The Time War

Chapter 21: The Force is Female

The Temporal Social Justice Warriors:

The girls ran out of patience.

Maria always gave them the worst jobs, like cooking and cleaning, while the men got all the high level planning work. Worst of all, none of the missions they had gone on had specifically benefitted women. It was nice that they tried to murder Christopher Columbus, and help Vietnam conquer California. But what did that have to do with women's issues? Quite honestly, nothing.

And so the girls were almost in an open state a revolt, a state of revolt even Maria's most feminine penis could not quell, when Maria finally decided to announce that they were about to embark on a mission which would benefit women, and only women.

The girls were all excited. Chloe Weatherly thought that Maria was going to swap out the Founding Fathers and replace them with Founding Mothers. Dana Slotkin thought the first twenty American presidents would become women. Alyssa Goldenfrau was sure that Maria would find a way to give all women penises as big and erect as Maria's often was.

But it was not to be.

"Girls, I have a tremendous announcement," he said. "We are going to take one of the greatest cultural icons of the 20th century, and make it a female only domain. We are going to totally, 100%, feminize...

Star Wars

."

Their faces all fell flat. None of them cared a bit about a science fiction film, even if it was one of the most famous films of the 20th century.

"How will this help women?" Dana Slotkin asked.

"How will this help women? How will this help women?" said Maria, reaching out and hugging her tight. "I'll tell you how. When women and girls go to the theater, and see dashing, swashbuckling women in charge, in command, it will inspire them, by the millions. It will show them that they can be heroes, that they can do anything their hearts desire!"

The girls didn't look convinced.

"Just wait, and see," Maria promised.

********

The girls were not the only ones who were unsatisfied. Ahmed Ahmad was unhappy that Maria still wasn't doing anything to spread the faith of Laquinta to the masses. He didn't care in the slightest who ruled California or how many females were in some antiquated film. He kept complaining and Maria kept patting him on the back and telling him, "Soon, my friend." Well, soon had better come... soon. So Ahmed thought.

But even

more

unhappier than Ahmed was Keith Ashanti. After Maria had slept with Hillary once, Hillary had promised him that under

no

circumstances would she do so a second time. And so, it was with utter surprise that one evening, at the end of a fine meal, when the situation started to unravel.

Pablo Guzman and his wife Joy Montana, the newest recruits, were still getting used to the customs of Maria's little group. And so when Maria took Joy in his arms, and gave her a kiss, Pablo's eyes went wide. And when Maria started to fondle Joy's large breasts, Pablo stood up and said, "Hey, what you doing, man?"

Maria looked surprised. "I'm simply redistributing the sexual wealth, Pablo."

"What?"

"Here we believe in total equality. You believe in redistribution of wealth and total equality, don't you, Pablo?"

Pablo suddenly became aware of Red Bull and John Cummings standing near him, with grim expressions on their faces. "Uh, yeah..."

"So, redistribution of sexual wealth, and total sexual equality of wealth is no different... is it?" Maria said, smiling at Pablo as he fondled one of Joy's breasts. Joy reddened and looked away.

"Uh... but it is different," said Pablo. "The other girls... they have no men, no one objects to what you do to them."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," said Maria. He let Joy go. "Hillary dear. Come here please. I think you can help me provide a teachable moment to Pablo here."

Hillary gave Keith a worried glance, but quickly tiptoed over to Maria. "That's a girl. Kiss me, dear."

Hillary leaned in and kissed Maria, then pulled back.

"Is that how you kiss your lesbian lover? I said kiss me," said Maria, his tone growing dark.

Hillary hugged Maria, and gave him a passionate kiss. It lasted a long moment. When she pulled back, Maria had a shit eating grin on his face.

"That's better, dear. You see Pablo, Hillary is married to Keith. But Keith believes in redistributing his sexual wealth, don't you, Keith?" He gave Keith a hard glance, even as one of his hands snaked over Hillary's breasts.

"Yes," said Keith quietly.

"Oh! I think something's come up," said Maria, grinning as he fondled one of Hillary's tits through her shirt. "Joy, dear, we'll pick this up another time. Come with me, Hillary. Let's redistribute some more of that luscious sexual wealth of yours."

Hillary gave Keith a helpless glance as she let herself be led to Keith's sleeping quarters. When the door clanged shut behind them, it echoed throughout the dining area.

