Copyright @ calibeachgirl All rights reserved, 2012
Thanks to my copy editor estragon...
Lorelei sat up the next morning, alone in the bed. It had been so long since she had slept, she had almost forgotten what it felt like to awaken. Jade had never come to bed and when Lorelei sensed her, she realized the beautiful woman had spent the night on the patio, now wet from the coastal fog. How it was possible she had been unaware what her lover had done, she did not know.
"Jade?" she reached out quietly, unsure how to continue. "Jade?" Lorelei put on a robe and slippers and walked to the patio. Jade was sitting, her knees up and together, wrapped by her arms, humming a nameless melancholy tune. "Darling, come in, it's damp out here."
Jade looked up, preoccupied with her own thoughts. It was the first time that Lorelei had ever called her anything but 'Jade'. She slowly left the Adirondack chair and accepting Lorelei's hand, walked back into the house. "I want..."
"What do you want, Jade? Tell me and I will get it for you." Still Jade hesitated. Lorelei had never seen her lover so heartbroken. She attempted to see what had distressed her so but was unable to do so. That in itself was troubling. There was something missing but she couldn't tell what. She determined to find out, no matter what the cost.
"I don't know. I'm going to rest now." With that, she left Lorelei and went into the bedroom and lay on the bed, one arm across her eyes, blocking out the rising sun shining through the windows.
Lorelei walked into the kitchen where Juanita was fixing breakfast. "I don't think that Jade will be eating this morning but please put together some fruit and cereal in case she changes her mind."
"SÃ, Señora." The woman opened the refrigerator and looked in, moved a few things around and then gave a satisfied laugh.
Jade spent most of the morning in the bedroom staring at the dimly lit ceiling. Her mind, subconsciously working at her dilemma, ran through her encounter with the kidnapper and the boy. She wanted to speak to Lorelei about it, wondering if her lover had ever had the same needs... the same desires.
..........
Late that afternoon, Jade slowly walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, looking for something, anything to eat.
"Señorita Jade, what can I get you?" asked Juanita, carefully following her into the room. "Would you like some eggs or...?"
"Just a little orange juice, please... maybe, some toast." Jade sat down and looked out the window at the Pacific, still clouded in fog. She had forgotten her sunglasses in the bedroom and considered going back for them.
"SÃ, raisin toast with some butter..." Juanita put two slices into the toaster and poured out enough juice to fill the tall glass on the table. There was silence in the room except for the call of seabirds outside. The toaster popped up the bread, startling her. After two years with the two women, she could sense something was amiss.
"Would you like anything else?" The woman stood there, wiping her hands on her apron, worried for the woman she thought of as still a girl.
"No, thank you. I'm... good." Jade took the toast slices, spread the butter onto them, and watched it melt into the cinnamon swirls. As was her quirky habit, she took small bites and put down the toast after each one.
"I can fix you, maybe some eggs?" Juanita had her hand on the refrigerator door.
"No, thank you. I'm just not that hungry today." Jade put down the second slice and looked at it, not wanting to finish. They remained silent and still, exchanging a mutual sympathy that Jade found strangely strengthening. She took a drink and set down the glass. "I'll be gone, today. Please tell Lorelei." She pushed the chair back and walked to the hallway closet to get a coat against the sea-borne chill. "I'll be back in a while."
Jade thought about taking her car but decided to walk. She had enjoyed her long journeya to Fisherman's Wharf and decided to just walk. Jade shyly smiled and wiped her eyes. She found herself at the Italian grocery, still open after so many years. Jade went inside, eventually left sipping an espresso and continued to the open ocean side of the peninsula. She gathered her coat around her, braving the damp cold and wondering why they were still living in San Francisco rather than somewhere much warmer, like San Diego.
Thoughts of swaying palm trees and warm breezes filled her mind but did little to assuage a nagging ache that lurked just below the surface of her heart. Her problem, she soon realized, was not that there was a problem but that she didn't know what the problem was.
There still was astonishment in the newspapers about the miraculous discovery of the small boy near the waterfront. Astounding, she thought, that one so small would be able to survive in such a hostile environment without any apparent trauma, physical or mental. She felt a connection with the boy but could not fathom why or how.
Toward sundown, she started walking back to the house, determined to ask Lorelei why they were still living in San Francisco ,when it was so cold and damp. While moving the gallery would be problematic, it was not impossible. She pushed her hands deep into her pockets and hunched over.
Jade returned to the grocery and stopped for a sandwich from the deli inside, knowing that Juanita would probably be upset with her. The woman took great pride in her cooking skills.
