Yeah, she was that kind of girl. The kind of girl who walked through the crowd with an unlit cigarette dangling from her lips just to see which of them would break away from their partners to offer her a light. And they always did, all but the most beaten of them.
They would smile the smile they practiced in the mirror. The one they found to be charming, and the flame was lifted to lick at the tip. They would speak words they thought impressive and she would turn and leave. She had no time for a soft man who found himself wonderful. They rarely offered anything to others. So she would turn and walk away, leaving them only a lingering moment of inexpensive perfume in her breeze as she retreated. So things had gone for her.
The less creative of those she shared a species with had called her a bitch and a tramp and a tease. Fortunately, the world was filled mostly with people who had very little capacity for thought. The lack of originality in those who insulted her did little to harm her. But there were others who were more creative. Those were the ones who had the power to hurt her. She would retaliate and things would get out of hand. She was the one who was always told to leave, who was walked to the door and courteously excused. That she was not behind bars was, she thought, privilege of being plaything to the wealthy.
There were those that had asked her why don't you settle down? Find a nice man and make a nice home and have nice children and do nice things for the community. As if she could. When you were bright enough to see that most men were selfish, that even the nicest of homes shone evil into the night through carefully scrubbed windows and that children were most often a burden, it was not to hard to see that to keep moving was best.
To keep things new and fresh and alive was the way to go. She imagined herself in the kitchen of some suburban hell. Cooking. Removing a Barney video from the VCR and replacing it with a Disney sing along for the kids. Waiting for a husband to come home.
She could see herself waiting for the look on his face, to know if he was satisfied. If he was, then she could feel like a good woman, like a good wife and mother. If she could read that he was not satisfied, then, damn it, she would try harder tomorrow. She would make her man happy. The thought always brought a secret smile to her face. More often, it brought a laugh. One of those laughs that makes others look around curiously, hoping to spot the source of the entertainment.
What would she do with a man? He couldn't run with her. Not for long, anyway.
Men got attached too easily and were more sentimental than they let on. They found a place or a thing or another of the silly creatures she shared a species with and decided it was time to stop running. She'd had them along before. For a while. She found that the road threw less burdens her way when she ran with a partner. But in the end, the burdens caught up with her. She left them with a smear of lipstick on their sleeping cheek as she kissed them one final time. Then she walked out on them forever. There was no need for a note. No need for long good-byes or explanations that were even longer. It was just a sad kiss on the cheek and a soft shutting of the door and she was on her way. It hurt sometimes. Hurt to go. The complacity that they would fall into always made her feel sad.
They were not like the other things she owned. She could not place them in her backpack and force them to continue. They would find happiness in the place she left them and she would find it where she could. And that was simply the way things had to be.
And she's here. With her backpack on her shoulders walking along the median again. She had been the attention of much obnoxious noise on her journey. Men showed their appreciation for her proportions by laying into the car horn. It was absurd. Or they would roll down the window to yell something at her. She puzzled at the point of it. Was it to confirm their manhood to their passengers? To herself? She was sure of only one thing, it was unnecessary. A person's character showed in their day-to-day behavior, not an occasional gesture of admiration or lust. Of course, this was another reason she kept running. If she stayed somewhere long enough, someone might discover what was behind the facade. Worse yet, they would show it to her, they would be her mirror, and she had no desire to see it. She had no interest in looking once again at the things she had blocked out for so long. She had no interest in crying those tears again. So she ran to where running would take her and she found herself here.