Whither Female Viagra

Thanks to my editor, Nymphwriter, to Patientlee, and to my beta readers who gave me ideas to improve my story.

Disclaimer: This article is science fiction and contains no factual substance.

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After many years of exacting research, in March of 2030, a team of biological scientists from Stanford University released a report they'd discovered an organic compound which had eluded scientists for decades—female Viagra. For reasons known only to the Stanford scientists, they chose to call their discovery, La Chatte Mouillée.

At a press conference after the report was released, a male journalist asked what the 'secret ingredient' in La Chatte Mouillée was. Team leader, Dr. Constance de Vulve, indicated the primary component came from common garden-variety asparagus. She further explained, it took a large number of complex, and laborious, processes to extract a few milligrams from a pound of asparagus to make one dose of the La Chatte Mouillée chemical compound.

She indicated La Chatte Mouillée crossed the blood-brain barrier to act on the female pituitary gland and endocrine system to produce an intense desire for sexual intercourse. Asked by the same male journalist whether it caused the same effect as 'being horny' in men, Dr. de Vulve answered, "Yes, only more so—almost like estrus in animals." She went on to say that any woman who took an excessive amount of La Chatte Mouillée could leave a trail of worn-out sex partners in her wake, so the research team was attempting to determine the proper dosage.

Questioned if she had taken La Chatte Mouillée herself, Dr. de Vulve responded, "Oh yes. We eat our own dog food, so to speak, and I highly recommend it to every woman who desires an unforgettable orgasm."

Within a matter of days after Stanford's research team's report was made public, women swarmed produce departments, emptying grocery store shelves of every asparagus spear. However, not one woman had any more or better orgasms than before. The reason, of course, was those women didn't realize the asparagus extract needed a chemical transformation to create the final product. The price of asparagus reached the astonishing amount of $35 per pound—when it was available. Besides that, the urine and pussies of women who ate asparagus smelled so disagreeable, most men gave up on oral sex altogether.

In the meantime, officials at Stanford signed a long-term agreement with a leading national pharmaceutical firm to create an industrial process and manufacture twenty billion doses of the La Chatte Mouillée pills per year for the US market. The university would receive 25 cents per pill, which officials estimated would bring in approximately five billion dollars per year to the school, when added to their already generous gifts, put it in the top ten most well-endowed universities on the planet. The university retained rights to negotiate with foreign pharmaceutical firms, offering the possibility of even more profits.

Before the La Chatte Mouillée pills could be marketed, the Federal Drug Administration (FDA) required a five-year drug trial be completed to determine the effectiveness of the drug, any side effects, and the amount of each dose. Given the publicity La Chatte Mouillée received, several million women across the US volunteered to be part of the study. It was finally determined that 50 randomly selected women, aged between 18 and 70, per state would be included in the study group. Half those women received La Chatte Mouillée and the other half a placebo in a double-blind trial.

The five-year study was cut short by two years when government researchers determined the effectiveness of La Chatte Mouillée exceeded all expectations. It was more powerful for women than Viagra was for men. Since there had been no side effects, and the ingredients were all natural, the FDA agreed to let the manufacturer market it over the counter, without a prescription.

As the FDA trials ended, those women who'd received La Chatte Mouillée were surveyed. They answered their libidos had increased significantly. Moreover, they'd had more and longer orgasms as well as more intense orgasms than they'd had before taking La Chatte Mouillée. There was general agreement among the women that La Chatte Mouillée was 'the best thing since the invention of the penis.' Many women reported their clitorises were erect longer, more sensitive, and more rigid after taking La Chatte Mouillée. Also, they described La Chatte Mouillée made their nipples, labia, and vaginas more sensitive. Some women stated they'd had 'nipple orgasms' when they'd had none before.

Ninety-seven percent of all women included in the studies reported they had at least one vaginal orgasm every time they had sex, and that it frequently took two or three orgasms per session to satisfy them sexually. On their surveys, they also indicated they averaged copulating a dozen times per week, and they thought about sex at least eight times more per day than when they didn't take it. Only two percent of the women who tried La Chatte Mouillée said they wouldn't use it if it was available on the open market.

It took until 2035 until enough asparagus was available to supply the nation-wide demand. It was a boom time for asparagus farmers. For the first time in history, the value of the US asparagus crop exceeded the value of corn, soybeans, wheat, or even marijuana. Many marijuana growers opted to switch to growing asparagus, much to the disappointment of their regular customers. Asparagus picked up the moniker, 'Green Gold.' Huge fortunes were made on asparagus farms since the value of a pound of asparagus was worth more than ten pounds of grain. Federal agents raided clandestine asparagus patches grown in national parks and on government-owned land by people who wanted to make a quick buck.

Farm fields which had previously grown soybeans, corn, or wheat were now growing rows of asparagus as far as the eye could see. Farm equipment manufacturers got in on the act by building asparagus planting and harvesting machines for the burgeoning market. At one point, there was a tomato shortage in supermarkets across North America, because so many tomato fields had been converted to asparagus production. Grain bins across the US stood empty, since asparagus isn't a crop which can be stored away for any length of time.

