Yin Yang Love Expanded

*** An excerpt from SOUP Wars ***

Adelina loved life even if the world sucked. Like most nights, she was alone and naked in her hospital. She watched some bad porn on the psychiatric ward’s big screen. It was something very amateurish involving three women using rather excessive sex-toys.

She craved crack, but her supply ran out. If it weren’t for her tolerance implants, the bionics or the Raptorex, she would’ve died from the withdrawals. She was drunk off her ass on whiskey, ancient beers and fermented juice. She smoked a homegrown blunt and, amused herself with a massager that had long ceased to work. It was a normal evening for her. What made this evening a little more eventful than usual was a visitor

“Adelina...” Her ears perked up at the male voice that called to her. She lifted her head from the couch and saw two guys wearing nothing but serapes. She pointed at both of them and fell down laughing.

The two guys walked towards her and magically transformed into a single guy. “Heya usually only vishit me in da dayshine. What brindis you heah?”

“Woman,” he chided her, “you are drunk.”

“Noooo shid…” She dizzily tried to figure out who was talking to her. She was delighted that her Carlos was standing there. “Want some?”

“Yes.” Carlos slammed the remainder of an open whiskey bottle. He hissed and spit just before he wheezed out a realization. “Oh, that was a bad idea.” His inexperienced throat burned because of the harsh liquid.

“Blunt?” Carlos knew he could handle that, so he accepted Adelina’s offer.

He looked up at the monitor as he stuck out his dry tongue. “Wow, they’re all women and they look like they are copulating.” He scratched his head at the whole concept. “How does that work?” He had never seen Lesbians in his life.

“It’s purdy damn aweshome. I fuggin mish it and schtuff. Playing with da fuhsuit and shucking on dose chigs clid and der tiddies wash really fuggin warf divorshising Hurrnan.” She gave her student a huge shit-eating grin. “Too bad bidches are bidches. Womenses are evil and sctuff. Dey fugging tear yer hard oud coz they cah.”

Carlos sighed. He was actually surprised that he could understand most of the semi-incoherent rant. “I know what you mean.”

“Good, coz I dond.” Adelina plopped her head back on the couch.

Carlos took a long toke and felt the tobacco and marijuana smoke intertwine in his brain. “I made love to Analís and she broke my heart.” He glanced at his severely intoxicated mentor and shook his head. “I thought losing my virginity to her would be the most wonderful thing in the world.” He sighed rather loudly, “I wish I could take it back.”

Adelina rubbed his head playfully and belched rather loudly. “I widsh I wouddana allowed Schmeggmuh to tage mine. I widsh I wouddana cheaded on Hurrnan.” She moved her arms to the beat of, “Shudda, cudda, wudda, but didna so life goesh on and all dat rot. Lifesa too coo to woddy about schtuff you canna change.” She could not repress a solitary hiccup.

Carlos shook his head in agreement. “You’re right. The past is the past, so I need to focus on the present.” He handed the blunt back to her. “Thanks Adelina.” He smiled warmly. “You always seem to have the answers I need.” He kissed her on the forehead.

“Hey. I jush do the besht I can.” She said solemnly, swinging a half-empty can of beer for emphasis. “Any time you needsh more of my impenna.., impertree…, usheful advice, I be happy to ged drung for ya.” Blurry eyes seemed to focus mostly on Carlos one last time.

“Wanna habe sexsh?” she asked seriously.

“No.” Carlos said, backing away trying not to laugh.

“Oh, well dats pervectly reashonable.” She said, and slowly passed out.

Carlos stared at Adelina as he extinguished the blunt. He wiped the drool from her face and carefully extracted the non-functioning massager from her body. He carried her to one of the psychiatric ward’s bedrooms. As he held her in the arms, he realized something that he had overlooked for a long time. She loved him.

It wasn’t a transitory romantic love or a familial love. It was much greater than that. Despite the fact that she obviously had a huge crush on him, she helped him in his quest fulfill his lustful desires for Analís without asking for anything in return. Despite the fact that he was openly hostile towards Adelina, she never once stopped teaching him the secrets of life and the human body. She always thanked him for helping Candi escape. She thanked him for giving her the opportunity to be useful. She thanked him for trusting her enough to be his confidant.

When Carlos ached physically or mentally, she would always be the first to try to heal him. Whenever his visit was expected, Adelina made it a point to remain sober. She made it clear that she was physically attracted to him, but she never used this as a bargaining chip. She wanted him to find his own happiness regardless of how it made her feel.

