The Princes Bride Ch 02

Several hours later, it was as though the...

Lleva incident

had never happened. Jenne and Felic were back to flirting, newly at ease with one another after their mutual embarrassment earlier.

This was not true for the rest of the hall, unfortunately. Lleva's dismissal to the servant quarters was decidedly irregular—to have a foreign attendant forced to room with local help was unheard of, but Felic knew in this case it was best to honor the wishes of the princess. The other three attendants seemed decidedly distracted, and the parliament heads, servants and guards seemed even moreso as they talked to the former.

Felic and Jenne talked through the evening, despite the hassle of speaking all the way across the banquet table. And as the fireplace grew low, and one of the servants—Jasper, in fact—moved to shovel another load of coal onto it to keep it bright, Felic raised a hand.

"I think I can't eat another bite," he said loudly, to the visible relaxation of one of the chefs bustling out of the room. "My Princess Jenne, what do you think?"

Jenne laughed and scooted back in her chair. "It was a wonderful feast, my Prince. I thank you." She turned to her attendants.

The Parliament heads, both red-faced, hurried from the room. Several servants followed suit. Last left the attendants.

And then it was only Felic, Jenne, and Horace and a few guards. Horace sat stiffly in his place—in accordance with policy, he had not drunk anything but water, but Felic could tell he was exhausted.

"So, you were saying, Princess Jenne," Felic said, clearing his throat, "about your magic."

"Ah, yes." Jenne clapped her hands together. "I must confess, my Prince, I'm really just an illusionist. My sorcery isn't anything to write home about."

"Oh, but the tricks you've shown us have been remarkable! The Princess is being modest." Felic smiled. "Illusion magic is... rare, here in Rainvale."

"I've heard it's frowned upon." Jenne looked around, then leaned over the table. "My Prince Felic, I do not wish to be bold, but honestly, I've been talking across this table all ni—"

"Oh, please!" Felic laughed and patted the chair to his right. "

Please

, spare us more shouting across the banquet hall."

"Yes, please," Horace muttered, sitting directly to Felic's left. The captain looked like he had a bit of a headache.

Princess Jenne hopped up and practically pranced over. Again, Felic was struck by her casual manner, the simple violet pants she wore—and her incredibly wide hips, which swung at every step. Her black topknot bounced frivolously as she settled into the chair at his right. "Thank

goodness

," she gushed, leaning in conspiratorially. "I say, my Prince, I was getting a sore throat over there. Not to say anything about Castle Azure's drink, of course—the wine soothes the throat, doesn't it, and it's always easier to speak at length after a long meal, but I say, there's something a little awkward about a conversation held at giant's-arm's length."

Prince Felic laughed, nodding along. Princess Jenne was also a lot more talkative than any princess he'd ever known—though technically, as the seventh-born of a seventh-born, she was not considered a princess at all. At least, not in the Wildflower Kingdom. After all the unpleasantness with Lleva, he was quite happy to let his future bride talk as much as she wanted. It was sort of a relief to not be able to stop her, in fact. Aside from Captain Horace and the castle spirit, just about everyone in Rainvale treated him like an infallible deity rather than a young and inexperienced prince.

"Anyways," Jenne went on, giggling as she took a servant's proffered pitcher and refilled her mug—she'd brought her mug from the seat across the table over, Felic noticed, as if she was eager not to waste another dish. That was... delightful. He'd never even thought about that, but now he wished he had. Reusing dishes saved the servants work. "Anyways, you were telling me about my magic. I've heard it's less frowned upon in Rainvale."

"Yes. Yes." Prince Felic shifted slightly. "I mean, I suppose it must have always been trusted to some extent, considering the magic of Castle Azure. I think—"

"A

genuine

wonder of the world, my Prince. I could spend years walking these halls talking to the spirit. So much to learn—

so

much to learn." Jenne rapped her knuckles on the table in excitement. Prince Felic was starting to suspect she'd had about enough wine, but he wasn't sure how to say it.

"Yes," he said, when he was pretty sure she'd finished. "I think that magic was always sort of... there, in Rainvale. Nobody knows how the castle was created, exactly—not even the Castle -"

"Oh, and of course it wouldn't know," Jenne said, nodding eagerly as the drink in her mug sloshed. She giggled. "I mean, I say, it only came to being

after

it was created, wasn't it? It stands to reason. Still, I'll bet it knows something. But illusion magic is less common?"

