The Viridian Idol

The viridian idol

"This is all your fault," Sally Copperhook panted angrily while she threw an anxious glance over her shoulder. Unfortunately, the giant sphere of stone behind them hadn't slowed down one bit.

"How is any of this

my

fault?

You

are the thief, recognizing traps is your job," Garrokh Skullsplitter shot back. Blood pounded in the big orc's ears as he desperately tried to speed up.

The only member of the trio totally unconcerned by the quickly approaching crushing doom was Chomper the mimic. In a show of solidarity with the deadly trap, it had assumed the form of a smaller ball of stone and was quickly overtaking his two humanoid companions.

"Are you serious?" The small goblin woman sounded exasperated. "How was I to know that you would activate a pressure plate that any normal sized person would just have walked over? As soon as we are out of here, we're putting you on a diet!"

"

If

we make it out of here,

" Garokh thought. The giant boulder was getting faster and while he could finally make out the exit, Sally was slowly losing ground. For every step he took, she had to take two or three. He had to do something and fast.

"Catch!", he shouted and threw the idol he had been holding in his hand to his small companion. The nimble goblin caught it by reflex, looking at him quizzically. "Wha...?" Before she could finish her question, he scooped her up, threw her over his shoulder like a sack of flour and started to run even faster.

"Hey! Warn a girl next time," she screamed in surprise. Despite her irritation, his plan worked. Slowly but surely, Garokh gained ground on the giant ball of death. In the end, it was an extremely close call. The sphere was only centimeters behind him, when he jumped out of the portal, overshooting the edge of the cliff that the temple was erected on. The ground, dozens of meters below, came rushing towards him and he already envisioned himself as bloody mush, when he managed to grab onto a thick vine. His arm was nearly torn out of its socket when his fall finally came to a halt, but he managed to hold onto both the vine and his goblin companion. The only thing he could

not

hold onto was a fist sized blue stone that tumbled out of his backpack.

There was a short moment of silence, broken by Sally's exasperated voice. "Please tell me that wasn't our portal key."

"That wasn't our portal key," he lied dutifully.

Above them, they could hear Chomper's high pitched yipping that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

***

Half an hour later, the three of them were sitting on the edge of the cliff, sweaty and aching, but still alive and in possession of their quest item. The idol was carved in the form of a voluptuous woman, sitting cross-legged on a pair of cushions. The only part of her body concealed by clothing was her face, which was covered by a half-transparent veil. The figure was noteworthy for its very detailed and erect cock that nearly reached the large breasts and was set above her equally detailed vagina. The figure's four arms were outstretched, carrying a cup, a sword, a lute and a handful of grapes. Its deep green color was mesmerizing and Garokh was unable to say if it was made out of some kind of stone or metal.

"Any idea who this is supposed to be?" he asked Sally, who was apparently still holding a grudge for the loss of the portal key.

"What do I know?" she huffed. "Some ancient representation of the Courtesan or the Dark Mother? The sword and cup would match. But I've never been big on religion. What about you?"

Garokh shook his head. "My grandpa was actually the stronghold's shaman. But orcish religion is known for its...elegant simplicity, not for its complex dogma. Gramps also wasn't big on comparative religious studies, which means he taught me about twenty ways to properly prepare a sacrifice to Old One-Eye and not much else."

The idol was strangely captivating. Holding it evoked a feeling very similar to being held in a lover's arms after a passionate night of lovemaking. Garokh held it in his hands, examining it from all angles and wondering what purpose their quest giver needed it for.

The young orc was shaken from his reverie when he heard loud cutting sounds coming from Sally. She was holding a piece of wood in her hands and angrily hacked at it with her carving knife.

"Whatever that poor log did to you, I don't think it deserves that kind of treatment."

That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. The small woman threw the log to the ground, jumped up and strode towards him until their faces were only a few centimeters apart. "Oh look who's back," she hissed at him. "The great comedian. If I were you, I'd shut my big mouth and think of a way to get us out of this mess. Not only did you stick your finger in the magic ring that was supposed to earn me a tidy sum, no, you also had to accept this stupid quest and now you lost our portal key, so we have no way to get home. I'd be very grateful, if you could just shut up for once."

