Urban Oddballs: Asspectations
Edited by Thegreat_pretender
"Ah shit, well this is what I get for making myself so short I guess," Tahlri muttered as she waved her hand above her head, trying to reach the cupboard above her.
"Welp, this is a hairy situation...okay, that was a bad pun. Good thing I'm by myself, haha," Tahlri snickered, using her long, flowing mane of platinum hair to give her a boost.
"Oh, the joys of prehensile hair...oh, bitchin', got some chocolate chip cookies left!" Tahlri giggled, munching on the snack as she used her hair to scuttle out of her kitchen.
"Whew, man. Girl, you know you really can fuck," Zeeks wheezed, sprawled out on Tahlri's couch.
"Well, you're not so bad yourself! Kind of despicable that you come over here after fucking your baby's mama, though," Tahlri hissed, licking her fingers.
"Aye, don't guilt trip me," Zeeks hissed back.
"Okay, you've bored me now, man slut. Get out," Tahlri yawned.
"Psst fine, whatever, I'm out. Get a shave though, you hairy ass bitch," Zeeks snorted. This was met with Zeeks being lifted up into the air by a strong tentacle of platinum hair. Tahlri gazed up at him with menacing intent as she nibbled on a cookie from her bag.
"Funny, you weren't complaining when you were pounding me raw," Tahlri snickered as she bit off a bite of her cookie.
"Hey, now, put me down!" Zeeks pleaded.
"Alright..." Tahlri obliged, slamming the flop goblin against the hardwood floor of her home.
"Ah, shit, you stupid..." before the insult could be completed, Zeeks was slammed again.
"You should watch your mouth when speaking to a lady, fufufuf," Tahlri giggled.
"Please...let me go..." Zeeks' plea was answered with another slam against the floor.
"Hmm, well this is getting boring. Ahh well, out you go!" Tahlri giggled as she opened the door and threw her former sex partner out.
As Tahlri was dusting off her hair from touching such a dirty varmint, her phone began to ring.
"Oh, the call of duty, time to get busy!" She giggled, using her hair to swing to the second floor of her house. She then went to her phone that rested on a side table near the stairs.
***
Elsewhere:
"Whew, man, all this milking equipment is heavy. Though, a lady shouldn't have to carry things long distances, right girl?" Rupert said to Poppy, who walked in front of him.
"Hey, Rupert, Rupert!" Said a familiar voice from far away.
"Oh, who? Helga?" Rupert questioned, adjusting the backpack on his back.
"Hey there! We haven't teamed up for mission in a while, and Mazz said you've been MIA for a second, so what's up?" Said the deer woman as she buried her hands into her fleshy hips.
"Well, um, I got a dog recently, so that's been taking up a lot of my time," Rupert said, embarrassed and gesturing to Poppy.
"Oh, how cute. It's a girl, right? She's adorable," Said Helga as she bent down in a suggestive way, making sure that Rupert noticed her huge rear end that made child's play out of the mint green leotard she was wearing.
"Oh, uh yeah, she's a girl," Rupert mumbled.
"Oh, you still seem to have that wandering eye huh?" Helga giggled, smacking her own ass in a playful tease.
"What?" Rupert questioned, trying to keep the situation cool.
"Oh, don't be like that. I know you've always had an eye for my ass," Helga giggled, spanking herself again.
"Well hmm..." Rupert paused, looking pensive now.
"Haha, well I've been taking fat distribution pills and doing some corset training. As you can see, the results are marvelous," Helga giggled, running her four fingered hands down her tampered wasp-like waist, which ran into the corpulence of her hips, ass, and thighs, tampering into petite hooves.
Rupert was mesmerized by Helga's spoon shaped figure. Though he remained stiff, his member stood at attention.
"Haha, you're so easy to tease. Listen, if you get a moment away from your new daughter, give me a call, okay? I haven't changed my number," Helga giggled, blowing Rupert and his dog a kiss as she went on her way.
Rupert watched her walk away, each overflowing bubble of ass flesh slapping into the other as her wide hips shifted from side to side.
Poppy tugged on the leash, now a bit annoyed by his lustful gazes.
"Oh, oh so sorry, baby, I didn't mean to do all of that in front of you."
Poppy remained unresponsive for the rest of the couple's trip.
***
"Okay, so I'll be having my burger rare, please, with a side of fried green tomatoes," Etchiko said, looking at the menu over her bottle cap glasses.
"A small salad for me, thanks," smiled Kassie as she fed one of her fairies a droplet of ketchup from her finger tip.
"Yeah, and I will have, like...um, shit, I guess coffee and some blue velvet cake?" Tahlri requested, confused by the name of the dish.
As the waitress steeped away, the women began to discuss their plans for the day's mission.
"Alright girl, so we're after a woman named 'Queen Bogus'. She's been reported of selling counterfeit phones in up-town," Etchiko stated, flipping through the quest specs on her phone.
"Question!" Tahlri blurted.
