Zax: Time Travelling Libertine

"This is the last straw, Zax. Time travel is the greatest scientific advancement in human history, it is

not

your personal sex buffet." The Colonel slammed his fist down on the desk of his large, gloomy office. He'd called Zax in personally for a one-to-one after, ahead of his next excursion, Zax had requested another round of the harmless contraceptive injections the operatives were all allowed.

"Sir-"

"Do you know when other people make those requests? When they're sent on genuine,

dangerous

assignments to track history's biggest undesirables," said the Colonel. "But I don't imagine you know the meaning of the word 'undesirable'."

"Sir," said Zax, leaning forward seriously in his chair. "A princess's life may be in danger. I'm merely talking the necessary precautions to save her by any means necessary."

"Enough. This is the end of your career where the platinum assignments are concerned. From now on, they're going to Scarlet. She's the best operator we have."

"We have identical success rates. I've seen the statistics."

"Yes, but she manages to complete her missions without fornicating with the targets."

"She kills about half of them."

"Collateral damage."

"And there's no room for collateral

pleasure

?"

The Colonel shook his head. "It's bronze assignments for you from now on."

Zax scoffed and leaned back in his chair, relaxing with his legs apart. He saw the Colonel take a beat and cast his eyes down, over the unkempt Zax, only recently returned from a work trip to ancient Sparta that had quickly gotten out of hand. But the colonel composed himself and produced a metallic puck from one of his desk drawers, setting it on the tabletop. A hologram emerged above with the details of another job.

"A temporal anomaly was detected in the factory of Vibe Inc. while you were gone. It's contained, but a sizeable amount of merchandise was lost to the time winds. We're trying to track the energy signatures to find out when and where it all ended up, but it seems to be scattered. Always the case with small objects." The gruff Colonel sat back down in his imposing chair.

"Not

that

small, if you're talking about the Vibe Incorporated I think you are."

"Yes, Fontaine. It's sex toys."

"Sex toys scattered through time?"

"All you have to do is go and fetch them. It might sound absurd, but there's complicated technology in a lot of those devices. If they get into the wrong hands, it could change the course of human history."

"And you think

I

have the

right

hands?"

"I think you're our most qualified agent where going and fetching other people's unmentionables is concerned. You might not even have to speak to anybody - and those things tend to stick out in Medieval Europe."

"Is that where I'm going?"

"It's where we've tracked the first disturbances to, yes. They seem to be causing ripples our machines can pick up."

"

Ripples

? Yes, they do tend to do that."

"Do you never stop?"

Zax lowered his voice. "I always stop when I'm asked,

sir

." The Colonel held his gaze, then breathed out deeply through his nose, chiselled jaw thoroughly clenched. He shifted in his chair and then reached a hand down to rearrange himself. Zax never tired of trying to fluster his commanding officer - though he'd never made much headway with Colonel Ewan Drexler. "It must be very

hard

to be in your position, sir. Reprimanding ne'er-do-ells all day."

"Get out of my sight. Hose yourself down and report to the lab boys for tactical insertion."

"Which of the lab boys am I to tactically insert? Or - I've heard there's a new lab

girl

I haven't met yet."

"Do you want a more formal write-up?" he said. Zax smiled at him.

"No, sir. Hose it is. I've been sparring with Greeks for days, anyway; really takes it out of you." The Colonel cleared his throat and pointed at the door. Zax saluted, grin on his face, and left, flashing another smile at the Colonel's secretary on his way past.

"Colonel Drexler has approved your request for additional contraception, Agent Fontaine," she said. "And, er, are you doing anything later?"

"I'm going back out there. Shipping off to Europe this afternoon, I'm afraid, Angie."

"Europe? He put you on the Vibe case?"

"He did. But I'll make the most of it. I always do."

**

After a thorough shower and cleanse of

all

his pores, a visit to the agency nurse, a fitting with the wardrobe department for his disguise, and a blast to the past through the winding tunnels of the Doughnut - the time machine the agency used - Zax was dropped into the lush wilderness of a dense forest. He was somewhere in England, the year 701, and he was looking for a sex toy. They couldn't be more specific than that, and temporal jumps were precise with the 'time' but a bit

less

precise with the '

space

'. Sometimes, the operatives found themselves miles from their objectives.

