Wizard

Josh sat on his parents front porch and watched the children running back and forth, talking and laughing. As each child, or group of children, came up the sidewalk dressed in their halloween finery he offered them candy for their treats. This was one of his favorite nights of the year although what he was doing tonight wasn't as enjoyable as the night he originally planned. He was supposed to be at a killer party with his fiancé, not sitting alone on his parents porch handing out candy. He volunteered to be their house sitter and distributor of goodies when his party plans died along with his marriage plans when he dropped by his fiancee's house unexpectedly to get an assignment he forgot the night before and found her still in bed with some asshole. Apparently, after he left, her boy toy came over to spend the night.

He made a rapid run through her house dodging her, her two female roommates and a, for some reason, angry, arrogant boy trying to fight him. On his trip through the house, he picked up all his belongings he saw, including the forgotten assignment, and left after relieving her of his engagement ring.

Throughout his trip around the house, he got the normal cheater's lament; you know, "I still love you, it was just this one time, he doesn't mean anything to me (that went over well with lover boy), please don't do this."

Her friends and room mates also bombarded him with comments such as, "How could you do this to Debbie? You're being a real asshole about this, she really loves you, you need to talk this out, I mean Geeze, it's just a fling", and so on.

Just before midnight Josh decided to call it a night. It had been almost three hours since the young kids stopped coming. He enjoyed the older girls that made their way down the sidewalk after most of the young kids were gone but the last hour or so, not so much. There were now groups of older teen agers, mostly young men, roaming the streets looking for trouble more than some free candy. Of course, that was sort of expected considering the night and the fact his parents lived and an older development near an under privileged part of town. The gangs and druggies were slowly encroaching on the old neighborhood to the residents dismay.

Josh sighed and grabbed the large box with very little candy still remaining. He saw a small group of young men at the end of the block standing around. He could hear them trash talking as they swaggered around as they are wont to do. A slender young woman dressed as a witch rounded the corner at the other end to his block and headed down the street. At first, he thought she might be a late trick or treater but she seemed to be going somewhere in a rather hurry. He was worried about her trying to get past the young men on the other corner whatever her purpose was.

When the woman got to his parents front sidewalk she turned toward the house. The closer she got, the better he could see her and she was beautiful. He decided to try to talk her into turning around instead of walking past the men who were already eyeing her. When she was just a few feet from him, she said, " Are you the Wizard?"

Josh laughed and said, "What? Well some people call me that. I'm Josh.."

"STOP! Do not speak your name on this night. It is dangerous and gives power to those who would injure you. ARE you the one they call Wizard in this realm?"

"Well, some call me that because I'm a wizard in the laboratory. I guess you could say it's my nick name."

"Oh, good." She moved closer to Josh, touched him and, in a blink, a flash of darkness blacker than he had ever seen before, and some slight dizziness he was... Well, where the HELL was he? He didn't know but he knew he wasn't on his parents porch any longer.

Josh looked at the woman and said, "What the hell did you do? Where are we?"

"I did what I was hired to do. I found and delivered a Wizard to this town that has need of one similar to the Great Wizard Jon."

Josh looked around. They were standing on a dusty dirt street in a small town. Men and women bustled to and fro while children, mostly young boys, ran back and forth screaming and playing. From the looks of it there were maybe three or four hundred people living in the town, a town that appeared to be from the middle ages. There were a few horses, some pulling carts, but most people walked wherever they went.

A group of men approached the couple. The rotund one in the lead smiled and said, "Is this the Wizard you contracted to hire for us Lady Witch?"

"Yes, my Lord Mayor. I have found and delivered the Wizard as you requested. Now, I really must be on to my next job so if you would be so kind..."

"Oh, certainly," he said. "Thank you for your prompt attention to our need. As agreed, here is your payment." He handed her a small bag which she opened. After looking inside it she smiled and popped out of existence.

Josh looked at the men and said angrily, "Who the hell are you, where am I and how did I get here? And where the hell did she go?"

