Chapter 24
It never rained on June 16th, but the ocean spray could have fooled me. Every time the waves crashed, water shot over the cliffs, and the cloudy backdrop made Sadie's black jet black hair stand out more than usual.
She was sitting, faced away from me, her legs dangling over the precipice where Charlemagne Canyons met the sea. She never once looked back to see me, her eyes watching the tributaries that formed the canyon itself.
It had been more than a month since Emma had the idea to come here. I'd been putting it off, spending every day I could with my new fiancé, Sadie, the furthest thing from my mind. I couldn't ignore her now. She was the Sadie I remembered, thin and a little bit punk. She wore a dark leather jacket and jeans that whipped in the wind.
"I never understood why you picked this place," she said softly. She was staring out, taking in the crashing waves, "We'd never been here, and it didn't make sense to me. But then I came here, and I get it. It's beautiful Charlie."
I took slow, careful steps on the slippery ledge, narrowing the gap between us. Her feet were rocking back and forth, kicking against the side of the cliff. Her arms were back behind her, totally rested and at peace.
"I would have said yes, you know," she said, "Seeing this place- seeing the ring. I really did love you Charlie."
"I did too."
She looked back for the first time, and I say the pain in her eyes. She looked tired, her scarred eyebrow pursed, the bags under her eyes droopier than normal, as if she'd been crying. "I know," she said softly.
I kept towards her at a crawling pace, then sat beside her. Even with the resets, I felt my heartbeat in my throat when I stuck my legs over the ledge, swinging into nothingness.
Sadie couldn't look at me now, "Which is why- it hurt so fucking much watching you propose to Amanda, and I knew I couldn't wait any longer."
I tried staring at her, tried to make her turn so I could catch her eye. The only reaction she gave was a hand that wiped her wet eyes.
"I know you didn't cheat on me."
The waves crashed against the rocks, and a fresh ocean spray washed over us.
"I figured you were right," Sadie continued, her voice strained, "You were in here long enough, been tortured enough- you at least deserved some effort on my part. I'd been avoiding it, truthfully, because I was scared. When I thought you cheated, that was the lowest moment of my entire life. I felt more alone, more terrified of everything that was happening- the truth is, I didn't check because I didn't want to check. I didn't trust you, and I was scared of what I'd find. I thought it'd hurt too much- to actually see it. I didn't think I'd be strong enough to stop from spiraling. I should have at least checked. I'm sorry."
I kept on watching her. I saw the way her eyes darted towards me, scared of my reaction, but she never looked directly towards me, the fear and shame too strong.
"I should have been there for you more," I said.
That got her to look. Her eyes were redder than before, a thousand emotions fighting for real estate, from pain to sorrow, and longing.
"I was scared too," I said softly, "I'd never felt more helpless and shut out in my life, but I could have been better."
She gave a small smile, then snorted away the tears.
"Sadie," I said, testing my luck as I leaned closer towards her, "Are you letting us go?"
She looked back, wearing that same pained expression.
"I wanted to see what life could have been," she said, her voice soft, "And after I found out you were telling the truth- I went to June 17th."
The words seemed so strange. I'd been trapped here so long the idea of any other date was laughable.
"I went to the tomorrow that happened if none of this ever happened. No timeloop, you and I never fought. I tried going forward without suspicion; I tried to see us for what we actually were."
She took a deep breath, breathing in the ocean air as she tried to find the strength to keep opening up, "I wanted to come back here and stop the timeloop the second I knew the truth- but the 17th became the 18thand the 19th, and life went on, and we were happy."
"My situation," she continued, "Isn't as dire as it looks. It's not pleasant- and it's not the best way to live, but I've got another decade."
She didn't want to look, but she forced herself. She knew she needed to see my eyes as she spoke the next few words.
"You and I have a family," she said, "And a nice home, and we're happy. Even if it is only a decade. I kept on living until I lost the battle, and I wouldn't change a thing. When I reset, I came right here, ready to reset everything, but you were with Amanda. And you were happy. I thought you deserved at least a little happiness. I figured, my happily ever after could wait until your happiness ended."
She took another deep breath, "And then you proposed, and suddenly there wasn't an end in sight. I wasn't doing you a favor anymore, I was torturing you. So I had to intervene."
Sadie leaned closer, and for the first time in years I felt her warm touch on my shoulder. Her eyes had turned apologetic, stricken with guilt.
"I can't give up what we build, and I can't give up my family," she whispered, "I could just reset everything, but you wouldn't remember anything, and I can't imagine keeping a secret like that. I don't think I have any other choice. I have to keep waiting. But you at least needed to know where I'm at."
I studied her. She looked like I'd always remembered, and I tried to see the girl I loved, but she just wasn't there. "Sadie," I whispered, "After everything I've been through, everything you did, I don't love you. Not anymore."
Her eyes shot away, but her voice was full of worse pain than she'd had all night, "I know."
"Please let me go."
She was crying now. Real tears, not just wetness she could wipe from her eyes.
"Sadie," I said again.