He didn’t want to go home to Guillotine’s rage or her children’s coldness. He didn’t want to go back to the sounds of Analís and Hernán trying to reconcile their marriage. He wanted to be in the clean and quiet hospital with Adelina. He turned off the monitor and straightened up the viewing area. He slept next to her that night.

Adelina was startled the next morning when she saw Carlos lying next to her. She was covered in the serape she saw Analís make. She remembered precious little about the night before. Carlos slumbered in the nude just as she had. She wasn’t sure what had occurred, but her nether regions were completely sore, so she ventured a guess. With a smile and giggle, she shook her friend into consciousness. “Did we do it?” Despite her nasty hangover, her eyes were wild and her voice was deeper than usual. She needed to know. “Please tell me we did it.”

“Don’t you remember?” Carlos woke up bleary eyed and smiley. He felt cold.

Adelina seem distressed. “Not a single thing.”

Carlos smirked at his best friend. He could tell that she didn’t want to hear the word, no. For this reason, he decided to try something new. “We got pretty drunk last night.” For the first time in his life, Carlos purposely spun a fib. He started with the truth. “I finally made love to Analís, if you could’ve called it that.”

Adelina grinned slyly, “Was it good?”

“It was. Unfortunately, she felt guilty and went back to Hernán shortly afterwards. I was pretty crushed, so I came to visit you.” Next, he embellished his story. “You gave me some clearheaded advice about living in the present. It made me feel better. You asked me if I wanted to have sex with you. One thing led to another… Being drunk and depressed, I finally said yes.

The teacher was stunned. “Do you remember it?”

Carlos smiled mischievously. “The memories are vague, but they are enough.” He took random verses from the Song of Solomon and adapted them to the situation. “You probably can guess that I slept all night between your breasts. You let me kiss you with the kisses of my mouth: for your love was better than wine. You ravished my heart, my teacher, my lover; you ravished my heart with your eyes. Many waters could not quench your love; neither could the floods drown it.”

“That is so romantic.” Adelina sighed very loudly.

Carlos could tell that she was enjoying the story, but he needed more inspiration. He adapted some of his positive experiences with Analís to the fantasy he offered. “You pulled me to your breasts and asked me to enjoy them. I was so amazed by how sensitive they were. You asked me to taste you and I couldn’t get enough. I longed to become one with you and you let me in.” He continued as Adelina eyed him with astonishment. “I felt so happy because you invited me into your world. I thought I would go insane with ecstasy when I was inside.” He beamed shyly. “I don’t know if I could do it sober at this point, but I felt privileged by your invitation at the time. I’m a little surprised at myself, but I have no regrets” He pretended to have a sudden realization and feigned distress, “I hope I didn’t do anything that you didn’t want me to do.”

Adelina’s her arms around the apprentice. “Thank you. Oh God… thank you!” She held him tightly and gave him a hundred little pecks. “I can finally tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Carlos expressed genuine curiosity.

“I wanted to say I love you, but I was so afraid to tell you.”

Carlos tried to return the sentiment, but he could not. He feared that his sweet deception would be discovered. Thus, he told the truth. “I want to love you as well.”

“Come and live with me and leave those sick-fucks at Hernán’s house behind.” She buried her head in his chest. “I will never abuse you. I will never cheat on you. I will never break your heart. I will never lie to you. I will do my best to please you.” His heart pounded quickly and loudly at her words. She could not believe her good fortune. She hoped it wasn’t too good to be true.

“I will consider it.” Carlos was shocked by her intense reaction. He realized that the normally sedate doctor was overwhelmed by emotions. It seemed that the very thought of his love drove her into the heights of bliss. Analís’s feelings towards him were icy by comparison.

“I want you to love me when we’re both sober, so I won’t get drunk or do drugs anymore. I don’t want to miss anything else.” Her excitement was irrepressible. “I want to be alive with you. I want to love myself completely, so I can love you in the way that you deserve. I want to feel every single thing.” Carlos was awake enough to smell the sickening sulfuric scent of her skin from smoking too much crack, but he didn’t care. He kissed her deeply. She stroked his hair and picked it with her fingers. His lie worked. He heard beautiful truths for the first time since Candi’s disappearance.

Adelina stroked his cheeks with both hands. “Please live with me and learn to love me.” The rings on her breasts tickled his skin. He tried to pay them no heed. “All I ask is that your treat me gently. Please say yes.” The lips locked again. They did not make love. His apprehension would not allow him to do so.

