A Changing Life

Authors Warning. This story contains a kiss shared between siblings. Although it is brief, this is a fair warning for those who don't like that stuff. There is no sex in this part as I'm still developing the story.

*****

Have you ever had the feeling where no matter which way you went, there was a feeling that somebody was watching you, burning holes through you with their eyes? Well that feeling for me has become a reality. Ever since I've received that velvet green box for my birthday, it seems as if the box was watching my every move, no matter which room I entered. It's like being trapped in a circular room with no windows and no doors. There's no escape. I have to close my eyes when near it at an attempt to shut it out, but my nightmares have etched it in my head long ago like an old painting.

There is also a nagging curiosity tugging at my well-being, begging me to open the box, persuading me to face my fears, telling me that dreams are an imagination the sleeping mind plays to remain active. Yet there is that feeling of somehow there's a weird familiarity, like I'd seen this box before in my past. I just couldn't place it.

Lying on the couch that night, Lizzy entered the room and plops down on top of my legs giving me a sympathetic, yet quizzical look.

"Can I help you," I asked in an almost joking tone. I wanted to hide my recent qualms from everybody, especially Lizzy.

She looked at me without answering, and after moments of silence, she smacked me hard on the chest. "You never came to say our prayers. I waited and waited, and here I find you about to fall asleep without coming to see me." Lizzy said with a pout followed by another smack.

"Oh sorry," I said while rubbing the spot on my chest where she hit me. "I have a lot on my mind that I need to sort out."

I winced at that statement when I realized I may have blown my cover. I was now open to scrutiny and Lizzy could practically get anything out of me with the slightest pout or a flash of sad eyes. I mentally face-palmed myself, while mentally punching myself.

A smile crept to Lizzy's face. "Good, I have problems too and we both can solve them together. What have you been trying desperately to hide for so long? By the way, you failed miserably. I knew something was bothering you, but I couldn't find the right time to ask about it. You're horrible at being subtle."

I raised an eyebrow. "Subtle?"

"Yeah, you can't hide something if your life depended on it!" Lizzy responded.

My mind began to race. Have I been so transparent about my woes that my whole family knew something was bothering me? Were they playing the same game that I was and hiding the fact that they knew about my worries and didn't want to bring any confrontation to the surface.

"How bout you tell me what's been bothering you first," I said trying to deflect the attention away from my problems.

Lizzy uncharacteristically looks down as I saw a flash of shyness and doubt cross over her face. "Am I pretty?" She asked in a low whisper almost like a saying something under your breath.

I was shocked and taken aback by her question. "Of course. Why would you think you weren't?"

Lizzy shook her head. "I don't want my brother to answer the question because he will say yes no matter what. I mean I could have a huge wart on the side of my face and my brother will still tell me I'm beautiful. I want you as one person telling another person about their looks. Pretend we're strangers for a moment and then answer. "Do you think I'm pretty?"

I studied her face for a minute without saying anything. "Smile!" I told her, and slowly her lips part into a smile and I can see them quivering in anticipation of my answer. "Perfect!" I said. "Liz your beautiful. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

"Am I more prettier than Julie?"

I looked around the room in a panic. Was Julie somehow in on this? Was this her way of gauging my feelings toward her without having to come to me? My gaze finally meets Lizzy. "That's not a fair question."

"Why isn't it? Is because Julie's older then me? Is it because you think she looks better than me?" Lizzy drops her voice to a whisper. "Is it because Julie has boobs and all I have is these mosquito bites?"

"LIZZY!" I yelled, beginning to get uncomfortable about this situation. "I'm not comparing my sisters to one another. I don't think it's fair to either of you."

"John, stop being the brother for a while and tell me what separates Julie and I,"

I groaned and began to get frustrated, but I also didn't want to bring a war between those two. "No!" I said flatly.

"Fine. Then why don't you have a girlfriend yet?"

"I guess I haven't found anyone yet."

"If the right person came along, would you be open to it?"

"Maybe! Why are you so interested in my personal life all of a sudden?"

I caught the slightest glimpse of a blush form over her cheeks as Lizzy's posture took a shy form. It was something I've never seen from her before because she's usually confident about the way she handles herself. I didn't think much of it as I let it pass without question. Lizzy then jumps up slowly from where she was seated and approached me closer.

"I want you to close your eyes and do open them until I say, and please don't freak out?"

I stared at her with a questionable gaze and then obliged her request, hesitantly as I did so; wondering what was going through her head. I rested my head against the arm rest of the couch to get comfortable as I laid there eagerly waiting for what she had in store. A nervous feeling suddenly swept within my body as I felt her face close to mine. I can almost feel her warm breath bouncing off my face as she neared. It was seconds later when I felt it. Warm, soft, and a moist feeling bestowed upon my own lips with the slightest hint of a soft yet subtle moan almost barely audible too ones ear.

It was gentle, not rushed but the predicament bought me out of the haze I was in quickly as my eyes flew opened to see a gorgeous face pressed against my own. I was startled as I pushed her away, jumping to my feet looking around as if someone saw. My mind was sending warning alarms to my brain; an anger boiling deep inside me I have never felt toward Lizzy retching itself to the surface. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream, but as I looked at her my demeanor fell.

