Unrequited Love Machine

"So you understand the process, if it works is permanent," the doctor said adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his crooked nose."

"Yes, but anything is better than how I feel now," Stanley said adjusting himself in the green leather chair.

"And my assistant has explained that we use a bank on the west coast so your credit card billing will listed for an hour ago. As you know the devil is in the billing," the doctor laughed, Stanley did not get it but chuckled to humor him.

"So to get a better idea at what I have to work with I need some questions answered. I know you put them on your paperwork but I just need to go through them again. From where did you know her from? Where did you meet?"

"School, funny thing is I did not even know her name until half way through the semester. I first noticed her when she had her hair redone; I saw the cherry tattoo on the back of her neck and thought that she might be hot. She is not my usual type. Intellectual, her butt was a bit too big, but she also had that smile that would not quit. We talked a bit on a school outing and I had another shot to go to the bar with her. Or rather with a friend of a friend of hers but I had work so early the next day..."

"The opportunity missed... so you want to forget everything, right?"

"It hurts. I think of that song about puppy love but this is like a wolf eating at my stomach. It hurts. "

"Was there a sexual element to it also.?" "Yes. I kept thinking of making lover to her. At first it was that innocent kiss, then it was a rainstorm coming home in a cab sort of make out session. The first shy fuck in her apartment. Then over time..."

"Yes, please go on." the doctor said as he wrote his notes in a yellow legal pad. The nurse came in and started to set up the equipment, including a very long needle.

"I'd have these fantasies of her, all sorts of fantasies. Sometimes she'd be my mistress with a whip, dressed in leather. Other times it would be a slow fuck on our wedding anniversary. I felt like I was so much in love with her. I would have dreams of making love to her in the middle of a crowded football stadium, right on the field so the whole world could see how much I love her."

The doctor looked up from his notes, "You said that you felt like you were in love with her, you had doubts?"

"Yes, look I scarcely talked to her. To her I was just another student in a sea of faceless students, and yet I cannot stop thinking about her. I get jealous sometimes thinking of the lucky guy who she is going to end up with. The only good thing is since I have had all this pain my writing has never been more productive."

The doctor finished up his notes and capped his pen. "As we have said before the way this works is through disassociation. We have earlier mapped out your brain. We will find one memory of her and then link it to others, we kill that one then the rest will follow. It is not exact and in your case I cannot guarantee success. It is like weeds, sometimes we pull one but the root is still there. In any case there is no refunds. If this does not work I know the name of a good therapist. Are you ready?"

He nodded. The nurse, incredibly busty, probably a distraction, set him up with the drip and put the plastic helmet on his head. The doctor dimmed the lights and opened the plastic cover on the wall switch with a key. He checked a wall meter and then pressed the button, after which he closed the cover back up.

Stanley saw her in his mind's eye vividly, then her face became a blur, like what happens with people who have "facial amnesia." He felt part of him sighing in relief as the memories started to go, but then other parts of his mind fought back. He thought of kissing her, the memory of the first time he noticed her tattoo. Her skirt up as she sat on her couch and licked her, her eyes scrunched in ecstasy while her hands ran through her hair. Walking down the park, she was three months along and showing. The memories dimmed then fired back harder than ever. The fight they never had, kinky vacation sex, weeding their garden together.

The doctor shouted something but he seemed so far away. The nurse with surprising strength held his arm steady and pushed a needle in, and then there was hot gray bliss.

When he woke up the old fashioned wall clock said nine, he had been out for four hours.

The doctor did paperwork at his desk, then turned to him. "I am sorry the process did not work." Feeling rested Stanley got to his feet.

"Have you considered talking to her?"

"No, she transferred out last term. I do not even know her last name. And I can't find it out, school privacy and all."

"I have a car waiting outside, if you want my advice either get over it the old fashioned way-time. If not call the number on this card and make an appointment." It started to rain outside.

"Forget the car I'll walk home or to the subway."

He started for the door, the nurse stopped him. "Here, it is from the lost and found pile, you'd be surprised how many people forget them here, they must have other things on their minds."

Stanley walked into the storm not bothering to use the umbrella.

"Has anyone ever bothered to use that number, or the umbrella?"

"Very few, for that matter they almost never take the car. If they did I'd actually have to call one for them," he said as the car pulled away, its driver heading out to work the night shift at a clothing factory on the edge of the city.

"Do you know how many people are in love with your niece?" she said putting away the package and disc they had used.

"He came here asking for inspiration, he could have taken the golden affair, or the trip to the country memory but he wanted the unrequited love package and that is just what he got, what most writers need. So we made up "Emily" and his infatuation with her earlier today when we billed him. Then we tried to take away those memories and failed."

"It is still a little sad."

"Don't worry, profound sadness is just part of the life of a writer, it inspires them. We used to try to simulate mental illness but you know how that worked out."

The nurse shivered.

"He will go home and maybe even cry, then the words will flow and flow. What is really sad is that when he first came in here he never had a person to make him feel that way. You know it is better to have love and lost then..."

The doctor's last words were drowned out by the thunder outside as she thought of him in the storms; both in his head and outside.