Wade Meets The Genie
Part One
A Wade Wilson (alternate universe) and Marissa O'Connor story.
By The Preve
Wade Wilson created by Wade Wilson (and no, it's still not that Wade Wilson :D)
The author wishes to thank Wade Wilson for allowing the use of his character :)
Wade Wilson sighed as he trudged along the sidewalk. His first day on the job was not working out as he'd hoped.
He'd never thought of parcel delivery as a good career choice, but his planned career in computer engineering, post graduation, derailed.
The start-up which hired him went under before he'd even started.
Bad enough showing up on his first day to a closed, locked building. The weasels hadn't even bothered to email him.
He took the delivery job out of desperation. Bills needed to be paid, student loans covered, and the
National Parcel Company
was hiring.
"At least the uniform's in my color," he thought. There wasn't much difference between the deliveryman's uniform and his usual clothing. If not for the winged helmet logo, instead of Studio 91, on his left breast pocket, Wade doubted his friends would tell the difference.
As it stood, his first day of delivery proved problematic.
On the surface, his assigned route looked like a stroke of luck.
Elysian Fields
was an affluent neighborhood: beautiful homes, pleasant lawns, even a few mansions.
Nice and quiet, with maybe more than a few residents on the entitled side. A route like this would seem almost a reward. No one wanted it.
The contradiction confused Wade. A parade of red flags marched through his head, when the supervisor assigned the route to him.
Dana Nguyen smiled with a touch of smirk, when he asked her why no one wanted Elysian, and told him.
"The neighborhood is . . . strange. Weird things happen. The people who live there are nice . . . most of them. There's this old lady you should look out for, you'll know when you find her house. Some of the others are . . . odd. There's no crime but . . . there was this guy, Bill Riley.
One of our deliverymen. Kind of a prick but good enough. Went in there a few years back and disappeared. A day later, he's calling us . . . from Yellowstone."
"Yellowstone?"
"Yep."
"As in the park."
"Uh huh."
"That's in, uh, Wyoming, right?"
"Yep."
"Um . . . how did he get from Connecticut to Wyoming in a day?"
"Bigger question was how did he lose all his clothes. He was calling from the park ranger station. They picked him up in the forest. He was lucky a campground was near. He was stark naked. They put him under arrest.
All he remembered was going on his usual deliveries, and then . . . Yellowstone. He got fired, there were some other issues, but I heard from Jeff Epstein, you met him, less of a prick, but still pals with Bill, that Bill told him, kind of confessed really, he'd made a lewd comment to one of the residents, he couldn't remember her name, and said something about taking her nude camping. Next thing he knew, he was in Yellowstone."
That's . . . weird."
"Yeah, it is. And those aren't the only stories."
Wade reflected on the other stories Dana told him, as he walked through the neighborhood.
The deliveryman who entered Elysian in his uniform, and left it in just a diaper and a butt plug. He couldn't, or wouldn't, explain how it happened but he quit that same day.
The old deliveryman on the verge of retirement, who disappeared. Police found his delivery truck at Elysian's entrance . . . with a one month old baby in the driver's seat, laying on the man's uniform.
"Baby got adopted," Dana said. "No one raised much of a fuss, except the news. The old guy's wife was dead, his son wasn't talking to him (he was a druggie and a criminal anyway), didn't have many friends. A shame really. He was a really nice guy. Kid's doing well I heard."
A few other delivery people went into Elysian, and were never seen again.
Finally, there was a new worker, just a few months before Wade.
"Sheila Bonham," Dana said. "Young, pretty, new to the job. Kinda hot, actually. Made her run, her first day. Came out okay, and then she quit, that same day. She was pregnant."
"Oh, that's a good reason I guess."
"Yeah, except she wasn't the day before. And I mean, absolutely no show whatsoever. Moreover, she went back to Elysian immediately, right after. She looked six months in when she got in her car. Barely fit her clothes.
The crazy thing: she didn't seem to care about her, uh, condition. Supervisor told me, vibe she got from Sheila was she thought it was sexy. Weird huh? Heard she moved in with one of the residents that same day. No one's seen or heard from her since."
"Um, why don't the police investigate the neighborhood?" asked Wade.
"They did, several times. Found nothing," Dana smiled. "It's not as if these 'incidents' happened one after the other. We're talking gaps of years here. Most of the stories are second hand, and Bill, and Sheila's stories are the only one's I've seen. People can explain those.
Some say Bill hopped on a plane, and Sheila was good at hiding her pregnancy. If it sounds logical, and it's easy to explain, the police don't care. The others are just hearsay, rumors, stories to scare newbies like you," Dana wagged her eyebrows.
Wade had delivered most of the packages, ruminating on Dana's story. Elysian Fields did prove to be an adventure, but nothing beyond eccentric residents . . . mostly.
The giant, shaggy black dog with large red eyes who growled at him, on the house at 666 Cherry Lane, was one example.
The house looked to be the oldest, but a fresh coat of paint covered much of the seediness. Wade put the package, carefully, on the porch.