Within three more years, foreign asparagus was being imported, undercutting the inflated prices American farmers were receiving for their asparagus crops. All across Asia, Europe, Africa, and South America, asparagus was quickly becoming the most-planted agricultural crop.

There was such a clamor from women for the new La Chatte Mouillée, and not enough pills to satisfy the demand, the US government finally had to implement a lottery system to give each woman a number who wanted it. On the day La Chatte Mouillée was released to pharmacies, lines of women lottery winners queued up for hours outside to get their pitifully small ration of three La Chatte Mouillée pills at eight dollars apiece. News crews reported fights occurred at numerous locations where supplies of La Chatte Mouillée quickly sold out.

For the small percentage of women who were lucky enough to get their hands on La Chatte Mouillée, they announced they'd had 'world-class orgasms.' Women who didn't get the drug had conspiracy theories that the lottery had been rigged or insisted someone had been paid off to get a winning lottery number.

Pharmaceutical companies around the world bid against one another for a license to produce La Chatte Mouillée in their own countries. Before those licenses were granted, complaints of bribes to government officials allowing La Chatte Mouillée to cross international borders surfaced. The black market for La Chatte Mouillée was nearly as large as the market for illicit drugs, as women around the globe demanded the sexual enhancement drug and were willing to pay exorbitant prices to get a truly memorable orgasm.

Diplomatic relations broke down between Russia and the United States when the US reneged on issuing the Russians a drug license to produce La Chatte Mouillée. The Russians retaliated by canceling the passports of all American male citizens. As usual, the French disagreed with the name and refused to allow it to be marketed in France until the US permitted it to be renamed, "Potion d'amour numéro 9."

The new sexual enhancement pill for women was discussed on TV talk shows, late night radio programs, internet blogs, in magazine articles, and newspapers. Shortly after the introduction of La Chatte Mouillée, the manufacturer began advertising it on TV and other media. It seemed unnecessary to advertise, since nearly every female of reproductive age couldn't have avoided hearing about the product, unless they lived under a rock in the loneliest corner of Africa or Siberia. TV ads showed a handsome, virile young male with toned abs, in a Speedo, saying in a sexy masculine voice, "Ladies, your boyfriend will love it if you take La Chatte Mouillée. Purchase some today and make your night one to remember. Call in the next ten minutes, and we'll double our offer."

Internet pop-up ads for La Chatte Mouillée appeared no matter what a person was searching for. Testimonials ran rampant. One said, "At one time I couldn't keep up with my boyfriend's sexual appetite. Now he complains he can't do it with me three times a night, every night." Another from a grandmother, purportedly 56 years old said, "Wish I was twenty again. I'd probably have ten kids instead of three." Yet another stated, "My clitty stayed sensitive for nearly four hours, and I enjoyed every minute of it." Still another said, "Wore my boyfriend out after taking just one La Chatte Mouillée pill. This stuff is the best!" Another said, "My husband wants me to find a fuck buddy since he can't keep up with me!"

As happens with most popular products in short supply, internet scammers were marketing fake La Chatte Mouillée to women at such ridiculously low prices, they should have known something was wrong. Unscrupulous dealers took millions of dollars from unsuspecting women who only wanted a sexual high.

The market for womens' sex toys literally exploded, increasing by a factor of four compared to the twenty-year period before La Chatte Mouillée became available. Hitachi set a precedent when they began shipping a La Chatte Mouillée pill with every one of their Magic Wand vibrators. Soon, other sex toy manufacturers were doing the same in an attempt to keep up with the competition.

Lingerie vendors reaped the benefits of La Chatte Mouillée. Victoria's Secret and other lingerie vendors' annual reports revealed their stores' incomes more than doubled as women purchased sexier intimate apparel to attract their boyfriends/lovers/husbands.

Census figures for 2040 indicated there were far fewer spinsters or single women living alone than in previous censuses. Apparently after taking La Chatte Mouillée, they decided they needed a male appendage to satisfy their new-found sexual urges. Census officials suspected La Chatte Mouillée was the reason so many of them chose marriage, found a roommate, or just shacked up.

Now that most women were taking La Chatte Mouillée, they began flexing their muscles in ways they hadn't before. They teamed up and forced Congress to amend the Constitution to make women equal in all ways to men, including pay, promotions, benefits, and seniority. They asked to be allowed to choose any occupation, not to be pigeon-holed into 'female only' jobs, and they won those demands, too. At beaches and swimming pools, they demanded the right to go topless if they wanted, and no one in Congress dared challenge them for fear of losing their seat. Women were very well aware they were the masters of their own destinies.

La Chatte Mouillée also caused an impact on the health industry. Female nurses took the bull by the horns, and let the doctors know who was running the show. Of course the doctors still diagnosed patients, did surgery, and all the things they'd done before, but they were outnumbered by the nurses, who had them by the balls. As a result, their salaries increased significantly.

