[tags: breast feeding]
Our connections with friends and family are what defines us. How we handle making or stopping them defines who we are.
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Chapter 24
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(M/Br)aking Connections
Shelly sat in her room, alone, trying to sort out her feelings. She'd hardly said a word since Areth's awakening, closing herself off from everyone.
She stood and started pacing. Even though she'd wanted to be alone, now that she was, she regretted it. Plagued with self-doubts, recriminations for her foolish impetuosity, heartache for knowing that her actions were hurting Sonia but unable to put Jessica in the past, and anger for having to carry the child of her rape.
The growing baby in her stomach shifted, an odd sensation as though her tummy was doing flipflops. Thanks to Gaia's magic, the unborn child was growing faster than normal, allowing her to take months of pregnancy down to a few days. Of course, that also required her to drink from Gaia's breasts to supply the nutrients her body needed to sustain such rapid growth.
She was still in turmoil over the pregnancy. She didn't want to be a mother. Especially not to that monster, Aecus's child. Oh, she understood why she needed to carry the child to term, but that didn't mean she had to like it. As soon as the child was born, she was going to hand it off to Gaia and leave.
A knock sounded at her door. It was probably Sonia again, wanting to comfort her. Didn't the android understand that she didn't deserve comforting? Sonia deserved better than Shelly could give her. The best thing she could do for the synthetic lifeform was to push her away.
But she was so lonely. The last time she'd been alone was before running off from Angela's demesne. Before being nabbed by the Myrmidon, and then suffering... She shuddered as flashes of her treatment under Aecus's care crashed through her mind. She couldn't remember ever feeling such pain or such intense pleasure in her life. Despite herself, despite all of her inner turmoil, there was a spark inside her that craved that kind of bliss again. For a short period, she was able to ignore the entire world and all her woes. She'd luxuriated in that ecstasy, and part of her wanted it again. It wasn't like the numbness forced on her by the angel.
With a shudder, she shoved the thoughts away as she opened her mouth to tell Sonia to go away. She would lose her mind if she ever experienced anything like that again, and she cherished her free will too much to give that up.
"I want company," her mouth betrayed her. "Come in." The fact that she hadn't said what she'd wanted, told her who was on the other side of the door.
Mandy walked in; her upper arms folded across her chest as her other hands closed the door. Her dirty blonde hair was mostly pulled back into a ponytail but still managed to frame her disapproving stare. Her brown eyes tried to pull Shelly into opening up, but she managed to keep her mouth shut. It was impossible to lie around Sheldon's girlfriend, and Shelly couldn't be sure of what she might say. She didn't know what the truth was, and was almost afraid of what she might find out if she dug too hard.
The two adult women regarded each other for a long moment before the intruder surprised Shelly by stepping forward and pulling her into a tight hug. Four sets of powerful arms engulfed her, and something inside Shelly broke.
Tears welled and then overflowed her eyes. A sob broke free from her chest, and her arms wrapped around the other woman. Mandy was a bit taller than Shelly, and one of the woman's hands pressed her cheek into Mandy's firm chest.
She didn't know how long she cried there, being comforted like a child, but she felt calmer after a while and slipped out of the embrace. At some point, they'd moved to a couch in the room without letting go of one another. Neither one had spoken the whole time.
"I never thanked you for saving me. You must think I'm a terrible person," Shelly said as she worked to dry her cheeks. She couldn't even lift her eyes to look at Mandy. "Among other things," she added without meaning to.
"You mean like fucking my boyfriend, or running away, or... Shit, sorry. That's not what I meant to say," Mandy soothed her tone. Shelly finally looked up at her and noted that her eyes were red and puffy as though she'd been crying as well. "Oh, don't give me that look because of my language," Mandy cracked a small smile as she attempted to lighten the mood. "Not everything was your fault, and even the parts that were, turned out okay in the end."
"Okay?!" Shelly shouted and grabbed the sides of her belly. "How is
this
okay?"
One of Mandy's right hands reached forward and rested on her stomach. Shelly flinched at the unwanted contact but refused to back away.
"I know this is hard for you—" Mandy started to say, but Shelly cut her off.
"You
know
this is hard for me?" she spat. "How could you possibly know what I'm going through? Were you ever raped by a creature that has actively worked for your family's destruction? Have you ever carried an unwanted child to term, just to ensure that the ecology of the world could continue on? Or was that not what you meant? You're an only child, so you couldn't have fucked your brother. Your dad, perhaps? Or—" This time it was Shelly that was cut short as Mandy's other right hand slapped her. The woman was stronger than she knew, and for a few moments, Shelly couldn't focus on anything other than the pain in her cheek.