Giovanni stood behind the deli counter, watching the strangely beautiful Asian girl before him. "Buona sera, signorina. How may I help you?" He set his knife down from the Romano.
She looked at him, at his dark hair, at his brooding eyes. They seemed to share sympathy and compassion and some of her pain was easing.
"Mi chiamo Giovanni".
"What?" she asked, not really listening to his words, instead studying his face, looking for something she desperately wanted.
"My name is Giovanni. What would you like to eat?" He looked at the cheeses and meats in the case, already seeking to please her, reaching for the best he had to offer.
"Your choice," she said. He was the first person she had really seen on her walk. Now she was speaking with a total stranger, she felt better as her mind reached out to him, shedding some of the burden she had been carrying alone.
He began to tell her of the different types of ham and cheese and she nodded, doing her best to be interested because she recognized that both of them needed to retreat from the intensity of their emerging emotions. Looking at the slim woman, he wondered what made her so fascinating; she was so different from the Italian girls he usually dated and he wondered why her hair was so white.
He picked up two crusty rolls, cut them, spread some oil and vinegar and then began to slice from the most expensive meats and cheeses he had, finally putting tomatoes and lettuce together with the rest. Looking at her eyes for he could do no other, he carefully wrapped the sandwiches in waxed paper and passed one to her. Walking from behind the counter, he pulled two Strawberry Crushes from the cooler. "Here, please," he said. "Eat this while I fix some manicotti. You'll like it." He took her by the hand and led her into the small kitchen in the back of the store next to the storage room.
His eyes meshed with hers, his strength in the lift of his chin, the directness of his gaze. She was amazed that she felt the way she did... for the first time in almost sixty years she was attracted to a man... not any man, this man.
"I'm terribly sorry," she said. He nodded as he felt the depth of her strange attraction in those few words spoken with such deep sincerity. "Things happen... things you want to say amuse you or make you sad or..."
His mind was filled with scenes of longing, not so much for love... no, that wasn't true, it was love, love for a child that did not exist, that couldn't exist. The desolation, he thought, the waste of a life... two lives. He looked away but she had already seen the betraying shine of tears in his eyes and she felt an outpouring of sympathy, if not for herself, for the child that never was. He was confused and not confused... so many years belying her youthful appearance.
After a long, long while she sighed and said gently, "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"I'm sorry that you had to live that. I can't pretend to understand what has happened or your decision to come here tonight but..." He left the rest unspoken, knowing that she knew what he meant.
He cleared his throat. "I think we should eat." He locked the door and, returning, pulled out a chair for her. "Per favore, siede con me, sit with me." Not once did he wonder at her ability to understand his Italian, taking for granted she knew what he was saying.
"Amerei fare ciò, I'd like that," she said fervently. Hope filled her; he was touched by her situation and would surely help her, she thought.
Jade managed to eat half of the food he had set before her before she pushed away her plate still filled with manicotti and prosciutto and Romano. "I can't wait any longer. We have to... to talk. I can't rest 'til we do."
"I agree," he said, standing up and stretching out his hand. "I think my appetite for food is gone, too. Shall we walk along the beach?"
Tense and nervous, not for her safety but for what she wanted, what she needed, she went with him down to the shore. Because of the narrowness of the steps she had to follow behind and her eyes kept drifting to the broad sweep of his shoulders, the narrow hips, the warm strength of his hand as it clasped hers. She wanted to reach out and smooth her fingers over his back, to feel the softness of his hair, the scent of his skin. She was confused. Hurt by worry, doubt, fear, weakened by emotion and longing for a child... yet, what of Lorelei?
She reached out with her mind to his. He turned and smiled gently. "All right?" he asked softly.
"Mmmmmm."
"You need someone to hold you, to want you, to love you." His arm encircled her waist, holding her tightly and she felt she would fall apart if he didn't... yet, what of Lorelei?
All her upbringing told her to run away as fast as she could and return to the familiar safety of Lorelei's arms... all her instincts were telling her to fling herself into his arms and beg for his kisses.
Her emotions radiated out like ripples on the surface of an otherwise still pond. She found him deeply attractive. The moonlight made his skin gleam like gold to her disordered senses. She wondered what her life was going to be like.
They reached the beach and walked along the sand as she tried hard not to let the magic fly away like dust before a storm. The pleasure of being with someone who understood the terrible emptiness she had felt all these years, the deafening silence of a house with no children and the starkness of a life spent never knowing a child's perfect love.