The Music Of The Mind Ch 05

This is the 5th chapter in this series, and I want to thank the few people who have provided feedback and opinions on this story. I have enjoyed writing it, but it has been a challenge. Constructive criticism and positive feedback are both always welcome. This chapter does not have any sex in it, but is the set up for chapter 6 which is quite provocative like chapter 4. Hope you enjoy. Once again, thanks to LadyCibelle for her editing work.

Chapter 5: The Movement in the Music

Saturday I spent going over bills and stressing about work on Monday. I had talked to my boss, he was still in Cairo, and he was very supportive telling me to take more time if I needed it but I wanted to get back to my routine.

I had thought a lot about my magic wallet, and the thing was I couldn't pay for everything with it or I would have the government tax collectors on me so quick it would make my head spin. But, I could use it to buy all the small things that nickel and dime you to death in life. I spent the first half of the day working up a payment schedule for all the bills I would pay with my paycheck, and then all the things I could buy with cash to increase my standard of living. All in all, it was a very productive morning.

About 2:00 PM I decided to head down to the Grind and get a cup of coffee, and get out and see what the day was like. It was a beautiful fall day with amazing blue skies and just enough nip in the air to make you feel really alive.

The Grind was busy with all the foot traffic on the mall on a Saturday. Wendy smiled at me and waved when I came in. She raised her eyebrows as if to ask, "The usual?" I nodded and grabbed a table in the corner.

I could feel and see the notes of all the people in the little shop in my mind. It wasn't just the sound of them, I could see them too. Some were smooth and pure of tone, others twisted and winded back on themselves, and I could feel the discordant music within them. I began to realize just by looking at the surface, the single sound of them I could gauge their happiness, and their level of discontent.

Wendy brought my drink over leaning down to set it in front of me. She had a very low cut blouse and I found her ample breasts on good display in a pretty black lacey bra. I tried hard to look her in the eye. "Here ya go, hey I wanted to ask you something." I raised my eyebrows already taking my first sip of the warm coffee. "You wouldn't know anything about a giant tip I got the other night in the tip jar would you?" I tried not to spill coffee down m front.

"Oh shit." I thought, thinking rapidly. I let her note fill my mind. She knew it was me, or was at least almost sure. She had worked it out, and knew that the jar had been almost empty right before I came in since she had used some to buy herself dinner, and after I came in the shop was dead. She noticed the tip before anyone else came in. I was busted.

"Well, maybe…." I smiled at her and held several notes of concern in her to quiet them. I could tell she was worried, it was over a thousand dollars after all, and she thought I might be trying to buy her attention or something.

"Look Wendy, I am not hurting for money okay, and I had a really big deal go through that day and I did it impulsively, on a whim. I remember what it was like to be a starving college student, and I figured you could use it. I hope it doesn't freak you out or anything, I didn't want you to know it was me even." I could feel her mind had calm somewhat.

"Well it is a lot of money, I just…well it kind of weirded me out, but now I know it was you it is okay." She had remained leaning over the whole time she talked to me, and I couldn't help but sneak peaks down her shirt at those lovely breasts of hers. Suddenly she smiled wider, and I knew she had caught me looking. She glanced down seeing her shirt hanging open. "You like?" she raised her eyebrows a little; "Well you can look all you want, and if you like." She said the last with a wink and then turned to go. I sat stunned.

I quickly looked through the notes of her mind. She had accepted the tip now, and wasn't worried about it. But there, clear as day was a note of strong attraction to me, just like it was the other day before I stilled it. What the hell?

I spent the next hour or so looking at the notes and cords underlying her attraction, and I learned what I think was my most important lesson yet. The mind was not a static place. I could alter things for a time, but the mind generated its own thoughts and emotions. In other words, we all had free will. Her attraction to me returned because the things that had attracted her to me in the first place had not changed.