He was in the middle of nowhere, but this wasn't for the first time. Looking up at the sky, he worked out which direction was which, and made up his mind to head north, which always felt like the safest bet; it had never led him wrong before.

But no sooner had Zax set off walking than he was wrenched from his feet. His legs came out from under him, and he was pulled forcibly upwards, then found himself hanging upside down. He'd walked right into a snare, and it was a worryingly

large

snare. What kind of fauna were they hoping to catch?

"Good god! You came out of nowhere!" A man, camouflaged with twigs and moss, stepped from the bushes where he'd been hiding.

"Are you sure?" said Zax. "Usually, it takes some build up before I cum."

"What are you doing here in the middle of the royal hunting grounds?"

"Looking for royals to hunt?" he suggested. "Is that what the snare is for? It's rather big."

"We're tracking a stag. All this noise has probably scared it off, though, and the night's drawing in." The sky was burning red with sunset.

"Sorry about that. Would you mind cutting me down? I'm not a stag, but I hardly think I'm the

worst

thing you could find in the woods," said Zax.

The man crossed his arms and studied him, blood pumping to Zax's head. And then he gave in, crossing the forest's clearing and slashing the taut rope keeping Zax suspended. Zax fell to the ground in a heap and the man helped him up, giving him a friendly slap on the back as he did.

"All good?"

"I'm no worse for wear," said Zax, smiling at him. He was a full head shorter than this woodland stranger, who had a thick beard and sparkling eyes.

"You say you're hunting royals?"

"I jest. I'm hunting something else."

"Oh?"

"Have you noticed anything strange recently?"

"Strange how? Strange like a man falling from the sky and ruining my trap?"

"Not exactly. Strange like an object. An object of strange shape and strange colour. It might move on its own."

"

Move

?"

"Yes," said Zax, taking a step nearer to him. "Move. Tremble, quiver.

Hum

. Anything like that?"

"I, erm..." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "I'm not sure. One of the knights might know."

"Knights? What knights?"

"Those knights," he nodded behind Zax. "They will have heard the commotion and come to investigate." Three men on horses, with a fourth, riderless horse following behind, approached as quickly as they could through the trees.

"My liege!" shouted the one in the lead. "Stay away from this stranger! To follow you into the woods like this, he must be an assassin."

"I'm only a weary traveller," said Zax, holding up his hands in surrender. But he made the connection: the man he'd run into was none other than their king.

"You did tell me you were hunting royals," said the King.

"Not to

kill them

, my liege," said Zax. "Only to pay my respects." And he wanted to respect this king and his handsome face and large, capable hands a great deal.

"Mm..." The King turned and studied him again, looking down his nose at Zax, who was shorter and much more slight. "Did you not bring a horse? How, exactly, did you get here?"

"I got lost on a walk," he said. "Time must have gotten away from me. It's Sir Fontaine, my liege. Sir Zax Fontaine."

"A Frenchman," said the King. "How exotic. Do you have any interesting stories?"

"A great many."

"But no horse."

"It must have gotten away from me, that's all," he said. "But if you know the way to the nearest town, I'll gladly keep walking." The knights all murmured assent to this, but the King intervened.

"You've been walking all day, though. You've walked so far that you've lost your horse and don't know where you are."

"That's true," Zax nodded. He had a lie to maintain.

"

And

your leg has been caught in the snare. Please, take my mount," said the King, motioning to it; a fine, chestnut stallion. "It's the least I can do, since it was my trap that caused you such an injury." Zax didn't point out that he wasn't remotely injured from the snare, maybe just a little bruised. "It wouldn't be very regal of me not to help a subject in need."

"He's a stranger, my liege," said the lead knight. "Not to mention,

French

."

"Are you forgetting that your Queen is French?" said the King. The knight shut up.

"Ah, it's only a name," said Zax. "My family hasn't considered themselves French for a long time now." They didn't worry about things like

nationality

where he came from.

He didn't turn down the King's offer of his horse, mounting it with ease, and then doing a fake wince to keep up the pretence that he'd hurt himself. This didn't work on the knights, but the King had a look in his eye.

"If he's a man of stories and great wit, he'll be a boon to have at this evening's feast, don't you think?" said the King. The knights grumbled.

