The next morning I was awakened by the loud horn of a police vehicle that was driving by. I did not open my eyes for a few moments but rather thought and felt about what had transpired only hours earlier. I felt uncomfortable yet content, confused yet sure of myself. I wondered to myself what mechanism had been put into place to have caused the total explosion of passion and lust between Helen and me.
I had slept alone on the couch in the living room. I assume that Helen was in her bed as I remember that she had told me that there were no classes for the day. I wondered if she had been awake at any time during the night and if she had been what she was thinking about. After we made love we said little to each other and she went to the bedroom and shut the door. I stayed up for a while and sat near one of the windows and stared outside and daydreamed. I replayed what had occurred again and again and found myself getting aroused as I stared at the nearly empty and dark streets.
I finally went to bed very late and now I was up and pondering the events of the previous night. I was aware that we had crossed a line into very dangerous territory. There was a feeling of regret and dread on my part. I did not want to spend the rest of my life in a vacuum without feelings.
I heard a noise and Helen opened the bedroom door and walked into the living room. She smiled as she walked over to me and held out her arms as she approached me.
She said, "Good morning." She then kissed the side of my face and gave me a huge hug.
I responded by saying, "Bon Jour!" I think that means good morning. (This caused her to giggle.)
She then said, "Are you hungry?" I said, "I am as hungry as a bear."
She then asked, "What do bears eat when they are hungry?"
I responded by saying, "Bears eat honey and do you have any honey that I can eat?"
Her face flushed slightly and she then laughed and said, "You can eat some honey later but how about a croissant and some coffee for now?"
Her response caused my negative previous thoughts to evaporate.
We walked to the local boulangerie (bakery) for a coffee and a croissant.
She wore a pair of worn jeans and a sweater. On her feet she wore a pair of dress boots with a heel. She had no makeup on and had pulled her hair into a ponytail. She looked a different type of spectacular from the night before. I had a pair of jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt. As we left the apartment building we automatically held hands as we walked.
We sat and ate and drank coffee. It was a continuation of the pleasant previous days as far as how we were with each other.
On occasion Helen and I would stop talking to each other and just look at each other. I wondered what she was thinking. I was not secure enough to ask her. There was a level of intensity but she was my sister so I tried to minimize what I felt. I felt like a racing car with the throttle wide open and at the same time applying the brakes.
I admitted to myself that I was in love for the first time in my life. It was such a heavy yet thrilling sensation. I wanted to scream it out to the world but thought better of it. How could I frame it if I did scream it out?
She looked at me carefully and spoke softly and said, "You are the Rolls Royce of lovers." She added, "If I never make love again I can die having been with someone as special as you."
I was at a loss for words. She said, "You do not have to respond, but know what I am saying is true."
She then giggled and whispered to me, "I had your come dripping out of me through the night and it has finally stopped. I need to have my supply replenished. Let's go back to the apartment."
We walked back to the apartment. After we entered the apartment, Helen accessed her e-mail and there was a message from Brad. Her mood changed. She looked angry.
She said, "Brad suddenly wants to know what I am doing. He said he had tried to call me the last five days but there had not been an answer. He wanted to know if I was being faithful. He said he wants to fly to Paris to see what is going on."
I could tell that the e-mail bothered Helen. She appeared as angry as I have ever seen her. On what had been the beginnings of another great day on Paris, there now was a cause to think and the thoughts were not pretty.
Maybe the good times were about to come to an abrupt end. This was from my perspective and I sensed from that of Helen as well. Maybe I was wrong but I had a strong sense that I was right.
There was little I could offer to her as what she should do or what she should do as far as Brad was concerned. She had to think this one through.
I found myself feeling very jealous but I would not show it. Any and all insecurities that I had came into the forefront now. I had no business telling Helen what she should do in her life. I had no right as her brother. Did I have any right to say anything because I was her lover? I had no answers. I do not believe that anyone could provide an answer to this dilemma.
My presence in Paris seemed to have caused Helen to shut out (for awhile) her thoughts and possibly her feelings for Brad. She had expressed a fantasy to me prior to leaving home of maybe getting engaged to Brad in Paris. I had a sick feeling that if Brad did travel to Paris then the marriage proposal might occur.
Not only was I fearful of the proposal but what her response might be.
I had placed myself in an emotional vise. I was in love with my sister but realistically there was nowhere to go with that love aside from sitting on the sidelines and watching how our lives would unfold.
As I thought about it there was little that Helen and I could do once we flew home. Every affair is eventually discovered and the fallout from ours would be a catastrophe to say the least.
Helen and I sat around the apartment. I had the sense that I should go for a walk and leave her alone for a while. When I told her I was going out and that I would be back later she gave me a sad smile but said nothing.
I walked to a small park nearby and sat on a bench and just felt as depressed as I have ever been in my life. My heart hurt. If I had someone to talk to there was no way I could express exactly what was ailing me and the circumstances regarding the ailment. I gave the term "lonely" new meaning.
I got up from the bench and went to a bistro called the Café Luxembourg. I sat outside at a table. I had a draft beer and did some people watching. Of course there were lovers holding hands and kissing and embracing that added to my emotional carnage.
I do not remember how long I was gone from the apartment. I slowly made my way back and rang the bell. Helen came to the door. She looked like she had been crying. As she preceded me up the stairway she reached back and grabbed my hand. We said nothing to each other.
She led me to the bedroom. She pushed me backwards onto the bed and took off all my clothes and then got into bed next to me. She then removed her clothes as well. We were on our backs looking at the ceiling in the room and we then turned and looked at each other.