"Down Paddy!" The voice startled him. It came from an open window next to the door, almost sepulchral in tone. The curtains masked the interior, but an occasional breeze blew an opening.
Wade couldn't see into the shadowed interior, but caught a glimpse of burning red eyes, sending a shiver through his body, even on a clear, sunny day.
"Sorry about my dog," the voice apologized.
"Uh . . . th-that's okay . . . um . . . Ma'am," Wade stammered, and scampered away. As he got back on the sidewalk, he heard, "What a handsome young man," with a certain sibilance to it.
The old lady on Peach Tree, bitter-looking, pinched like a raisin, white-hair fluffed over her head like a turban, spewing out streams of questions, mostly variations of, "Whatareyoudoinghere? Whyareyouhere? Whatsyoursupervisorsnumber?" and "Imcallingthepolice!"
Said torrent began the moment he set a toe on her walkway, followed by a burst out of her house, then a pecking up to her door.
The package he delivered was heavy; her mailbox, stuffed full of letters to the editor, HOA, relatives, neighbors, etc. Wade was glad to get away with his sanity.
This was the old lady Dana warned about.
"Just keep your mouth shut," she'd said. "Go in, get out. If it gets really bad, just tell us and we'll stop delivery."
The big, hairy, bearded guy, in the cul-de-sac off Apple Road, might not have looked out of place from Elysian. Except his lawn was the best looking in the neighborhood.
His house, large, well-built, and tidy. Wade liked him.
The man took his mail, and signed for the packages. He was friendly, with a broad smile beneath his bushy beard. Wade noted some interesting things about him:
Birth defects maybe?
The man's large nose wasn't out of the ordinary, but his pointed ears, and cloven feet (the man was barefoot), stood out.
The last house was the largest and best looking in Elysian. A modern thing, made of cubes of glass, brick, and metal. It sat on a slope, at the end of a long, white concrete driveway. A neatly cut lawn and beautiful garden placed in front.
"Wow! Impressive!" thought Wade. He walked up to the door, confirmed the address, rang, and waited.
Here's to hoping for no big, black dogs, crazy old ladies, and even nice, but hairy rednecks who look like satyrs.
The door opened. He stepped in, and then stepped out again. He blinked.
What the hell just happened?
He was standing on the driveway to the house. The day was still early afternoon. Only a minute or so looked to have passed. A glance at his watch confirmed it.
He looked in his delivery bag. Miss O'Connor was his last stop. No sign of the package.
Did Miss O'Connor change her mind?
He stood in the driveway, scratching his head. The warm summer breeze gently caressed his naked body.
Wait, what?! Naked body?!!
Wade looked down, stunned at first, then frantic. He blinked, then blinked again, trying to process that which he had not noticed, on stepping out of Miss O'Connor's house.
He was naked.
Stark, staring, bare-ass, spear naked.
He had his work sneakers. He had his wrist watch. He had his delivery bag. He had nothing else.
"What the fuck?!" Wade looked frantically back at the house. There was no house. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Where once a boxy mansion of glass, stone, and metal stood, instead was a grassy field, ringed by trees, and backyard fences.
Wade's mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish. His head swam, his body swayed, ready to faint.
Clear your brain, Wade!
He shook his head.
I'm dreaming, right? Heat stroke? But it's not too hot. Right. So I make a delivery to a house that's not there. Step inside, and a minute later, I'm outside, on a driveway that leads nowhere. And I'm naked. Stark naked.
A hysterical giggle built and rumbled in his belly. "Heh!Heh!"
Stop Wade! Get a grip!
He decided the best thing to do, for the moment, was take stock.
As in, make sure I'm not wearing a butt plug.
Confirmed by an examination of his very bare and smooth ass.
Whew!
Said confirmation led to another discovery.
Wait! What?! Where's my hair?!
As in, his body hair was gone. He touched his head.
A full head, at least that's there.
He also had his eyebrows. Everything else was gone.
Wade's body, prior to the house, sported some body hair: underarms, legs, forearms, lower belly, pubes, some peach fuzz on his face; all gone.
Wade noticed something else,
A tan?!
Not a deep one, nor medium, but a light tan adorned his formerly pale skin,
With no lines.
Adding to the weird: a light gloss, as of a sheen of sunscreen or oil, leant a soft gleam to his skin.
So, in just one minute of stepping inside an 'imaginary?' house, less than a minute, actually, I think, I got a full body wax? And an all over tan?
Not to mention, his hips and cock ached, and his mouth had a strange taste in it.
What the fuck just happened?!
The fact Wade, who rarely did so, cursed, even in his thoughts, illustrated the gravity of his present state. So much so, it took several moments for his brain to remind him, he was naked, in the open, where people could see.
"Yikes!" Wade quickly shifted his bag to cover his naughties, but couldn't do anything about his rear.
Get to the van! Get to the van!
Marissa, and her guests, cloaked in shadow, watched the young man buck buck away to his delivery van.