So, Zax was the King's honoured guest; that might make prowling the area to find this sex toy all the easier. And he suspected the King might know something about it, given the look on his face when Zax had mentioned the

hum

. If the toy vibrated - which, despite the name, not everything from Vibe Inc. did - that would make it easier to hunt down. He'd only have to listen late at night; that was, if he couldn't persuade somebody to tell him where it was.

They walked for a while until the horses slowed, following the King's lead.

"My liege," the lead knight began, "take my horse. You must be exhausted from tracking the stag across the countryside."

"What? Oh, yes, the stag." He'd forgotten about the stag already? "No, that's alright, Sir Edric. There's more than enough room to share. But the King always rides at the front, Sir Zax."

Sir Zax

; he liked that.

Obligingly, Zax shuffled backwards on the saddle, letting the King mount in front of him. There was

not

enough room to share. The night drawing in gave them some shadow cover, which was good, because Zax began to find it difficult to control himself. His legs were apart and the stately, broad-shoulder King was between him, and Zax had made the grave mistake of forgoing the traditional codpiece (he'd always found them cumbersome).

The horse walked, rocking Zax and the King gently, with Zax's member brushing against the King's lower back through his cloth breeches. If he noticed this - which he

had

to have done - he said nothing. Zax couldn't stop his mind from wandering. What did the King look like when relieved of his armour and his mossy disguise? Was he chiselled as if from stone, or surprisingly soft and doughy?

Zax's cock was rigid against him, heavy and throbbing, but the King didn't say a word. The knights discussed the menu for the upcoming feast as the air grew colder, and Zax tried to keep himself contained. The motion of the horse didn't make this easier. He had half a mind to get down and insist on walking, but at least his predicament was somewhat hidden at the moment. Hidden by the enormous man, there between his legs.

The King breathed out deeply and slid back even more, sandwiching Zax firmly between his body and the back of the saddle. Zax kept trying to restrain himself; he couldn't soil his breeches so soon into a mission. But he lost himself in thought, imagining what would happen if he could take the King, as he wanted. If he could find a way through that armour to his ass, subtly slide himself into the King's royal hole, and seize the release he was craving, armed knights be damned. Hell, maybe the knights would enjoy it. Maybe it would be like the Spartans all over again, Zax and four cocks to work with, out there in the woods, under the moon...

Just when he was about to give in and let himself blow from friction and fantasy alone, the King moved away.

"The castle is yonder," he said. There it was, the walled village and keep, awaiting the King's return. And Zax was left with his white-hot dick in his proverbial hands, precum dripping onto his underwear.

Zax coming back to himself a little, they rode through the gates. It was with some difficulty that he dismounted the horse while trying to hide his erection, but he managed it, just about.

Sir Edric had other ideas about allowing Zax into the feast so easily, though.

"My liege, you go on ahead. I wouldn't be doing my duty if I didn't check if this man is who he says he is, and not an opportunistic assassin."

"Edric, there's really no need," said the King. Zax tried to smile at Edric, but his expression was strained.

"It's alright," said Zax. "I'll help him bring the horses in." A quick conversation in which he proved he

wasn't

a French assassin, and then he

might

be able to snag a few minutes of privacy in the stables once Edric left. The horses wouldn't mind watching someone have a quick tug, after all.

This was good enough for Edric, who dismissed the stable boy, saying the royal groom would check the horses over tomorrow. He and Zax led the horses into their stalls, with Zax's cloth breeches still threatening to give away his situation.

"You're not an assassin, then," said Edric quietly when Zax locked one of the horse's gates.

"I'm not, no," he said, reaching up to stroke the horse's face; he'd always liked them. "But what's convinced you?"

"What

convinced

me?" said Edric. Zax began to turn around, but Edric put a hand on his head, keeping him where he was against the stall door, facing the stallion. "No competent assassin would run the risk of not wearing a codpiece. You find the King in the woods, and you don't even have the simple protection against a knee to the groin."

"They, er, they get in my way," said Zax. Edric pressed himself against Zax from behind.

"You think I didn't notice?"

"Notice what?" Zax played dumb. Edric kept one hand on the top of Zax's head, tangling his fingers in his hair, and trailed his other hand down until his palm was against Zax's member. It had started to soften after they'd dismounted, but now it was fully at attention again.

