Westrons Pt 32

WESTRONS APPENDICES

This is NOT a continuation of the story. Instead, because of the volume of feedback I've received, I decided to add some explanations, and reveal some of the influences which shaped the story. Also, with the permission of the readers, I'd like to share some of the feedback I got.

It's organized like this:

1- Influences / inspiration

2- the Tallia-Isa-Senau cycle

3 - Easter eggs (and other details you may not have noticed)

4- How I write (and why some things come out the way they do)

5 - Great feedback I received

1. INFLUENCES

As mentioned at the beginning of Chapter 3, one of my main influences for this story was H. Beam Piper's novel

Lord Kalvan of Otherwhen

(1965).

In a twist on the Mark Twain story A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Piper has a modern-day Pennsylvania state trooper inadvertently go through a time travel device, into a parallel universe.

He's still in Pennsylvania, only in a different world where the Aryan migrations went east, rather than west, and populated the Americas. The people are feudal, and polytheistic. Priests of one minor God have discovered the secret of gunpowder.

Basically, Piper's hero finds himself in the middle of a 30 Years war scenario. Kalvan proceeds to teach the underdogs how to make their own gunpowder, and leads their army. It's a great story, even if the protagonist was way too knowledgeable (about virtually everything).

So I wanted Cook to be a student of military history, and a good general. But he's no technician / engineer, and he's definitely politically naive. (Some readers disliked that; they wanted him to seize power in the kingdom. Hmmm ...)

I chose an 18th century earth approximate, with armies and tactics based on Frederick the Great. Cook would recognize these features, and could introduce Napoleonic and other innovations.

The second major influence was Ursula K. Leguin's

The Left Hand of Darkness

(1969). Briefly, an ambassador to another planet has to interact with aliens - humanoids, much like him, except that

they have no gender

.

Never mind political correctness and transgender pronouns - 1969, remember? Leguin was pointing how difficult it could be to speak to people, when you can't tell if they're male or female.

These aliens did reproduce by sex, when one partner went into heat (she called it

kemmer

- yes, I blatantly

borrowed

it). Only then did they manifest sexual characteristics, and they didn't necessarily know until that point which gender they would be.

Now, for the trans-haters, let me point out: these aliens didn't change from one gender to another - the change was from

no

gender to having one. They also didn't

choose

this change; it just happened to them.

I thought this was incredibly cool then, and I still, obviously, think so now. My Penchens are more than a little derivative.

The Westrons are my own invention: a female-dominated society, because

their

hemmers have such an impact on males as well as females. Once I'd decided that males could hardly resist a female in heat, it made it obvious that they couldn't be the army. So, an all-female army.

Other decisions flowed from there.

Jbro123 detected the flavours of

Ender's Game

and Harry Harrison's

Stainless Steel Rat

in Chapters 1 and 2. The first is not entirely coincidental; both are high praise, indeed.

2. TALLIA - ISA - SENAU

Tallia was originally going to be based on Louis-Alexandre Berthier - Napoleon's Marshal - perhaps the greatest Chief of Staff ever.

Not fit for a combat role, or for independent command, Berthier was famous for his organizational skills, and his ability to understand and carry out Napoleon's instructions.

I was especially struck by an episode in the 1796 Italian campaign; Napoleon took up with an opera singer, Madame Grassini, while Berthier fell in love with the Marquise Visconti. He adored her, and refused to give her up, even when Napoleon later arranged a marriage for Berthier with a Bavarian Princess. He negotiated with his mistress and his new wife to get them to accept each other.

Berthier was 15 years older than Napoleon; he was also short, ugly, and addicted to flamboyant uniforms. When I realized that because of their hemmers, the Westron army had to be all-female, Berthier had to be female. He began, very gradually, to morph into Tallia. Bit of a change, I agree.

This was meant to be a major plot sequence all along.

Many of my stories have a 'harem' aspect: the protagonist has sex with multiple partners. Hey, it's Literotica.

But Cook couldn't have a full-time harem, because Westron females only go into hemmer once a year (more or less). That made his relationships with the hybrids - Tallia, Esyle, and Kanitz - much more interesting. Many readers would be expecting one of those three to emerge as the 'main squeeze', so to speak.

Most of my stories feature plot twists and surprises. This one was meant to be no different. Kanitz warned Cook not to trust her; she also put her loyalty to the Queen ahead of him. I considered that fair warning to the readers.

