The Warloc & the Wizardess

Author's note: This is a work of fiction. All characters are eighteen years or older. This story features anal sex, so be warned in case that's not your cup of tea. Consider this just a silly, smutty parody of a few fantasy cliches. Don't expect epic tones or anything even vaguely resembling seriousness and you won't be disappointed when you don't find them! Enjoy!

This chapter picks up exactly where the previous one ended, so it's best to read that first.

*****

Groaning with discontent, Jadrik woke up with a clinking metallic sound ringing in his ears. As he grudgingly emerged from unconsciousness, his second disappointment of the day, beside the fact of having to stop sleeping in the first place, was the realization that Shayla's soft curvy body wasn't snuggled up with him anymore.

As he groggily sat up, the warlock forced his eyelids to open just a crack so that he could take a look around and locate the source of the ringing sound that had stirred him from slumber. Jadrik soon had his answer.

Solid-looking like a boulder and just as heavily built, Uli was sitting cross-legged by the remains of the campfire with a spoon in one ham-sized hand and a pebble in the other. With his flinty gray gaze trained on the snoring form of Aldarius, the dwarf was meticulously taking aim as he dipped his spoon into the pot resting among the last dim embers of the fire. Slowly bringing to his mouth a generous helping of rabbit stew left over from the previous night, Uli finally let lose the pebble in his left hand with a swift jerking movement of his wrist. A sharp clicking sound marked the impact of the tiny stone hitting the passed out paladin's gorget and ricocheting away.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes and cursing the damn morning sun under his breath, Jadrik got dressed and went to sit beside Uli.

"Bah! I can't seem to hit him on the head from here, can ye believe it!?" the dwarf complained to the warlock while reaching into the pot for another big spoonful of partially reheated stew.

Noticing the amount of pebbles scattered around and all over the unconscious knight, Jadrik commented sleepily: "Good thing there's not much need for aim when you chop people in half with an axe."

Choosing to reply with nothing more than a rumbling grunt, Uli threw another stone at Aldarius and yet again missed the target. After bellowing out a short yet exceedingly crass swear word in his harsh-sounding native tongue, the burly dwarf exhaled and reached for a tin cup filled to the brim with a murky green concoction.

"Here," Uli said, passing Jadrik the cup, "the lass made ye sharpweed tea."

Within moments, Jadrik had gulped down the whole lukewarm beverage with gusto, enjoying its bitter aroma and the vaguely salty taste of the fragments of the invigorating grass floating in the tea. A passionate connoisseur of herbal stimulants, Jadrik knew very well that Shayla was not a fan of the pungent, sour-tasting sharpweed that he personally considered to be a staple in the diet of any self-respecting disciple of the dark arts, but that only made his appreciation for her gesture even greater. As he smacked his lips and smiled, already feeling a jolting rush of tea-induced lucidity return to his drowsy mind, Jadrik looked around inquisitively.

"Uli, are there any more of those..."

"Aye. Here ye go," the dwarf brusquely interrupted, already guessing what Jadrik was asking for and handing the warlock a small leaf-wrapped bundle. Shaking his head and thus making the thick twin braids of his fiery red beard undulate side to side, the beefy warrior let out a deprecating chuckle as he grumbled on. "Ye're a disgrace to yer gender, lad. Eating elvish diet cookies like a skinny pointy-eared lassie... Bah! Is that really all ye're gonna eat for breakfast? We'll surely get to the end of our quest today, maybe we'll even have to finally do some real fighting in that Chapel of Red Bollocks, and ye're gonna have just stinky herbal tea and fancy elvish biscuits in yer belly?! Bah!"

Ignoring Uli's gruff taunting, Jadrik unfolded the leaf wrapping to reveal the stack of flatbread crackers it held inside. Breaking a corner off one of them, the warlock made a big ceremony out of bringing the elven flatbread to his grinning mouth, shrugging as the dwarf scoffed in derision all the while. As he chewed slowly on the hard, unpalatable yet hyper-nutritious morsel that would satiate him for half the day at the very least, Jadrik endured Uli's scorn with calm stoicism.

"Ye know, even the lass won't eat those silly elvish cookies," the sturdy warrior persisted, his scornful grin perceivable even under his thick red mustache. "She's very sensible, for a human. She had wild quail eggs and a wee bit of stew for breakfast, like a real woman with curves should!"