Please Sir Wizard calm yourself! I'm sorry we didn't introduce ourselves immediately but you know how witches get if you don't please them. I am Mayor Samuels and these other gentlemen are the city council of this great Metropolis." He quickly gave the other men's names, being very careful to only mention one name for each.

"Well, that's fine and good, Sir. I appreciate a good joke as much as the next man but I really don't appreciate being drugged or knocked out then just transported to some movie set or whatever. Which of those assholes I call friends set this up anyway? I need to know who to fuck over for this."

The Mayor seemed shaken by Josh's statement. He and the council actually paled and backed away from Josh before he said, "Surely you jest Lord Wizard. We are the city you contracted with for your services..."

"I have no idea what you mean. I was talking to that young woman on my parent's front porch then, BAM, I was standing here in the middle of your street. I don't know anything about any contract."

One of the council members paled even more and said, "Mr. Mayor, gentlemen, did I not warn you about doing business with that witch?" He turned more toward Josh and continued, "Lord Wizard, I'm afraid we have all been taken by the Lady Witch. We were in need of a great Wizard to protect our town and help with crops. We have tried for months to find and attract a wizard with no success so we hired the Witch to find one for us. She was supposed to explain our great need and settle on a contract before delivering said Wizard to us. Apparently she failed to perform the entirety of the contract."

"Yeah, whatever. A joke's a joke and all that. Now, tell me how I can get home and we'll forget all about this."

"Uh, My Lord. We really do need you however, I understand your anger. Could you not find it in your heart to assist us before you return home?"

"And how the hell am I supposed to do either of those things?" By this point, Josh was beginning to feel as if things were even more fucked up than he at first suspected. These people had the role down pat. What if this WASN'T a joke. Could his abduction actually be real?

"You mean you can't just transport back from whence you came? How can you be a wizard and not know how to do a transport spell?"

"You moron, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not a wizard. That is just what many who know me call me because of my ability in the Laboratory. I'm a research chemist and nerd who likes to do on line role playing games. My online character is a Wizard."

"We know not what those things are Sire but you admit, you are a wizard of some sort. If you cannot return to your home, would you consent to work here until such time as we can contract with another Wizard or you find a way to return to your home?"

"Whatever. Look, I'm hungry, tired, pissed off and in no mood to do any more talking right now. Is there somewhere I can get something to eat and crash for a while?"

The Mayor said, "Of course, Sire. We've made arrangements for you to stay at the Inn until you find a permanent home. If you'll just come with me, I'll introduce you to the innkeeper and we'll leave you to rest."

The Inn was not five star by any stretch of the imagination. On a good day it MIGHT have rated one tenth of a star. There was dirt and filth everywhere and when he entered his room Josh almost gaged. There was a horrible stench of sewage, the bed was unmade and stained with who knows what. The window was so dirty he could only see a blur through it.

Josh turned to the innkeeper and said, "You expect me to stay in this pigsty? This is horrible. I can't believe you're allowed to stay open subjecting people to this filth."

"Sire! 'Tis the best room in the house! And we've never had complaint about our accommodation before. Evening meal is served at dusk and 'tis part of your fee as is breakfast which we serve at sunrise." The dirty old man turned and almost waddled away down the hallway leaving Josh to stand just inside his room in shock.

Josh found the stench came (mostly) from a nearly full chamber pot slid underneath the lumpy bed. Unfortunately, the mattress smelled somewhat of urine as well. He pried the window open to hopefully allow some of the smell to escape before he wandered down to the common room to see what he could see. When he entered the room he walked past the door to the kitchen. He stopped and watched a fat woman waddling back and forth cooking. There was some kind of meat on a spit in a large fireplace giving off an enticing smell and a pot bubbling on the side of the fire. He saw several loaves of bread on a counter and a pile of questionably clean dishes on another counter.

When he fully entered the common room the noise declined precipitously. The handful of customers watched him with expressions ranging from fear to curiosity. Josh sat at a table in a corner and tried to relax while he thought over his predicament. Mentally listing the known facts he decided until something else happened he would have to try to make a living here. He wondered what he could do since he obviously wasn't a Wizard and had no money to support himself.