"It's associated with the sirens that guard your river," Felic said. "And... the Queen."

Jenne bit her lip. "Yes," she said, not even the mention of the Succubus Queen quite enough to slow her down, "yes, Old Sweetness has never quite made it across the Balm, so we've never... never faced her works the way Rainvale has. I suppose we've been lucky."

"And since many demons can see through it," Captain Horace said, startling Felic slightly—the Captain hadn't spoken all night, even though Jenne had declared she wanted everyone to feel free to take part in the conversation tonight (another strange custom that Felic felt sorry he hadn't already encouraged)—"it's not as useful to get out illusions, begging your pardon, Your Highness."

"Of course, of course," Jenne said, her head bobbing. "Of course it'd seem frivolous if it couldn't stop the invasion."

"B-But it's not at all frivolous!" Prince Felic said quickly. "I mean, there must be wonderful uses for your magic."

Princess Jenne turned to him and smiled slightly. "Well... I do have some more interesting tricks," she said, her tone suddenly playful. "And some are

very

useful. Part of the reason I was so—I mean, part of the reason I was chosen—well—" She cut off, suddenly flushed in a way that was not entirely due to the wine.

Impulsively, Felic put a hand on hers, easing her to set down the mug. "My Princess?"

Jenne bit her lip. "I... I do have some things to share." Her voice was quiet. "But I think they're for your eyes only, My Prince. I... I suppose your Captain can stay, but—"

"Captain Horace? Gawain, Levric?" Felic turned to the captain and the last couple of servants who'd faithfully lingered. "Would you please excuse us?"

Captain Horace stared at him, then at his plate—which had been empty for the last couple hours. He rubbed his eyes, exhaustion clicking from every halting motion. "I..."

"You don't have to excuse him," Jenne said, though her eyes looked less sure. "I-I mean, I don't want you to feel..."

"The castle spirit will be here if anything happens," Prince Felic said impatiently. "Isn't that right, spirit?"

"Yes, my Prince," said the wispy voice of the spirit, its billowing silk form emerging as if it had been there the whole time. "Though I've been meaning to tell you: I believe that the attendant known as 'Lleva', who you had confined to the servants' quarters for her harassment, is... enjoying the company of a scullery maid."

"

What

?" Jenne and Felic said at once.

Horace groaned. "I'll deal with it, my Prince." He got to his feet, swaying slightly. "I'm guessing I

do

need to deal with it?"

"I..." Felic coughed. "I mean, I suppose if it's... consensual..." He felt newly self-conscious of how he treated his servants, and he glanced towards Jenne.

She was the vision of indignation. "Oh, all respect, Prince, all respect, but

absolutely not

! I sent her to the servants' quarters as

punishment

, not as an opportunity for her to cause an incident!" She muttered an audible curse under her breath. "Spirit, can't you—"

"I can interrupt them," the spirit said primly, "but I'm not good at multitasking, and I'm trying to watch the whole castle. It's a full moon tonight."

"Full moon' meant the Succubus Moon was shining bright. The castle spirit was their most effective guard dog, and nothing could enter the castle without its awareness—if it wasn't distracted too much by conversations elsewhere.

"I'll go," Horace said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Gawain, Levric, you can help me find my way. I don't know the servants' quarters."

He and the last two servants bustled out, Levric only pausing to refill Jenne's and Felic's mugs once more.

"Do you want me to be manifest in here?" the spirit asked, as the doors closed once more.

Felic glanced at Jenne, who shrugged indifferently. He turned back. "You can, if you want. We can't very well keep secrets from you, anyways."

The spirit seemed to smile. "Well, I can't see illusions, so that will be one secret you can keep."

Jenne's eyebrows raised. She smiled at Felic, twirling a finger. Colorful smoke rose into the shapes of letters:

Is the spirit a boy or a girl? They're kind of cute.

Felic felt his cheeks burning and he stifled his laughter with a hand.

"... I think I'll leave you to it," the spirit said slowly, looking right at the illusion and clearly seeing nothing. "But I'll be watching. Remember, my Prince, you can always say no."

"

Spirit,

" Felic said, feeling his cheeks burning even hotter.

The castle spirit dissipated.

"

You

are dreadful," Felic said scoldingly to Jenne. "Cute? They're a—a mass of silks!"

"In a pleasing shape, though." Jenne rubbed her nose slightly, grinning. "But I might just be a li'l, ah... tipsy." She scooted the chair a bit closer. "A li'l," she repeated with a giggle.

