A Father-Daughter Day (and Night)

If you ask me, it's an unsettling sign of the times that the divorce rate amongst so-called Christian couples is higher than fifty percent and growing each year. Like, what is a statistic like this one telling us about our decaying moral values? Just think about it... I mean like less than half of all Christian couples stay true to the sacred vows they took before their families and God and it really bothers me. Not only is it an affront to God, but what sort of message are we sending to the non-Christian communities? Is it really any wonder why Christians are treated the way we are. I guess you could even say that we deserve it based on the hypocrisy that's become so rife within the ranks.

It's not just the religious implications but also the impact that divorce has on families as well. Indeed, as a teacher in a large public school I witness every day the results when I see the growing number of children who come from single-parent families - and I'm fortunate enough to be employed by an upper-income community where the "problems" of the inner city are supposedly minimalized. While exceptions certainly exists, anyone who's had any exposure at all to kids these days will tell you that as a general rule, having two parents is always better than one.

So what's led to this decline in family values? Well, everyone has their opinion in the matter and of course, so do I. No doubt I could probably write an entire thesis and barely scratch the surface so instead I'll just focus on what I consider to be one of the most critical features of a successful marriage - the firm establishment and understanding of roles and responsibilities. Although nothing can guarantee a marriage's longevity, I firmly maintain that without this crucial element that a marriage is almost certainly doomed to fail sooner than later. Even if it doesn't result in divorce, it might be better that the marriage DID fail based on what I've seen where couple don't separate.

Simply stating that roles and responsibilities are critical is the easy part. It would be impossible, or at least undesirable, to spell out everything that each member of a family should and should not do. Making it all the more complicated, no two families are exactly the same so it only makes sense that no two families would necessarily have the same assignments. Thus I would maintain that what is REALLY important is that each couple HAVE roles established and that they well understood. Of course, following them is pretty important as well.

Like most things in life, as important as roles and responsibilities are there's always the risk of going too far, especially when dealing with what are really trivial issues. Decisions regarding who takes out the garbage, who does dishes, etc. will almost certainly change over time. Really, so long as they don't lead to unnecessary bickering and fighting, who really cares? Indeed, as I've already stated I believe that there's a real danger of going TOO far when it comes to the establishment of responsibilities to where people feel like they're in boxed in.

OK... so when it's all said and done, by now I imagine any reading this is asking just what does all nonsense this have to do with anyone who might be considering incest? Well, if you were to ask me I'd tell you that that a successful marriage is a non-negotiable prerequisite to incest. As part of creating such a successful marriage, each partner needs to confirm that they've dealt successfully with the issue of family roles before taking any steps toward actually engaging in incest. Even if they have, the strain that incest can place on these roles can lead to quite severe and complex issues even if a solid foundation is in place so just imagine if one isn't!

When it comes to determining your roles in life, whether it be in marriage or at work or even amongst friends, it always helps to have a mentor. For me, as a daughter and a wife I've always tried to emulate my mom. After all, what better role model could a girl possibly ask for than her own mother? Thanks in no small part to my mom's firm convictions and broad understandings, my parents' marriage lasted more than 25 years before their unfortunate divorce. Even though in society's eye their marriage technically "Failed", the reason for their separation had nothing to do with their love for one another (indeed, they have remained best friends) but rather to the sexual addictions that my father was unable to contain. It's really no different than how an addiction to drugs or alcohol will typically lead to a divorce. Over the years weakness grew until eventually my mother was forced into a situation where she had to make a decision - to either totally compromise her most sacred ethical and moral beliefs or leave her husband of over a quarter century. I'm incredibly proud of my mom for having such strong moral convictions such that she was able to make such a terrible choice and in the end be absolutely certain that she made the correct decision. Hopefully I'll never have to face such a situation myself but if I should, at least I have her example to follow.

To summarize what I learned from my mother, and what I hope someday to pass on to my own daughter, is that in a Christian marriage the man is the head of the household. It is then the duty and responsibility of the woman to submit to the biblical authority of her man. (Please, let's not go off on a tangent regarding gay and lesbian couples, the same principles still apply.) Neither my mother or I had a brother so in our cases this applied to our fathers only but I know that someday if I have a son that he will assume his rightful place in our family authority structure when he enters puberty and becomes a man.

In the same manner my daughter will also learn to submit to our men as it's simply the proper thing for a daughter to do. Thus my daughter will be taught to do the same things which I did with my father, and that my mother did with her father before me - to submit herself wholly and completely to her father without question or hesitation.

Now before everyone jumps all over me, some clarification is needed because the subject of Christian submission is far too complex to be properly explained in just a few sentences. Thus I'll only cover the highlights to the extent necessary to allow people to gain a basic understand of my actions on this day.

First and foremost, as a daughter my ultimate responsibility is to my father (after God of course). The biblical top ten list (AKA The Ten Commandments) instructs us to honor our fathers and mothers. Therefore every father has a right granted by God to expect his daughter to honor him. What better way to do this than by submitting herself to him in whatever manner is necessary to satisfy his most basic needs and desires - assuming of course that he doesn't abuse his position of authority. What's "Necessary" is highly subjective as every man has different needs and attitudes. For some fathers it can be as simple as her being a good student, an athlete, to excel in the arts, etc.