"Yeah, well... Shayla happens to be blessed with a healthy appetite, among other things," Jadrik conceded, "while I am not. And even less so in the morning. Still, just so you know, these 'silly cookies', happen to be incredibly healthy and nutritious. Just think of the piles of gold that could be made if someone discovered the exact recipe for this stuff. All the noblewomen in the Capitol would pay anything to have food that keeps them slim and well fed at the same time. Besides," he added, finally able to swallow the fabled yet not exactly savory mouthful of flatbread, "since you like elf chicks so much that you drugged one almost to death just to fuck her, you're actually the very last person who should speak against a food that's so responsible for their lithe looks."

"Pff! It's not just about their looks, lad, ye know that..." Uli replied, his gaze becoming dreamy and his kilt starting to tent as his mind started picturing sexy images of Laentharyel beautiful body accompanied by vivid memories of her sweet, amazingly tight elven pussy. "It's all about the naughty angle, ye see, the fact that fucking pointy-eared lassies is forbidden. Truth is, no matter how much we dwarfs say that elves are sissies, and no matter how much elves say that we're savages, there's always been this dirty sexual tension between our races. It's one of those 'love to hate' thingies, ye know. Well, at least between dwarf males and elf females..." Uli concluded with a chortle, elbowing the warlock just as he tried to swallow another bite of elven crackers, causing Jadrik to cough and almost choke on that obstinately dry morsel. "Can't say that dwarf lasses are too happy about this hush-hush business with forbidden elven pussy, though. Of course, we dwarf lads know better: that's why we always curse the pointy-ears in public, for appearance's sake and all, just so our women don't get jealous."

"Right," Jadrik nodded, "speaking of which, where are the girls?"

"Down to the stream, to bathe and such," Uli guffawed, remembering how eager Laeny had been to drag Shayla to the bubbling brook nearby and 'help her' with her morning ablutions.

"I see," Jadrik said musingly. "I should probably go too. Personal hygiene is difficult to maintain in these wild surroundings. It's tough to stay civilized while adventuring."

"Aye, sure. Hygiene, uh?" Uli laughed slamming a big coarse hand on the warlock's back while guiding another spoonful of cold stew to his mouth with the other. "I gotta say, sweet little Laeny was very willing this morning," the dwarf added, winking knowingly. "I woke up with her pretty lips wrapped around my dong, and even after she sucked me off and got a bellyful of cock-cream for breakfast, she still wasn't done! Rode me like a wildcat, she did! And she wasn't even having one of her phases neither!"

"Interesting," the warlock reflected out loud as he stood up to leave. "Maybe the effects of the potion are becoming permanent... It's surely a possibility, given the dosage we gave her."

"Or maybe she was always a nasty pointy-eared whore deep down, and she just needed a big dose of pussy-itch potion and dwarven dickmeat to realize it!" Uli suggested, a lewd glint in his flinty eyes and a lecherous smile on his mustache-covered lips. "How about that theory, eh?"

"That's also plausible, sure," the warlock conceded, talking gradually louder as he walked away, moving farther into the woods, headed for the stream. "There's no doubt that the potion was crucial in unveiling and bringing Laeny's hidden libidinous desires to the fore. I'll know more after I analyze the subject better, though. I'll let you know."

"Ye better!" Uli yelled back.

As Jadrik's footsteps faded in the distance, the dwarf picked up another chunk of rock, much heftier than the previous pebbles, and aimed it at Aldarius. Slurping up another big greasy helping of cold stew and squinting his eyes as he prepared to launch the stone at the paladin, the dwarf chuckled to himself. "Alright, then. Let's see just how thick this armored clown's head really is..."

*****

"Oohh yeees, Laeny, eat my pussy like that! Yeees, lick mee-eehh-eeehhh!"

That long mewl of release and the echoing sounds of his adored slut's pleasure-husky voice guided Jadrik to the exact bend in the brook where the girls had gone to bathe. Grinning as he ran through the last patch of bushes, the warlock paused by a tree to look at the scene unfolding before him.

Lying on a her back on the grassy bank of the stream, Shayla was yelping and panting and mauling her own huge jutting tits while, kneeling between her spread open legs, Laeny devoured her pussy like she was famished for the wizardess's dewy slit. Turned on like crazy by the taste of her busty brunette friend's gushing orgasm, the huntress diddled her own pussy with abandon, pumping two slender digits into her own wet snatch as she kept munching on Shayla's engorged, juice-slick clit.