It broke my heart to see her face fall the way it did She looked ready to break down and weep at the drop of a pin. A gleam of fear coursed through her eyes as she slouched back, giving me the deer in headlights look giving her the posture of a cornered animal with nowhere to run. I could see the smallest hint of tears form in her eyes.

"I'm sorry!" And that's when the floodgates opened and the tears rained down her face.

I softened more at that. There's no way I could get mad at her, not ever. I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. "Why'd you do it?" It's wrong you know," I asked gently not taking my eyes off her.

Lizzy broke the eye contact glancing down at the floor. "I don't know. I guess curiosity. A few girls from school were talking about boys and what kissing someone would be like. I wanted to feel it for myself."

"LIZ, I'm your brother. You should never kiss me like that. Ever! It's wrong!"

Her head rose, our eyes meeting again, hers puffy, red and full of wet tears. "It didn't feel wrong," she said softly.

"It's not the point if it felt wrong or not. Siblings should never share moments like that. Look Lizzy, right now your growing up, your confused!"

She furrowed her eyebrow. "Confused? John, I'm fourteen. I know what I did, and I knew that it was wrong." Lizzy then sighs letting out a huff. "I lied okay, well partially. I've had this urge to kiss you since...since I can't remember, and at school the other girls ignited that fire and I made up my mind. It was now or never."

I looked at her in stunned silence, not even blinking. I had nothing to say so I just asked, "why?"

Her head began to shake vigorously. "I can't tell you!"

"Elizabeth!" I spoke her full name on rare occasions when I knew she had something to say, but felt guilty about the repercussions of her actions. It was my tone to let her know that the situation is serious and I only want honest answers without the bull crap.

She turned her back, seemingly to hide her face. "I think I'm in love with you and I wanted to show you rather than tell you. I wanted to save you from her before she breaks your heart!" Lizzy said through a wail of sobs and then turned backed to face me, probably to witness my reaction to her confession.

My reaction must have mimicked hers because we both got the deer in headlights look before she clamped a hand over her mouth. It gave me the impression that I wasn't supposed to hear any of that. "Liz," I spoke but didn't have time to finish my thought as she turned and bolted from the room, the stairs clapping under her footsteps before being replaced by a door closing.

I slumped back down on the couch. My mind began to fill with thoughts as if it were a giant aquarium, swimming around in my head with an endless destination. The times Lizzy and I spent together being the forefront of my wandering thoughts.

It all now started to make sense. Her feelings that is. I would catch glimpses of her just staring at me intently without an apparent reason. The small caresses of my arms or legs as we made conversation. How close she would sit next to me; like how this night started. The tight hugs as if letting me go would end the world. Have I been that dull and empty headed? I couldn't put obvious gestures together like a pre-schooler's puzzle, than again it's not everyday your sister drops a bombshell like that. Maybe I was oblivious to her feelings.

I found myself standing outside of Lizzy's room, her soft muffled sobs can be heard though the closed door. The silence of the night seemingly to enhance the sounds from within. I put my hand on the knob taking a deep breath and counting to three before letting myself in.

"Hey," I said as I approached her fetal form. She didn't look at me, nor acknowledge my presence as I took a seat on her bed. "Look I'm not here to tease you or embarrass you, but we have to talk. These...these feelings you have for me. Maybe it's a phase your passing through, but you can't act upon them."

I don't know what I expected from her at this moment. Hell I don't even know what the I'm saying. All I really wanted to do is reassure her that no matter how bad things can get because of this; I will love her no less as a brother. I won't change who I've been because of this incident and I wanted her to know that. The thing is, I can't put my emotions into words right now so I sat silently, waiting for her to reply.

"Lets just say our prayers and we'll talk later," she said finally facing me. "I wanna be alone."

I nodded.

After our prayers as I'm leaving the room Lizzy calls me back. "I need to know. What's in the box you got for your birthday?"

I stopped cold. My nightmare began playing in my head like an old re-run as I held the doorknob in a death grip.

"What's wrong?" I heard Lizzy ask through my fog.

"Nothing," I answered her. "We'll talk later like you wanted to too." I opened the door to leave.

"Wait!" Lizzy called. "I wanna talk now!"

I took my seat again at the foot of her bed. "I want to tell you the honest truth why I kissed you, but you have to promise me that you won't make fun of me no matter how silly it may seem."

I nodded in response.

"I may have blurted it, but the truth is I'm scared. I am scared that you'll fall for someone before I had the chance to tell you how I feel."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Was I the one who's confused or is she trying to tell me that she wants to be more than brother and sister. "Look. You have to ignore these feelings because in the long run, one of us is gonna get hurt. It may not be now, but we can never have what you want. I'm sorry for saying this, but I don't share these same feelings as you do..It's better if I tell you now because you'll hate me right now, but in the long run everything will cure with time."

"How do you know? Have you ever been hurt within a relationship before? How much time has passed since that dreaded night? Julie still hates your guts. Time cures everything", she huffed in annoyed anger, sighing in frustration. Lizzy reaches out a hand and slaps me across the face. "Your a jerk! I'm pouring my heart out to you and your doing nothing but making up excuses for everything that I have to say."

