I have accepted that I am basically two people. If you were to meet me, you would see a 53 year old man who has a well paying job, large home, and wonderful family. Yet under that, there is another me--a primal, haughty man of which I am most proud.
Why? I shall put it plainly: a mere three weeks after my eldest daughter turned 18, my dream was met and I started doing depraved things with her.
Yes, it's a cold thing to say, and an even colder thing to which to admit. And it might sound questionable, even despicable to add that she all but allowed me; I'll be the first to admit that I know how to manipulate her. Still, I know deep down she has enjoyed our time together.
I should start at the beginning. Laura has always been a sweet, caring, quiet girl, though recently she's ended up as a soft, curvy thing--having slowly but noticeably been gaining weight.
Naturally, that weight gain was a sign that her whole body was changing, much to my enjoyment. I noticed these things, despite the fact that she tried to wear loose and bulky clothing to cover it up. When no one was around, I would let my gaze linger, drinking up her wonderfully changing form. I got bolder: I started the habit of walking in on her while she was changing or getting out of the shower. That still wasn't enough: I wanted more.
Cold, wet, hard, hurting rain came one late October night in her senior year, three weeks after she turned 18, and I knew the time had come for more. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, with my wife out at a graduate class, and my son out with friends. Added to that, Laura was part of the marching band, and I knew they had been out in that awful rain for a few hours. When she came home, she was quite the sight: her hair wet and stringy, her whole body shivering, and her nipples clearly rock hard through her heavy sweatshirt. She told me she needed a hot bubble bath, and I smiled broadly.
The time had come.
From downstairs, I listened to the sound of her filling the bath, then a pause, then her stepping into the tub. I knew that she was now up there, feeling warm and naked and safe. I felt almost out of breath, trying to silently climb the stairs to the second floor. Then I was at the bathroom door; I needed to steady my breath. I closed my eyes, asking myself if this was truly a line I wanted to cross.
Eyes still closed, I confidently knocked on the bathroom door and heard my voice call out to Laura using my pet name for her: "Marshmallow?" Then my hand was on the door knob, my eyes alert, and I opened the door.
She was a spectacular, suds-covered sight. I heard a quiet answer, but my eyes were drawn to the floor. Not out of modesty, mind you, but the wonderful sight of her pile of clothes on the floor. My eyes stopped at her bra, drinking up the sight of her delicate, lacy, expensive pink bra. My little girl clearly was growing up.
And my confidence had fully returned. "Sweetie," I started with a caring and concerned voice, "I was concerned that you were cold. That you might get sick."
"Well... I'm in the bath, so...." Ah, she was so much like her mother; no real backbone to tell me to get out, but the ability to make a simple statement sound grouchy.
I ignored her hint to leave and kneeled down, getting close enough to her that she clearly felt uncomfortable. I, on the other hand, felt punch-drunk by being so close to this teenaged body, by seeing the soft luminescence in her young skin. I answered her, saying, "I know, Laura. I just don't want you overdoing your soak." I saw her turn red, and I knew I could exploit her weakness. I let authority pour into my voice as I added, "I'm going to grab the washcloth, then your bath will be over."
The washcloth was floating lazily in the water near her feet. I snatched it, unable to hide the growing smile. I picked it up and stared at Laura's beautiful face. She stared back, a quizzical look on her face. I saw that she truly thought she had misunderstood the situation, that she thought she was wrong about me wanting to cross some line. Her gaze made me feel guilty and unsure.
"Close your eyes, Marshmallow." I paused, just a moment. If she resisted in any way, now would be the time. I saw the flicker of indecision in her head... then her eyes closed.
She was mine.
Excitement flooded me, and I had to remind myself to go slow. I could still scare her off. I steadied my hand and softly ran the washcloth over my daughter's face. My head was still spinning as I watched the water flow down her cheeks, neck, throat, and shoulders, meeting the bathwater again.
"Good girl, good girl," I said softly, wanting to keep her calm. I put the washcloth back into the water, letting it soak.
Then, a wonderful moment that almost made my heart stop: Laura lifted her hands to wipe the water from her face. This made her chest rise out of the soapy water, and I took in a sharp breath. Her large, growing, teenaged breasts seemed to float without any regard for gravity, and the slightest edges of her dark pink areolas peered out from under the suds. She paused for a moment, realizing what had happened. By the time she had wiped her eyes and opened them, I was staring hard into her face. She shivered from a wisp of fear, and seeing that fear made me only the more determined.
I realized that I was still holding the water-filled washcloth. I brought it to Laura's chin, rubbing around her neck. It was a visceral feeling, being so close to her neck--I felt something rough and primal coming alive in me. I went around lower, this time from her shoulder, across her collarbone, then her other shoulder. I paused, wanting to race ahead but needing to pace myself.
I put the washcloth into the water for a third time. Softly, caringly, I said, "You know I love you very much... right, Marshmallow?" I was a bit surprised by the regret in my voice, the edge of sadness in my heart. For some reason, my mind flashed back to years earlier, when my wife and I had bought our innocent daughter her first bicycle. I shook my head. No, it was now, I wanted this now. I wanted her adult, growing body.
She nodded, knowing that I loved her. I exhaled and continued. "That I'd never..." I paused, thinking. I'd never hurt her? I couldn't promise that, for tonight or the future. "My love for you means I'll always protect you."
I brought the wet washcloth up from the water, squeezing it. We both glanced at it, knowing more was to come. I looked at Laura, and she nodded slightly. Was she nodded that she knew I'd always protect her? Or for me to continue? Or both?
I decided I simply did not care. I smiled my best fatherly smile. "That's my good girl." I brought the washcloth to her collarbone and started to move lower.
I tried to act calm, but I knew that in a few moments, I'd be touching her. I glanced at her face; she was staring straight ahead, almost trance-like. I continued rubbing lower, and then my hand was on the top of her left breast. I simply could not believe that the moment had come, that I was about to grasp the breast of my little girl. I quickly slid the cloth down, and through it I could feel Lauraβs entire large, pert breast. I gripped it, feeling its softness and weight, and I let out a deep, slow, satisfied breath.
The animal need to continue flooded me. I moved the cloth and my hand again, sliding to her right breast. I held it a bit softer this time, absolutely loving the feeling. I looked at Laura's face, and caught her closing her eyes. I looked at her for a moment--looked at her like a plaything or an object. Her face turned red. I wondered if it was from excitement or embarrassment. I realized that I enjoyed the idea that it was the second one.
Holding her puffy, wonderful breast, I was struck with an irony. I spoke, using her nickname. "You really are a marshmallow, Marshmallow." I lightly pulled up her breast, adding, "So sweet, so soft." I thought she would laugh, or at the very least smile, but she said nothing. I was not happy that she didn't respond. I added a firmness to my voice. "Right Laura?"