The Misadventures of Henchmen # 95

If this is well received I'll keep writing more.

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"Sit." The plain looking woman in the big glasses said not even looking up from the papers that she was pursuing. "My name is Madam R. and I will be interviewing you today."

"Thank you. Very nice to meet you Ma'am." The young man said taking a seat. He tried very hard not to look or act nervous but he couldn't seem to stop his leg from bouncing up and down as the dour women pursued his application.

"John Smith." She looked up at him suspiciously. "John Smith?"

"Umm, yeah. Just John. Not Jonathan or anything like that. My parents weren't very creative-" he stopped when he realized he was babbling.

"Do you have any military training?"

"No, Ma'am." He almost cringed when he watched her pick up a pen.

"Do you have any kind of weapons training?"

"No, Ma'am."

"Mmm." She made a note on his application. "Are you proficient in any kind of martial art?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He was happy to see her make a check mark instead of a note.

"And that would be?"

"Tai chi."

"Tai chi?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He watched her cross out the check mark she had made.

"Do you have a criminal record?"

"No, Ma'am." Another note made on his application.

"Have you ever killed anyone and or committed a crime but not been caught?"

"Well, this one time when I was eight I tried to-" he shook his head when her eyes narrowed. "No, ma'am."

"I see." Another note.

"Are you associated with anyone of the criminal persuasion?"

"No, Ma'am." Another note.

"Have you ever incited or instigated any of the following?" She started reading down a list.

"A riot?"

"No."

"A hate crime?"

"No."

"Anarchy?"

"No."

"Mayhem?"

"No."

"Do you have any violent tendencies or uncontrollable rages?"

"No, Ma'am."

"Young man?" She sat back in her chair and looked him in the eye. "Do you realize what the job you're applying for is?

"Yes."

"So why in the name of all things evil should I hire you?"

"I have a master's degree in engineering?" His shoulders came up close to his ears. "And I work well with others," he said slowly.

"Hmm."

"The economy is bad and I lost my last job and I need to pay my bills."

"You're hired."

"I am?" He asked excitedly.

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Well, to be honest with you, we've lost quite a few people in the last couple of weeks. Mr. Marvel took out a large operation in New York, and the Chinese government mistook our island for the Hugonaut's and raided us and we still haven't gotten that all straightened out yet."

"Oh."

"Yes, so were hurting for personnel right now, so I'm just going to go ahead and hire you. We have some training programs, not too rigorous mind you, and we'll get you up to par for our organization."

"Kay."

"Oh!" She smiled happily. "Full medical and dental. Life insurance, a pension, should you live that long, and funerals are paid for, if you die in the line of duty."

"Wow, those are, um, those are good benefits."

"Yes, they are. The Frenchman takes care of his boys."

"Good, good benefits."

"Now, I know what you're thinking, but you don't have to worry."

"I don't?"

"No. Our people almost never die."

"They don't?"

"No. And they're pretty well treated in prison. Oh and we'll usually hire you back on if you get sent to prison for any reason pertaining to the job."

"That's a plus."

"Yes, it is." She pulled her computer keyboard towards her and hit a few buttons printing off a paper, that she stapled to John's application.

"Just take this down the hall, to office 666. Christopher will take you through the next step of the hiring process," she said handing him the papers.

"Thank you, Ma'am." John got up and walked out of the office and headed for the exit, controlling the impulse to run like the roadrunner being chased by While E. Coyote.

"Wrong way, young man," said Madam R. walking out of her office. "I'll take you. I'm going that way anyway. "

She looped her arm through his effectively stopping him from heading for the exit, unless he wanted to give her a shove and run, which he wouldn't do because he was raised to be a gentleman. They walked down the hallway to office 666. John cringed as he looked at the plaque on the wall that read:

Office 666

Christopher Satan

"Here we are." She knocked on the door and waited for a response.

"Come in," said a very deep gravelly voice.

"Hello, Christopher, I brought a new hire." Madam R. said cheerfully, pulling John into the office.

"Excellent." The deep, gravelly voice said.

John got a look at the speaker and went from scared to very confused in two point three seconds flat. The voice was coming out the body of the skinniest, most nerdy-looking, white boy that John had ever seen, himself included. He couldn't be more than five-five, with short mouse brown hair, coke bottle glasses, and a brown and green checkered suit that sported a pocket protector.

"This is John Smith." Madam R. introduced John. "John, this is Christopher Satan, our go to guy. He'll get you off to training."

"John Smith?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes. Nice to meet you Sir." said John sticking out his hand.

"Please, call me Scratch." He shook John's hand with a bone crushing grip. "Everyone does."

"Now, he doesn't have any experience, so we're going to have to put him through some training programs." She handed Scratch John's application. "You know how we're so short on personnel right now."

"Yes, damn Mr. Marvel," Scratch said heatedly, his eyes glowing red.

"We'll get him eventually." She said patting Scratch on the arm.

"Yes, we will." His eyes stopped glowing but landed on the now shaking John. "Come along Mr. Smith. Madam R. I will see you later."

"Of course." She looked at John. "No worries now, young man. You'll do fine."

"Thank you Madam R." John croaked, and then followed Scratch out of the office, feverishly pleading with God to get him out of this situation.

Scratch stopped and looked at John through narrowed eyes.

"Are you praying?"

"No I'm not." John said. Of course it came out sounding more like ga ba da da.

"Is that a no?"

"Ack."

"Hmm. All right then." Scratch started walking again. "Come along."