Author's Notes: The penultimate episode. Revisiting a pair of minor characters I particularly liked, and a slightly-loose end tied up.
EPISODE SEVEN: Always Keep Your Fiends Close and Your Frenemies Closer.
After the close encounter with Betty your first order of business is doing something about the load of fertilized alien eggs you're involuntarily hosting. You don't have any idea of how long the things need to hatch and start biting and definitely don't want to find out the hard way.
So you get on the phone to Doctor Z. Z is one of the supergeniuses on the good-guy side and has doctorates in about every science you can shake a stick at. In his case this includes not only your usual particle physics, engineering, chemistry, chemical engineering, biochemistry, biochemical engineering, biology, bioengineering, genetics, and genetic engineering, but also an honest-to-god M.D. In addition he's local, making him both many heroes' go-to egghead when there's a problem that requires massive brainpower and their medical consultant for unusual conditions picked up during the course of adventures.
Once you talk your way past his answering service (it's still very early morning) he picks up. "Zed here. From the urgency of your call, Cougaress, I take it you're having a spot of trouble, eh?"
"I need to see you in your office right away. It's a, um, medical issue."
"The city does have a 911 service, you know."
"I don't think most ERs are equipped to handle impregnation by a hostile extraterrestrial."
"Ah, bit of a sticky wicket, that. But it does sound like something a bit more up my street, as we might say. Well, drop on by."
It's embarrassing calling a ride-share while you're wearing nothing but a canvas boat cover, but you don't want to take the time to walk home to get something else. Fortunately there's not many people around when you get dropped off in front of the office tower where Z leases the top six floors.
Once he brings you into his clinical area you find that Dr. Z owns a gynecology exam table. "It's not that I get very much use out of the old thing but I keep it around just in case. Also it's quite a long while since my rotation in gynaecology, but while waiting for you to arrive I memorized a pair of newer textbooks on the subject so I should be back up to speed," he informs you. "Now, try to relax, this may feel a bit cool."
The medical removal process is not nearly as much fun as the way the eggs were inserted, but you don't tell Z this as it doesn't seem like the reaction a normal woman would have to being forcibly put in the family way by a huge space bug. The good news is that Z tells you he doesn't expect you to have any sort of permanent after-effects from the egging.
During the procedure Z is of course asking you about what happened. When he hears about Betty's corpse and her belongings being in Founder's Park he completely geeks out (or as he puts it, gets "quite chuffed"), both over the thought of being able to do an alien autopsy and at the chance for him to analyze all that advanced technology. You therefore feel apologetic when you admit that as you left the boathouse it looked to you like both Betty's body and all her equipment were melting into glop. Your speculation is that Egioneelan tech is biologically based and they install some sort of failsafe to make sure it can't fall into the hands of their intended victims.
"Ah, well," Z sighs. "At least I'll have these eggs to investigate. Hopefully I can find some way of preserving them outside a host body."
Once your "morning after" problem is dealt with you get back on the phone to let the other heroes who were patrolling the park now that the threat is dealt with and to look for the bodies of the victims near the boathouse. You don't bother to give details. While in the middle of this you receive a text from Ryan which says he's going to be away for a few days on a backpacking trip with some people he's met. He's never mentioned an interest in backpacking before, but you're glad he's making new friends.
[]
Dr. Z loans you one of his lab coats to wear, which is certainly a step up from a tarp. He also has one of his robot cars take you home so you don't have to deal with another ride-share. As soon as you get to the house you go straight to bed because it was a very long night.
It's about four in the afternoon when you wake up. You missed breakfast and lunch so you microwave a frozen entree for an early dinner. As you eat you find yourself thinking about the Watchman.
He sneaks around and follows heroines, but does that make him a villain? The only thing pointing to the conclusion is the way his actions are being interpreted as those of a voyeur, otherwise he's never committed a single crime anyone knows about. Really the reason he's being called a villain is because he's being compared to Peeping Tomcat and the Oculist, who are the guys everyone thinks about when you combine "superhuman" and "voyeur."
But it's not as if only villains can have kinks, heroes have them too. After all, your compatriots may have strange powers but they're still human. (Well, the ones who are human are still human. You're obviously not including heroes like RoboStar or the Mercurian Mancatcher.) Anyway, the point is that for the most part heroes have the same sort of peculiarities and quirks as other people. And just like with normals, some of those quirks have to do with sex.