"Yeah, T, what's up?" Etchiko responded.
"Why did you order your burger all bloody?" Tahlri squirmed.
"I like my burgers bloody, I'm a vampire bat. Why is this a pressing matter?" Ethiko sighed.
"Cuz it's gross," Tahlri huffed.
"Well, it's the middle of the day and you ordered cake..." Ethiko pressed.
"Pssst, so?" Tahlri fired back.
"You know what, I'm not doing this with you. Did you have any questions, Kassie?" Etchiko asked, ignoring Tahlri.
"Nah. But wait, who's leading the team this time? Did Puvi say anything?" Kassie asked.
"Well, no, she didn't say anything so I guess it's up to us," Etchiko shrugged.
"I'm it!" Tahlri blurted out.
"Ah, umm, hmm," Kassie mumbled.
"Alright, are you sure you've got this, though?" Etchiko cautioned.
"Yea, yea, yea!" Tahlri replied, pumping her arms.
"Alright, you've got the wheel on this one, then, and your cake's here."
***
"You okay, Onion?" Annry asked Oeno, who was bed bound at the moment.
"Yeah, but they must have grown five times during the night, I can't even stand up." Oeno said as she wiggled around to no avail.
"Sorry, I couldn't suck out any more. I feel like I'm gonna pop," Annry burped as she rubbed her taut belly.
"No, I understand, though I think I'm more cow than cleric now," Oeno giggled.
"Well, I mean that's not a bad thing. Once Poppy and that fat guy bring the milker by, we'll have you lighter in no time," Annry assured her.
"I hope I won't need a wheelchair or anything like that when I'm out and about," Oeno worried.
"Nah. Though a staff could be cool," Annry pondered.
"That's just a glorified cane, though," Oeno sighed.
"Wait, have you tried to drink from yourself?" Annry asked.
"I can't lift them, how am I supposed to put my nipple in my mouth?" Oeno questioned.
"Ah shit, that's a good point. Umm...shoot," Annry thought, scratching her head.
'Ding dong'
"Oh, that must be them. We'll get you all set up in a flash!" Annry assured Oeno.
***
"Man, goon #1, what's up with this sports team, they suck...?" Queen Bogus yawned, scratching her crotch.
"Umm, boss, could you please put something on besides your jacket?" The goon pleaded, trying not to look at her.
"Ah shut up, who cares about that?" Queen Bogus yawned.
"I just say..." The goon paused.
"Well out with it! Wait, are you okay?"
The goon shook and hit the floor. As he lay there bleeding out, Queen Bogus' eye caught something most unsettling.
"Fuck, he's dead. What happened, was he shot? Wait, what is that?"
A tiny, muscular fairy climbed out of the hole in the goon's back and flexed, showing off its strength.
"What in the fuck?" Queen Bogus murmured, only to hide behind her couch away from the large bullet proof window to her left.
"Jeez, all of her rich ass neighbors are watching us," Etchiko moaned, flapping her arms to keep Kassie and herself afloat.
"So, what was Tahlri's plan again?" Kassie asked.
No sooner had she said that when Tahlri busted through the door on the top floor.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Tahlri shouted
"What, no oh ga!!!" Queen Bogus blurted as she was punched in the face by a huge fist composed of platinum hair.
"Yeah, what up, bitch! I beat up all yo people and just took you downtown!" Tahlri yelled, pelvic thrusting the unconscious woman.
"Could you stop?" Etchiko wheezed, coming through the door.
"You were supposed to break the window so we could fly in!" Kassie huffed.
"Yeah, but, no, but, I'll tell you what...I beat her ass, though!" Tahlri laughed.
"Yeah, and all the goons down stairs have been wounded or murdered, so...I guess we'll take the group shot and upload the pic..." Etchiko trailed off before disappearing and reappearing behind an arisen Queen Bogus.
"What the fuck?" Tahlri swore.
"I felt her killing intent, so I jabbed her in the gut a little," Etchiko said as she powered her signal blade down, causing the generated blade of static to whir as it retreated back into her phone.
"Ahh shit, shouldn't have checked before gloating..." Tahlri thought aloud.
"Oh really? Who would have thought?" Etchiko laughed, rolling her eyes.
"Whatever, bitch, let's get the picture shit!" Tahlri said, rolling her eyes as well.
***
"So, like, I'm thinking of calling you 'Scaleling!'" Said Gaxi with obnoxious enthusiasm.
"So, what's her name going to be?" Quiz asked, thumbing back to Sarah.
"I want to be 'Sarah Slaughter'!" Sarah clapped.
"That's super dark and edgy, let's not do that," Quiz coughed, fanning Sarah off.
"Yeah, we don't want people thinking we're meanies," Gaxi pointed out.
"Hmm, I'm gonna think about it, then," Sarah muttered, a little upset.
"So, Boss Booty, what's the mission for today?" Quiz asked as the three of them lounged on Quiz's couch.