********

"We're leaving!" said Keith, the following morning. Hillary had returned to their sleeping quarters a few minutes earlier. She had tried to hug Keith but he pushed her away; she had that freshly fucked look, and Keith didn't even want to think about what was swimming its way up her vagina right now.

"We can't leave!" said Hillary.

Keith continued to pack.

"Did you hear me?" said Hillary. She grabbed his arms. "Maria won't let us."

"He can't stop us," said Keith.

"Yes, he can," she said softly.

Keith bit his lip and sat down on the bed. "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

"I didn't think it would be quite like this," said Hillary.

"Neither did I," said Keith. "I'm into social justice and redistribution and sticking it to whitey as much as the next guy, but... not this."

Hillary looked down for a long moment. Then she said, "I'll draw the line."

"What?" said Keith.

"I'll tell Maria that was the last time," said Hillary. "The first time, I understood. To show his authority over... us. The second time, to demonstrate it to Joy and Pablo. I'll tell Maria that this is the end. No more."

"Do you think he'll listen to you?"

"I think so," said Hillary. "After all we're both black women of color. We have too much in common not to see eye to eye on things."

*********

They started in 1969, seven years before the first

Star Wars

movie was filmed. Since

Star Wars

hadn't been created yet, there were no pesky copyright issues. Maria obtained a pitch meeting with executives at Columbia pictures and described the film he had in mind.

"A spaceship which can blow up galaxies?"

"A woman in a mask named Dorothy...."

"Dorothy Vader," said Maria, smiling thinly.

"An all-female cast?"

"It will be just like

Barbarella

," said Maria, referring to the smash scifi erotic hit released the previous year about Jane Fonda being fondled in various ways by space aliens.

"Just like Barbarella?" a studio executive grimaced. He didn't see any of that in the script. The women in this script were all brave and bold and... well, much too

clothed

to be like

Barbarella

.

"We're sorry, this isn't for us," said one of the executives.

"I'm sorry too," said Maria. He gestured with his hand, and Red Bull stepped forward.

********

Technically speaking, it wasn't a good idea to tamper with the timeline too much. But no one was brave enough to raise objections when all three executives were shot with compression pistols, brought back to the TSJW hideout, strapped to chairs in isolation rooms, and systematically brainwashed.

"You want to make movies about women," said John Cummings, in a hypnotic voice.

"Women. Women women women," said Maggie.

"There should be no men in your films. You want to make all your movies about women," said John.

"Women women women women women," said Maggie.

Doctor Vladek once said that it sometimes only took 200 repetitions to get a truth. Well, in this case, it took more than 1200, and by the time it was done John and Maggie were exhausted. But their job was complete, and the Columbia Pictures executives were returned to their proper space/time, and... they had agreed to fund an all-female

Star Wars

.

They found a young, talented filmmaker named Masada Engelberg to produce the film, and this time no brainwashing was required.

Maria and some of the TSJW's even watched while the legendary film was made. They were there when Dorothy Vader, in her menacing pink suit, mask and cape, stormed aboard Princess Leia's ship and gave her a mask-to-face kiss. They watched as Lucia Skywalker was taught the ways of the force by Ophelia Kenobi. They saw the first time when Lucia and Ophelia met Hannah Solo and her lifemate Chewbacca, who was pregnant with their first child. They watched the famous scene where Dorothy Vader announced to Lucia Skywalker, "Lucia, I am your mother", before bringing Lucia face to face with the Empress of the galaxy. But there were funny, romantic moments as well, such as when Leia and Lucia constructed lightsabers with slender handles, which could be used both for fighting enemies as well as pleasuring their own bodies, using the Force.

They thought it was a masterpiece. They thought it would make millions.

The film flopped.

********

"Maybe we were too ambitious," said Donna, resting her hand on Maria's knee. Maria looked so sad that she was trying to cheer him up.

"What do you mean?" Maria asked.

"Well, instead of creating a movie with so many brave, smart, adventurous heroines, maybe we needed to start smaller," said Donna. "Instead of making a female version of

Star Wars

, let George Lucas make his little thing, with the original cast. And then, once it becomes a hit, with a built in fan base, take control of the franchise, and create spinoffs with an all women cast."

"That's brilliant!" said Maria. But then he frowned. "But in order to do that, we'd have to undo what we've already done."

"So what?"

"We'd have to loop ourselves," said Maria. A shadow crossed his face. "That could be dangerous."

