Chapter 6: Sympathetic Sounds
I got home and crashed on the couch for about four hours. It was nearly ten by the time I woke up and ordered a large take-out meal of Chinese food. I thought I might call Jill and see if she wanted to come over. The doorbell rang and I ran to the door in my bare feet, shirt un-tucked and hair sticking up from my nap.
I opened the door to find Cynthia standing there. I must have looked truly stunned for she just stood there a moment before speaking.
"Umm, hi Mike." She looked scared, no she looked petrified. I pulled myself together and reached for her note. She was completely on edge, unsure of herself, and scared of my reaction to finding her on my doorstep. I reached out and gave a gentle note that I was okay, that I meant her no harm, and I smiled at her. Believe it or not I think the smile had the biggest impact, I felt the notes it created flutter through her.
"Cynthia, hi, how are you? Are you okay, you look pale." I said stepping aside and motioning her into my messy condo. "Please excuse the mess."
She waved it away with one beautifully sculpted hand. "It is fine, I am sorry to burst in on you so late. I wantedโฆI wanted to thank you for helping me in my store the other day, and for locking up andโฆ" she broke off, I could feel the embarrassment in her, and the confusion. I soothed her embarrassment as I spoke.
"Hey, I am happy I was there to help, are you okay now? You looked like you were having a bit of a crisis." Yeah, a bit is an understatement. Still, what was I to say, hey I know all your deepest darkest secrets and I was the one who turned your life upside down because I was trying to get some revenge on you, but then chickened out and tried to help you in my screwed up wayโฆ.
"I'm okay. Look..ummm." She was still scared, she wanted to talk to me, I could feel it, but I decided to not dig deeper to let her say it at her pace.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, Why don't you sit down, let me get you a drink. Glass of wine?" She sat down heavily, and nodded thankfully. I hurried to the kitchen and poured a couple glasses of an expensive red I had bought on the way home the other night with my new wallet. I returned and she smiled as I handed it to her. It was like the room lit up, man she was beautiful I thought. Then it occurred to me that this was the first time I had ever seen a smile on her that I thought might be genuine. I sat down in a chair across form her.
She took a long pull from her glass, and then looked at me. I kept her mind in my thoughts, but only at a surface level, for some reason I wanted to let this unfold as it should. I was very curious why she was here, especially given our history. Finally she spoke, and her voice was soft, almost childlike.
"Why did you help me? I mean the other day, IโฆI mean, after our date andโฆ" she blushed a deep red and I could feel her embarrassment, and shame. Wow she had come a long way I thought. "Well I was very cruel to you, and you got hurt, and I was just soโฆso awful to you. Why be so kind to me?" She was puzzled, but there was more to this I thought. I let myself sink a little deeper in her mind. It was close to the surface really, she wanted to have faith that people could just be kind and good, even when they didn't have to. She was looking for some basic faith in humanity again.
"Cynthia, I have to admit when I found you crying on the floor, there was part of me that wanted to walk away, to leave you to your problems. But, then I realized I didn't really know anything about you. That we all have an ugly side, what if you had a beautiful one too, and I had just had the misfortune to encounter you in a bad time in your life. Besides, though I helped you, I really helped me too."
"What do you mean you helped yourself?" she looked puzzled.
"Well, by helping you I was forced to forgive you, and to let go of my hurt and anger, to just recognize you as human. As someone that needed help. I am glad I helped, it made me feel good about myself." This was true, but on a level she couldn't ever know.
She just stared at me for a moment. I could feel the disbelief in her; I could feel the fear, the old need for control way down in her. I reached in and stilled that, and plucked the note 'It's okay, I am a friend, I won't lie to you. I won't hurt you. I am a friendโฆ'
"No one has ever done anything like that for me before." She looked wistful, distant and I could feel her looking back across all the years since her youth, and all the pain and misery in them. There was such a weight of grief and guilt there. She felt as though she had awakened from a bad dream to find she had been acting it out for 20 years.
"Well maybe you never needed someone to before."
"No, I don't think I needed anyone, at least I didn't think I did." She looked a little lost. I think she had expected me to act differently. I could feel in her mind the confusion. She had expected me to not be kind; in fact she had expected cruelty. It would have helped her turn away from the painful path she was walking now.
"What about now?"