On a related health issue, statistics revealed middle-aged and older men were dying at a higher rate, caused mainly by attempting to satisfy their female partners' increased sexual appetites. Insurance companies nearly doubled their payouts for male claims of bad backs. Research indicated most of the increase was related to the males having sex with women who'd been taking La Chatte Mouillée.

Not only were bad backs a health issue, but heart attacks and exhaustion were increasingly common among men who'd had intercourse with their La Chatte Mouillée-taking sex partners. The FDA finally required La Chatte Mouillée's manufacturer to include a warning on the label on each bottle which stated, "Be sure your sexual partner's heart is healthy enough for sex. Do not exceed sexual relations for four or more hours without a break. Stay hydrated."

Soon after La Chatte Mouillée was introduced, men felt they'd hit the mother lode, sexually. However, there are limits to the male reproductive system in terms of sperm production and the number of sexual couplings per night. They gave it their best shot, and did their damnedest to satisfy their partners, but when the men's physical resources had been depleted, their desire petered out. It didn't take long until those same men's libidos waned as their energies were sapped by females who couldn't get enough sex to keep them satisfied. Surveys among women indicated only about one in ten men could fulfill them sexually night after night.

Men began using excuses—"Not tonight dear. I have a headache," to avoid their partner's amorous invitations. Women complained their husbands lost interest in sex after a few years of marriage. The males would have sex perhaps twice a night, then rolled over and fell asleep, leaving their female partners horny and unsated. Undoubtedly, the men had feelings of inadequacy when compared with their highly sexed wives. Women complained their husbands had lost their sexual spark when compared to when they were young and dating.

Behavioral scientists recorded a significant decrease in neuroses, psychological problems, or mental health issues among women who actively took La Chatte Mouillée. Female sexual satisfaction was the primary reason attributed to the statistical drop.

On the other side of the coin, police departments reported picking up male prostitutes on street corners who were catering to the flourishing female sex market. The nature of sex crimes changed. The number of female rapes dropped to the lowest number per hundred thousand women since records were kept. Men began reporting being taken advantage of by women luring them into bed to satisfy the women's sexual appetites. Males also reported their female bosses asked for sexual favors in order for them to get a promotion.

Government statistics indicated there was a peak in the birth rate, credited to the fact that more women of child-bearing age were having sex more often. Those adults who were engaging in more frequent sex were also catching more STD's. The venereal disease rate increased by at least ten percent, as reported by the National Institute of Health, even though radio and TV commercials advised La Chatte Mouillée users to use protection.

The political world also changed. In 2049, the third in a line of consecutive female US presidents declared, to a two-thirds female Congress in her State of the Union address, that the time of male-dominated politics was long over. She indicated women now held every occupational position alongside men and it was now the men's turn to prove they were the equals of women. She observed that the US military consisted of fifty percent women, and that there were equal numbers of male and female generals.

In the fall of 2050, a women's organization, Pussies for a Better World, or PFABW for short, issued a statement that it was what was in their heads instead of what was between their legs that was most important. The following year, the first female Pope was elected in Rome. It came as no surprise to anyone that Pope Tiffany was a vocal member of PFABW.

Shortly afterward, Pope Tiffany issued two decrees. The first was that Catholic couples were free to use birth control measures of their choice. The second permitted priests to marry, just as Jewish rabbis and Christian preachers were able to. That was the happiest day for Catholic priests in nearly 2000 years.

Men in their late teens and early twenties were the luckiest heirs of La Chatte Mouillée. Young women who'd been inhibited about having sex with a male partner, now that they'd taken La Chatte Mouillée, were cruising male hangouts, actively looking to hook up and satisfy the strong sexual urges the drug caused. Surveys indicated all women were having more sex, but women in their twenties and thirties were having four to five times the number of sexual encounters their mothers and grandmothers once had at the same ages.

Around the world, testosterone-fueled societies ebbed, and women benefited from the transformation. Being born with testicles no longer gave one a head start in life. Little girls were welcomed into families on the Asian sub-continent, unlike their sisters of the twentieth century. Those little girls were taught they were equals of their brothers, and could grow up and choose any job they wanted. In the Middle East, the last bastion of male domination disappeared when La Chatte Mouillée-using women worked beside men, and the men grudgingly accepted.

In all, La Chatte Mouillée turned the world of human sexuality upside down. Women were now sexually more aggressive than men. Where it used to be that men wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, it was the women's turn to flaunt their charms at the men and take control of the sexual relationship. No longer were women the second sex. They reveled in their new-found sexuality, much to the chagrin of traditional male thought processes.

The primary question now needing an answer: Was introducing La Chatte Mouillée to women really the best idea before all the implications could be explored? Unable to turn back the hands of time, society must now live with the consequences of opening Pandora's box.

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Dear readers,

If you've made it this far, I hope you've enjoyed a story about how the juxtaposition of male/female roles female Viagra might create. This has been a light-hearted article about one of my favorite topics. However, female Viagra is a serious subject. Why shouldn't women enjoy the same sexual enhancement male Viagra brought men? I wish that within the next decade a female Viagra will appear on the market for the enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction of women and that their male partners will also benefit from their women's increased libidos.

Thanks for reading.