THE TATTOOED WOMAN - Chapter 1, Amended (again)
Folks, when I first submitted my story I asked critics for their opinions.
It was widely agreed that chapters 1-3 were the weakest by far and it was always my intention to rewrite or significantly amend those chapters.
Here is the first (actually I think it's now about the sixth) effort to rewrite Chapter 1.
Please comment and let me know what you think. It's the only way to learn.
Anyway; here goes:
THE TATTOOED WOMAN - Chapter 1: A Night in the Pub
Between the eldritch lands of the Fae Realm and the Human Kingdoms were the wild and unruly Borderlands; remote and lonely tracts of forest and glen, cold mountains and dark lochs. They were inhabited by poor folk for the most part, driven to such untamed places often by desperate need or restless spirit, and prayed upon by bandits and monsters alike.
Old roads, most long forgotten, traversed this bleak landscape, and small settlements were sometimes connected to isolated crofts only by the rough dirt tracks that wound round hill or along the side of drystane dykes. Here and there, those tracks passed a few fields of rough barley, or a handful of hardy cattle and sheep marking the lonely farms worked by rugged folks used to toil and hardship. Sometimes though, those same tracks led to darker places; like ancient battlefields or to ghostly hamlets, long since abandoned and emptied of their inhabitants, who had either succumbed to harsh winters or been carried off by slavers or fel beasts.
Robber Barons had oft staked claims to some of these lands and their keeps and brochs could be seen atop craggy rises or commanding hillock; though more than a few of these fortifications were now naught but moldering and haunted ruin. Even so, the rumours of ancient treasures hidden in old barrows, sometimes lured unwary adventurers and treasure hunters alike to plunder such places. Often with woeful consequences for all around, should the greedy fools awaken some long slumbering wight with their stumbling clumsiness.
Creatures from the Fae at times travelled the hidden tracks. Sometimes their purpose was for good, but occasionally they went abroad with ill or malicious intent. But, regardless of purpose, they more often than not remained concealed if they could, for Humans were a superstitious lot, and often not kindly to their ilk
The watchtowers built to guard the roads had, for the most part, long since fallen derelict. Brigands, both human and Fae, now prowled the borderlands at will, hunting and sometimes killing to satisfy their purposes and desires, and those few travellers that went abroad did so warily, while those that dwelled in those lonely lands seldom stirred far from hearth and home during the hours of darkness.
Along the old imperial road, there could be found the small settlement of Deargforge. It was little more than a hamlet, built in the lee of one of the old brochs. It consisted of a small kirk, a humble inn and a blacksmith's forge. But it was surrounded by a wooden palisade and offered shelter and the hope of a warm fire and warm food on a cold night. Travellers, mostly tinkers and the like, would hurry there if they could, rather than risk the open road; while a few of the local crofters could sometimes be found there of an evening, drinking the loamy black beer the innkeeper brewed.
The inn was a lonely light upon the dark roads, it was a friendly hearth, and a place of safety.
But not tonight.
***
Torches had been set at intervals along the top of the stockade, but they had burned low, and their flickering light provided poor illumination at best. A quietly muttered cantrip was all that it took to silently extinguish the one nearest the gate and the ever-keen shadows were quick to encroach.
From among those shadows, Azure looked down. Her bright inhuman eyes gleamed in the moonlight having little trouble in piercing such a petty gloom, and she shook her head in disgust.
The two elderly human guards lay muttering and inebriated beneath her hiding place. Neither had mail, instead wearing the studded leather armour that some louts favoured but was of little use in a hard fight. Their spears looked serviceable at least, but given they'd leaned the things against the wall, they'd be lucky to reach them before their throats were cut. One had a crossbow near to hand, but he only had a handful of bolts, and it would take him time to load the thing. Besides, she doubted the drunken sot could hit a cow's arse with a stick given his intoxicated state.
An emptied jug of spirits was lying abandoned on its side between them. It had been a cold evening; frost glittered on the ground, and doubtless, the men had sought comfort in the strong drink. The dark elf shook her head,
"Fools! Your weakness will cost you this night."
Across the stockade, she could see the third sentry walking a lonely patrol. He looked a younger man, and he held his spear awkwardly. Likely some farmers lad, she thought, too conscientious to participate in drinking games with his older peers; a pity...
Turning her eyes upwards, she saw that the gathering clouds were beginning to obscure the bright moon and she grinned. Jumping silently off her perch, she slipped back to the nearby woods, moving so quietly that none of the wild creatures that nested or prowled there so much as noticed her passing.
Under the trees, dark figures rose from concealment at her approach
"Well?" her Captain asked.
"Two drunk guards by the gate, poorly equipped and both half-asleep from the looks of them. A third walks the walls; a younger lad, diligent enough, but he looks inexperienced. The lights still burn in the inn, and I heard sounds of much carousing earlier. They should be well worse for wear by now I would think," she smiled a wolf's smile, "given such ineptitude we can likely take this settlement before they even know we're upon them."
Ashunara Varro, sellsword, Captain of her own Free Company, and younger sister of the Matriarch of House Varro nodded, "Any thoughts on what bounty lies within?"
"They look so poor I doubt most have a pot to piss in. We'll not find gold, methinks. But slaves? Oh, yes, we should get a goodly haul of able-bodied specimens. The inn looks well kept at least, so I'll warrant we'll find a decent cook amongst them, and I saw a smithy and forge at the back, so mayhap there will a skilled metalworker among their number."