However, ALL fathers are also men and ALL men by their very nature have sexual needs and desires which can sometimes grow beyond their control. For a father to have desires for his daughter is not only natural, it's to be expected. What IS unnatural is for a man to be expected to resist these "hard-wired" feelings that he has no control over and force them to remain buried and unfilled. To borrow from a common saying, "80% of fathers admit that they fantasize about sex with daughters and their friends. The other 20% are liars." Given our cultural attitudes, not to mention antiquated legal system, most men are left with only masturbation and fantasy as means to deal with these feelings.

The sad thing about this is that the moral and righteous men conform to these rules and laws and never go beyond the fantasy stage to the point they won't, indeed in many cases CAN'T, even admit to having them - not even to themselves. What that leaves are the perverted and immoral men who cave in to their desires and use incest as an excuse for child abuse, hence desecrating the entire principle and casting incest in a totally bad light.

While I will be the first to concede that it's rare, there will always be instances where a moral and righteous father cannot contain his needs and desires through simple masturbation and fantasy. In such cases it then becomes his daughter's duty and obligation to satisfy her father's needs in a manner only she can. Yes, in a perfect world this would occur in a loving and respectful family environment and when I refer to "true" incest, that's what I am referring to.

As I said, unfortunately the world is NOT perfect and there are perverts and sadists who twist God's word and use incest as an excuse for rape and abuse. Yes, technically and legally it's still incest but this is the sort of sick behavior that gives incest a black eye and results in the taboos and laws against it. Sadly, the immorality of the minority overshadows the goodness of the majority thereby forcing men who love their daughters and nieces to have to hide their actions or face retribution from those who cannot understand the difference between the actions of a pervert and those of a loving father.

When it comes to my relationship with my own dad, it's always been an example of "true" incest. My father has NEVER forced me to do anything I haven't been more than willing to do. Indeed, if anything I love knowing that I can please him and fulfill his needs and desires in a way nobody else in the world can, not even my own mother.

As you should understand by now, I don't personally believe a girl has to be the one to initiate anything with her parents in a sexual way. At the same time I DO believe that she needs to be prepared by her mother to be open to the idea such that if and when her father needs her she's ready. Some people crassly refer to this as "grooming" which I find personally offensive as it's usually intended to mean some sort of brainwashing is taking place to where a girl ends up doing something she does not really want to do. Indeed, I've had many people accuse my parents of this claiming that I must have been "groomed" by my parents until eventually we all had sex and I was so brainwashed by then into believing that it was the proper thing to do that I believed it was the right thing to do when it really wasn't.

Hogwash!

I'm not part of some commune and I'm independent enough and, if I can be so bold to say, intelligent enough to know by now that I've never been "groomed", brainwashed, or anything of the type. Everything I've done has been by MY choice as a responsible adult over the age of 18 and I take full responsibility. It's insulting to me and my parents for anyone to insinuate anything different.

When it comes to the daughter and her duties, it really doesn't matter what her mother wants (it would be different of course if I was talking about sons instead). In my case it was easier for my mom to prepare me because she had grown up herself in a sexual relationship with her own father. However, just because a mother doesn't have such a background herself is no excuse for not ensuring her daughter is prepared in the event she's called upon by her father to surrender herself to him.

All this leads me to the other person to whom most every girl will eventually submit - her husband. Just as with her father this has nothing to do with bondage, slavery or anything weird or perverted. It can be as simple as acknowledging his place as the head of their home and affording him the proper respect and actions he deserves. It could also mean providing sexual relief at a time when she's really not in the mood but knowing and acknowledging that his needs come first.

One point that's VERY important to stress - biblically-based submission is a two-way street. Yes, the woman is tasked with yielding herself to ALL of the men in her marital family (by which I mean father, son, grandfather, uncle, cousin) but at the same time a HUGE burden and responsibility is placed on them as well. The Bible not only tells a woman to submit to her husband, it also instructs the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Like wow, can anyone even really comprehend what that means? If anything I would say it puts more responsibility on the man than the woman! Thus for a man to abuse his wife or daughter or to force anything on them against their will or beliefs would be a blatant violation of the biblical responsibility that has been placed on him. Just because a man has AUTHORITY over his wife and daughter doesn't mean he has the RIGHT to do just anything.

That's where the line gets drawn between submission and abuse and to me it's pretty clear. For example, my father LOVES anal sex but he also knows that I don't. of course if he ever insisted I would allow him to fuck my ass without hesitation but at the same time I never worry about it because I know he respects me enough never to force me to make that choice in the first place. You see... it's a two-way street...

People often ask me if there's anything I've done in my life, at least sexually, that I regret. I honestly can say that from a sexual perspective that there's nothing I would take back if given the chance to do it over again. Indeed, my experiences, both the good AND the bad, are what made me who I am today. Without all of it who knows who I'd be today? Certainly not the Kelly people know me as.

