I think it was when time slowed to a crawl as I flew over that damn cow that I realized my life was going to change. Don't get me wrong, I love change. Maybe it's the ADHD, but life can't change fast enough for me most of the time. Speed is my life. I was born with legs that could almost outrun God's fastest crotch rocket, which is actually relevant to this story because that's how I ended up flying like a drunk monkey over that damn cow.
So, here's the thing: I hate hotel rooms. Hate 'em. They're all the same and impersonal and none of them actually feel like home. I like feeling at home. That may sound weird coming from a guy that likes change, but there it is. It was because I hated hotel rooms that it was necessary to have 18 girlfriends during the 2019 MLS Soccer season because that gave me a good place to stay for all 17 away games and a home base for the 17 home games. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an asshole: they all knew about each other. Hell, they even started their own Instagram group. It's just that I learned early on that I didn't have the kind of brain that could juggle 18 different realities and keep them all straight. I couldn't even keep all their names straight. I eventually developed a system of calling them all by the city they lived in. How do you get a woman on board with the idea of sharing an MLS forward with 17 other women around the country? Easy - just be honest with them about what you want and keep going until you gather a group of the greatest women to grace mankind. Well that, and you need a tongue that's faster than God's fastest crotch rocket. You heard it here first, guys.
Well anyway, Commerce City's apartment was perfect: really close to the Dick's Sporting Goods Park where we played and not too far from the Denver International airport on the I-70. I stopped by Commerce City's place after the game and by the time I'd finished painting her walls three times, I was late for a flight to play United FC and paint Golden Valley's walls in Minnesota. It was too late to wait for an Uber, so from where I'd left her panting behind the sofa, Commerce City threw me the keys to her Suzuki Hayabusa, the fastest piece of plastic you could get between your legs, and told me to leave it in Short-Term Parking. She also yelled for me to wear her helmet, but when I took a look at it, the thing was sky blue. I couldn't wear a sky blue helmet. It's not a macho thing, honestly. It's just common sense. Did you know that the name "Minnesota" actually comes from the Dakota Indian word for "land of sky blue waters" and, of course United FC's color was sky blue. So, fuck that. There was no way I was wearing that helmet. It was just bad mojo, people. You see where this is going, or should I shadow your fore a little more?
Let me say this: the area between Commerce City and the Denver Airport is a suburb in every sense of the word. There was no reason in hell a damn cow was supposed to be on the I-70 as I changed lanes to get on to Pena Boulevard, much less as I was going almost 180 mph not wearing a sky blue helmet on my thick head. I guess a truck that was taking a load of steers to the slaughterhouse overturned. A few got out. One of them ended my career as an MLS forward with 18 girlfriends.
I guess it took them a while to find me after I sailed over the death-cheating cud chewer, ricocheted off that car and landed in the back of a garbage truck headed back toward Denver. This guy kept prying my eye open and shining a light into it, his breath a bad advertisement for nacho-flavored Corn Nuts. I felt myself slipping away, not really caring about the beeping or the tubes in my arm, in my throat, or even in my cock...
My cock...
I opened my eyes to see a redhead kneeling between my legs on the bed, her green eyes laughing at my surprise. Redheads aren't usually my thing, but the fact that she was naked and working my cock deep into her throat at that moment went a long way towards changing my mind. I was transfixed. Lush plump lips slid down my cock, wet and shining with her saliva, then they puckered prettily around me and slid up to the fat tip, and then down again deeper and deeper until her nose pressed into my pubic hair. Wow. Redheads are totally my thing, I decided.