"You think you're going to sit at the King's table, as his honoured guest, with your cock hanging out for everyone to see?"

"It isn't

hanging out

," said Zax. "But you could always lend me a codpiece, if you find it so offensive."

"I might, but I have a better idea first." Edric ground against him, his own erection rubbing Zax's ass cheeks through his clothes. He stroked Zax's cock, but neither brought out his own, nor went through the fabric. Well, he wasn't one to judge a man who had a thing for dry humping.

He pushed himself back against Edric, who groaned and kept going, stroking Zax's cock. Zax's mind wandered again, back to the King, his salt and pepper hair and the curve of his back. He had a strong suspicion that Edric was thinking about the King, too, both of them getting closer and closer. This was much more fun than the quick pull Zax had imagined he'd be relieving himself with, enjoying that Edric had enough discipline not to let their skin touch. Zax moaned a little, grinding on Edric in both directions.

It was Edric who blinked first. He panted and released Zax's head, moving to shift his armour and unleash himself. Zax still didn't move, didn't get a good look at Edric's cock. But when Edric pointed himself at the ground and a jet of silky, white cum spattered the dirt below, that was enough. Zax came, too, a pulsing eruption, just barely able to lower his breeches enough to direct his own mess at the floor and

not

at his clothes. Edric looked over his shoulder and watched the semen burst from the tip of his aching cock, the cum puddles mingling on the floor, but he didn't touch Zax.

And then he stepped away like nothing had happened.

"Enjoy the feast, Frenchman. Thank you for your assistance with the horses."

"Indeed," said Zax, standing there with his trousers pulled down just enough, dick in his hand. To his surprise, another, final jet of semen came out, just barely missing Edric. "Sorry. I thought I was done."

/

There was ale and a hog roast, so Zax was more than happy with his Medieval feast. He sat at the high table and regaled the room with a story he completely made up about slaying a wolf somewhere in Scotland, which absorbed the attention of everybody in the room. In particular, it absorbed Queen Isabeau, whom Zax had been seated next to as the honoured guest.

"You were hunting with Leo today, then?" she said, leaning towards him, fidgeting with her fork in her mouth. She'd had her fork in her mouth the entire time she'd been speaking to him, and yet, hadn't eaten a bite.

"Leo?" he asked.

"The King. King Leofric,

monsieur

. My husband."

"Ah, not exactly. I believe I ruined his hunt by walking into one of his snares, but he seems to have forgiven me."

"Yes. The King isn't normally a forgiving man."

"He's been very genial with me," said Zax. The King was on her other side, though he was deep in conversation with Edric about hunting tactics and whether they should make another go of tracking the stag at dawn. Zax hoped they didn't try to take him with them. Then again, if he could get a few minutes alone with the King, maybe pin him against a tree and show him just how frustrating that horse ride had been...

"Sir Fontaine?"

"Hm?"

"I said, what brings you to this part of England?" the Queen asked.

"I'm looking for something, a lost object."

"Object? A treasure?"

"I think the person who's found it might treasure it, yes. But it's an unconventional treasure, to say the least. It might be an odd colour, or it might hum and buzz." She went bright red. He thought he'd found his charge, and from the look on her face, she knew exactly what to do with Vibe Inc.'s missing inventory. He didn't call her out in the middle of dinner, though. "It's important I get it back, but I'm sure the current owner will find it hard to part with. A trade could be arranged."

"What kind of trade?"

"That's between me and whoever has it."

"But you don't know what it looks like?"

"Unfortunately, no. I've been sent here by someone else, another lord."

"By what name?"

"Drexler."

"I don't know of him."

"I'd be surprised if you did, my lady," said Zax. "But let me know if you or any of the women of the castle - maids and so on - come across anything odd." He wouldn't say no to an evening with a few maids.

"Yes, certainly," she nodded. He didn't believe a word. Nobody in the eighth century was going to part with a vibrator, a device to orgasm at will. He'd have to make her a very strong offer - that, or take it in the night, which had been his initial plan. Well, unless somebody got in his way.

The rest of the feast went by without incident, and Zax was shown to a room in the castle after the eating and drinking was done. On purpose, he hadn't gorged himself, wanting to save some energy if he was going to have to make a quick getaway - he'd had to climb out of windows and scale castle walls more than once in the past.