********

And so, just as Maria and Red Bull was about to enter the Columbia Pictures lot to make their pitch to Columbia Picture executives, a gateway opened and another copy of Maria and Red Bull appeared. Suddenly, the air around them was sharp with little black lines, which seemed to suck in the air around them.

"What are you doing here? You know how dangerous looping is!" said the first Maria.

"The mission is aborted," said Maria. He quickly explained why, and what the new plan was.

********

After George Lucas decided to retire from the filmmaking business, it didn't take much effort to persuade Disney to buy the rights to

Star Wars

from him. Because one of the senior executives there was none other than Masada Engelberg. Over a period of 20 years she had worked her way up the ranks, sucking on whatever dicks or clits she needed to in order to get ahead in the movie business. And now she was making all the decisions.

It was easy to persuade Masada to make a

Star Wars

spinoff film starring a female protagonist. She would be called Rey, Masada decided. She would be a mysterious desert scavenger. She would never have flown in a spaceship before, but she would instinctively know how to fly the Millennium Falcon. She had never been an engineer, but would know how to repair every aspect of the ship. She had never held a lightsaber in her hand before, but she would immediately be able to beat the most accomplished Sith Lord in her first effort.

Audiences loved it, perhaps because there had been a 20 year drought of

Star Wars

films, and they were hungry for anything, anything more with the

Star Wars

label on it.

********

"Tomorrow?" said John Calle.

"Tonight," said Sarah.

"You usually want me every three to four days. This would be two days."

"I guess I've lost count of the days," said Sarah.

"All right, tonight," said Calle. He smiled at her and walked away. She gave him just a hint of a smile back.

Colonel Strayker observed the exchange and walked forward. "Why hello there, Sarah. How are you today?"

Sarah stiffened. Colonel Strayker was never friendly, and certainly

never asked how she was doing

. "Fine, sir," said Sarah, staring at her holoscreens. There was something odd going on, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was.

"I notice you've been spending some time with Captain Calle."

"Have I?" said Sarah, studying her holoscreens even more intensely. "I haven't noticed, sir."

"Relax, Sarah," said Strayker. "It's actually a good thing."

Sarah risked a glance at Strayker, who gave her a thin smile. "We want Captain Calle to be happy here. That's what you're doing, right? Helping him to be happy?"

"That's always been my goal, sir," said Sarah. She pressed some keys, and her holoscreens changed. She frowned again.

"Then that's all fine," said Commander Strayker. "Just remember that he's in a hazardous line of work. It wouldn't be a good thing for you to become... attached to him."

"Sir?"

"Remember what happened to John Collier?"

"It's hard to forget, sir," said Sarah.

"The same thing could happen to John Calle." He put a hand on her shoulder. "Have fun together. Keep him happy. But also keep things... simple."

Sarah nodded. Then she said, "Sir, I think we have a problem."

********

"169

Star Wars

films?" said Strayker, pounding his fist on the conference room table. "How can it be?"

"When the Walt Disney Company acquired the rights to

Star Wars

, they started producing the films in large numbers," said Sarah.

"There should only be six, the first three, and the prequels," said Strayker.

"And those are six of the 169 films," said Sarah. "But all the rest...." Her voice trailed off.

"What is it?"

"All the rest have female protagonists."

"What?"

"All 163 films which came after the first six all have women Jedi."

"What?" said Strayker. "Women can't be Jedi!"

"Sir, please calm down," said Erica Green.

"Don't ask me to calm down!" Strayker snapped, looking severe in his white suit with high collars. "Women can't be Jedi. It perverts the entire idea of

Star Wars

! How did this happen?"

"It seemed someone persuaded the Walt Disney Company to buy the rights to

Star Wars

for four billion dollars."

"But that didn't happen!" said Strayker. "George Lucas never sold the rights to

Star Wars

!"

"It seems he found four billion reasons to do so," said Sarah.

"This has to be changed," said Strayker. "Only men can be Jedi. Women can cook, and clean, and be princesses, and prance around the forest with Ewoks, but women Jedi... it perverts everything

Star Wars

stands for! Everyone knows girls can't be Jedi! Major Reynolds, prepare a team, and get to the bottom of this, at once!"

"Yes sir."

********

Calle accompanied Major Reynolds and his team back to the year 2012, when

Star Wars

was apparently sold to Disney. With Calle's help, they discovered that a key pivotal person in these events was a senior Disney Studio executive named Masada Engelberg.