When a skinny, marginally clean maid walked to his table and curtseyed Josh said, "Yes?"

"Sir Wizard, if it pleases you, we can serve your repast now."

"Hummm. I am somewhat hungry. What are we having?"

"There is a soup, roast pig and bread My Lord. What wouldst thou?"

"I think the roast pig and bread. I will come to the kitchen with you to inspect the offerings however." Josh followed the young girl into the kitchen and picked up what he hoped was a clean fork. He stabbed it deeply into the meat still on the spit and cut off a large chunk. He then picked up a loaf of bread and headed back to his table.

When she saw what Josh was doing, the cook came toward him and said, "Here now. We'll have none of that. We cuts and brings the meat and meals out. You have over two meals worth there. Now put it back and be off you."

Josh turned and started to answer the woman when the serving girl whispered into her ear. The woman turned white and curtseyed before she said, "My apologies Lord Wizard. I knew not who you were. Please, take it and enjoy. If there's aught else we can do for ye, let us know."

Josh returned to his corner and ate his supper. Surprisingly, both the bread and pig were passably good eating. He was still apprehensive he would get sick from the filth he saw in the room and kitchen however. He vowed he'd get out of there as quickly as he could.

The next morning after another meal of pig Josh left the Inn and wandered around the small town. He didn't know what he was looking for exactly but one thing he needed was a better place to stay and a way to feed himself.

On the edge of town there was an old rock building between the trail into town and a small stream. There were two out buildings and an obvious privy as well. One of the out buildings appeared to have been a stable. From the looks of things none of the buildings had been used in quite some time.

On his way back toward the Inn Josh walked past a blacksmith shop. There was a large man sitting on the floor with his hand wrapped in a dirty, blood soaked rag. He was trying to form something on an anvil while a small boy held the hot metal with a pair of tongs. From time to time the large man would yell at the child and once he cuffed him for holding the metal wrong for him to hit.

Josh entered the building and said, "What's the problem here Sir? Is it really necessary for you to hit the child? It's obvious he's trying to help you."

"Well now fella, 'tis really none of your concern now is it? Why don't you just wander away before I have to use this here hammer on you?"

"I would be happy to but you are obviously hurt and need some help here. I don't know what I can do but I'll try to help if you let me. I don't have anything else to do right now and I find myself in need of some funds."

"Do I look like I give a damn about yer need for money? Now if ye don't have business with me be off."

Josh was trying to decide whether to try again to help the man or leave as he asked when the Mayor came into the building. He clapped Josh on the shoulder and said, "Ah, Lord Wizard. Out meeting our citizens are ye? We've been hunting for you. We need to make arrangements for you to begin your work now that you've had your nights rest."

The blacksmith's eyes got big and he lurched to his feet before he bowed to Josh. He said, "I'm sorry Lord Wizard. I knew not who you were. You're welcome here any time, any time at all. How can I serve you sir?"

"No problem my good man. I just saw the bloody rag and thought I might assist you in some way. I'd be happy to look at the injury before I leave with the Mayor if you want me to."

The blacksmith looked at Josh, then the Mayor. He slowly began to unwrap his hand. The sight of the injury almost turned Josh's stomach. The cut across the palm of the hand was an angry red and pus was running out from under the scab. Josh said, "You have a very infected hand here. If you don't keep it clean you're going to lose the hand and maybe your life."

Josh turned to the young boy and said, "Go get me a pot of clean water, some clean cloth, a needle and some thread and the best whiskey you can find."

"Yessir," he said and took off running.

When the boy came back Josh put the water on the forge to boil then threw the cloth, needle and thread in it. While the water came to a boil and boiled for what he hoped was 20 minutes Josh asked about soap. They had heard of such but no one knew anyone who actually had any and didn't know how it was made.

After what he estimated to be 20 minutes Josh washed the hand with part of the boiled cloth then poured some of the whiskey over the cleaned cut. He gave the blacksmith a stick to bite while he sewed the wound closed then wrapped it with the rest of the boiled cloth. He said, "Now, keep this hand CLEAN and don't use it any more than you have to. If you get the bandage dirty boil more cloth, clean it like I did and wrap it again. I'll be in sometime tomorrow to check on you."