The tirade seemed to have exhausted her. She dropped down on her butt, took a deep breath and stared into the distance, her hands balled into fists.

Garokh seated himself next to her. He was used to Sally's temper, but such an outburst was unusual, even for her. "Come on, what's really bothering you?" he asked her. "We'll just hike to the next town, contact Stella via the Guild network and wait for her to arrange a transport. It will cut into our reward somewhat, but we'll still make a tidy profit. You know that. So where's the problem?"

The black haired goblin visibly deflated and a forlorn look showed on her face. "Are you cross-training in psionics now? But you're right. It's not you. The problem is...I know the nearest town. Intimately. Xōlhi is a two day's march in that direction." She pointed her dagger vaguely to the southeast. "I grew up there. My mum still lives there with the rest of my family."

Something clicked in Garokh's mind. "Ah, I get it. Believe me, I know about not wanting to meet family. But we don't have to see them if you don't want to. If we dip into our emergency stash, we'll be able to scrape enough money together to stay at a tavern

and

afford the message to Stella. Your family doesn't have to know that we were there at all."

"Na," she shook her head. "Mum would never let me live it down if she ever found out that I was back home and didn't visit. Besides, even if it grates on me, they will let us stay for free. Our funds are tight enough as it is."

Chomper, who looked like a small treasure chest again, growled in agreement.

***

Exactly two days later, two tired figures and a puppy walked out of the jungle. With the exception of a short clash with a pack of sickle lizards and a tense staredown with a dire jaguar that had ultimately decided to seek easier prey, they were unscathed. Even so, Garokh was happy to finally leave the dense foliage behind them. He was more used to the temperate climate of the northern forests and the humidity of the southern jungles did not suit him at all.

Sally's hometown was a majestic, if exotic, sight. It was dominated by a large ziggurat that rose in its center and could be seen clearly for miles. A high stone wall, built from white marble and gleaming in the sunlight, protected the town from attackers. Between those two structures rose a multitude of different buildings that were obviously grouped into different districts, even if Garokh couldn't say by which system. All of them were built in a squat and angular style that was unfamiliar to the orcish warrior.

A wide road paved with white stone led from a point in the distance to a large gate in the city wall. It was choked with people coming from and returning to the city, most of them catfolk or lizardmen, even though members of dozens of other species were mingling with them.

His admiration of the foreign city was interrupted when Sally moved in front of him and stopped him with an outstretched hand.

"Wait a second, big guy. Before we meet them, we have to talk about my family for a bit." She seemed more cautious than normal. "Tell me, what do you actually know about my people?"

Garokh pondered the question for a moment. He hadn't had much contact with goblins before meeting his raven haired companion, not a lot of peaceful contact, to be exact.

"You're a fierce bunch. I wouldn't be afraid of facing down a lone goblin - present company excepted, of course," he added hastily when Sally's face darkened. "But a goblin war party? Even my uncle, bless his heart, was wary of fighting them. Goblins never back down. You might think they gave up, just for them to reappear days later, rested and pelting you with arrows from an ambush. What's even worse, they hold a grudge like an angry dire bear. If you piss off one of them, the whole tribe will harry you for years. And that's a normal tribe. If you guys partner up with wargs, it gets unpleasant."

When he mentioned the wolf-like monsters, Sally's face scrunched up in distaste. "We

don't

talk about wargs. Besides, you're thinking of the lowlanders. They live in tribes, much like you guys, and from what I know, most of them follow the One Eyed God as well. When I speak about

my

people, I mean the city dwellers."

"Can't say that I know much about them," Garokh shrugged. "I mean, I've met goblins, but despite being short and - judging from my limited sample size - great in bed, you're as different as any other people I've met."

She gave him a good natured shove. "The 'sample size' feels flattered. But to get back on topic, you probably encountered loners. Most of us, at least the women, never really leave the family. We're very close knit. Many of you bigger guys really don't like us and sticking together helps. Most families are ruled by a matriarch. A good matriarch listens to what the family has to say, but in the end, her word is the one that counts. She has to look after the family fortune and...the bloodline." The last word seemed to make her uncomfortable, she had to visibly force it out.