She still thought I was cute, she still liked my personality, and she still found me attractive. I could still the notes of her attraction again, but I couldn't prevent them from returning unless I manipulated the underlying things that made them. I would literally have to change what she valued in men to do that, or start acting like an asshole to her. I didn't like the idea of either.

It looked like I would have to live with the flirtations of an attractive twenty-something. Oh well, we all bear our burdens I thought, grinning to myself. I just made a mental note not to let myself do anything like the masturbation incident to her again.

The afternoon thunderstorms had rolled in before I had finished thinking, and the shop had emptied out a lot. Wendy and Katie, another girl who worked odd hours at the shop, were having a hushed discussion behind the counter. I didn't mind, it gave me more quiet to think in. I had pushed Wendy's note from my mind, and sat lost in thought.

Suddenly I was worried about Tuyen, and Cynthia. I had stilled things in their past, what would happen if they returned? Those were pretty foundational issues though, maybe they had nothing else to dive them back into existence. This was like having a nature vs nurture argument with myself. Well there was only one way to find out I guess.

I called Tuyen's note first, it sprang easily to my mind. The first thing I noticed is that she seemed fairly peaceful. As she filled my mind I could feel her happiness. She was out with Suzan, and she was talking about last night! Oh shit! I called Suzan's note into my mind, and could feel her attention and excitement? She was aroused at what Tuyen was telling her, and apparently Tuyen wasn't leaving out many details. God, I hope this didn't get back to Jill. I didn't at the time stop to think why that mattered so much to me.

I could feel that Suzan had already promised not to tell, there was a tone of secrecy that floated through the other notes about the conversation. There was also a strong cord as she wondered if she could get into my pants too. God, I may have started a snowball rolling down hill. Okay, time to refocus. I pushed Suzan's note from me, and dug into Tuyen's mind. What I found was startling.

I had removed, or stilled that single bad note in her past, when I found it again, it was not only still quiet, but it was almost gone. It felt like an ancient memory long forgotten. The thing was I could feel a whole line of notes and cords that had blossomed through it. Things that had been held back, or stunted by this one small thing.

At higher levels of thought Tuyen was thinking about new possibilities, she was feeling hopeful, and inspired. She felt as if some great weight had lifted from her shoulders, and she didn't really know why. She thought it was the fact that she had gotten over what she now thought was a stupid anger and dislike of me, or maybe just let her anger in general go. The awesome sex she had last night with me didn't hurt either she figured. I felt my ego swell a little at reading that thought. Guys, ever wonder what it would feel like to absolutely know, and I mean know empirically, that you had pleased a woman? Let me tell you it feels great!

It seemed that by removing a core issue, that a chain reaction had started that had opened up a range of things previously impossible for her. Her mind had made possibilities and thoughts out of my one change, but it was far from static, in fact it was exploding with ideas.

I pushed myself out of her mind after reinforcing her feelings of happiness, and possibility a little. I figured let her ride it as far as she could. Luckily I noticed she hadn't developed any romantic thoughts of me, though I could see she now had a strong lust for me. I figured that was okay, after all I am a man. Heck that had come on its own anyway, wouldn't it be wrong of me to stifle a happy thought? Yeah I know, heck of a way to rationalize.

Now, what about Cynthia? I was sitting trying to get the nerve to call her note to me when suddenly Wendy was right in front of me. I jumped with surprise.

"Oh! Damn Wendy you scared me, I was lost in thought." I smiled up at her pretty face. She looked slightly flushed, and something was different about her, but before I could put my finger on it she leaned over placing a cup of coffee before me.

"Thought you could use another round, you have been sitting her for over an hour." She said and her voice was a little lower then usual.

Her shirt fell away from her again when she leaned over, but this time I realized she had undone a couple more buttons on it. Though that hardly made any difference for she had removed her bra, and I could see all of her large pale breasts, and her small hard nipples. I must have stared for a few seconds, open mouthed before I regained my composure and looked up to meet her eyes. She was still smiling, and the flush in her face had deepened, and her eyes were shining. I called her note to me, and felt the strength of her arousal immediately wash over me. Katie I could see was watching slyly from behind the counter.