"Yes Sir."

Josh turned to the Mayor and said, "Lead on Mr. Mayor."

As they walked, the Mayor began talking. The first thing he said was, "What ye did for ole Smitty was good but that isn't what ye was hired on fer. We need ye to keep the evil spirits away and do potions and spells to keep brigands from bothering our folks. We aren't paying ye to help fools that hurt themselves.

"We taxes everyone so we can pay city expenses. They expect protection for their taxes. Now we need you to get rid of the spirits or whatever is making folks sick around here first off then we need you to do something about the crops. We think a witch or evil wizard has put a spell on our fields and livestock. Yields are down badly and many of our livestock aren't breeding."

"Look, I've told you I'm not that kind of wizard."

"Well then, if you're not going to do what we hired you to do you just better move on there wizard. And you'll owe your lodging bill for last night as well."

"Look Mr. Mayor. I may be able to help you but I suspect my work, my spells if you will, will be much different from what you're used to. I don't mind woking for my keep here but I have to do it my way and I need somewhere else to live besides that pigsty you put me in last night.

"I saw an old rock building on the edge of town. It doesn't look as if its been used in years. What would I have to do to move in there?"

The Mayor looked at Josh in shock and turned pale. He even shook slightly when he said, "Lord Wizard that's the last place you want to go. 'Tis haunted and filled with evil spirits. "Twas the finest inn around until one night the innkeeper made a witch angry. She cast a spell on the building and the next morning everyone in it was dead. They all turned blue and died in their beds. We daren't even enter to give them a christian burial."

"You mean there's bodies in there? I didn't see any when I looked the place over but I didn't go into any of the rooms."

"My Lord Wizard! You are truly a powerful Wizard if you entered the building and came out well. Those we sent in to check after the spell just barely got out alive. They was sickly and had terrible headaches for hours after they were inside. Some of them were already turning blue when they got out."

Josh thought for a moment and smiled to himself. It sounded like some kind of gas, maybe carbon monoxide had killed the people. He decided to play the cards he was dealt and said, "I had no trouble. Suppose I just take over the buildings and use them as my place of business while I work on those problems you asked me to solve."

"Lord Wizard, you have a deal sir." He started to walk away.

Josh said, "Wait just a moment Mr. Mayor. We still haven't discussed my pay here. Also, I'll need an unencumbered deed of ownership to the old inn and associated grounds. Now I think I also deserve a good salary, payable weekly and a bonus for every field and uh, spell I take care of."

"Lord Wizard! That's preposterous! I've just given you the best building in town. What more could you want?"

Josh laughed and said, "You gave me a building no one else wants, one everyone is afraid to enter so you basically gave me something that is worthless. Besides, I need funds to buy supplies, food and to pay my assistants."

Josh still had no idea what money was worth in this town so, after the Mayor made his offer Josh multiplied it by 10 for his first counter offer. They argued back and forth for quite a while before they came to an impasse. Finally, Josh said, "Mr. Mayor, I don't think that's enough but I'm willing to take that pay for the first week while we both think about things and I prove what I can do. Of course, it goes without saying that I'll demand cooperation from you, the council and the townsfolk for any, uh, spells or corrections I might make to solve your problems. Would that be agreeable?"

"Yes Lord Wizard." They shook hands and Josh went back to the inn. The Mayor went wherever he felt he could hide for the rest of the day.

Josh had no intention of spending one more minute in the inn than was necessary, however, it was late evening so he decided to stay one more night. He used the same precautions with his supper as before, not eating from the plates and having well cooked meat and bread only.

Josh got up late the next morning, ate as much for breakfast as he could and left, heading for his new home. He worried about how and what he would eat but, first things first. As he was leaving the serving wench, Dottie, heard him telling the innkeeper he wouldn't be back that night as he had his own place now. She followed him out the door and said, "Lord Wizard, are you truly leaving us? What will we do about the evil spirits and spells that abound? Can't you please stay and help us?"