5. Sasha Seals the Deal with Mom
There was no going back in our relationship. Mom was truly part of our lovemaking, in a weird capacity as a silent and neutral moderator. But I needed more. And I wanted
her
to have more. All these years she had missed out, while Dad was banging secretaries and God knows whom else.
The next morning we slept late. Jordan had classes, so he took my car down to the University, leaving Mom and I alone at home, which was perfect. I guessed she would be a bit shy again, but she didn't really seem to be. I found her browsing a magazine in the den, and she smiled impishly at me as I walked in. It was so nice to see the girlish side of her coming out.
"Hey, Mom, are you doing anything?"
"Hello, Sweetie. No, just passing the time, Dear."
I sat down against her and laid my head on her breast. It was so nice to be her little girl. She stroked my hair and looked down at me, lovingly. I reached up and stroked her cheek, and she covered it with her own hand. We enjoyed each other's touch for some moments.
"Did you like what you saw, Mommy?" I suddenly asked.
There was a long pause. Mom smiled and formed words with her lips, then smiled again, and tried some other words...she wasn't quite sure how to start.
"Thank you for letting me watch, Sweetie."
"I love that you were seeing us. I love it."
She smiled again.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" I followed up.
"Oh, Darling, you are absolutely gorgeous. Everything. The way you look, the way you behave...I...I wish I had understood as much as you do when I was your age, maybe..."
"Maybe what?"
"Oh, I don't know...Maybe I could have been a better wife."
"Oh, Mom," I reached up to hold her tight. "You have been! You've been the best wife."
Then, I decided to probe a suspicion I had about her feelings.
"Jordan can't believe that Dad would go away and leave you here."
She flushed, "Oh?"
That was the signal I was looking for...
"Did you like seeing him last night?" She flushed a deeper red, and smiled, embarrassed. "Hmmm?"
She closed her eyes and nodded.
"Is he handsome?"
"Yes, Darling, he's so very handsome...you're a very lucky girl."
"I want you to be lucky too, Mommy." I replied cryptically.
She smiled again, and changed subject slightly, "I don't want to interfere with your relationship, Darling, I hope it hasn't affected anything."
"Of course not."
"I just want to be helpful to the two of you. This will all be yours one day," she said, gesturing to the house, "and I'll make sure you have everything you need."
I leaned up and kissed her on the cheek again.
"When you say that Jordan is man of the house, Mom, do you want it to stay that way?"
"I like having him here very much, Sasha. He makes a very good man of the house for us."
"What about when Dad comes back?" Now I was approaching the elephant in the room.
"Well, obviously this is your Father's house, so whatever he says will go, here." There wasn't a lot of affection in that tone.
"Do you prefer Jordan to be in charge?"
"Sasha!" Mom started. "Your father built all of this. It's all his, and we should be very thankful for his hard work to create this family. When he's back from his work in Montreal, then he'll be the head of our home, and all of us, again."
"But Jordan is the man of the house for now...?"
"Yes, Dear, I've said that before..." I could tell Mom didn't catch my drift yet, though I was quite proud that I was weaving her into a corner with my logic.
"I mean, Dad might be away for a long time," I continued.
"Well, it does seem like it's going well for him over there."
"So until then, we should defer to Jordan, as long as he's here?"
"Well, I guess you could put it that way, Darling."
Now I had her. Mom's whole frame of reference for life and marriage was starting to melt into a mess of morals, norms and feelings, as she had started entertaining thoughts and possibilities that she never would have before.
I sat up and kneeled next to Mom, holding both of her cheeks softly in my hands. She didn't resist, but looked into my eyes inquisitively.
"Mom, it's hard for you to run the house and make all of the decisions that Dad would have," I suggested.
She nodded, a slight wetness coming to her eyes.
"Wouldn't it be easier for you if Jordan just made those decisions?"