Tallia had red flags, too. I thought they were fairly clear:

- sharing Cook with her sister was Tallia's idea. Very generous.

- yet when the two sisters were trying to get pregnant, Tallia was very competitive, and tried to monopolize Cook's time

- Tallia bore a child,

but wanted nothing to do with raising it

.

- she enjoyed her undoubted #1 status, when they were on campaign. She had Cook all to herself

- Cook came to her for sex, while still trying to work out how he felt about Isa's Change. Tallia got very angry with him

Too subtle? Cook himself said that jealousy 'isn't one of Tallia's failings'. He was wrong, though. She had difficulty accepting Isa. She understood immediately that Isa - whether she meant to or not, would be usurping Tallia's #1 rank.

She had to pretend not to be jealous, because that was the position she'd adopted.

Maybe I failed to explain that well enough.

Some readers didn't like Isa's Change. Again, she didn't go from male to female (not that there's anything wrong with that), but from no gender to suddenly having one.

Cook was the only person in the whole camp who thought that Isaal was more masculine than Senau. He was also the only person in camp who was neither Westron, Wole, or Penchen.

He didn't really understand what was going on - nobody did. But Isa's Change was a tremendous gift, a declaration of love.

Have you ever had someone tell you that they love you, for the first time? It's a magical moment.

Plus the Change works both ways. Just as a Westron female's hemmer affects the males (like Viagra on steroids), so does the Penchen Change affect the partner. If Cook had been Penchen, he would have changed to a male because Isa became a female.

She also changed to the most desirable form for him, as if she was drawing a blueprint for the perfect female from his head. How could Cook resist? Why would he?

Then, Senau changed for Tallia.

Avette went with another partner. Kanitz could certainly have other lovers. Okay, Tallia is different - I agree.

She had to face her own hypocrisy and guilt, and then worry about Cook being jealous. But how could she resist the Change? Senau transformed into her ideal man.

Cook didn't like him. Cook doesn't like many other males (except Tomos, Langoret' husband). But he has the common sense to realize right away that

a) he can't very well go with Isa, and forbid Tallia to be with Senau

b) Tallia is going to be suffering. She needs to know that he's not angry at her

He did the right thing, as far as I'm concerned.

My biggest mistake, I suppose, was not realizing how many of my readers belonged to the 'Loving Wives' comment crew (BTB, cuckold, etc.). Cook is allowed to have between 7 and 9 concubines, all of whom must be completely faithful to him? Sheesh.

Maybe my next endeavour will be to re-write the King Arthur story, complete with the Arthur-Guenevere-Lancelot triangle, and then post it in the Loving Wives section.

Cook is a little jealous - when Avette takes another partner, when Themis has to marry. He doesn't like Koroba's new boyfriend. But that just means that Cook is a human male,

in an alien world.

He's trying to think like a Westron - and then like a Penchen. Of course he won't be successful all the time. Even he knows that he's an asshole sometimes.

Several readers were hurt that I 'put Tallia through the wringer'. I most certainly did. She and Cook learned some painful lessons - and most of the pain was hers.

I have mixed feelings about some of the comments I received about Tallia. I'm sorry that I hurt people's feelings, because they'd grown attached to the character.

On the other hand, how cool is that? People grew attached to a character in a story that I wrote. I love Tallia - but it's wonderful that other people care for her, too.

3. EASTER EGGS (or, did you notice ...?)

Part 1

Several readers asked me if I chose the main character's name because of Captain Cook. Partly. The real reasons: it sounds cool, and it's easy to type (a major consideration when you're going to be using it a few thousand times).

AFOTA is made up. It bears

some

resemblance to educational institutions that I attended, and to staff and students that I

may

have known.

Part 2

Some readers felt that Colonel Pelek's revenge on Cook was too extreme. I didn't. Pelek hates Cook, and wants him expelled. But he came to Cook's defence after the bar fight, because the other cadets went after Vanova - Cook's girlfriend.

For Pelek, going after a man's family is the lowest of the low - because it's

his

greatest fear. When he discovers that Cook was trying to deflower his daughter (Karpov didn't get caught), Pelek takes it as a vicious attack on himself, personally.

For fairly obvious reasons, Pelek can't have Cook murdered. But he can use connections to have Cook appointed to a diplomatic mission on a faraway planet ... if anyone ever checks (and why would they?), the answer would be 'Oops! Clerical error.'