It didn’t matter to Adelina because Carlos told her, “Yes.” She rifled through the dorm room’s chest of drawers and found something to wear. The extra-extra large and white “New York” souvenir shirt fit her like a dress. Carlos put his serape back on. Together they left the hospital, but not before Adelina found her neon pink knee-high socks and blue army boots. They ran to the Central Cathedral like school kids in trouble.

In all his years exploring México, Carlos never felt the need to go inside the Central Cathedral. He regularly read in the Rotunda of Illustrious Men and he even lost his virginity in its park. Yet, it never occurred to him to look inside the breath-taking building across street. Its twin yellow-tiled steeples, its dome, its arches with ornate walls of rock and limestone never called to him. The sixteenth-century architectural masterpiece rivaled anything that could’ve been seen in Europe. It was and was rebuilt three times after several earthquakes threatened to obliterate its magnificence.

He was amazed when he finally entered the building. He saw eleven altars, beautiful sculptures of many saints, massive stained-glass windows, priceless treasures and works of art beyond number. These riches however did not affect his consciousness as much as he would’ve expected.

What really got his attention were the main altar, the pews and the additional chairs in the overflow sections. They held hundreds of small piles containing neatly folded clothes. Each pile was topped with a handful of dirt, a tea candle, a piece of candy, a miracle trinket, a plastic flower and a rosary. Some piles were lavishly decked out with baby bottles and toys, while others were simply decorated with personal effects and identification cards or photos. Carlos noticed that some of cathedral walls contained facts about the great tragedy that occurred on the first Sunday of Lent and the story of its survivors. The writing was done in broad-tipped permanent marker with acid-free black ink.

Adelina proudly announced that, “I did this during my food gathering trips.” She single-handedly created a memorial for the common people of Guadalajara who died in the Butterfly Armageddon. “It helped me feel less depressed. Which isn’t saying much, but at least I didn’t commit suicide.” The makeshift mausoleum put the stone ring for the so-called illustrious men to shame. “Candi was the only other person who I’ve ever shown this to.”

“She never told me about this place.” Carlos dared not touch the piles for fear of disturbing the unique arrangements. “How long did it take you to do this?”

Adelina smiled and whispered, “Years.” She pointed towards a row in the center of the cathedral. “Want to visit your grandparents?” Before he could answer, she dragged him over to a pew that held a rather elaborate memorial. Two piles of clothes and dirt held a single wine bottle filled with expensive grape ambrosia. Around the neck of the bottle, two wedding bands were tied on a white ribbon. Each of these piles held two ostentatiously framed photographs decorated with rosaries beaded with sapphires. Their gold crucifixes were bejeweled with diamonds.

“Who are the people in the pictures?” Carlos knelt down in front of the memorial to get a better look.

Adelina pointed to the left photo first. “That’s Papa Hernán and Mama Maria when they got married.” She ruffled Carlos’s hair with her free hand. He laughed as she pointed to the photo on the right, “That over there Papa Hernán, Mama Maria, Uncle Gwubo, your dad and I.”

Carlos beamed brightly. “It’s your wedding picture, Lina.”

“I know, isn’t it awesome.” Adelina casually snatched the photo from the memorial. “I was such a cute chubby thing back then.” The doctor wasn’t exactly emaciated, but her thinness was not becoming either.

The student examined the photo in her hands, “You had normal hair in this picture.”

Adelina exploded in laughter. “That ugly red mop wasn’t my hair. It was a wig.”

“You wore a wig to your wedding?” Carlos joined in her mirth.

“I was bald save for the bangs back then. Mama Maria didn’t want Papa Hernán’s relatives to get shocked by the haircut she gave me.”

Carlos’s eyes grew as wide as his grin. “Grandma gave you a punk haircut?”

“She also pierced my naughty bits, my eyebrows, my bellybutton, my nose, my lip, Hernán Jr.’s eyebrow, both our tongues, ears and nipples. She also gave me half of my tattoos and all of Hernán Jr.'s, except of course for the one on his rear.” Adelina donned a pensive expression. “She didn’t like the idea of tattooing her son’s ass.”

Carlos mouth fell open. “Nice wholesome grandma?” His ears could not believe it. “She looks so normal in all of the pictures I’ve seen of her. She was so normal in person. How could this be?”

Adelina shook her head. “She was a nice and wholesome Catholic grandma who also happened to be an ex-Goth with a lot of tattoos under her clothes.” Adelina pursed her lips as she noticed Carlos’s discomfort. “Didn’t your dad ever tell you that she owned a tattoo and piercing parlor?”