Garokh raised an eyebrow. "The 'bloodline'?"

Sally squirmed a bit when she answered. "We can...have children with just about anyone. The child is always a goblin, but we inherit traits from our fathers. They normally don't stay, so most of us are raised by the matriarch and other female family members."

"Wait a minute. I have seen male goblins. A lot of them, in fact."

"Yes, of course there are men among us," the young woman answered. "But most matriarchs prefer to seek their companions among other species. Which means our men either find a spouse among the lower ranked women or they strike out on their own. You probably met a lot of those."

Garokh grunted in sympathy. "That seems...uncomfortably familiar. But, as interesting as this ethnological digression is, why are you telling me this?"

"My mother is our matriarch. She never forgave me for 'running away' and becoming an adventurer. And, knowing her, she will...probably be all over you the moment we meet her."

A smile spread across Garokh's face. His day had just gotten a lot better. "So...your mother. What does she look like?"

Sally's face darkened. "I'm warning you, big guy! If I see your naked cock anywhere near my mother or my sister, I'll bite it off!"

Garokh chuckled. "I'm making no promises. I have a duty to share this incredible body with those in need. But we'll see. Perhaps your mother is a stick figure like you. I already have one of those." Having said that, he started walking towards the city gate again.

The goblin's eyes widened. "Stick fig... You self-centered, oversized, babbling..."

Garokh only half listened to the torrent of insults, because another thought just occurred to him. "Wait a second, you just said you're interfertile with just about anybody, right?"

Taking a break from showering him with expletives, Sally glared at him: "Yes, why?"

Garokh grinned at her. "I always wondered why wargs partner up with goblin tribes..."

The thief's face turned so red, you could have mistaken her for a small infernal. She hissed. "I said, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT WARGS." Then she stormed towards the gate so fast that Garokh had difficulty keeping up.

***

The Copperhook family compound was a sprawling mess that had at one time resembled the other buildings in the city. But generations of goblins had remodeled, renovated and added to the basic structure, apparently without any desire to stick to the original style, material or plan. The resulting monstrosity appeared to be on the verge of caving in on itself, without ever actually doing so.

Goblin children of every age were playing, running and shouting around the structure seemingly without oversight. The only adult was a gray haired goblin woman in a rocking chair who dozed in the midday sun.

Garokh stared at Sally incredulously. "Please tell me your family is not in the business of designing buildings."

His friend snorted. "We're known for our ingenuity, not for our love of classical design."

Before they could dive deeper into the topic, one of the children screamed "Look, there's Sally! Sal is back!" The words were picked up by the rest of the horde like a warcry and a few seconds later, the two of them were swarmed by an army of goblin children. With a frightened yelp, Chomper jumped on Garokh's shoulder where he became a fanged necklace. Sally was bombarded by an unending wave of questions. "How are you?" "Where have you been?" "Have you brought presents?" "Will you stay this time?" "Where did you find a green half-giant?"

Judging from her behavior during the last few days, Garokh would have expected her to look uncomfortable, but she seemed to genuinely enjoy the attention. Within seconds, one kid was riding on her shoulders while she held two others in her arms. Patiently, she answered all their questions, chased them across the yard and finally, with a grand gesture, set her backpack on the ground.

"Presents? Why would I have brought presents?" She asked, looking at the children with mock incredulity.

"You always bring presents," a small girl whined, disappointment clear in her tone.

Smiling broadly, Sally tore a paper bag from her backpack, presenting it to Gorakh. "Oh look! I seem to have found a bag full of candy. Is this yours?"

Playing along, Gorakh reached for the bag with deliberate slowness. "Ah, there it was! Thank you for taking care of it. I was already getting hungry."

A scream echoed from the small horde as the children surged forward and snatched their prize from Sally's hand. Shouting in triumph, they ran away to consume their prey in peace.

Gorakh liked the way his friend's face lit up when she watched her tiny relatives. "Where did you get the candy? Don't tell me you prepared for this."