"So what was the... what were the tricks?"

Jenne's eyes lit up. "Ah, yes, my Prince, the tricks. Oh, I've been looking forward to—back home,

nobody

lets me magic!" She gripped his hand with excitement. "I mean, I say, they don't... Magic is

evil

where I come from. Nobody's as accepting as you. As Rainvale, I mean." Her eyes went downcast.

"Well..." Prince Felic hesitated, then squeezed her hand back. She laced her fingers with his with a coequettish smile. "In Rainvale, women aren't expected to be quite so... assertive. So it's not all bad in the Wildflower Kingdom."

"That's true." Jenne shrugged. "I suppose there's a good measure of equality there, at the least. All the fey and creatures of the prairie make it hard to really believe that men are the stronger sex, when all it takes is a giggling alraune to render any man a molten-minded bull for breeding." As soon as the words left her, her eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth at the vulgarity. Her cheeks went as red as roses.

Felic giggled at her expression, even though he felt almost equally shocked. "I... how very... apt, my Princess Jenne."

She relaxed slightly. "Well... what I mean to say is, things are different over there. But I never get to show

this

off." She twirled her finger, and the smoke letters appeared again:

Prince Felic the Kind

.

"Well... what do you want to show me?"

"Oh..." Princess Jenne shrugged. "Can we, um, start with something else? You choose something. I know we have to talk about the war, but for now... oh, I'd just like to relax a little. It's been such a lovely evening with you."

"Of course." Prince Felic then bit his lip. "You mean you want me to request an illusion?"

"My illusions aren't just pretty pictures," Princess Jenne boasted. "I can do all kinds of things. I can scry faraway lands, though it's a lot harder. I can put you in the mind of a Balm-dancing siren, or let you see through the eyes of a mountain bee high in the northern range."

"Can you show me your castle?" Prince Felic asked. "I've almost never left Castle Azure."

She blinked. "

Really

?"

"The Prince isn't supposed to. I'm... very important to the people."

"But didn't Old Bullet—"

"My mother was different." Felic looked down at his feet. "She was everything the people needed her to be."

He fell silent. He hadn't meant to let the tone get so serious, but now he wasn't sure what to say. He felt Jenne squeeze his hand, and he looked up.

"My Prince," she said warmly, "if you want to see my castle, I can show it to you. Just hold my hand and concentrate."

"On wh—"

"And don't speak," Jenne went on, giggling. "My Prince, you can't very well concentrate if you're chattering away! We both need to focus. This, um... might be a bit forward, but I'll need you to look into my eyes for a moment. And you must be very quiet, because if one of us is just chattering away, I say, we can't very well work this spell, can we? Illusion and divination are very complicated. Very complicated indeed."

She leaned in, and Prince Felic's playful objections died on his breath. Her eyes were... such a nice amber-brown, but now he could see his face reflected in them. They seemed to ripple, like a stone thrown into a pool. Everything went blurry.

And then he felt himself sinking into them, as her hand became very, very warm, and his vision changed.

He was flying over a grandiose palace, built atop a hill not unlike Castle Azure. But this palace was not carved of rune-studded lapis lazuli. It looked almost like a classical cottage, except it was...

enormous

. Larger than Azure, certainly, built of brick and mortar, its many roofs painted all the colors of the wildflower prairie below.

"The Wildflower Palace," he heard Jenne say, her voice soft and echoing as if on the wind as he flew above the castle. Vaguely, he remembered he was seeing all of this in the reflection of her eyes, but he could feel the wind blowing his curly hair back, hear the calls of birds around him... "As seen by a starling flock. Here, want to go closer?"

"Yes," he whispered, awestruck.

The vision rippled again, and the scene shifted. He was staring down a hallway with lovely hardwood floors. Paintings hung from the walls depicting various scenes of frolicking fey and moonlit revelries—paintings which would be considered scandalous in Rainvale. Some of them even had naked people in them.

"My Prince," Jenne said, "you're blushing!"

"Th-The paintings..." he mumbled.

"Oh. Really? Those are just classic works."

"Classic? But thery have—" Felic trailed off. Surely classic paintings didn't feature naked men and women posing and displaying themselves like that. But Rainvale, he realized, didn't have many classic painters.