"No I'm not," I responded rubbing my stinging cheek. "You want what you can never have and it's frustrating the hell outta you because you know I'm right."

She slapped me across the other cheek. "How dare you. Now your making yourself look like a prize to be won."

"Lizzy I didn't mean it like that. What I'm trying to get through your stubborn head is there can never, nor will there ever be an 'us'.

"Your right John. I really hope she does breaks your heart." Lizzy says just loud enough for me to hear.

"Huh? Who breaks my heart?

Liz smiled evilly. "Wouldn't you like to know."

"Yeah, I actually would."

She shrugged. "I been having this dream. You meet a girl in school. She has black hair, green eyes and I think her name is Torrie." Lizzy then went into more details about this girl from her dreams.

I stared at her in shock.

Then Lizzy continues,"...You two are happy together, spend lots of time together and fall madly in love with one another until it ends ugly for the both of you. I don't know the details but..."

"Lizzy you believe some dream," I asked hoping to hide my own dilemma.

"Well I didn't at first. But when you got that box..."

It hit me like a truck. The answer to our dreams must be something in the box. "Lizzy, I haven't yet opened the box, but tell me what you saw in the box."

She closed her eyes, lost in thought before she opened them and shrugged. "All I can picture is a photo that lay on top. It's a picture of us kids together on Christmas; you,me and Julie."

I gulped trying to swallow an invisible lump.On a whim i stood up and ran downstairs without saying a word. I returned seconds later. "Is this the photo?" I asked tossing the one I found in the basement.

Her eyes lit up in shock and horror as she stared in surprise.. "Yes, but how did you know."

Goosebumps traced my skin. Is it possible for two different people to have almost the same exact dreams but from different perceptions The chill was eerie.

"A wild guess." I said not wanting to reveal my side of the dream to her. It was scary enough. My mind exploded with different thoughts all at once. I need to get out of here. Lizzy saved me from making up some lame excuse to leave.

"Let's just call it a night. Things have become awkward and weird."

"Good idea."

As I was leaving once again Lizzy spoke up. "Can I have one more kiss," she asked shyly.

I shook my head. "We can't, but I can do this." I traced my index finger and middle finger along my own lips before extending them to her lips, tracing them in the same matter as I did myself. "This is as close to a kiss I can give you. Just remember, I love you lotz no matter what happens, Oh and that girl from your dreams, she doesn't exist in school. I haven't seen anyone who looks like what you described. It's only a dream. It ain't real so let it pass." I whispered to her.

I wish I could believe myself sometimes, but I just want her to remain calm and have nothing to worry about. I can't stand not seeing her happy.and the smile that lit her face now assured me that things will be fine.

"Give me a hug," she said reaching her arms out to me. I bent down and hugged her. "No, this is the closest we can have to a kiss," she said giving me a peck on the cheek in return.

"Just remember we'll always have each other right here", I said placing a hand on her heart.

Liz giggled at that. "Goodnight!"

"Night. Love you lotz.!"

*********************************

As luck would have it the following week, the family car decided to break down on the way to school. My mom became frantic because she kept repeating herself like a broken record about not being able to afford to get it fixed. I was mad too because that meant I would have to walk to school in the brisk morning. Not that I hated walking, but it was a hike to get from where we broke down; to the school. At least I won't be alone with the millions of thoughts that seem to alienate my mind.

After Lizzy kissed me, thing have been surprisingly great between us. I guess no love lost after that, especially me rejecting her. I thought she would spiral into depression, but she remained the same on the outside. God only knows what she really feels. But the thing that stuck in my head the most was the similarity of our dreams. Was there some higher power at work or was it just shrill coincidence. My only bet is to let thing play out as intended and just worry about now.

I don't know what time it was when I finally arrived at school, but it was late as a security guard escorted me to the office. I managed to fall asleep on a chair waiting on the principle to give me my lecture and tardy slip. Gee, I had one of those lectures before and man that guy can talk until your ears start to bleed. I think he likes the sound of his own voice.

I scurried down the halls after receiving my punishment and walked into class. Embarrassment overwhelmed me after the door shut me in. Have you ever walked into a quiet room filled with strangers and everyone looks at you as if asking why did you have the audacity to disturb the peace? You can feel all the eyes in the room upon you, seemingly to judge your character.

Well that's how I felt at the moment. I had to silently pray for the floor to open, swallow me whole, or pray for brief invisibility to hide myself from the judgmental gazes of my peers. Of course nothing like that ever happens as I did the walk of shame to my desk, staring at the floor.

I carelessly flipped my backpack onto my desk when I heard a voice. "Excuse me"

I looked up at the person and without thinking I mumbled. "I'm Sorry Torrie"

I took the seat right in front of her after my brain caught up, I whipped my head back and stared. Oh shit.

Right before me is the girl Lizzy had described; one hundred percent accurately.

"Hey," she whispers to me. "How is it you know my name when this is my first day? I haven't yet told anyone and I highly doubt the teacher even remembered. You just waltz in here out of nowhere and act like you know who I am."

You don't wanna know, I thought.