"I know the pain of carrying an unwanted child," Mandy said through clenched cheeks. "No, it wasn't through rape or anything like what you went through. And you know damned well that my father was a good man. He never laid an inappropriate hand on me. I know you're hurting, Shelly, but that doesn't give you the right to treat others like they're not hurting also."
"Oh?" Shelly felt her ire rising even higher. "And what do they have to be hurting about? Areth has been restored, and my brother... My brother has you and Shlee to take care of his every whim. Gaia will get the child she needs to keep both worlds healthy. What do they possibly have to be hurting about?"
Mandy's jaw clenched as she worked to form her response. "You do realize that your brother is also dealing with the fact that he had unwanted sex with his sister? Or that your father has to deal with the fact that, while yes, he is happy to have Areth back, finding out about Brock and Brooke, or you and Eldon, or that Jessica is one of his lover's children hidden from him for decades? Or that Shlee and I have to worry about Gloria coming back into Eldon's life? It's very obvious to everyone that he still loves her, so where will that leave us? Or... or..." she seemed to run out of steam for a moment before changing tactics. "And where do you get off on berating Shlee or me for taking care of your brother? We love him. Just like Sonia loves you and would do anything for you. You know she is a wreck of emotions out there, worried about you, and you shutting her out? Hell, we should all be out there celebrating Areth's return, but instead, you're hiding in here like a spoiled little brat, hurting those that love you because life hasn't exactly been kind lately. You don't know how lucky you are!"
Shelly opened her mouth to cut in, but Mandy didn't give her a chance.
"You grew up with parents that stayed together," Mandy informed her like she was a teacher informing a little child the most basic of facts. In fact, both sets of arms were folded, and the look on Mandy's face was one of someone having to state the obvious. "You have powers that don't hurt those around you. Yes, you were betrayed by someone you love, but at least the other person who loves you does so because they want to. It wasn't forced upon them by a spell."
"You loved my brother on your own, and not because of a spell," Shelly managed to cut in. "And Sonia only loves me because it's part of my soul inside her, allowing her to be capable of love. Or perhaps I should say obsession?" Then something else Mandy had said struck her. "Wait, when did you ever have an unwanted child?"
Mandy grimaced and shook her head. "It was after Eldon and I broke up. I made a mistake. I was hurting after we split... Because of my ability, compounded by your brother's, hundreds died. I was devastated. I jumped into the first set of arms that welcomed me. I was foolish and allowed myself to get pregnant. When I told him, he left me."
Shelly regarded the other woman in silence for a bit. It wasn't the same as her, but it was still bad. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Mandy and Sheldon had killed so many by accident. The incident was covered up, of course, which was why they could come and go in Gaia's city, but the two never forgot. And at least Mandy had wanted the child at one point, or she wouldn't have been able to get pregnant...
"What happened to the child?" Shelly asked, her curiosity overcoming her anger enough to keep her tone level.
Fresh tears appeared in Mandy's dark eyes, but they didn't fall. "I came to Gaia, and she determined that the child would be dangerous. A-at least, that's what she told me. I've always wondered if she told me that to make it easier for me, or something else."
"No one can lie around you," Shelly reminded her.
"No, but Gaia has been around me enough to know how to speak the truth and still mislead," Mandy said. "Perhaps the child would have been safe enough, except that the pain it caused me was dangerous, or something else. I don't know."
Shelly mulled over everything Mandy had revealed. Not just about the child, but about everyone else. Was she a spoiled child? She didn't want to believe it, but how else could she describe the tantrum she threw when she'd left the Pillar of Fire's volcano home? She wasn't acting like the cool, level-headed woman she pictured herself as. True, she was suffering from what was done to her, but she wasn't the only one. Her family had suffered as well.
"Eldon doesn't deserve you," Shelly said in a small voice, admitting defeat. "You're too smart for him."
"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you call him Eldon," Mandy cracked a smile and wiped the unshed tears from her eyes. "And I think he knows he doesn't deserve me, or Shlee for that matter. But he tries his best for us."
"How..." Shelly paused as she tried to consider her words and how to ask something she'd wondered for a while. "How do you and Shlee get along? Don't you get jealous?"