Ironically, what I DO regret are the things I did NOT do. At the top of that list standing head and shoulders above the rest is not giving my dad my virginity. Yes, I know technically it wasn't my fault as he never told me that it was something he wanted before it was too late. Still, it tugs at my heart strings whenever I think about it. Next on the list would be not pleasing him even before I became sexually active in the ways I know now that he wished that I had. Again, like my virginity everyone is always telling me that I shouldn't feel guilty because my mother prevented my dad from doing anything like that. It's not that she physically stopped him but more like she just kept the situation from arising. Yeah, it's a fine line for a mother to straddle but she was pretty good at it! Still, it's hard to put that behind me. When you believe as strongly as I do about how a daughter should submit to her father then that's pretty much asking the impossible. Still, it's hard to admit I could be in college and still be so naive as not to not notice my dad's desires for me.

Of course in all fairness to me, as I mentioned, even when I had turned 18 I still didn't know that my dad even thought about such things concerning me. Yes, when I was home I knew that he looked at me the way most men did and he even would get hard when I sat on his lap or when he watched me masturbate but knowing that he WAS a man why would I be surprised that he would react same the way I saw other men react to me? Indeed, I loved it that lots of men stared at me, especially when I would wear something a little showy, and I could tell some of them got erections too. Still, it's not like they had sex with me even though I knew they must have been thinking about it. If anything, I probably would've wondered what was wrong with me if my dad had NOT reacted the same as other guys! All the same, my mother was always there telling me that it was one thing for a man to THINK about something but that didn't mean he would ever DO those things and the same applied to my father. OK, so maybe she misled me a little but it's important to note that she never actually STOPPED me from doing anything. Al she ever did was to just subtly prevent me from understanding what my dad REALLY wanted.

Thankfully I can now please my father and enjoying the feelings of contentment and fulfillment that can only come from a proper incestual relationship. Comparing myself to most girls I know, I strongly believe that incest with my father helped me to grow up more self-confident and at ease with myself by better understanding my roles as his daughter as well as the responsibilities that came with those roles. I never went through the "who am I?" stage - I KNEW. I was my father's daughter and nothing thrilled me more than to give myself to him in every way he wanted.

As I dated more seriously and started to think of marriage, I became more and more excited about the new role I would hopefully soon take on - that of being a wife. I knew from my mother's example that it wouldn't have any impact on my responsibilities as daughter but instead would actually add more meaning and fulfillment to my life. Not yet fully understanding things at that age, I expected and planned to be totally faithful to my husband which would mean stop having sex with men outside my marital family (thankfully blowjobs and such aren't technically sex!). Sure to some extent I felt a little trepidation at this change in lifestyle but at the same time I knew it would be replaced by my husband's love for me - a love like that of no other man. Indeed, I've always maintained that every man I have sex with I have "fucked". This even applies to my father. It's only when I have sex with my husband that I consider myself "making love".

Fortunately as things worked out my husband was more than anxious to share me with other men than to keep me locked away so my worries about having to scale back my sex life turned out to be unfounded. I guess you could say I now have the best of both worlds - a husband who adores me and takes every opportunity to please me while still having the freedom to enjoy the fun of casual sex with strangers.

While on the one hand it may seem that I have similar roles and responsibilities by submitting to my father and my husband, in reality it turns out that they're quite different. The basic underlying theme is the same - submission to their authority and needs but it's HOW I achieve those goals that has turned out to be a lot more different than what I'd expected. Given my grandfather had passed away years before I knew about my mother's incestual relationship with him but I never was able to witness how she dealt with it and have only her recollections to go by. Taking into account the incredible changes in our society and culture between her generation and mine, I doubt that even if I had it wouldn't have made much difference.

Fortunately, I eventually realized how much I wanted my father when I saw him making love to my mother for the first time when I was eighteen. Thus began a new phase in our relationship that has grown and matured to what we share today. Like any relationship it has changed and altered over the years but the basis behind it has never wavered. I am his daughter, he is my father, and I will do anything to please him and help him with the basic needs he requires as a man and a father.

It's important to note my words, "I am his daughter." If there's one thing I want to make perfectly clear, I am NOT my father's lover, girlfriend, friend with benefits, fuck buddy or anything perverted like that. I don't lust for him or crave sex with him just for the sake of my own needs and desires. The ONLY reason I ALLOW my father to fuck me is because HE wants to fuck me. I have never "seduced" my dad or in any way sought out sex with him other than to play out my role as a loving and willing daughter. Even when I role play for him like as a schoolgirl or maid, it's STILL me as his daughter and never like I was some other woman he was cheating on my mother with.

As I mentioned, as I've gotten older our relationship has matured and changed accordingly. I'm no longer a teenager and instead have become a twenty-something. Actually even at the age of eighteen I was beginning to move out of the age range of his interests. Still, being his daughter easily trumped the usual cutoff age for him. Regardless, I could definitely sense a difference as our sex life became more "Adult" - if that helps describe anything but it's hard to put it into words. Yes, I knew he loved fucking me as his daughter, but it was hard not to notice that I wasn't totally fulfilling that part of him that desired younger girls.