"Wow. Ummm…." I tried to think of what to say but nothing seemed to come. Wendy stood up. Her nipples now clearly showing through her top. I could feel the humor in her at my predicament, and joy at my reaction to her. How could she have been worried? I reinforced her feeling of self-confidence, and pride at having the courage to act on such a bold thought.

"I think that is the best almost compliment I ever got." She said smiling. She leaned over again letting her shirt fall open before me, but this time she leaned across to whisper in my ear. This put my face almost in the opening of her dress, and I could smell her skin, she smelled of cinnamon and sandalwood. She slid one of the business cards for the Grind across the table as she spoke.

"Call me sometime Mike." And she kissed my cheek before standing slowly and walking back to the counter. I watched her go, my mouth hanging open, feeling her sense of triumph and exhilaration at what she had done. She felt remarkably powerful. She disappeared into the kitchen, and I realized she was going to put her bra back on.

I pushed her note away. This was going to require a great deal of thinking. I rose, putting the card in my pocket as Katie watched me out of the corner of her eye. I waked by the counter and shoved a wad of money in the tip jar on my way out. What the hell I figured, the cat was already out of the bag on that one, and I knew how much Wendy had needed the money from digging around in her mind.

I walked up the Cobblestones, now slick with one of the rain showers that had passed over. It was late afternoon, and I was hungry. I stopped at a quiet sushi place and ordered some hand rolls and some green tea. I was already riding a pleasant caffeine high, and I wanted to keep it going.

Once I had eaten, and was sipping my tea my mind came back to Cynthia. I had changed something that was incredibly debilitating to her, something that was at the core of her being. I had seen the effects that this had on Tuyen, but that was so much smaller then what had been eating away at Cynthia. What kind of cascade might that cause? Shit, I was worried, and scared, but I needed to finish what I started. I took a deep breath and called her note to me.

She filled my mind as she came into focus. There was an incredible amount of noise in her mind, many thoughts and feelings. The predominant one was guilt, horrible crushing guilt. Guilt for all the shitty things she had done to people. It was so messy I couldn't even begin to dig through it.

I need a focus. I went back to that core memory of her father, or her shame. They were still there, but they were different now. The memory was bright and painful, much closer to the surface then it should be I thought. But her mind was pushing it there. The feeling of shame though had changed, and now they was anger. Her father had done this to her, it was him, and she hated him. Years of hatred she had bottled up and ignored now burned in her like a tower of fire. It was discordant, dangerous.

'Damit, what am I going to do?' I thought. Well I started this, I needed to finish it. I began to look at the emotions and thoughts near it. Almost all of the ones that were close to it carried that discordant tone of hate, but one did not. It was a feint tone, small and pure of sound. I focused on it. She wanted to confront him, her father. She wanted to make him see what he had done, to make him face the truth. But she was scared. She loved her father, or at least she thought she did.

Some instinct in me nodded its approval; it felt harsh, but right. I took this weak note, and began to strengthen it, to add to its feelings of justice, and purpose. I added notes around it of strength, and of determination, of knowing it must be done. I felt the whole tone of her conscious mind shift to focus on it, and felt the tone grow and new notes began to form around it as she thought of it. I sat and just watched, she had begun to run with it, to add her own justifications, to add her own empowerments.

She was going to do it tomorrow; I could feel the doubt driving the procrastination. "Now" I said into her mind, "You must do it now, or you never will have the courage." I could feel the fear; feel the tremendous force her father had been in her family. I could feel how she longed for him to approve of her when she was young. Then the note of her resolve sharpened and strengthened on its own. She was calling, dialing. "How damn remarkable." I thought.