Part 3

Somebody had to pick up on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. If they sound at all familiar, it's because I borrowed them from Hamlet.

Cook learned a great deal aboard the Halygon, in Sleepread. That doesn't mean he knows how to repair a car, or deliver a baby. Or build a smelter and a rolling mill.

Part 4

The Woles were my invention. I had several uses for them, later on.

Maia Matila was (very) loosely based on Maria Theresa of Austria. She was attacked by France, Spain, Bavaria, and Prussia. Frederick the Great promised her husband that he would support her - and then was the first to backstab her.

She was a major figure of the War of the Austrian Succession (1740-48) and the Seven Years War (1756-1763). I've always been very interested in that period.

Her Chancellor was Wenzel Anton von Kaunitz. Does that ring any bells?

Rather than focus on the complicated (and sometimes confusing) diplomacy of the mid-1700s, I chose to stick more with Cook's military and personal adventures.

Parts 5-6

Tonol was a mild rip-off of the first major event of Napoleon Bonaparte's career. He distinguished himself at the siege of Toulon. That got him noticed.

There was a Marshal Brune - no resemblance to my General Brune.

Tudino was originally meant to be only a minor character. I twisted the name of Napoleon's marshal - Oudinot - because he was known to have been wounded in battle 34 times. That's not a typo - 34 times (artillery shells, sabers, and at least 12 bullets).

But I started to like the character of Tudino. Then I introduced her hemmer issues ... and she grew into a much bigger part of the story.

Tolkien is supposed to have said that he was always eager to get back to his writing, so that he could 'find out what his characters were doing'. Well, Tudino started stealing scenes, and from then on, there was no stopping her.

Part 7

Inhabers (owners of regiments) really existed. There are plenty of examples, from many periods of history, of private individuals raising troops to fight in a war. Aneli was my own creation - and a lot of fun. Her eventual betrayal was foreshadowed pretty early.

Parts 10-11

Limset is loosely based on the Battle of Auerstadt (1806), where Marshal Davout defeated a Prussian army twice the size of his own. It was a triumph of revolutionary French tactics; the Prussians stuck to their 50 year old Frederickian model, and got hammered.

Davout's handling of his Corps was exceptional. He was lucky, too.

He could have been reinforced, but Marshal Bernadotte refused to march to his aid. That was where I got the name for Berandot.

Parts 12-14

Some readers thought that Cook was an idiot for not arming himself better after the first or second assassination attempts. No, a dress sword is not particularly useful in a fight. But you can't wear a sabre or a cutlass to a royal wedding.

Part 15

The duel. Yes I've watched Ridley Scott's first movie:

The Duellists

. Several people picked up on that one.

Parts 19-20

The New Model Army I borrowed from Oliver Cromwell. I also hacked a few more names for the new Colonels. You can unscramble some: Votuda is Davout, Neslann = Lannes (I already had the bridge over the Danube in mind).

Yna = Ney. Semmana = Massena (I just never found a bigger part in the story for her)

Kesmansha is basically Austerlitz (1805), including Cook visiting the troops' fires the night before the battle.

Neslann's stunt at the bridge was based on Lannes & Murat. Several readers spotted that one immediately.

Rassbrook was partially based on Chancellorsville, from the U.S. Civil War.

The battlefield at Feirlan is basically Friedland (1807). The story of the battle, though, is different in many ways.

There may be more Easter Eggs. I can't remember where I hid them all. Feel free to let me know if you spot one.

4 - HOW I WRITE

- Dashes

Some readers don't like my use of dashes. Some get it:

BTW, I liked the dashes denoting a change of speakers. It's far better than some of the dialogue out there where you need a white board to track who's saying what. (BigDNC13)

You're not the first writer to use a dash to indicate a speaker. It's no wonder you learned it in grade school. James Joyce used a similar technique in his, ground breaking in the 1920's, novel Ulysses. He left out the quotation and most of the he/she said too. (oops_1234)

I also use dashes within the dialogue, because most people rarely speak in complete sentences. (or, if you have friends like mine, you never get to finish a sentence, because they cut you off)

- Waiting for the next chapter

I write quite a bit before I submit anything. That's to prevent me from submitting a total piece of crap (not that I haven't done that, anyway)

In my teens, I wrote a poem, late at night (just before going to sleep). It was awesome. I was going to be a poet. Or a lyricist. I couldn't wait to show it to my friends.

