This is not a romance. This is not a coming of age. This is not a classic good versus evil. This is the story of how I fucked up the world.
I was just an average guy named Lorenzo desperately seeking a little adventure. I hit thirty and found myself disappointed with my life so far. I decided it was time to see the world and unfortunately for me I took my inspiration from a certain fictional professor of archaeology I'll refer to as Dr. J. There were, however, no Nazis to fight.
Alright, I was lying about the average guy description. I looked average. I wasn't ugly or overweight, but I wasn't exactly ripped either. I was about 5 foot 10 inches, brown hair, hazel eyes. I was completely overlooked by just about everyone. I was also not a talker, which didn't really help my cause. What I was, though, was a genius and maybe a bit of a madman by societal standards. I had a bit of an alien thought process, you see. I could think in extra dimensions. I won't bother trying to explain the visuals of that process, as that is hardly possible. Words fail when the subject of the explanation cannot possibly think in that manner. Now, that doesn't make me some kind of superhuman, just super weird. In any case, there is always a drawback. Aside from not being able to share this information in a way that makes any sense I lose the ability to speak when my mind is in that place. There are, after all, only so many neurons in the brain even if you have novel ways to use them. Unfortunately, I can slip into that thought process without warning. My social life, especially my love life, has suffered greatly from this. I've had some relationships, but no woman has been able to deal with me longer than a few months. So, nothing to tie me down, really. Yes, I have parents, but we live very separate lives.
I went to the Aztec sites of Mexico and Central America. I went to Rome, to Cairo, and to Jerusalem. I'm not allowed back in Jerusalem. The antiquities authority there are a bit touchy about unauthorized digging. In retrospect, I probably should have gotten approval on the custom-built drilling rig I created for the job. Today, though, I found myself in the tiny Greek town of Katakolo.
While most visitors were tourists that were day-trippers from cruise ships that wanted to see Olympia or the Museum of Greek Technology I was there for a very different reason. Through some admittedly dubious contacts I had in the Ministry of Culture I heard about an underwater cave that was recently exposed after some seismic activity. There were rumors that the structure of the cave was unnatural, with sharp, nearly square edges and no signs of erosion. On a sight so close to Olympia I simply couldn't resist a look. Even then I realized what a stupid idea this was, but it was just too much of an adventurer's fantasy to stop myself... especially when I saw my guide.
She was the epitome of Greek beauty. She was at least 5 foot 8, chestnut brown hair with eyes to match, golden brown skin, an athletic figure, and pert b-cup breasts. All of that was wrapped in a skin-tight wet suit and I suspected nothing else. The front was partially unzipped providing a tantalizing glimpse of her cleavage.
"I am Sofia," she introduced herself, "I am to be your guide. You are the crazy American, yes?" I should have taken that as an insult, but she wasn't exactly wrong. And the judicious, albeit professional, smile on her face told me she didn't mind. I had plenty of flaws, but self-awareness wasn't one of them.
"Yes, that's me, but I usually go by Lorenzo," I said with a friendly smile in return.
"Very good, Lorenzo. Most Americans are crazy, but few have the good sense to know it." No doubt her near perfect English helped her deal with we crazy Americans.
"I suppose you deal with a lot of Americans?"
"Ha! I suppose that's true, but in truth most of my..." she paused in search of the perfect word, "patrons are crazy. You spoke to the other cave diver guides, correct?"
I responded, "Yes, I did."
"And they all told you no?"
"Well yes, they all told me to come to you instead."
Her smirk grew larger as she said, "That is because I am also crazy, of course."
"I suppose that's also why you charge double what the other guides do?"
"No-no! I charge more because I am worth it!" she exclaimed with a brief giggle.
Goddamn, she was worth it and we hadn't even boarded our boat yet. My mind slipped into multi-dimensional thoughts as I analyzed her. I didn't mention this before, but that extra thought space afforded me some more practical uses than mathematical models and hyper-spatial imaginings. Her entire bearing, all of her words, and her eyes were that of a predator. Not in a malicious manner, mind you. It was subtle in a way only a woman could be. Someone that new emphatically that she was in control, but would never let you know it. Such a woman would never settle for anything less than everything her heart desired, because she could get it. To me, this was a woman in her most beautiful form. Inspiring, confident, gorgeous, and deadly. This woman was the sun and I was Icarus. Getting too close would surely melt my wings and leave me to plummet to my doom. Like Icarus, I couldn't resist such temptation.
Before my thoughts slipped so far that I couldn't speak I said, "Well, in that case, if we make it out of there intact, I'd like to buy you a drink."
She stood there and smiled for a moment. It was not a smile of awkwardness, but one of appraisal. She no doubt knew she was out of my league, but she seemed to like crazy. "For such a privilege you must prove yourself in the dive."