been. The result of having a hedonistic fiend as a wife meant that she was prone to throwing all caution to the wind and indulging far beyond what could be called safe--if you could even classify the use of intravenous heroin safe in any capacity. I shuddered to think about the state of our savings account, which before Sienna had appeared in our lives was quite healthy. I knew that the money had to be coming from somewhere, and Sienna had been neglecting her duties as a paid whore for Kevin.
I tried putting all that out of my mind for a moment while I sat on the bed next to Amber and caressed her cheek. I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, suddenly becoming overwhelmed with my love for her and appreciation of her being in my life--as perilous as it could be at times. She didn't stir, and it was as if she were in a coma. I looked at her chest just to make sure she was still breathing and was thankful to see it rising and falling slowly. In fact, I noticed that it was quite shallow too.
I never went anywhere without Narcan, and in the event of an overdose I knew that I would be able to intervene if I caught it early enough. Sienna and Amber were also always in possession of or close to the stuff, which I confirmed by checking the small drawer in the bedside table. I looked again at Amber and tried to distinguish between the telltale signs of being a burgeoning heroin junkie and a life-threatening depression of her central nervous system. She wasn't blue, so that was something. Even still, just having the thought of her overdosing alone in our room reminded me of how careless I had been in my neglect of her lately.
It was hard; I was working full-time and being accosted by two nymphomaniac cokehead teenagers at nearly every turn. As incredible as that had been, it had pulled too much of my attention away from my soul mate. I'm sure she wasn't going to complain though, as she'd been able to hide within the hurricane of sex, drugs, and madness to indulge her love of being doped out of her mind. I knew that she would never have quit like she did if it weren't for how painful it had been to lose Sienna. She had been absolutely devastated and couldn't even think of that part of her life without feeling intense regret.
Now though, with her daughter back in her life and not falling far from the tree in any respect, she was unrestrained by the guilt and pain of her past to pursue her hedonistic appetite once more. I knew that it had grown to an insatiable monster that threatened to destroy her but being that she didn't seem to have the genetics for addiction it was never the same as the junkies that ended up on the streets--thankfully. It would likely be the same for Sienna, at least I hoped so, and that meant that by erecting some stout guardrails on this road to pleasure we could likely get to the very edge of oblivion without tumbling helplessly into it.
Kayla, however, was an unknown quantity. She had clearly come from an unstable home environment and was dating a coke dealer and smoking copious amounts of cannabis. She was clearly on the path to something potentially ominous even without our influence. Now, though, she was playing Russian roulette for sure, and we were staking it and facilitating it every step of the way. I didn't truly know what I wanted from the situation other than a progression of the current trajectory. I hadn't really, outside of heat of the moment fantasies, pondered my preferences for the long-term.
Did I want this girl to OD? Did I want to use her up until she was too drugged out and hollowed and then toss her on the streets? I sincerely believed that Amber and Sienna saw this as the endgame, but where were my motivations? I don't know if I could live with myself if she lost her life as a result of our machinations, but at the same time, it really wasn't up to me. No one held her down and forced her to start snorting cocaine, she was influenced by peer pressure but who wasn't? She was her own person and if she fell all the way down the rabbit hole simply because we showed her where it was, how culpable could I be for that?
I didn't know if I was trying to quiet my annoying conscience to follow my carnal desires as doggedly as my wife and daughter, or if I knew that no potential consequence was ultimately going to stop me, so I was preparing mentally for the possibility of trying to find peace in it. Either way, I wasn't going to solve this concern in the moment, so I relented to climbing up the bed and curling up next to Amber.
It was 3:23 a.m. according to my phone when I heard rustling next to me. The bedside table was on, and it was quite bright in the room despite the hour as I turned towards Amber and the rustling to see what was going on. Sienna was filling a syringe full of heroin from a cotton ball resting in a spoon while Amber looked on hungrily. I watched as the syringe filled above what I thought was a safe dose and then even further. They hadn't noticed me awake yet, so I resisted to the urge to ask what she was doing with such a big hit and instead continued watching.
Sienna continued the ritual and Amber began wrapping the tourniquet around her bicep just above the crook of her elbow in preparation. I watched in horror and amazement as Sienna slid the needle into my wife's arm and registered with a splash of red. Without hesitation she slowly and smoothly pressed the contents of the syringe into Amber's vein until the entire massive barrel of heroin was gone. I felt my heart pounding frantically as I warred with myself over what to do. Surely this was going to result in an overdose, but both women seemed to be oblivious or unconcerned.
"Was that too much?" I croaked finally, unable to resist any longer.
They both looked over to me, although Amber much slower and with a bit of shaking involved. They both smiled, wide toothy smiles that inferred they were quite pleased with themselves. Was I missing something here?
"Mom's a junkie whore and she can't get enough, I just gave her what she wanted," Sienna explained in a sultry tone.
My brow crinkled in concern, unsure of what I was witnessing. Was she trying to avoid culpability for the potential overdose she had just administered with that response? Before I could ask, however, Amber's spaced-out voice interrupted me.
"It feelsss so fuckinggg good baby," she moaned as her eyes went totally cockeyed.
This was the most fucked up I had ever seen her, and even when she had been going hard, I'd never seen her relinquish this much control. I was bordering on panic. Almost as soon as she finished speaking though, she was out. Her head slumped to the side, and she passed into the warm embrace of the heroin that was now filling her blood stream.
"Don't worry daddy, we have this," Sienna said, holding up the box of Narcan.
I watched as she opened it and removed the nasal spray, setting it on the bedside table after removing the packaging. I was, admittedly, a bit speechless. Having Sienna almost knowingly shoot her mother up with a potentially lethal amount of heroin right in front of me, and then act brazen about it was almost beyond my ability to comprehend. While trying to work this out Sienna sat on the edge of the bed near Amber and stared at her mother longingly.
"She looks so happy, I wish I could be her right now," she said softly.