Just as an example, pretty much everyone in the superhero community knows that Merit-man has this thing about old ladies. He's constantly looking for chances to save grannies, or rescue their cats, or simply help them cross the street. He's painfully shy about it, but rumor is that occasionally one of the old girls guesses what he really wants and lets him get into her knickers. It's a bit odd, sure, but between consenting adults is there really anything wrong about that?
Then there's Grizzly, whose public image is that of an incredibly tough, rough, ultra-macho he-man. But Lady Liberty, who's dated him, told you he likes to wear a woman's garter belt and stockings in bed. He isn't gay (Libby says she's positive about that from intimate experience), but she also said that if you have X-ray vision you can see that underneath the leather-and-spikes hero costume he's always wearing frilly lace panties.
So you don't think it's fair classifying Watchman as a villain just based on the notion that he might have a kink involving following heroines around. Or even if he's been watching as you had sex with some of your opponents recently. Furthermore he may have thought he was saving you from Thermo that one time, and he definitely
did
save you from becoming larva chow by bringing down Betty. It's hard to call the latter anything but the act of a hero, especially since he got beaten up pretty heavily in the process. He certainly can't be all bad.
[]
You're cleaning up the kitchen when your phone rings. The number showing is (666)-666666, which is of course impossible but immediately tells you who's trying to contact you.
You press accept but don't bother putting the phone to your ear. "Hey, Hot Stuff," you say to the air.
The response doesn't originate from the phone, either, but from somewhere over your head. "I need to pop in, Kitty. Something important has come up, and I have to speak to you about it without any chance of prying ears."
"Sure thing. I'm alone right now, and I hereby invite into my home. When do you want to meet up?"
There's a soft rush of displaced air. "How about now?" Hellione's voice says from behind you.
You don't startle, you half-expected her arrival anyway. One of Hellione's powers is teleportation, though she can only do it into a home if she's invited by a person who lives there. It's one of the long-time rules, apparently. You turn around and see her smiling down at you.
You smile back. It's hard not to. In fact, it's hard to simply smile and not leer and run your eyes over her voluptuous seven-foot-tall form. Hellione has more curvature than Einsteinian space-time, something her black and scarlet costume does little to conceal.
The story for public consumption is that Hellione is a denizen of another dimension visiting ours, and that her light red skin, horns, and long tail are just what people look like where she's from. All of which is strictly true, as long as you're willing to consider the realm of eternal torment "another dimension." It's for the best, though, as early on it was figured out that any mention of her being from Aitch-eee-double-hockey-sticks (beyond her chosen moniker) got religious people riled up like you wouldn't believe and interfered with her work as one of the good guys.
As for her insane level of pulchritude, Hellione admits privately that she used to be a succubus and no matter how hard she tries she can't entirely turn off the "I'm so hot that you can't resist the temptation" vibe she emits. While you were married to Paragon you would catch him ogling her on occasion, which is far from normal behavior from the World's Politest Hero. You could never totally blame him for it, though, partly out of concern he might mention glass houses and stone-throwers. You're not normally attracted to other women, but that totally goes out the window when Hellione is around.
(You and Hellione ended up getting
very
close back in the day. One thing this means is that you're one of the few people who knows her full story. According to her, way back at the Beginning she wasn't one of the rebels who planned to overthrow the Throne or anything like that, she just wanted to party and have fun. So when the big showdown arrived she decided to try and stay neutral. That didn't work out so well, and after Lucifer was defeated she got cast out of Heaven along with everyone else who'd refused the call to join the fight on the winning side. After that she spent thousands of years as a succubus serving at the bidding of the Prince of Darkness, mostly because at that point she figured she didn't have a lot of options beyond joining his team. Eventually she got the idea that maybe existence ought to involve more than just endless sex and seduction and wanted out, but to get back in the Big Guy's graces she has to make amends for the bad stuff she did as a succubus. The best way she could think of for doing that was to use her hellish strength and demonic powers for Good, thus she chose to become a superheroine.)
You drag your eyes off your friend's tits and turn to the kitchen. "Want some coffee? Or if it's too late for you I could make herbal tea."
"Coffee's fine if you have some," Hellione says.