While Laentharyel's pussy-muffled squeals spiked up as she came too, burying her fingers deep inside her own snug little honey pot, the squishy sounds of her final tongue lashing assault on Shayla's clit gradually diminished to a sequences of milder licking noises that mixed with the wizardess's deep, languid sobs of satisfaction. Never unclasping her avid lips from Shayla's juicy pussy, the huntress kept suckling and lapping away until the busty brunette let go of her own large tits and gently held Laeny's head in her hands, removing the elf's sculpted face from the swollen, well-licked folds of her slit.

"Sweetie, if you don't stop doing that I'm gonna pass out!" Shayla chuckled. Rolling to her side and propping herself on an elbow, the wizardess sultrily murmured: "Now come here and let me have a taste of my juices. I wanna know what's so special about my pussy that makes you always want to lick it..."

Laeny's fleeting disappointment at having to stop slurping up Shayla's girlcum dissolved in a silvery laughter. As she lay down facing the wizardess and melted in her embrace, the elf pressed her cherry-red lips to Shayla's tumid mouth and kissed her deeply, letting the voluptuous human savor her own sweet nectar with every wet, suctioning smooch they traded.

Watching from the edge of the forest as the girls' tongues danced and their lips joined over and over again, Jadrik was soon sporting a raging erection under his black robes while his eyes remained glued to the blonde huntress's slim body pressed against the raven-haired wizardess's curvaceous frame. It was so insanely erotic to see those two very different yet equally ravishing beauties locked in a loving embrace. Most of all, he was thrilled by the delicious detail of Laeny's perky pointy titties pressing firmly against Shayla's full bulging jugs, so that their hard and puffy nipples were sensuously touching and brushing together all the while. When the elf interrupted their intense make out session and nuzzled Shayla's cheek, purring and giggling, what the warlock heard made him even more excited.

"Shayla," Laeny asked looking into the wizardess's deep blue eyes with a sort of hesitant note in her bright, sing-song voice, "do you think Jadrik would like to fuck me in the ass?"

The warlock's stiff cock pulsed with joy at that and he had to strain not to let his eagerness pour out in a loud cheering hoot. Luckily, he managed to tone down his enthusiasm into a strangled gasp that was further drowned out by Shayla's throaty chuckle.

"Duh, you bet he'd like that!" the wizardess nodded, tucking a strand of Laeny's long blonde hair behind her pointy ear. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, well, you know..." the gorgeous elf mumbled dismissively, suddenly blushing and averting her big, almond-shaped green eyes. "I just thought... Well, you two do it a lot in the forbidden hole, and you seem to really like it, so..."

"I do like it," Shayla confirmed, "very much. Jad too, of course. And Uli is quite a big fan of anal as well."

"Yeah, that's the thing, actually," Laeny admitted. "I know that Uli will ask me to do anal sooner or later, and if it happens while I'm having one of my crazy moments, I don't know..."

"Sweetie, you really don't seem to need much help getting crazy lately!" Shayla snickered teasingly, making the elf laugh in turn.

"That's true, but still," Laeny persisted, "what if I agree to do it when I'm super horny and careless and stuff, and then he ends up hurting me? I mean, Uli's cock is sooo awfully terribly large and I'm a butt virgin! What if I don't like it? I mean, I wanna like it, and I think I will. I'm almost sure..." the elf mused, looking into Shayla's blue eyes as the wizardess caressed her perfect face and then traced her thin neck and slim shoulders with her fingertips. "I'm just afraid to let Uli be my first. My butthole is so, so tiny and his dwarven cock seems way too thick to fit, so I thought... Well, maybe, if Jadrik agrees to do it and if you don't mind sharing him, maybe he could help me with that..."

"Laeny," Shayla asked, her full lips upturned in a broad smile, "are you asking my permission to let Jadrik stick his cock in your tight virgin ass? Is that it?"

The elf just nodded in response, blushing and looking away again.

"Aw, honey! You don't need to get coy with me, not after all the nasty stuff we did together already!" Shayla laughed huskily, hugging a nervous Laeny to her buxom chest and sucking hard on her soft pouty mouth, making the elven huntress relax again. "Don't worry, it's alright. You have my permission, yes."

"Really?" Laeny brightened, fully displaying her cutely girlish nature and thus reaffirming the paradoxical fact that, despite her being centuries old, by the standards of her people she was still barely past her teenage years. "You won't be mad at me afterward, will you? Because I don't want that, no matter what. I know that anal is kind of a special thing between you and Jadrik, so if you'd rather forget all about this crazy idea I'll understand."