Having gathered the facts, they activated their recall devices and opened a gateway to return to Continuity Service Headquarters. The team consisted of four members, Major Reynolds, Daniel Acton, John Calle, and Lieutenant Gary Simon. Calle had met Simon in passing. Usually Erica Green was the fourth member of their team, but Colonel Strayker had Erica working on another matter, so Simon replaced her.

They entered the gateway and soon were walking up the Binochi Corridor, careful to stay on the lit path, first Reynolds, then Daniel, then Simon, with Calle leading up the rear. He had been in the Binochi Corridor so many times that he had gotten used to it by now. He had tuned out the barely audible whispers. He considered the bright, swirling mists to be ordinary, which proved that the human mind could get used to anything.

But as they marched up the well lit path, Calle thought he saw something, in the mists. A person shaped shadow, moving rapidly. He blinked. The mists had played tricks with his eyes before. But even as he watched, the shadow grew clearer and clear.

Calle opened his mouth to shout a warning just as the thing jumped onto the lit path.

It was in the shape of a man, a tall man, over six feet tall. But it has no features. The shape was one, big bright yellow glowing light. It was bright like the sun, in the shape of a man.

The team instinctively recoiled and fled; Reynolds, in front, ran several feet farther down the Corridor, and Calle, at the other end, stepped several feet back.

But Daniel and Lieutenant Simon were not as fortunate. Daniel actually fell off the path, and promptly disappeared in the mists. And Simon fell to the ground, or at least, what passed for the ground inside the Binochi Corridor, a transparent surface that seemed hard enough to walk on.

The bright yellow man-shaped being reached down and lifted Simon over his shoulder as if he were no more than a sack of potatoes. Simon cried out, but the glowing yellow shaped man ignored him, and carried him off, deeper into the swirling mists.

"Help!" they heard Daniel cry.

They couldn't see him. He had fallen off the path, into the mists.

Those glowing orange eyes.

"He's there!" said Calle, pointing into the mists. He didn't see Daniel, he

sensed

him.

"No!" Reynolds cried, as Calle stepped off the lighted path.

It took only three steps for Calle to be totally enveloped in the mists. In three more steps he found Daniel, huddling in the middle of nowhere, looking bewildered.

"John?" he said, unbelievingly. Calle took his hand and turned around.

The path was gone.

It could have been a simple matter of reversing his steps. But somehow, Calle felt that wasn't right. He sensed a direct 180 reverse course would send them into oblivion. Somehow, a 45 degree turn to the right seemed right. It

felt

right.

He pulled Daniel along. One step, two steps, three steps. They were still in the mists.

Four steps, five steps, six steps-

And suddenly they burst out into the well lit path. Major Reynolds seemed amazed to see them. "You made it!" said Reynolds. "No one has ever gone off the path and come back before!"

"We have to find Lieutenant Simon." That yellow man shaped creature, whatever it was, had carried him off.

"No!" Reynolds cried.

"Major-"

"He's gone!" said Reynolds. "Follow me back to the control room. That's an order!" he snapped.

********

They were all treated for shock by medical personnel, and then, at Commander Strayker's orders, given complete medical examinations. As well as psychological ones.

********

"John, how are you feeling?" Doctor Vladek spoke in that slow, testing, drawn out voice of his. The bags under his eyes somehow looked menacing.

"How do you think I feel?" Calle snapped. "I just watched a member of my team get carried off by a monster inside the Corridor. Tell me that has never happened before!"

Doctor Vladek stared off into space for a long moment, as if carefully weighing what to say next. Then he turned back to Calle. "All right, John, tell me what you think you saw."

"A big yellow glowing man shaped creature picked Simon up and carried him off."

"Off where?"

"Somewhere in the Corridor."

"But John, there's no life in the Corridor. It's a scientific fact."

"Perhaps you should get your facts updated," Calle snapped.

Doctor Vladek only nodded in response. He held up a Pad. "Do you know what I have here, John?"

"I couldn't begin to guess."

"It's the after-action reports from Major Reynolds and Lieutenant Acton. Their report indicated that while traversing the Binochi Corridor back to the laboratory, Lieutenant Simon was seized by what seems to be a fit of temporal psychosis. He shoved Lieutenant Acton into the mists, and ran off himself, in another direction." He paused. "Major Reynolds says that you were extremely brave in risking your own life to go into the void to bring Lieutenant Acton back. By the way, how did you do that?"