After a moment's pause, two women came through. Both wore maids' outfits, and they were sweeping and dusting. One looked like a human not unlike Jenne, save for slightly paler olive skin and bright, spiky red hair. The other, though, had a pair of pointy bull horns, and the uniform she wore did little to hide and everything to pronounce her massive tits. Felic's heart quickened, and he prayed Jenne couldn't see what he was looking at—or at least what he was focusing on within the vision.

The maids bustled about, and he could distantly hear them speaking, he thought, in the native tongue of the Wildflower Kingdom.

"A... a cowgirl," he said uncertainly. "In your palace?"

"Hm? oh, yes. Look closer, my prince, if the view allows. I think we're looking through the eyes of a housefly here." The vision seemed to narrow, focusing on the holstaur. Felic's breath caught. For a moment, he thought they were zooming right into her massive cleavage.

Instead, they stopped on her wrists. She was clutching a broom, and each wrist had a little dainty chain of flowers around it.

"Bracelets?" he said uncertainly. His voice sounded so fuzzy right now. This was so disorienting.

"She's just a pet," Jenne said casually. "A captive monster. We employ plenty of them—espeically the ones who make trouble. Ooh, here, I think we found a mobile view! This fly's following something."

The vision rippled and shifted again. Now Felic found himself flying down a flight of spiraling stairs, giving chase to a par of very curvy women in pink aprons. They were chattering to one another. They both had rabbit ears, one pair long and floppy, while the other's stood straight up, perky, as they carried a covered platter downstairs together. Once again, he spotted sets of flower 'manacles' on their wrists. He also noticed their uniforms had especially tight pants, probably to allow the little bunny tails to poke out more comfortably.

"Oh, I know those two!" Jenne said. "They're very kind to the late-borns. Always sneaking us extra treats when the parents aren't looking."

The view left the stairs as the pair started down another hallway, this one lined with luxurious colorful curtains, all of which were open, allowing the pink light of the full moon to spill in.

"They must have left the shades open," Jenne said distantly. "Careless. Someone must be slacking off, I say."

Felic was only half-listening, unable to tear his attention from the bunnygirls' rears as they practically bounced down the hallway. They paused, looking at a closet door, then exchanged giggles and continued on to disappear through a doorway. It closed, leaving their view behind.

For a moment the view was confused, spinning about. Then the housefly apparently chose a new direction and turned towards another doorway. It landed on the hardwood floor before it. Distantly, Felic heard strange sounds, then the fly scurried under this door, and he realized they were in a closet.

There were two figures entwined in each other's arms, distantly moaning. In the dim, rosy light, a man was curled up in a curvy holstaur's lap, clinging to her and suckling her breast helplessly. The holstaur's lips were open, cooing words as she pumped his cock, stroking his hair, whispering gently right in his ear as he moaned and writhed and—

The vision broke off abruptly. Jenne's eyes were wide, and her face was beet red. "S-Sorry!" she blurted, scooting a full foot away from him. "So sorry, I didn't—I had no idea the captain was—that's so

careless

, he shouldn't be, but you know how boys can be sometimes—I mean—"

Felic was breathless, avoiding eye contact, shifting his legs beneath the table. "Goodness."

"I know," Jenne said, biting her lip, "I-I didn't think it would—"

Felic looked at her, looking even more flustered than he felt, and then he burst out laughing. He couldn't help it, even when she looked almost indignant. He clutched his stomach and giggled helplessly. "Jenne—Princess Jenne, it's

fine

! It's fine! It's just—I mean, goodness!"

Jenne stared at him, then started giggling too. "I just can't believe they would do that in—"

"I know!" He exclaimed. "And the bunnygirls—I mean, you could

tell

they heard it—if Horace ever did that, just fooled around with a random servant—"

"Captain Malques is always so

serious

, too!" Jenne took a gulp from her wine, shaking her head ruefully. "I mean, seven gods! He's practically a mirror of your Horace! I can't believe he'd let himself be drawn in like that by—I say, that holstaur is the one who's supposed to be drawing the curtains, I'll bet you anything!"

"A low rank?"

"Oh, yes." Jenne rolled her eyes. "Lower than a scullery maid. There's a lot of curtains in the Wildflower Palace."

The tension and panic relieved, Felic took a sip of his own mug. It was, to his surprise, empty. Had he been drinking more than he'd thought?

"Here, finish mine," Jenne said, tipsily tipping her goblet to dump its half-empty contents into his mug. "I've probably had... more than enough, being honest." She giggled slightly, and Felic culdn't help but giggle as well, agreeing.

"So now what?" he asked.

She blinked big eyes at him.