“Of course not…” Carlos shock softened into amused discomfort. “Any other frightening revelations about my grandparents I should know about?”

“Your grandpa was an honest cop who got disgusted by the corruption, so he became a marriage counselor.” Adelina smiled proudly. “He thought your grandma was a nutcase. Fortunately, they loved music with really loud and fast guitars, natural health and Chinese food, so they got along famously. They were also religious in a non-irritating way that almost made the whole concept of being very pious seem kind of cool.” A mischievous glint shone in her eyes, “But, not quite.” She kissed the mirrored frame with the rosary and placed it back from where she took it.

“Too bad they aren’t here anymore.” Carlos felt the sadness behind Adelina’s smile as he spoke these words. “I wish I could’ve known them better.”

“Same here…” She took a single cleansing breath. “But, that’s in the past.” Adelina blushed at her student as she confessed; “I’m more interested in achieving my dreams for the present and, when I’m in the mood, the future.” She stood up and walked towards the altar. Carlos followed her.

“So what are your dreams?” Carlos’s serape allowed a cooling breeze to refresh his body. His walking pace was brisk, though somewhat less brisk than Adelina’s.

“Let me see.” She covered her face and laughed as she searched for the words to express them without feeling completely vulnerable. “Here’s my mental list:” She counted each item in her dream inventory with the left index finger and the right hand.

“One, I want to make a tortilla that doesn’t turn to dust or charcoal after I fry it”

“Two, I want to eat a vat of fresh caviar.”

“Three, I want to resurrect Pepote Rodriguez and his Mariachi family. I actually miss their tacky music.”

“Four, I want to know if it is possible to perform artificial inseminations with a turkey baster without causing the recipient to die of laughter prior to the procedure.”

“Five, I would like to find a decent spouse who is hard-working, good-looking, intelligent, spiritual, amusing, is as horny as me and doesn’t mind me watching cheesy Cantinflas movies or Lesbian porn.” Adelina rubbed her hands wickedly at her final pre-requisite. “Oh yes, and he must enjoy playing with toys. I like toys. They don’t even have to be the sexual kind. They just need to be fun and cute.” She squealed at the word cute.

Adelina flipped her head, so she could stare at the ceiling. “Nothing too unreasonable…”

Carlos sighed and crossed his arms. He rolled his eyes up, winked and stuck his tongue out. Adelina giggled at him. “We could work on the tortillas. The caviar will be tricky, but I’m sure that we could go fishing to see if we are able to find anything.” Carlos lifted his index finger and cringed, “I’m not saying a word about those damn mariachis.” He continued to speak with a straight face, “As for the turkey baster, just change its name to ‘manually-operated vacuum-expulsion artificial fertilization device’ and watch the fear develop in your hapless victim’s face.”

Adelina cracked up and nearly urinated, “There’s nothing like clinical jargon to take out of joy anything.” She slapped the floor several times, before Carlos finally helped her up.

“Now there’s that marriage thing.” Carlos twiddled his thumbs and gave the elder doctor a look of mock criticism. “Being that there are no clergy, judges or bureaucracy to validate such an arrangement, I feel that it would be pointless.”

“You don’t need that crazy shit dude.” Adelina poked at her student’s chest. “Marriage is quite often a convenient arrangement between a group of human beings and their belief system of choice, where they agree to permanently restrict their mating habits within mutually agreed upon boundaries for the benefit of their chosen family structure.”

Carlos raised an eyebrow and rubbed his chin. “In other words, it’s a binding agreement between two people to keep their vows with God for the purpose of helping a family flourish.” He nodded his head. “So what happens if one of the potential spouses doesn’t believe in a god?”

Adelina poked him again with more strength and both hands. “That’s why I used non-sexist, non-sectarian, non-hierarchical language.” Adelina giggled at Carlos as she stuck her tongue out at him. “I’m not picky as long as my basic needs are met.” He responded by yanking her towards him and smooching her. They made out for about five minutes until they released their lip lock. The punk doctor wheezed from the excitement. Carlos wheezed from her sulfuric scent.

“Lina… I don’t find you sexually attractive, at all. I’m still having severe emotional problems from the fling with you-know-who. I also, find it very creepy that my big sister was cloned from you. With that said, we’re not related, we actually click and that’s good enough for me.” The austere expression on Carlos’s face would’ve made a British statesman look giddy by comparison. “Give me a few months to get used to the idea of me, doing that while I am sober.”