Everybody loves a surprise on Christmas, right? Well, youâre not going to believe the surprises I got this past Christmas. I donât believe it. Iâm only writing it down because, maybe then, it will seem real. Iâll tell one thing, though, home for the holidays will never be the same.
Let me tell you a little about myself. Iâm a 26-year-old guy living in Texas and I was heading home to visit my family in New York. Now, as anybody who truly celebrates Christmas will tell you, if theyâre honest, the âmost joyful time of the yearâ is a load of crap. The truth be know, it the most depressing time of the year. Anybody who says different is lying. And for me, this Christmas was even more depressing than usual.
First of all, I donât like flying. In fact, I hate flying and now I have to fly half way across the country to get to New York. To make things worse, I canât get a direct flight. I have to change planes in Atlanta. Second, I have to spend the holidays with my wacko family. This alone is enough to drive a person to suicide. And third, I just broke up with my girl friend. One day weâre madly in love and the next day she kicks me out on my ass for no good reason. She needâs time to âfind herselfâ she says and can we still be friends? I got enough friends as it is and she doesnât have to find herself, I know exactly where she is. Sheâs too wrap up in her own little fantasy world to be concerned with anybody else but herself, thatâs where the fuck âshe isâ. But I digress. Back to my story.
Iâm in Atlanta about to board the plane to New York when, who do I see but my cousin Lorraine (Surprise number 1). Now I havenât seen Lorraine in about 10 years. I remember my father had sent me south one summer to spend a week at his botherâs farm in Georgia. I was a horny 16-year-old and Lorraine was about 11. I spent the entire week trying to get into the pants of Lorraineâs older sister Diane. Diane and I were the same age and, let me tell you, youâve never seen a nicer set of tits on 16 year-old (or, for that matter, a 26 year old) than Dianeâs.
Lorraine tells me sheâs flying to New York to spend Christmas with my Folks. Her Parents and her sister are already there. Surprise #2, nobody told me about this. Lorraine suggested that maybe my parents want it to be a surprise.
We boarded the airplane and traded seats with some people so we could sit together and catch up on life, family etc.
We were drinking pretty heavily on the flight (remember, I hate flying) and getting a little drunk, when Lorraine says to me âRemember the last time you visited us and you spent the entire week trying to get into my sisterâs pants?â
âYou knew?â I asked.
âOf course I knewâ Lorraine replied, âI used to follow you two into the woods to spy on you making out.â
Lorraine nuzzles up to my ear and whispers âCan I tell you a little secret?â
I replied, "of course."
âI was so disappointed you didnât get to fuck Diane. I really wanted to watch you guys go at it.â
âWell maybe youâll get your chance this weekâ, I joked.
âI doubt itâ, replied Lorraine, âDiane is gay.â (Surprise #3).
âNo kiddingâ, I said, âyou know my sister Karen is also gay.â
Now Lorraine doesnât know it but sheâs about to drop surprise #4 on it and itâs a killer.
âI knowâ she says, âTheyâre living together.â
âWhoâs living together?â I asked.
âDiane & Karen, you didnât know?â
What a stupid questions. If I knew, would I be sitting here with this dumb-ass look on my face? It turns out that Diane had landed this job out in San Francisco and when she got to town she look up my sister who had moved out there the year prior. The two women started hanging out together, one thing leads to another, and, before you knew it they moved in together. In fact, they cooked up this whole family reunion because they didnât want to spend their first Christmas apart, and they couldnât tell their parents they were lovers.
I was really stunned over this. Not because my sister is shacking up with our cousin, you understand, but because Karen never told me about it. You see, Karen, is only a year and a half older than me and we shared everything together, and told each other everything. She was the first person I told when I lost my cherry; she even set me up with the chick. I remember the joy in her eyes when she told me about her first time with a woman. We even shared a lover once and joked about it because the chick thought she was putting one over on the both of us, meantime we planed the whole thing from the start. I couldnât believe she kept this from me.