In the morning, when I re-read my magnum opus, I immediately crumpled it up and threw it away. Then I retrieved it from the waste-paper basket, took it outside, and

burned it

.

It was that bad.

Since then, I let a stories marinate for a while. Sometimes, when I'm writing Chapter 9, I realize that something in Chapter 4 needs to be changed. Or that Chapter 8 sucks, and needs a rewrite.

I've also saved myself from submitting three or four stories which were - frankly - quite bad. Not saying that all of my stories are good - but these would have immediately sunk to the bottom of the list.

There are several stories that I started, and never finished. I'm a reader, too, and it's awful when you find a great story ... that has been abandoned.

So I write quite a bit before I post the 1st chapter. Why not submit everything I have, then? Well, the marinating thing, and ... if I posted Chapter 9, you might have to wait a month for 10.

That's why I submit a new chapter as soon as the previous one is published. If the time in between chapters is more than 3 or 4 days, that might be because Literotica had a lot of submissions that week, or there was a contest that took priority.

- EDITING

I don't like reading stories riddled with errors, or where the author has obviously never seen the expression they're using in writing before. I have pet peeves, too. That's why I try to be careful with my proofreading.

I can't claim perfection - but I try to clean up as many mistakes as I can.

Westrons was the first story where I had an editor. Several, in fact, at the beginning, and one who stuck with me throughout. I can't thank Alianath Iriad enough. The story is far from perfect, but Iriad's advice made it significantly better.

- COMMENTS

It's also the first story where I made changes because of feedback from readers. Only a few, and they didn't change the tone or the plot - let's just say that they saved me from a few continuity errors.

Thank you for your constructive criticism. That, and words of encouragement are the main reasons while I post on this site.

Negative comments hurt, of course. 'You suck' is not very helpful. It's also not necessary (or polite), considering that the story is free. The vast majority of those, of course, are anonymous.

If you don't like it - don't read it.

My skin is getting a little thicker. But I think that I may just delete some of the more insulting ones. That way, when I go back to look at feedback ... if I don't like it, I don't have to read it.

5 - GREAT FEEDBACK

This story has received more comments, and more excellent feedback than anything else I've written. I had no idea, when I began, that so many people would like the historical and especially the military aspects.

Here are some of the best:

Free advice

I am a retired Infantry Colonel. My service took me from being a light infantry (para, air assault, and ranger) platoon leader to armored forces and ultimately to being a global planner. I know something of the politics of high command (as do you!) and have studied military history - mostly mid 18th century onward but with a hat tip to the ancients and to Asia.

Remembering that free advice is often worth what you pay for it, I would ...

1 - create the Light Division in a triangular structure - three brigades of three regiments. As I know you know well, for this kind of fighting, a standardized triangular structure with accompanying artillery can move in a column, attack from a column, form line of battle (as at Gettysburg or Cold Harbor) or form line of battle in echelon (as at Spotsylvania), or even echelon left or right. More importantly to light infantry, it can move in a coherent wedge or vee, two up one back or one up two back, as you did at small unit level at Limset. I can easily imagine cook with his little wooden soldiers explaining that to the queen, besides, standard structure makes logistics easier.

I think you have already decided who the Adjutant will be (in today's world she would be the operations officer) and at least two of the Brigadiers. On deployment, the Adjutant's sister should be the intelligence officer and/or chief engineer - Jackson's map maker.

I would add two special units - a less than regimental size "Guards" unit to secure and move the command post but more importantly to conduct special missions, distractions, and raids. And a group of messengers (lols, leopards? cheetahs?) scattered between the command posts to keep track of where they are, carry messages, run swiftly in the dark, etc.

2 - A Guards Division of three (small) brigades each of an infantry regiment and a (small) heavy artillery regiment. The Queen's Own. Rotate 60 days on "the duty," 60 days training, 60 days home leave or garrison. Keeps palace guards from getting fat and sloppy or political and gives the Queen an iron fist which could have story potential if she had to use the regiment in training to make a political move.

3 - give the nobles a bit of a break - pledge units for call up so they only train about 30 days a year - the yeomanry, if you will. Creates strategic depth and mobilization potential while consolidating the Queen's ready power in the standing army.

4 - I liked rewarding the solders with booty after the early battles but missed it at Limset - its important. And don't forget to invent the legion of honor.

Thanks for being charitable and reading my musings.