"I can't." Her head was shaking now, her eyes unfocused.
I tried to picture the life she'd lived. I tried to see ourselves, happy in each other's arms, raising a family, building a house together. It didn't matter how many ways I tried to frame it, every time I saw a happy thought, a fun memory from our past, it was matched with pain. I saw all the broken arms I'd gotten in here, every time one of the women of Custer City took their revenge out on me."
"You can take," she started uncertainly, "As much time as you need. You can live a thousand lifetimes with Amanda if you want, but it's not even a discussion. I can't end this until I know my future's safe. I want the Charlie you used to be."
A thousand thoughts fought for attention. I felt every emotion I could, pissed off, curious, and defensive. I never did settle on a response, and Sadie didn't give me the chance. She'd said her piece, and had run out of energy for discussion.
"I'll be at home.
Our
home. When you're ready to end this, you know where I'll be."
I didn't see her leave. She was gone in an instant. There was nothing but the ocean spray that came from where she used to be.
Chapter 25
Sadie didn't expect to see me for months. She doubted I'd walk through that front door in the next decade. All she expected was a quiet day, where she could lounge around the house, content knowing she'd said what she needed to.
She woke with bedhead and walked with leaden feet. She blinked in exhaustion, yawning as she brewed her morning coffee. She gave her neck a quick stretch, scratching her itchy thigh as she made her way towards the refrigerator.
She faced the same boredoms as the rest of us, and she faced them alone. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair, losing the fight with bedhead. She sipped her coffee as she made her way towards the living room.
She expected to watch tv, maybe cook, possibly read a book. The last thing she expected was her window to shatter.
The glass broke quickly, flying into her living room. A shard caught her temple and the blood spray was immediate. Sadie dove towards the ground, her ears ringing as another volley of shots passed overhead.
She gave her temple a ginger touch, assessing the damage. She pulled her red fingers back, watching the blood that dripped across the floor. She wriggled towards the couch, crawling on her hands and knees until her back was flush to the fabric. She had to swat her sticky hair away. Her eyes burned where blood caught in them.
She chanced a glance, peering over the couch. She saw two women, blurry through the shattered glass. She hadn't been paying much attention to them, but she knew who they were: Hannah and Mary.
Fuck
, she thought. Her head darted side to side, trying to find a way out. She heard the crunch of dry grass as the footsteps came closer.
They were armed
, she thought, trying to piece together the situation,
They both had a rifle, they both had a holster at their hip. There's two of them.
The footsteps had gotten so close she could hear the frantic way their adrenaline made them breath.
"SADIEEEE!" one of them bellowed.
I should have paid more attention to these two-
Hannah had reached the window. She'd spun her rifle and started kicking the glass free with the stock. Sadie pressed flat, her core trembling as the first shards of glass fell. Her feet churned the carpet, slipping in the blood, pressing herself as tightly to the couch as she could.
"What do you want?" Sadie screamed. It didn't matter if she'd reset- the pain was real. The roaring in her temple was real enough to keep her heart pounding.
All Sadie got was laughter. The two were incredulous, after all their mental anguish, torturing Sadie was more than justified.
A part of her wanted to rise. She wanted to stand tall, take a bullet as cleanly as possible, just to get it over with- but they'd find the machine. Sadie could ask them what they wanted, but it was just a façade. They wanted the timeloop to end, and if they searched long enough, they'd figure it out. She had to stop them.
That leaves two choices,
Sadie knew,
Try to fight them now, or try to get away.
She looked down. Her fingers ran along the shattered glass, clutching a shard between them.
Even with this- at best I can cut one. They'd still kill me.
That left running.
Sadie stood suddenly, the glass blade high above her head. She threw it the second she was visible, twisting in the air like a playing card.
She got what she wanted- a flinch. Mary dove to the side, and Hannah ducked, shielding her face with a pistol. Sadie turned and sprinted.
She took the stairs two at a time, her heart thudding three times with every step. She heard Mary roar, the constant shattering as they kicked away the last of the glass. She rounded the banister, sprinting towards the master bedroom, as Mary grunted through the window frame.
The entire time Sadie was searching. She'd never been one to keep weapons, and as master of time she'd never felt a need.
Her fingers worked idly while she thought. She ripped a piece of fabric from the bedsheet, and pressed it flat to her temple. Her eyes were wide, scanning wildly around the room.
The footsteps downstairs were lumbering around, deafening as they stormed the house. She heard shattering, a broken vase, a butt through the drywall.
Her eyes wandered towards the machine. She wanted to just leave, take it with her, but the machine caused the time dilation- using it on itself was a paradox that terrified her.
The footsteps found the stairs.
Sadie had run out of options. She had tv remotes she could throw, but nothing that could stand against a gun. Her foot shot out, kicking the post free from the bed. She raced forward on hands and knees, turning the wooden post like a baseball bat.
Mary had nearly reached the top of the stairs. She fired a quick few shots; a caution that shook the house. Sadie darted to her feet, clutching the post as she ran towards the door frame. She pressed herself flat, waiting for the footsteps to come closer.