Still smiling, she told him. "I always carry that stuff with me. Otherwise they might...how did you put it? 'Revoke my membership card.'"

Turning around, she greeted the old goblin on the porch who had stirred to look what the commotion was about. "Hey granny Clara, how are you?"

Clara looked fondly at the younger goblin. "Now that's a sight for sore eyes. I did not expect to see you here Sally. And you brought a friend." Addressing Gorakh, she gestured to the left. "Could you move over there? I need a parasol, the sun shines much too brightly today."

Cackling, she stood up and embraced her granddaughter. "What brings you here, Sal? I don't suppose you're here to admit defeat and make up with my daughter? The two of you are hard headed enough that one could believe you were green skinned dwarves."

Sally's expression soured immediately. "No, definitely not. We were on a quest in the general vicinity and you know how mum is. Our relationship is bad enough as it is. Just passing through without a visit was not in the cards."

The old woman cackled again. "Isn't that the truth? Well, go on in, I'm sure someone has already informed the lady of darkness of your arrival."

"The 'lady of darkness' can hear you, you know?" A sultry, if somewhat grumpy, voice sounded from inside the building.

Sally flinched, but Clara seemed completely unimpressed. She gestured towards the entrance. "Into the breach, young lady. Her mood won't improve if you let her wait. And if worst comes to worst, you brought a handsome monsterslayer with you. He can defeat the evil hag with his...longsword."

Apparently, her grandmother's encouragement didn't improve Sally's mood much. She wore a dark expression as she shuffled inside, closely followed by Garokh, who was curious to finally meet his friend's mother. As he passed Clara, the old goblin gave him a slap on his ass. Amused, the young orc leaned down to her. "Careful, lady. The first one is free, but next time, I expect...payment."

Clara's laughter echoed after him as he followed his friend into the house, where he found her in a staredown that made their encounter with the dire jaguar look downright polite.

Sally's mother was in her mid to late forties, if Garokh had to guess. Unlike her daughter, who was lean and muscled, the goblin matriarch could have been used as a textbook example of the word "curvy". Her hair was as black as her daughter's, but where Sally kept it at shoulder length, her mother's hung freely down to her wide hips. She wore a red dress that ended shortly above her knees, showing off her shapely legs. The garment was barely able to contain the big pair of breasts that looked even more impressive on the goblin's small frame. Her lips were painted red, matching the dress's color.

Watching his friend in her tight, practical leather armor, her mother seemed to be her polar opposite.

The two women stared at each other for so long that it quickly became uncomfortable, both of them apparently unwilling to make the first move. Garokh mused that he would prefer meeting his own family to hers. It would be more lethal, but at least the conversation would be shorter and more to the point. To Garokh's surprise, Sally broke first.

"Mother."

The word hung in the air like a bad smell that wouldn't dissipate, the older goblin taking her time to acknowledge her daughter. "Sally. What brings you here? I assume you want something from us."

The way she emphasized "you" and "us" made the younger goblin grind her teeth. "No, I just wanted to say hello. My friend and I are in town for a few days. I thought it would be polite to greet the family. We can find our own lodgings, however, if we are too much of a burden."

That actually seemed to rattle her mother. "Nonsense. Even if you rejected us, you remain family. You may and will stay here." Then she turned to Garokh, her demeanor changing as if somebody had flipped a switch.

"A 'friend'?" She walked around him, placing one hand on his taut stomach. He couldn't help but notice that her head came up to a very convenient height, his cock twitching at the thought. "Where did you find this delectable piece of man meat?"

"Mom!" Sally's outraged cry motivated the young warrior to do what he did best - placing himself between a teammate and the beast threatening her.

With an exaggerated bow, he took the matron's hand and gave it a soft kiss. "The 'delectable piece of man meat' is honored to make your acquaintance. I am Garokh, warrior of the Skullsplitter stronghold and proud member of the Boneshatterer clan. Might I know your lovely name?"

An amused expression brightened the goblin's features. "Oh, a gentleman. I would not have expected that, given your...colorful name."

"I would not say that it is colorful. It's more that my people are great proponents of...truth in advertising."