He answered the phone. I could tell by the spike of fear that went through her. She hadn't talked to him since he had thrown her out of the family. She hadn't talked to him or her mother, or her brothers and sisters. I strengthened her resolve, strengthened her courage and determination, but I had to let her do this too. I felt the spike of fear as she spoke, said hello to her father. Suddenly there was anger, strong anger and frustration. He had hung up on her. She was calling back now. No answer. "That ass, I thought" I reached for her memory of him, and then called his note. He was in my mind in a moment. A discordant shimmering note of fear and power.

He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want to ever have to think about what he had done to his beloved daughter. He was a hollow man inside, full of nothing but shame and guilt. Cynthia had two sisters, and two brothers. He had rapped both her sisters. I felt dirty even being in his mind. "PICK UP THE PHONE AND LISTEN." I wasn't gentle; I didn't give him a choice. I held him in my mind at a distance as I focused on Cynthia again.

"Calm down." I told her mind, "You need to confront him, and you can't do that if you're this mad" I thought. She calmed even as he answered the phone.

The conversation lasted about an hour. He tried to deny what she said, but in the end without any prompting from me he broke. He sobbed like a baby, he apologized, he begged for forgiveness. I watched as Cynthia's tower of anger burned down to ash, and with it her feelings of love for this man. They had really disappeared years ago, but her lies had not let her see this, now there were no shields.

I wanted her to have help, support, so I gave her the idea to ask about her sisters. He caved at once, and told her about them. They had never gotten pregnant though, so their secret remained intact. When the call ended she felt empty, without love, without family. I was worried to say the least.

"Call your sisters." I thought at her. "You don't need to go through this alone." She called them then, both at once on a shared call. I didn't expect that. I ended up with all three of them in my head, and it took every ounce of concentration I could muster to focus. I would bounce between them as they needed help. Both the sisters denied it at first until I tweaked them in a very similar way that I had done to Cynthia, though I felt with more of a gentle touch.

I took away their blocks, but left it in the background and let them recall it as they finally admitted to their big sister that they too had suffered. By the end of the call they were all emotional wrecks, but there was also a strong note of comfort and healing in supporting each other. They felt like a family again, for the first time in many years. There is great power in that. They were going to have dinner together tomorrow night, and talk. I left the sisters minds with a strong idea to seek professional counseling. I had my hands full with Cynthia I thought.

Cynthia was drained, but calm in the aftermath. A good cry is like a hard rain on the soul, washing away your pain. It can leave you feeling incredibly calm, though a little weak. She was taking a great deal of strength from her call with her sisters, and it was a new feeling to be supported in that way again.

I looked to the core of her and there was no anger now, only a big void where it had been, and the now fading memory of her father. Something else was there that I did not expect either, compassion. She felt a little sorry for her father now. He had betrayed not only her and her sisters, but himself. He was his own worse punishment. Nothing she could do would punish him more then he would punish himself.

The guilt that had been driving her was still there, but now it felt more under control. She was thinking on it, pondering what to do next. The action she had taken in confronting her problems felt good, she was looking for the action she needed next. She was thinking of her ex-husband primarily. They had been awful to each other for most of the marriage, but when he had left pro football due to injury he had become more thoughtful, and had given an effort to be more present, and feeling. She hadn't even given it a chance. She had wanted an adversary, not a partner. I felt her make the decision to call him. I decided she needed to do this one on her own

When I pushed her from my mind I nearly fell over in the booth from the wave of fatigue that hit me. Over three hours had passed. My waitress immediately came up bowing and asking me in halting English if I wanted anything? I pulled her note too me almost subconsciously. She was deeply concerned. I could see the memory of me sitting completely unmoving for the whole time as I concentrated. I had to be careful in the future not to do this in a public place I thought, at least to the level where I checked out like that.

I suddenly realized that I could understand the music of her mind, even though she was thinking in Japanese. How strange I thought. I told her I was fine, and that I needed my check. Then on second thought I just gave her two hundred and left. It wasn't until I was almost home that I realized that I had spoken Japanese to her. I had used her mind to translate for me, and spoken it from my connection to her without even thinking. Well how about that. . .