"It's fine, sweetie. And yes, anal is very special for me and Jad. But it's alright, really. I won't be mad at you or him if he fucks you in the ass, as long as I'm there too when it happens. In fact," the wizardess added, "it's actually a smart idea to have someone other than Uli take your anal cherry, someone more controlled and less girthy. At the moment Uli is totally obsessed with your sweet little pussy and my guess is he will be for a while. But yeah, as you said, sooner or later he's gonna want to fuck you in the ass, definitely, and you'd better be ready for it when it happens."

"Yeah, that's the idea. By the way, how about you?" Laeny suddenly asked, arching a thin eyebrow, looking straight into the wizardess's deep blue eyes. "Have you ever let Uli fuck you in the ass?"

"Uli? In my ass?!" Shayla blinked, surprised by the question. Then she laughed: "Oh no, honey, no way! Never. I said it before: my ass belongs to Jadrik and only to him. No one else is allowed inside my butt except for Jad. He knows what I like, even better than I do, and he's the only guy I trust enough to fuck me in my tiny little asshole."

At those words, a huge smile spread on the warlock's lips and a warm fluffy feel overtook him, while at the same time his fat schlong flexed with increased horniness.

"Oh, come on now! I can't believe that during all your adventures together Uli never tried to stick his big fat cock in your beautiful ass!" Laeny persisted, laughing playfully and grabbing the wizardess's plump bubble-butt in her elegant, delicate hands.

"He did try, yes, more than once. And there was this one time when he almost made it..." Shayla musingly recalled. "We were in some backwater mountain village way up north. We had just snatched some great pieces of loot from a goblin-infested cavern stronghold up there, and we were spending the night in a tavern that only served roasted goat and triple malt beer. We were happy and drunk and horny, so we went upstairs and started fucking like crazy, you know, to celebrate. At some point, I remember that I was on all fours blowing Jad and Uli was fucking me from behind, and I felt him pull out from my pussy and press his big fat cockhead against my asshole. I didn't even have time to say anything that Jadrik instantly blasted Uli right in the chest with a shadowdart that knocked him right off of me. Next thing I know, Uli was grabbing his axe and yelling like mad and bull-charging Jad, while Jad started chain-summoning hellhounds and commanded them all to attack Uli, and just like that they started dueling to the death, with their dicks still out and everything."

"Whoa!" Laeny gasped. "Jadrik and Uli got in a fight over your ass!?"

"Pretty much, yeah!" Shayla chuckled, but she was suddenly dead serious as she kept evoking those past events. "I was totally out of it, to be honest, drunk and fucked out like you wouldn't believe. I mean, at that point we had been at it for hours already, the guys had cum in my pussy and my mouth a lot, Jad had buttfucked me three times, my tits were all sticky with cum and I had had some many orgasms that I could barely stay conscious. But when that fight broke out it really sobered me up, like, in a moment. It was totally crazy... Jad summoning demon after demon and launching them to die on Uli's axe, and Uli trying to cut down Jad but always getting stopped by another demon or by one of Jad's spells... It didn't last that long, but it was total madness. The room got completely wrecked, the local militia intervened and broke up the fight, and of course we got kicked out of the tavern, but even then, still naked, outside in the cold in the main street of that mountain shithole of a village in the middle of nowhere, Jad and Uli kept yelling and cursing at each other, ready to start fighting again. In the end I just had to freeze them both with a few icebolts and keep them stored in ice all night like that while I slept in the stables. The next morning, when they thawed, it was like nothing ever happened. They never talked about it again, as far as I know, and I sure didn't bring it up anymore. But I think Uli got the message loud and clear. Sure, he still wants my ass and he asks me to let him have it at any chance, but he never actually tried to buttfuck me again like he did that one time. Never."

"Wow!" Laeny exclaimed, surprised by Shayla's recollections. "I really have trouble imagining the two of them fighting, they look like such good friends..."

"They are, best friends in fact," the wizardess said. "Uli was always like a big brother to Jad, since before I met either of them. That was the one and only time I've ever seen them truly mad at each other. It was scary, honestly."

"Well, Shayla, now you've made me want to see them fight over my ass!" the elf said with a mood-lightening giggle, turning to lie on her tummy and wiggling her sweet little bubble-butt, making the wizardess laugh.

"Trust me, honey, you really don't want that. Come to think of it, Uli probably won't even notice that he's not your first if he assfucks you after Jad," Shayla mused. "You're still gonna feel as tight as a virgin to him, but at least you'll know what to expect and how to relax and enjoy it and stuff."