About four months ago I dreamt that I kissed a niece of my girlfriend, no true blood relation, and as we kissed she foamed at the mouth, and turned into a spittlebug. I couldn't remember if it was the beginning of a wet dream or the end of a nightmare. It was the only image that stayed with me after I woke up and I had a bad taste in my mouth the rest of the day.
Funny thing was, two weeks later my girlfriend, Regina, our cocker spaniel, Mik and I visited that same family, her brother's, to house- and baby-sit for a long weekend. Actually neither the house nor the kids needed sitting. The parents wanted to have a long-weekend vacation in Germany, and we wanted to have the same in their house, in the north of Holland. The babysitting would consist of occasionally saying hello to their young-adult children, if they were around, and maybe cooking for them on the odd day.
Friday
When we met, I shook hands with Jake and son Yelmer and gave Ellen three cheek kisses. And then came their daughter Meryl, which is Dutch for Blackbird. We gave each other a typical Dutch kiss, which meant three air kisses on alternating cheeks. Only on the third kiss, instead of planting it somewhere wide of my cheek, she put it smack on my lips, tilted her head about 20 degrees and stuck her little tongue in my mouth. She produced saliva like I did not believe.
I gently pushed her away and said,
-It's good to see you, too.
Her parents told us where everything was and what kind of meals could be found in the refrigerator. Then they took off. Yelmer took off shortly thereafter, to who knows where.
We parked in the living room and chatted with Meryl a while about her education. She was studying physiotherapy, was just back from an apprenticeship in Germany and had plenty to tell.
I usually walked our dog only early in the morning. It was four in the afternoon, but I offered to walk the dog, anyway. Regina didn't object.
Meryl said,
-I'll go with.
No-one objected.
Outside I asked,
-What was that about?
-What was what about?
-That French kiss of yours. What was that about?
-Oh that. Nothing.
-You call all that saliva nothing?
She was silent for a while.
-I wanna ask you about sex. Let's turn left here.
We turned left.
-About sex?! Why? Why me?
-You're safe. You're not really family. And aunt Regina says that you've had lots of girlfriends before her. Lots of experience.
-Or lots of failures.
Silence.
-OK, what do you want to know?
-I have a new boyfriend. And before we do anything I wanna know what I'm getting myself into, how it feels, if it hurts.
-How old are you?
-18.
-And you've never slept with anyone?
She laughed.
-Only with my brother and that was probably 10 years ago.
-But never any sex?
-Nope.
-Any kissing with your boyfriend?
-Not really.
That sounded vague, but I let it go.
-We can turn left here, she said.
I had the impression she was about as introvert as I was, only a lot younger. And insecure, even though she wore the gear of her self-centered generation and gender: long blond hair with a streak of red through it, Nikes, jeans split at the knees, a translucent top with plenty of bra showing and a small, black, fake-leather jacket.
-So what do you think I can do for you?
-Maybe teach me how to kiss.
-That's it? Teach you how to kiss?
Then both of us were silent for a while.
-I suppose I could do that, but not now. And not while your aunt's around. She'd kill me.
-So like when?
-Regina walks Mik three times a day. I usually only do him early in the morning. Maybe while she's away tonight. That'll probably around nine-thirty.
-OK.
We had leftover lasagna for supper. We killed time on-line, watching TV and fiddling with stupid smart phones. At 9.45 pm Regina took off with our dog. That gave us about 15 minutes.
-Let's go upstairs to your room. I said. And listen for the front door opening.
I was a bit taller than her so I sat on her bed. She stood in front of me.
-Pucker up your lips, nice and stiff, give me a nice solid kiss and make a good smacking sound when you do.
She did, all of it.
-Now that's actually what we don't want to do. The pucker, the stiff lips, the smacking sound. That's what you do with family, but not with your boyfriend. Now relax your lips. And trill your lips with your forefinger like they used to do in cartoons when they were slightly cuckoo.
She didn't know what I meant.
-Like this, I said. Bubbubbubbubbubbubbubb...
She imitated me.
-Those are relaxed lips. Now open your mouth a little and do that again.
She did.
I kissed her underlip.
-Now kiss my lip back. Grab my upper lip with yours, nice and soft and don't make a sound.
She giggled, but she did it. Not bad.
-Now we do it to each other.
And while we were nibbling at each other's lips I slid my tongue across one of her lips. She got the picture and imitated me.
-That's two thirds of the picture. Only thing left to do is let your tongue explore my mouth. Don't stick it in like you're fucking me. Just let it explore.
And what followed were five very sensual minutes. Soft, relaxed lips do wonders! And look, ma, no spit!
I pushed her softly away.
-That's it. You've graduated. You're there.
I got up, gave her a nice hug and we went downstairs.
Regina came home with Mik about 10 minutes later and didn't notice a thing, didn't smell any extra sex hormones in the air. At about 11.30 we all went to our beds and slept happily for a nice eight hours.
Saturday
I woke about 7.30 and was ready to walk Mik at 8.00. Meryl was downstairs, dressed and ready to go.
-I wanna go with.
-OK.
We went out. We took the same route as yesterday.
-I want more, she said.
-What?!
-I want more. You're a good teacher. I could learn a lot from you. I want to know about normal sex, oral sex, anal sex.
-Whoa, slow down! Are you tryin' to give me a heart attack?
-No. I just want to know...
And she pulled a piece of paper out of her jacket...
-If normal sex makes me bleed the first time. Or any time.
I was taken aback by her directness, even if it was from a piece of paper. I did my best.
-No, chances are small. Especially if you take it nice and easy the first few times.
-OK. Oral sex. If my boyfriend cums in my mouth, do I have to swallow it?
I sighed, a delaying tactic.
-Nobody has to do anything. That's up to you. If you want to get rid of it, do it in a nice way that won't insult him. Like lick it over his stomach or something. I'll admit, you'll probably earn more points if you do swallow it. But it's up to you.
-Next question. Does anal sex hurt?
-Have you been watching porn lately?
No answer.
-My experience with anal is limited. Reg doesn't like it, so it's been years back. But I guess I could say that the first few times it hurts. Your boyfriend should take it nice and slow.